[tcnkinwrites]

SYDNEY + LUCAS.

-

“Yeah, maybe…” Lucas said quietly, if only because it still felt like something he was having a difficult time navigating on his own. Usually he could go to his dad or the guys in the club, or even Sydney, but this issue seemed so personal and uncertain that he couldn’t be sure if he was even making the right decision. As much as he appreciated Sydney’s opinion on things, her obvious bias prevented him from actually asking her what she thought. He understood why she was so protective and he couldn’t fault her for it, but that didn’t mean he thought she should write his mother off completely either. 

“I only know what she did to you. That’s what I don’t like.” At her words, Lucas couldn’t help the faint, off-the-cuff chuckle that escaped. There wasn’t nothing particularly funny about her words other than the fact that it sounded like a very similar conversation he had previously with his mother, “It’s weird, that’s what she said about you.” While they had both abandoned him when he needed them most at one point in his life, Lucas could say with certainty that neither Sydney or his mother deserved to have their mistakes held over their head for this long. “I’ll be okay, Syd. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay” He said, almost to reassure himself since the last thing he wanted was to have his heartbroken another time by his mother, but that was the risk he was willing to take.

When the issue of Maine came up, Lucas knew right off the bat that Sydney would need time to get used to the idea. Averting his eyes downward, Lucas shrugged his shoulders as he tried to come up with some sort of explanation that made sense, “I know Maine’s far away and I don’t know anyone up there but… I don’t know, a fresh start could be good for me” Leaving the club was something Lucas had been battling for years now, perhaps this would give him the extra push to actually follow through this time. “I haven’t made any decisions yet, no. All I know is that if I stay here nothin’s gonna change” He’s ride his bike, work at the shop, and devote his entire life to the club. There would be no growth, no chance at something more to define himself other than a ragged old vest. At this point in his life, Lucas wanted more. It was selfish, but after consistently putting everyone and everything else above himself, Lucas decided he deserved to be a little selfish. “Do you think I should stay?” He finally said, eyes looking up towards her for any sign that he was making a bad decision. After all, what was he even staying for? His relationship with Sydney hadn’t gone anywhere the last few months and it was clear the club was taking its toll on him already. 

-

The dark slash of Sydney’s brow arched in time with an undignified snort. “If she approved of my fuck-ups I think we’d have an even bigger problem on our hands, don’t you?” Though she didn’t love the idea of someone out there passing judgement on her past without knowing all the factors, it wasn’t lost on Syd that she’d done that very thing when it came to Josephine. Pot meet kettle, or some shit like that. Tucking her lower lip behind her teeth, she let the comparison in her head marinate for a moment.

If anything, re-evaluating her stance on his mother kept her mind from drifting to the newest elephant in the room.

The way she saw it, Sydney had three options. Lie, and tell Lucas he’d be making the biggest mistake of his life if he left with her now. Lie, and tell Lucas she thought he should go and wouldn't be bothered either way. Or—- pulling the hangnail clean off her thumb with a wince, Syd inhaled for courage and chose door number three. "I think if the roles were reversed and I suddenly had the chance to have my mom around again... I'd be insane not to consider the offer." The truth already tasted foul on her tongue, and she hadn't even gotten to the hard parts yet.

"I think--- I think even if you don't admit it you've spent a really long time hopin’ for a sign that your life could be different. That you had another choice." Hadn't she preached that to him innumerous times over the years? Hadn't she urged him to look forward and imagine himself a new path? Now he might have one ripe for the taking. A piece of Sydney's soul cleaved in two just thinking about a real goodbye, but if she couldn't give it to him straight then she had no right claiming she ever truly loved him in the first place.

Under no circumstances did she expect to find herself in tears that day, but Syd wiped a wet track off her cheek, anyway. “I think you probably owe it to yourself to at least see what might happen. I think it could be good for you--- but I want you to stay.” It was probably the closest she'd come to revealing how she actually felt since their conversation on Colleen's porch swing. "Unfortunately for me,” she let loose some odd combination of a cough, laugh, and clearing of her throat, “those are kinda two entirely different things. Guess I never have been that great and gettin' my heart and my head on the same page."

