TEXT MESSAGEÂ â TEDDY & THEA
THEA: bar. idk where
THEA: its close to campus
THEA: i hate me. you shoul d too
TEDDY: I don't.
TEDDY: I would never hate you.
TEDDY: but stay where you are, okay? I'm going to come pick you up.
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@teddybeatrice
TEXT MESSAGEÂ â TEDDY & THEA
THEA: bar. idk where
THEA: its close to campus
THEA: i hate me. you shoul d too
TEDDY: I don't.
TEDDY: I would never hate you.
TEDDY: but stay where you are, okay? I'm going to come pick you up.
TEXT MESSAGEÂ â TEDDY & THEA
THEA: its all my faul t
THEA: i tore the family aparyt
THEA: you should hate me like hte rest of them
TEDDY: hey, no.
TEDDY: no, no, no, you didn't. You didn't do anything.
TEDDY: I could never hate you, Thea.
TEDDY: where are you? are you okay?
I sincerely hope all of you have an amazing Spring break full of relaxation. Just stay safe if youâre having a wild one at the same time. Iâm not dipping my toes in any oceans or laying on any beaches, unfortunately. So I will be very jealous of all of your stories. But you should be jealous that Iâm earning double rate over the next week for flipping burgers. And enjoying how quiet campus is going to be without you crazy animals.
AM I INCLUDED IN THESEÂ âCRAZY ANIMALSâ BECAUSE I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, BUDDY. Â I, TEDDY PORTER, AM GOING NOWHERE. Â Itâs actually quite tragic. Â I didnât want to spend the money on the plane ticket back home for the week, which probably makes me #CHEAP, but I figure Iâll find ways to amuse myself for the week.
I see a lot of Food Network in my near future.  A lot.
hello, my name is auggie...
âŠand Iâm dead. I survived finals week. But Iâm dead.
Glad to see you made it out alive, Mr. Gloop.  I could quote The Incredibles here, Iâm sure, but Iâll refrain since it seems like you already got that covered and the last thing I would want to be is redundant.
TEXT MESSAGEÂ â TEDDY & THEA
THEA: whs aren we close
THEA: did i do somethin wrong wehn we were young?
TEDDY: wait, what?
TEDDY: Thea, why would you ever think that?
YOU LOVE ME!
I HAVE, AT TIMES, TOLERATED YOUR EXISTENCE. Â Letâs not get ahead of ourselves here, kiddo.
TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...
LIKE IM SURE WE COULDâVE BROKE A RECORD FOR TOO MUCH GOODIES, and exactly!!! Good to know, and Iâll check it out once of these days.
Okay! Awww, well thank you Teddy!
I LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT ONE CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY GOODIES, MARLEY ROSE. Â Even if my digestive system would probably disagree, but my stomach can calm down for a second and loosen up, because Iâve got some SERIOUS culinary matters of which to attend!
WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME THEODORA!
IT HELPS MY POINT GET OUT MORE CLEARLY, ROWAN.
I have all the faith in you Teddy. But you never know.
IF YOU HAVE FAITH, âYOU NEVER KNOWâ TOTALLY SHOULDNâT COME INTO PLAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
INSTAGRAM :: new photo from @TEDDYBAE
Finding out that your one Friday class is cancelled has me like đ and Rosie like đ because now she and Briar are super stuck with me #OOPS #lovemelikeyoumeanit
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Why the fuck do people still think itâs okay to leave their dogs in their car when they go in to the store? First of all, I donât know how long youâve been in there, but Iâm telling the cops itâs been an hour. Secondly, I donât care how âwarmâ it is to you people, but thatâs still no way to treat a dog. This is why I should be the one to conduct adoption interviews. Or I could hold none at all and just adopt them all for myself, to be honest.
...oh my god, seriously?  How do people not understand the risk associated with that sort of thing, or the carelessness of it?  If you donât treat your dog like family, you have no business having a dog in the first place.  Good on you for reporting it, though, because they should seriously no better.  Iâm so disturbed right now, the poor baby.
Trying to simultaneously quit smoking and kick my caffeine habit was singlehandedly the worst idea I have ever had in my life. I want to strangle everyone and then sleep for a few weeks⊠but mostly I want a cigarette.
Maybe itâd be easier if you tried to take some sort of a âdivide and conquerâ approach?  One thing at a time and see what happens?  While nicotine is certainly a more necessary habit to break, in my opinion, caffeine might be easier to wean off of.  It just might be a little hard to try doing them both at the same time because youâll be craving one or the other and wonât be able to really do much about it.
Maybe try switching to decaf and work your way from there.
BE STRONGER THAN I AM, because I donât see my addiction to Diet Coke weaning any time soon.
Harmless please thatâs what everyone says until they attack you.
Ye of little faith here, bro. Â Ye of little faith. Â I am a delight.
TESTING, MIC CHECK, 1, 2...
Maybe we should make it ten tier. I feel like weâd both positively weep over the idea of a chocolate lava cake sitting atop that majestic edible artwork.
Iâm still stuck on the idea of me as a rock god, to be honest. Eyeliner, leather⊠I donât know if Iâd be able to pull that off. You on the other hand? You could slip into any scenario and no one would question it. Me? I donât know. I exude food dorkism. You can elbow me with your ridiculously long limbs all you want, Teddy. Kopi, on the other hand? No.
Damn. I even lose the ones I bribe with lemon meringue. I suppose the future Porter-McIntosh household will have an incredible kitchen.
TEN tier? Â See, this is why I like you. Â You mean business. Â You get me.
...I CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT. Â I mean, obviously I can see myself rocking it (sort of. Â Itâs not exactly the most comforting of mental images), but you with eyeliner and leather? Â Please. Â Iâm already swooning. Â WHOSE LIMBS ARE YOU CALLINGÂ âRIDICULOUSLY LONG,â SIR?
Our house is basically going to be 92% kitchen, 8% everything else. Â And Iâm more than okay with that. Â Itâs the McPorter way.
Yes she does. I donât know how I would feel about that. Youâre going to plot something against me.
Who, little olâ me? Â Please. Â IâM HARMLESS!