sometimes I just get so unbelievably pissed off about the English language and the British empire because for fucks sake I want MY LANGUAGE BACK
I'm decently fluent in Irish, which is an incredible thing to have imo, but it's not my first language and never will be. I call it my native language, my mother tongue, but the fact of the matter is I think in English first and translate to Irish when I speak.
I love Irish so much, but when I learn new words I have to know the meaning in English first. It's so important to me, but I can't take back the centuries of oppression of my language no matter how much I speak it or how much I love it.
If the British hadn't colonised Ireland, I could've been speaking Irish from the cradle, surrounded by native Irish speakers, had it be my first language. Yes, we still have the Gaeltachtaí but even there, Irish is scattered and English is commonplace because we now live in a society where English is the language of daily life. Speaking Irish is still seen as unusual and try-hard, and there's a legacy of shame around our language.
Shame! For Irish! For the beautiful language our people created and spoke and loved for more than TWO THOUSAND YEARS and because of colonisation and the Famine and the imperial oppression of our beloved home, there is national shame for our language.
I don't even know where I'm going with this post, what I even mean, but I miss Irish even when I'm speaking it and I want back what I never had in the first place and Irish is truly a part of my soul and I hate that my grammar is better in English and for gods sake why couldn't they just leave us alone