[tcnkinwrites]

SYDNEY + LUCAS.

-

Lucas had learned over the years not to take Sydney’s overbearingness as a negative. She tended to care too much and just wanted to protect the people she still had in her life. That had been part of the reason why he never told her that he was reconnecting with his mother. She would be too defensive and distrusting about the woman, and even if Lucas knew he should be cautious about everything –– it was his mother. In the end, it didn’t matter to him what her intentions were, what mistakes riddled her past, or even what she thought about his friends –– she had always been the most important person in his life and no amount of distance could change that. The concept would probably be foreign to Sydney but he hoped she would at least understand that he didn’t burn bridges as easily as his father. 

“I didn’t tell anyone” Lucas said after a long pause. He wasn’t sure if that would make her feel better or not but it was the truth. Obviously, he couldn’t tell his father or anyone else at the club. But as big of a deal as it felt to him, he also hid it from Owen and Micah and everyone else he considered family. “But that didn’t mean I didn’t want to…” Because he did. His mother coming back into his life was something that made him happy and he wanted to share that with the people closest to him, but he wasn’t sure if their judgements would get the best of them and ruin whatever progress he was able to make. And it was too important to him to leave to chance. 

Grabbing the dishrag and wiping the water from his hands, Lucas turned around to face Sydney. It seemed like this wasn’t something they could tip toe around anymore and Lucas figured he’d face it head on with honesty. “I’m okay, Syd. I don’t know if she’ll stay or if she’ll go and never come back but I know I want her around. She’s my mom, and I want to be part of her life” The real question would be how much Josephine wanted him back in her new life that seemed so different from his own.

“I know she ain’t perfect and I know you’ve probably got your own feelings about her, but she’s here. She apologized and that’s enough for me” Would it be enough for Sydney? Lucas wasn’t quite sure. One of the main reasons why Lucas didn’t tell Sydney to begin with was because of how much it would affect his life and whatever they had been working to repair the last few months… “She asked me to come up to Maine with her…” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders becuase he knew it sounded ridiculous and there was no way a tatted up biker with a prison record could fit in with a seemingly perfect little family up north, but it wasn’t like his life in Wilmington was adding up to much either. 

-

Sydney couldn’t tell if that made things better or worse. On one hand, knowing she wasn’t the only one made Lucas’ silence feel less like a personal attack. On the other hand, it also meant he’d had to navigate the entire situation by himself. 

But... maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing?

“I can’t say I love feeling left out of your life,” she admitted after a brief silence, “but I guess in this very specific, singular case you… maybe might’ve made the right choice. Maybe.” One side of her mouth slowly tipped toward a smile. Because the truth was? Syd couldn’t promise how she would’ve reacted to the news. Couldn’t promise she would’ve left her opinions to herself so that he could figure out what he truly wanted to do. At least now Lucas knew without a doubt he’d made his choice for him, not because of anyone else’s influence. No matter how much she hated being wrong she could at least own up to that much.

“I can’t sit here and say I don’t like your mother ‘cause I don’t know her. I only know what she did to you. That’s what I don’t like.” And yeah, maybe taking such a strong stance in opposition was a bit hypocritical, but she wouldn’t apologize for how much she cared about him. “But if you’ve forgiven her---” a deep sigh slowly filtered out from her nose--- “then I will try to keep an open mind.” As far as promises went it was the best she could give. “I’m happy for you. I really am. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” Sydney hoped he understood that. Regardless of all they’d been through - all they’d put each other through - all she ever wanted was to see him happy. 

Not once did she ever imagine that might be outside of Wilmington, though.

“She asked you to go as in… move? As in move... to Maine?” Even without confirmation she knew that’s exactly what he meant. What she couldn’t figure out was why the hell she didn’t see it coming. Of course Josephine wanted him with her. He was her son. 

