style icons: an introduction
Let's start this shit off right: to be a bad bitch, you have to roll with bad bitches. In that spirit, let me introduce you to some ladies who are most definitely welcome on Team Cnut:
In the Olympic spirit, I start you off with Svetlana Khorkina. Firstly: I love ladies who look good in gold. Secondly: Svetlana makes the list not so much for her clothes, or hair, or makeup, but because (and this is ever more important)I like that bitch's style. At the Olympics in Sydney in 2000, some asshole set the vault like 2 inches low. SK let them know in practice, but nobody believed her. Finally, after the screwed up vault caused falling and injury all around, and Svetlana had already royally fucked up some of her other events, the judges were all like, "yeah, you can try it again." Svetlana was unamused. In what was, in my opinion, one of the greatest moments in sports history, she looked straight ahead and spat to her coach, "Get me a cup of coffee, and I'll do the damn vault."
Svetlana additionally understands life's greatest necessity: constant and efficient caffeination.
For another example of impeccable style and attitude, I present to you Bianca Jagger, rolling into her birthday party at Studio 54 on amotherfucking white horse. Suck it, Hummer Limo you took to prom.
Edie Sedgwick is my personal hair icon. Her short, blonde 'do perfectly offset her stunning face, which she also framed with ginormous earrings. Also, deal with her cigarette, cocktail, and short, unpainted nails. And her BFFdom with Andy Warhol. Edie is a perfect example, ladies, that when it comes to style, details matter. As do perfect genetics. Sorry.
Kate Winslet is many things. Kate Winslet in Titanic was everything. Rose DeWitt-Bukater was a faux-rich spoiled brat who fell for an authentically poor boy with floppy hair. I love boys with floppy hair. We'll return to this later.
Also, Kate rocked both serious jewels and a serious rack in this movie. Things I can almost always get down with: copious crystals. Things I can definitely always get down with: Kate Winslet's tits.
Mary Tyler Moore started off her career as a very young woman on The Dick Van Dyke Show. She was the first woman on TV to wear pants and flats, and she looked fucking amazing. She went on to turn the world on with her smile, take a nothing day, suddenly make it all seem worthwhile, and look exactly like my mom.
Michelle Obama = Jackie O with a law degree. ONE LOVE.
And finally, my number one style icon of all time: Mid-90s Janeane Garofalo.
Floral dresses? Check. Eccentric, often holey, tights? Check. Doc Fucking Martens? Double Check.
Mid-90s Janeane Garofalo is everything I want in a woman: funny, dark-haired, red-lipped, and completely out of fucks to give.
Remember that movie, "The Truth About Cats and Dogs"? With Janeane and Uma Thurman? And they're friends, but the floppy-haired British dude has to choose between them at the end, and he chooses JG? When I saw that movie at age ten or whatever, I was like OF COURSE HE CHOOSES JANEANE, CAN'T EVERYONE SEE SHE IS THE PERFECT WOMAN? HOW IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?
And she got the floppy-haired British guy. I love that. That's what women want to see. Cool, smart chicks getting the dude.
(And also floppy hair on men making a comeback. I mean, honestly.)
So there it is: beautiful chicks with style, grace, and a crappy attitude, please come my way.
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