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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@tearupthecakeandthesweets
I wish I could feel what I felt at the beginning, every time I saw you. I miss that, 'cause what I see now has nothing of what I loved so much.
That is the sad part of the story.
When love dies but the feeling of loving is still there.
D. Fortescue
Let's start again.
It’s been a long time since I wrote here.. but everytime I break.. I need to leave something here.
A reminder of how people think that i’m stronger thanks to every experience... even if a little part of myself is dying everytime. “Just once, just once If I could have my wish to come true I'd be born again and again, And go see you on those days“
Wanna feel the good, wanna feel the bad, feel it all. Don't tell me to calm down, I'm about to tear this fuckin' place down. Say one more thing and I'll take it from zero to sixty. Mweh.
“People's feelings change easily... what you see is a house of cards... nothing's sure, and nothing lasts forever.”
“It never stops hurting, does it?” “What?” “Giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else.”
S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #83 (via blossomfully)
Don’t.
I wish that were you.
June 17, 2016
Mogwai - Emergency Trap
(Mr. Beast 2006)
I cannot fall. Not again. Please, help me.
This sucks, really really sucks. Why now? I just want all voices to shut up for a while.
Sometimes I want to be obsessed with him again. (Somehow , I still am)
Just because this way I could feel the pain that I 'm used to and this new pain that I'm feeling now, can move to second place.
Because I can keep going, living with what I learned to suffer everyday and broke me a thousand times long ago, but not with this new feeling that when it hurts, continues breaking me a little more.
Dahlia Fortescue
“We are all farsighted. We give importance to those things that are far from us, while neglecting the things that are close to us...only to realize their value later when they are out of reach again.” Well...sorry Hachi, but I give a shit about it. I wonder why when I try to do things right , only finished worse. Maybe it's my desperation to improve everything all of a sudden.
Why I like to make me feel bad ? Why sometimes I cannot stop ? Why simply not finished with all this? I think one day , the time will come in which this situation will stop bothering me...But, I'll be happy about it ? Help me, girl. Help me. It’s up to you.
I think you realize when you have a break.
When something inside you says, “Enough, please, it’s been enough”
Where no matter if you feel it inside that you have passed or accepted the situation, something inside it explodes and makes you realize what is happening.
Today I woke up and happened.
It exploded.
After a while, I realized that I have to let it go.
That I’m letting it go and that is why I can’t stop mourn.
That breakdown that makes you understand that no matter how many laps you can give, the result it’s the same.
The result you were trying to avoid unconsciously all along.
You are saying goodbye, but this time for real. You feel like inside you, something that you were taking care and housing, is leaving.
And as much as you know something stay, because what goes there, always leaves something …
You can not stop mourn.
It’s the end of something that was part of your life, it is impossible not to cry.
No matter how many times you look back, from now on, you start to see something different.
Expected to finish smiling, but first you must go through this process, which makes you hurt your eyes because the crying.
The process in which the chest is closed as if you could not breathe, and then open all of a sudden and let in so much air that you think you drown.
Where it hurts, as if everything that happened to you once, appear all together at this time.
Where you are crying, can’t stop crying, because thousands of thoughts cross your mind.
Where I can barely keep writing this, because of the amount of tears that my eyes shed.
It may seem a voluntary act, but it’s not.
It doesn’t work like that.
Just things that happens, you wake up and know it’s REALLY happening.
Something tells you to…, make a click in your heart.
It hurts a lot.
Thousands of volunteers acts trying and trying is useless.
You cannot move forward, even if you lie to yourself.
Today, I just know.
I’m saying goodbye and I must live the process.
It feels as if something were pulling me out of me, but my hands can’t reach him to not let it go.
Today is the day.
You’re saying goodbye.
I’m saying goodbye.
I’m telling you goodbye.
Thank you.
I’ll be fine.
Dahlia Fortescue