Suddenly, Sydney’s mouth went dry. Her eyes grew damp. She didn’t know what the fuck to do with her hands. It took a minute to digest the possibility that she might lose him all over again, but eventually she managed a jerky nod. Then, almost immediately, her gaze fled to the floor. To focus on something else - anything other than the hammer of her heart in a collapsing chest - she started picking at a hangnail on her thumb. The tiny, sharp pain couldn't even compare to what might be coming. "Have you uhm... have you given her an answer? Are you gonna go?"

[tcnkinwrites]

SYDNEY + LUCAS.

-

The moment in the threshhold of his apartment felt like it lasted years instead of seconds. Truth be told, Lucas couldn’t even quite look Sydney in the eye at the time since he already felt the hint of tension growing as the information soon made itself known. He stood between assuring Sydney that nothing was wrong between them and catering to his mother’s need for peace since her return to Wilmington. In the end, the winner of that battle had been obvious the moment Lucas had introduced Sydney with so little as a name. Though that particular detail was intentional and as much as he hoped they could talk about it later, it seemed like timing wans’t going to work in their favor this time around…

“Sydney” Josephine said with a pause, looking up from the fridge for a moment and then to Lucas and back again. “Well it’s lovely to meet you Sydney, do give Erin my warmest regards. I’ll only be in town for a short while and hoping to keep things very minimal” She said a moment after. “Anyhow, I do have a few more errands to run in town and people to catch up with but I’ll see you for dinner, Luke. I’m sure you two have lots to talk about” She added, eyes glazing over Sydney before walking over to grab her coat. With a quick hug to Lucas and a wave, Josephine saw herself out rather quickly. 

It was hard not to be disappointed by his mother’s departure once again. Especially when he was almost certain the reasoning had more to do with Sydney than anything else. While Lucas had never been very generous when it came to words, Josephine was his mother and when she asked him for the truth, he gave it to her. Including all the hardships that Sydney might have contributed to. What his mother actually thought of the people in his life was difficult to gage at this point. He knew she felt somewhat resentful yet grateful to the Fitzpaticks for taking care of her son in her absence, but when it came to someone like Sydney who was one of the reasons Lucas spent years in prison, well, could you blame a mother for being apprehensive about the same woman still being around?

Once the door shut, Lucas let out a deep breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding before returning his attention back to Sydney. Her previous question coming to him after a moment of pause, “Yeah, the weekend” he replied rather simply with a nod. Stepping back into the kitchen, Lucas busied himself by washing some of the dishes in the sink if only to keep his attention on something other than what he imagined would be disappointment on Sydney’s face, “We’ve been talking for a while –– since last Christmas. I’ve been avoiding a visit –– you know, planes ain’t really my thing and Maine’s a hell of a long drive, so she dropped by instead” he shrugged his shoulders. Lucas imagined coming back to a home you weren’t welcomed to would be difficult and as much as he didn’t want to burden his mother, she seemed to think he was worth the effort and scrutiny from the people of her past, so there she was, visiting for the weekend.

-

And, just like that, Josephine was gone.

“Well.” Cheeks puffed, Sydney slowly expelled a pent up breath. Her stare remained locked on the now closed door. “I guess that answers that question.” It didn’t take a genius to feel the snub in his Mom’s voice, subtle as it was. That meant she knew exactly who she was. Exactly what she’d done. 

Oddly, though, it didn’t bother Syd. If anything, she almost - almost - respected her for it. If Josephine cared enough to judge her for her crimes maybe she wasn’t as heartless as Sydney always thought.

Then again, how could she say for sure? Up until five minutes ago she didn’t even know Josephine existed beyond a bitter, painful memory. Clearly she couldn’t trust her understanding of anything anymore.

Turning her attention Lucas’ hunched back they sank deeper into tense silence. “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been talking to her for almost a year now?” It leapt from her lips before she could stop it, but she already knew the answer to that, didn’t she? Syd never made her disapproval a secret when it came to his mom and her choice. Having lost her own parents to chance she couldn’t fathom someone willingly leaving their child behind. Couldn’t forgive it so easily, either.

