Need to play twister with a group of gassy and sweaty men. I can just imagine squeezing into a tight place under a hairy armpit rank with sweat or another manโs bubble butt covered by his thin shorts. Iโm shaking as I maneuver myself in place, knowing that if I lose those disgusting men will use me like toilet paper if I topple over. I can imagine the ass above me ripping a loud brassy fart, causing me to tear up and cough, the perpetrator laughing as he wiggles his ass tauntingly. As I reel in from the stink, my arms spasm and I fall on my stomach. Next thing I know the group of men have their shorts off and a smug grin on their faces, their asses squat over my face before they blast off.
any headcanons on zhongli? since your blog is named after him!
ZHONGLI ๐จ HEADCANONS
His farts basically smell like the back of a butcher shop. (Terrible..), so it's probably best you don't beg for him to fart in your face. Unless..
His farts are loud and rumbly, almost like a pile of large rocks shaking.
He can't seem to hold his farts in for quite a while because once he's gassy, there's a chance for Liyue to have their 80th earthquake.
He's actually very fond of his smell, he doesn't share it with anyone because.. he's a respectful archon, but also because that would ruin his image!
I don't really have scat or pee headcanons of him so.. this is really all y'all getting! but to make up for it I'll post a venti headcanon sooner or later.
i genuinely donโt understand people who get mad about no female headcanons/content. like nobody approaches a female headcanon blog and gets mad about no male content, so why do people feel itโs okay to do it to male headcanon blogs? people need to stop acting so entitled.
you should only do female headcanons if you want to do them, not because you feel pressured into it.
thank you anon!!! but i wasn't going to force myself, this is my blog after all. So if I want to post female Headcanons then so be it, but I won't do it because anon started whining. (just plans from the hiatus anyway)
Hey everyone, just coming back to announce a hiatus, meaning I probably won't be active or post for awhile. If you would like, you are very much free to still send asks, questions or just ask for a headcanon post. I'll get back to it after the hiatus.
Alhaitham facefarting kaveh is so on brand actually ngl
YOU GET IT ANON. But also, whenever Kaveh is about to enjoy a meal, Alhaitham is petty enough to plop his ass down on the food and either let out a turd, or a large fart. basically, somebody needs to save Kaveh (he hates his shenanigans so much) now you make me want to make Kaveh headcanons, CURSE YOU!!!!
Alhaitham is pretty much gassy all the time. Probably cause of his diet or whatever.. but his gas just reeks of sulfur and a rotting corpse, the volume? It's very silent. So he could just fart without anyone knowing.
Alhaitham usually farts on purpose or just because he needs to let it out. He doesn't care that your nostrils are being abused, he just cares that he's letting it out to be less bloated.
During study hours, he just lets out more farts than he usually does. (Think of 60 ร 7 for how many hours and days he lets out farts.) And some of them are just wet and slightly loud.
He farts everywhere when he's at home. Sometimes, if Kaveh is unlucky enough, Alhaitham will force his plump ass onto his face and let out anything that's trapped in his ass.
The only time he won't fart is when he's out in public, surprising, right?
Alhaitham ๐ฉ Headcanons
Alhaitham has a regular colored and size turd. The only time his turds will become big and long is when he's constipated. Which isn't a blessing..
Alhaitham is very contained with his anal but at home he'll just shit everywhere with no pants. (He cleans up afterwards, we love a disgusting yet cares for his house type man ๐)
Sometimes, he'll shove an anal plug up his ass to stuff himself with poop, and when he's filled to the brim, he sits on the toilet and clogs it so his poor roommate can't use it.
When he gets ready to push out turds, he usually grunts and quietly moans due to how rough his turds are. They may be a healthy shit, but it's still bumpy!
That's all for now!! Once again, feel free to ask for another Headcanon and ill get to work! (I work pretty fast)
Scara has very medium volume and barely stinky farts. But they are quite windy, sometimes he has to take off his hat just to not make it fall off from his gas.
He farts pretty often so usually, the stink builds up until somebody finally asks, "did anyone pass gas?"
He talks and praises himself for whenever he releases a very stinky or very loud one. It's somehow weird but... Wholesome?.. I don't know.
Sometimes, he finds himself in a situation where he has to fart just to get away from the nations cold weather. (Cant spell it..)
Scaramouche ๐ฉ Headcanons
Scara turds are surprisingly warm and don't stink. Its very liquidity though. He only make solid shits when he's bloated or feeling sick.
Very often he goes on himself or poops on an object. Making it covered in his mess and a disgusting sight.
He wears diapers.. but only cause he wants to. Not because he's unable to use the bathroom on time or when he needs to.
Sometimes, he'll play with his poop, smearing it on things or putting it in jars only to put it in food or a drink. Think of it as chocolate with a nasty taste.
(okayyyyy, sorry I didn't do the extra headcanon! lazy and tired of writing right now...)
Where do I even begin.. Wriothesley doesn't usually fart but when he does, it smells like you killed a stinkbug, and sounds like you dropped a nuke on a country.
The tea doesn't help with his farts as they not only make it smell worse but they make it more frequent and aggressive.
Wriothesley prefers farting in more private areas. Being feared by inmates is better than being called disgusting.
His farts are usually windy, think of it as a fan... But it stinks. And is quite plump.
Sometimes, when he's with Neuvillette, he farts more frequently, Neuvillette doesn't get why he does it. At all..
Wriothesley ๐ฉ Headcanons
His turds are LARGE. if he wanted to, he could flood your bathroom with his turds and not give a single care in the world. They are very freezing turds and is very slimy.
Wriothesley NEVER makes it to the toilet. Like.. ever.. and when he has so much paper work, he just poops his pants. does he like it? No. Too mushy and loud.
Surprisingly enough Wriothesley can hold his shits very easily. And when he wants to release it all out, he does it without needing to push.
And he also poops around Neuvillette. Does Neuvillette like this?... No. God save this poor dragon from this warden..
Wriothesley ๐ง Headcanons
Although I usually don't do these, I think you deserve something extra Anon.
Wriothesley cannot hold his piss. He's like an untrained puppy. So basically for the 'not being able to make it to the bathroom' headcanon is the same as this one.
Wriothesley piss color is a very dark yellow. Probably due to all the tea but because of Fontaines issue with primordial sea water it's best he sticks to tea anyway..
If you're unfortunate enough, you may stumble into Wriothesley pissing in a Fonta and mixing it up, only to give it to you and make you believe he didn't just add some extra flavor to it.
(I hope you liked this anon!! this was my first ask and I literally got SO happy!! Feel free to send another request!)
Itto lets out the most steamy, loud, and rough farts, so much so that the scent is worth buying a gas mask.
He enjoys farting on things or just on people. That's why it's best for you to practice distance if he has a fart he needs to let out.
Itto sometimes farts and gets a good sniff of the fart he let out when nobody is nearby him.
Sometimes, while farting himself he might end up having diarrhea due to how hard he pushed.
Arataki Itto's ๐ฉ Headcanons
Itto shits are usually large and shrivel up into a ball sometimes. Think of dung beetles poop ball but messier. And more rough.
The texture of his poop is rock solid and the color is yellow with a hint of red and orange. (No his asshole isn't bleeding, even with his rock hard turds..)
He can easily clog up a toilet or fill up a bathroom within seconds. So it's best to force him outside when he needs to shit at your house.
Itto sometimes used his poop as a toy. He rams it up and out his ass when he's hard. (It makes his ass bleed. Which is the ONLY time his turds will ever 'turn against him')
(pssst! I'll send out another Headcanon post on Venti!... And then go to bed... Maybe.)