Tearing Can

what i wish i could scream

[tearingcan]

many many things i want to scream about this!! it's my first attempt at chicken scratch embroidery, and despite the disparate thread weight and the side where i lost the pattern a bit, i think it turned out really well! it has solidified in me the desire to have an art blog, which has been languishing in wip limbo for like a month.

it's also giving me a mild crisis? just cause it's so feminine i guess. but i am that as much as im masculine, and i like it that way when im not getting all in my head about it! like if i defamiliarize myself from the situation, a man who likes embroidering flowers for his handmade quilt???? uh fucking SLAY????? he's kind of gruff and quiet and really strong but he likes making pretty things for himself???? im in love???? but apparently that doesnt count if that man is me 🤨

[tearingcan]

second test embroidery!! it's got wabi-sabi

[tearingcan]

[tearingcan]

i was agonizing over pickles - the ones i wanted were double the price of the ones i should get! 3 dollars more! - and my friend, who doesn't even eat them, took the pickles when we divided the groceries.

[tearingcan]

god sometimes i am such an accidental asshole. made a joke about letting my friend's cast iron rust "cause that'd be perfect for you, right?" as a self-dig, sompletely forgetting that i had just turned down his other cast iron because it was rusted

[tearingcan]

uh oh! loose on these streets with two (2) drinks jn my system

[tearingcan]

many many things i want to scream about this!! it's my first attempt at chicken scratch embroidery, and despite the disparate thread weight and the side where i lost the pattern a bit, i think it turned out really well! it has solidified in me the desire to have an art blog, which has been languishing in wip limbo for like a month.

it's also giving me a mild crisis? just cause it's so feminine i guess. but i am that as much as im masculine, and i like it that way when im not getting all in my head about it! like if i defamiliarize myself from the situation, a man who likes embroidering flowers for his handmade quilt???? uh fucking SLAY????? he's kind of gruff and quiet and really strong but he likes making pretty things for himself???? im in love???? but apparently that doesnt count if that man is me 🤨

[tearingcan]

second test embroidery!! it's got wabi-sabi

[tearingcan]

many many things i want to scream about this!! it's my first attempt at chicken scratch embroidery, and despite the disparate thread weight and the side where i lost the pattern a bit, i think it turned out really well! it has solidified in me the desire to have an art blog, which has been languishing in wip limbo for like a month.

it's also giving me a mild crisis? just cause it's so feminine i guess. but i am that as much as im masculine, and i like it that way when im not getting all in my head about it! like if i defamiliarize myself from the situation, a man who likes embroidering flowers for his handmade quilt???? uh fucking SLAY????? he's kind of gruff and quiet and really strong but he likes making pretty things for himself???? im in love???? but apparently that doesnt count if that man is me 🤨

[tearingcan]

will i ever stop crying when i make people happy and theyre nice to me

[tearingcan]

got super drunk the night before a 5:50 am shift and was an hour late, which honestly is not that bad for not setting an alarm at all. this puts me over the tardy limit so they could actually fire me for this, but also i hate this job, so at this point i'm half freaking out and half relieved. maybe more than half relieved.

[surrealie]

i should be violently beaten until im ready to interact with others like a normal person

[bakwaaas]

[tearingcan]

hate it when i miss prime last cigarette hours. now im stuck in a loop of "i cant sleep because i want a cigarette so bad" -> "having a cigarette will make it harder to fall asleep" -> "but im awake anyways because i want a cigarette so goddamn bad"

[tearingcan]

the cigarette won

[tearingcan]

hate it when i miss prime last cigarette hours. now im stuck in a loop of "i cant sleep because i want a cigarette so bad" -> "having a cigarette will make it harder to fall asleep" -> "but im awake anyways because i want a cigarette so goddamn bad"

[depsidase]

[tearingcan]

ive been thinking a lot about names as i reestablish contact with my family and need to give them A Name They Have To Call Me

the problem is, while there are many names that are DEFINITELY NOT ME there's not one name that fits

since I came out, ive been Milo, Puck, Greg, and Zeph, and they all feel like me at times. I'm thinking about Tristan because its a name i like a lot thats pretty close to a nickname i had based on my middle name, and Louis because its a family name and also my confirmation name so they cant fuckin say its not my name. Hank was in the running for a while (HANK THE TANK) but its also my dads name :/

i was talking about it with my trans friend, and he was worried i was trimming back my identity for others comfort and he has a point but also like

how the fuck does one maintain a boundary when there's no one name that feels like Me

[tearingcan]

"just if it's convenient"

i love you and i cherish the inconvenience

[tearingcan]

we already have two events scheduled!!

we already have two events scheduled in july...

[tearingcan]

I JUST CHAIRED MY FIRST MEETING OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I WOULD BE TERRIBLE AT THIS BUT IT TURNS OUT MY LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND EAGERNESS TO PLEASE JUST MEANS I DON'T GET IN THE WAY OF PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY PASSIONATE AND MAKES ME A GREAT FACILLITATOR FUCK YEAH