But—- he didn’t owe her a front row seat to his secrets, and this wasn’t about her or her opinions. Before Lucas could give voice to the obvious, Syd murmured a quick, “Nevermind,” and vowed to nurse her bruised feelings later. The only thing that actually mattered was the fact that his mom was suddenly (or not so suddenly) back around.

Carefully treading a thin line between suspicion and concern, she braved another step closer. When Syd was close enough to smell the lather of soap on his hands, she finally pleaded, "Will you at least tell me you're okay?" Her fingertips itched to find his shoulder. To make him face her so she could hunt down the truth in his eyes. She had to shove her hands deep into her pockets to fight down the urge. "It’s just... this isn't some small thing. This, her bein' here, is what you want, right? And she’s gonna keep bein’ here even after she goes back?"

[tcnkinwrites]

SYDNEY + LUCAS.

-

It was becoming very clear to Lucas that perhaps he should have anticipated this surprise visit from Sydney. Lately things between them had been slowly coming back together, like pieces of a broken mirror finally removed from scatter to provide a distorted image, but an image of something was better than nothing, to that they both could attest to. Lucas hated to think that their progress could come to a halt over something so silly –– perhaps not silly per se, but something so not what it actually was.

As much as Lucas wanted to explain things, the subject matter seemed far too personal to even begin. Family had always been a sacred subject, one that might have seemed like pulling teeth in the past when brought up, but had since been one that came with a certain level of joy he wasn’t quite used to. After all, Lucas took his mother’s presence as good news –– as a light at the end of a very dark tunnel that had been his life the last decade. How Sydney would take it would probably be a stark contrast. Still, despite that, Lucas took the Tupperware that was still warm and tried to search for the words to ease whatever grossly incorrect thoughts were probably coming to Sydney’s mind.

However, before he could mutter a word, his mother, true to form seemed to be ease dropping and once she heard a familiar name, she couldn’t help but pull the door open wider to offer her sentiments, “Is Erin Fitzpatrick still making dry stuffing, I bet she is” Josephine chimed in, despite the slight snub of her words, there was a kindness in her voice and a faint smile to match that made it somehow feel like a compliment. She hadn’t known the Fitzpatrick family all that well, back then they had only spent time together once in awhile when John invited his friends from the auto shop to watch football at the house. “Are you the dog sitter, honey?” She added shortly thereafter once she noticed the way Harley came through the door to wag her tail. 

Deciding it was best he say something before Sydney did, Lucas was quick to correct his mother, “She’s not the sitter. She’s… a friend. A customer from the shop” It seemed like a lie. After all, he and Sydney had never been friends. Sure, they danced around this new world where they had dinner together, made each other laugh, and apparently bring each other leftovers for the holidays, but they had never actually been friends. It always seemed like something more than that, even now. As Josephine busied herself by grabbing the Tupperware from Lucas’s hands and hurrying into the kitchen to put it away in the fridge, Lucas let out a soft sigh as he tried to make things a little easier to understand, “My mom’s in town, you don’t gotta stick around…” Just as he was getting the words out, a voice from the kitchen hummed out, “Don’t be rude, invite your friend inside, she might want to look at your new work.” The new work that was still scattered across his coffee table. 

Reluctantly, Lucas stepped out of the doorframe, “Or come in if you want, I guess” He said, unable to shoo her away so easily now. 

-

It was lucky Sydney didn’t know what to say or where to begin in the minutes that followed. She probably wouldn’t have gotten a word in regardless. From the time the unfamiliar woman stepped into the doorframe, asking if she was the dog sitter, to the moment Lucas brushed her off as merely a friend she just stood there... mouth slack, brain melted. 

This wasn’t some floozy conquest or secret new squeeze. It was his mom. His fucking mom. The woman who’d abandoned him in his most vulnerable years without a backward glance let alone an explanation. Now, more than ever, his recent silence made sense.

But Syd had to wonder… who was Lucas trying to hide?  Her existence from Josephine?  Or his mother from the ex-girlfriend with a grudge?

When she finally managed to look at him again a new flavor of hurt briefly flickered in her eyes. Maybe Lucas had his reasons - reasons that were probably justified - but it still felt like a kick in the guy being left in the dark. Teeth sank into her cheek, Syd hovered uncertainly at the threshold, then finally took a wary step forward. 

“I’ll--- I’ll only stay for a minute,” she privately murmured, one palm halfway to his chest before she thought to hold off the gesture. Because if there was one thing she didn’t have to guess at? It was the fact that Lucas did not want her there. Of that his reluctance left little doubt. Swallowing hard, she rounded off the promise with a nod before joining his mother in the kitchen.

“I’m Sydney Fitzpatrick. Danny and Erin’s niece.” Although she couldn’t find it in herself to fully turn on the charm, she at least managed to offer her hand and a closed smile. “You must be Josephine. I’m sorry for bargin’ in on y’all like this, but--- I didn’t realize you were in town.” Did either of them miss the not-so-subtle look she tossed back in Lucas’ direction? 

“Is your mom just here for the weekend, or…?” 

[tcnkinwrites]

sammrpshere​:

LUCAS & SYDNEY ; @tcnkinwrites​ October 14th, Wednesday 9:00 pm

Family had always been sacred to Lucas, whether that was the family he was born into or the one he created for himself along the way. In the end, no matter what wrongs had been done, his loyalty towards family would always remain (im)perfectly intact. Even now, he found himself sitting in his living room, ink-stained sketchbook pages scattered across the coffee table, dogs snoozing on the carpet, and his mother helping herself to the last sip of her latte from the morning. On the surface, Lucas was happy. He loved his mother more than anything in the world. He had always remembered her as being kind and understanding, providing love and tender care that his father was incapable of showing. To be reunited with her after such a long time should have felt awkward and troubling, but it didn’t. Not to Lucas. He forgave entirely, something his father (and others) would no doubt call stupidity, but she was his mother, there was no crime she could commit that would ever make him look at her differently.

Josephine seemed to come back to Wilmington just as quietly as she had departed the town nearly twenty-five years ago. Her reasons were unknown to the friends and family she left behind, though the town was relentless with the gossip –– some said she had an affair and left her family in order to pursue another, others said that she couldn’t take being married to John for one more second and that’s why she finally pulled the trigger and bolted. Some of the darker whispers claimed postpartum depression had gotten the best of her. However, whatever the rumor mill churned out was completely false. To some extent at least.

Lucas came about some old mail last Christmas–– birthday cards, letters, postcards –– it was the reason he and his father had been on bad terms that night. What had led to him seeking the comfort of family that did not include his father or the beloved motorcycle club. It was what led him to the Fitzpatrick home despite the fact that he felt like he didn’t quite belong. They had always been his chosen family –– Aunt Colleen and Aunt Erin, Owen, Jamie, and of course Sydney. In short, his mother’s abandonment wasn’t as complete and sinister as his father had made it out to be. In fact, she had sent various letters and birthday cards for nearly five years after she left. John’s ego prevented him from ever telling Lucas and instead he let his son fester with ache over his mother for what seemed like a lifetime.

One of the cards had a phone number and it took Lucas quite a while before he could scrounge up enough bravery to call it. However, he was glad he did because he was able to get the answers that had haunted him all these years. More than that, he was able to reconnect with his mother and have her back in his life. For how long? He wasn’t quite sure yet.

Josephine had retreated to Maine with relatives when she abandoned Lucas and John, staying there for several years before relocating to Connecticut where she eventually met someone special and built a new family. While Lucas wasn’t keen on that particular fact, she seemed happy, and he wouldn’t resent her for it. She had been asking him to visit over the last few months but Lucas didn’t feel like he’d be able to leave for that long without his club responsibilities getting in the way. That and the thought of taking a quick plane ride to the east coast scared the hell out of him. Instead, he was able to convince her to take the trip back to the city she left behind. So that’s where they were now. Reconnecting and learning about all the chapters in each other’s lives that they had missed.

With a ring at the door, Lucas heaved a sigh and reluctantly hopped off from his spot on the couch and let his mother sift through more of his artwork while he went to get the door. Swinging the door open, Lucas found himself pulling the handle in just a little more, as if he didn’t want the interruption. “Hey Syd, now’s not a good time” he added for good measure. On any normal occasion he probably would have welcomed Sydney’s company, in fact, her company was probably the only one he’d welcome, but given the circumstances, he had to refuse. Though, it seemed like not everyone in the room agreed with that because one second later Harley had nosied her way to the door, pawing at the wood while her tail wagged incessantly for her favorite person on the other side.

“Hey sweetie, who’s at the door?” Josephine’s words rang through the apartment, though her curiosity didn’t seem to stretch further than that since she was far too preoccupied looking over the pages in the sketchbook in front of her. Now it seemed like it would be impossible to ignore and move on from… Silently, Lucas hoped Sydney wouldn’t go too crazy over hearing another woman in his apartment, especially because it definitely wasn’t what she might have thought.

       Oh.

She’d already started reaching with eager fingers for what little could be seen of Harley’s nose when Lucas’ dismissal hit home. Now, awkwardly suspended somewhere between that short-lived hello and such a swift goodbye, Sydney froze.

Still sank halfway into a crouch at the top of his steps.   Still trapped in an idiotic, shamelessly excited, cheek splitting grin.

Stupid. She was so stupid. Common sense had warned her to call before heading over, but Syd let herself get swept up in residual holiday cheer. In the bittersweet nostalgia of their yester-years. Armed with a towering stack of Thanksgiving leftovers she let herself assume he’d have time for her when, in reality, she only had her own ego to back up the claim. Not for the first time, reality crept back to give Sydney a big ol’ bite the in the ass.

Eking out a chuckle she rose from her uniformed knees. An apology for barging over, uninvited, surged in her throat and coasted for the tip of her tongue.

It promptly died a split second later.  Silently, because a second voice called out from within and took its place.  Torturously, because that voice - fleetingly curious - was undeniably female.

The acrid tang of betrayal flooded her mouth like an old, unwanted friend. Sydney swallowed it down with effort, gaze shifting from Lucas’ face to the crack of his door and back again.

“Clearly not.” Sydney’s heart lurched with violent awareness of what she’d likely just interrupted. Her traitorous left eye twitched. And then, even though she tried her goddamn best to stop it, the  dark slash of brow above arched with an accusation not to be missed.

Desperately, stubbornly still in love with him, she blinked through a crimson haze. Old her would’ve pushed past the barrier Lucas eradicated with his own body to drag that imposter out by the roots of her no doubt bimbo, bleached blonde hair. New-and-improved her begged for restraint. Only an unsteady, rattling breath and the faintest whisper of reason separated the two from duking it out.

For a moment longer she glared daggers at the woman yet to be seen. Wished her an eternity in the fiery bowels of jilted ex-girlfriend hell. Balled her hands into tight fists and then, with another shuddering sniff, beat back her trigger happy outrage.

The flames of promised destruction fizzled out.  Sydney flicked on a second, notably smaller smile. If only that hid the flash of new wounds in her eyes.

But, bound and determined to be better - whatever the fuck that meant anymore - she abused the inside of her cheek instead of whoever lurked inside, then released a sigh. “But that’s--- that’s fine. Really. I only came by to drop these off.” Previously forgotten about, Syd gave the Tupperware in her clutches a lukewarm shake. 

“I had a shift yesterday and you usually don’t do much to celebrate so---” Glancing again to his door, she shrugged through uncomfortable acceptance. “I figured we could share the spoils of an Erin Fitzpatrick fridge raid.” He didn’t need to know she still worn her work clothes because she’d chose to quickly bake a batch of their cookies to go with it over changing. Sydney gnawed at her lower lip before finding Lucas’ gaze. “I didn’t know you had company, though, so you should just--- share with them instead.” 

God, how it killed her to say that. No amount of mental pats on the back for ‘good behavior’ could ever make those words feel right.