the very first night — sophia laforteza
summary: you and sophia had a complicated history, and it seems like no matter what you do she can’t get out of your head.
warnings: angst, breakup, yearning, no happy ending or comfort, etc.
a/n: hi i suck at writing angst but i tried my best !! hope you guys are well 😛 tags: @tehesamueltehe
now playing: the very first night - taylor swift
it had been months since you and sophia broke up.
months of every song reminding you of her, your chest feeling too heavy when someone mentioned her name, and looking through old messages.
late at night was the worst, when you had nothing to distract yourself with and everything you thought about always ran back to her.
you missed her so much that it hurt. it seemed impossible to move on, and it started to affect your daily life too.
“come on y/n. you haven’t been out of your apartment in like a week.” your best friend manon sighed, clearly worried.
“i’m fine. really.” you said quickly, putting on a small smile.
it had gotten easier each time to lie to your loved ones and pretend you were okay. still, manon always saw through you.
she gave you a skeptical look, clearly not convinced.
“please? we’ll leave as soon as you want.” she promised, her tone softer now than before.
you looked into her brown deer-like eyes, which were full of worry.
how could you even say no to her? you also knew deep down that manon was right. you had avoided everyone and everything, staying in your room all day for a long time.
you knew you couldn’t keep doing it and that it wasn’t good for you. besides you didn’t want to disappoint your friends anymore.
“fine. yeah, i’ll come.” you finally nodded.
manon’s face lit up immediately, her arms wrapping around you in a short hug.
“thank you. i can take you home afterwards if you want, too.” she offered kindly.
you smiled slightly, immediately softening into the hug.
you regretted agreeing to come to the party almost immediately.
it was too many people, too loud music, and it really made you want to disappear as quickly as you arrived.
manon stayed close to you the entire time. it was like she saw right through you. she probably did.
“see? not so bad.” she said gently, like she tried to convince you about it.
you almost wanted to laugh.
instead you nodded lightly, but your eyes were already drifting over the room, scanning like they always did in loud spaces.
you didn’t even realize who you were looking for, until you saw her.
it felt like your heart dropped down to your shoes. you stood there frozen while people brushed past you like nothing had happened.
she looked the same. that was the worst part.
her black hair fell gently over her shoulders as she was listening to something another person said, smiling softly.
and just like that, you were back to the very first night you met.
you hadn’t even meant to meet her that first night.
manon had dragged you out then too, to some stupid crowded place, with too many people and too much noise.
you had been trying to leave early when you bumped into her, drink sloshing over the rim of your cup.
“shit… i’m so sorry.” you rushed out, already panicking.
“no, no, that was my fault.” she laughed, and it was so easy and warm, like she already knew you.
you remembered how you stared for a second too long. how she tilted her head, smiling sweetly like she found it amusing instead of weird.
“i’m sophia.” she uttered out softly.
and that was it. that was all it took.
you talked for hours after that. about nothing, about everything. it felt easy in a way that scared you even then. like something had already started.
“y/n? are you okay?” manon’s voice pulled you back, but it was too late. sophia had already seen you.
you quickly looked away from her, nodding again. “yeah. of course.” you murmured.
but manon didn’t believe it. of course she didn’t. her eyes followed to where your gaze drifted away from.
“oh…” she breathed, immediately going quiet after spotting sophia too.
the hotel night wasn’t supposed to happen either.
it was late, neither of you wanting to go home yet, wandering streets that felt like they only existed for the two of you.
you ended up checking in almost by accident, like it was a joke. it stopped feeling like that the second you got into your room.
it was quiet in a different way. just the two of you.
you remembered the way she looked at you then. it was like something had shifted, like you’d crossed into something you couldn’t take back.
“we shouldn’t.” you whispered, even as you stepped closer.
“i know.” she murmured softly.
neither of you stopped, and before you knew it her lips were already on yours. it was soft. gentle. like she didn’t wanna rush you.
later, you were tangled in white sheets. the city lights streamed through the curtains as she traced lazy patterns against your skin like she was trying to memorize you.
“i don’t wanna ruin what we have.” you admitted quietly, your head resting on her bare chest.
sophia frowned slightly, looking down at you with a gaze that almost broke you.
“we’ll figure it out. for now just stay.” she muttered, pressing a small kiss on your forehead.
“hey.” sophia’s voice could be heard in front of you suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts.
you forced yourself to look at her fully, heart pounding so hard it almost made you dizzy.
“hi.” you said, trying to sound normal. it didn’t. it sounded wrong. too casual and polite after everything that had happened between you.
for a second, neither of you said anything.
then she smiled. it was polite, careful. not the same as before, the one that made you weak in the knees.
“it’s been a while.” she finally stated.
“yeah.” you agreed. “it has.”
manon shifted beside you, sensing it. “i’m gonna grab a drink.” she mumbled, giving you a quick look before slipping away.
you were alone with her, for the first time in months. even if you had wished for this for a long time, it didn’t feel like it was supposed to.
“you look… good.” sophia said hesitantly, like she didn’t know if she was allowed to compliment you anymore. you hated that.
“so do you.” you said awkwardly, fiddling lightly with your fingers.
around you, the party kept going. people talking, music playing, glasses clinking.
“i didn’t know you’d be here.” she added.
“uh, yeah. me neither.” you mumbled.
you both knew that wasn’t what she meant.
she shifted her weight, glancing down for a second before looking back up.
“i’ve been meaning to—” she started, but then stopped, like she wasn’t sure if it was worth it anymore.
whatever she was going to say, it was left there unfinished between you too. just like everything else.
you could feel everything. the past, the hotel room, the car rides, every whispered word. it all pressed in, begging to be acknowledged.
but something in her expression had changed. it was subtle, but you knew her well enough to notice it.
like she’d already made peace with something you hadn’t. like she’d already let go.
“i’m glad you’re okay.” she said instead, softer now.
and that’s when it hit you. this wasn’t a reunion, or a second chance.
this was closure. something you both had waited for, but way too late and not nearly enough.
your chest ached at the thought of it.
“i’m glad you’re okay too.” you managed, your voice almost breaking.
the moment got interrupted by someone suddenly calling her name from across the room.
she glanced back, then at you again. for a second, it felt like that night. the hotel, the almost, the what-if.
then it passed. like it always was supposed to do.
“take care, okay?” she said.
“yeah um… you too.” you said as you gave her a small smile, trying to hide the feeling of hurt all over again.
she smiled slightly before walking away. just like she did the first time. like it was easy to after everything you’d had went through.
you didn’t take your eyes off the spot where sophia had been for a while, your drink long forgotten in your hand and her presence nowhere to be seen in the crowd.
manon found you a few minutes later, her expression careful.
“you okay?” manon asked quietly, sensing the tension.
you swallowed, your chest aching in that familiar, unbearable way.
“yeah… yeah i’m fine.” you lied again, but this time, even you didn’t believe it.
because some things can’t come back, no matter how much you missed them.
and you can’t go back in time to change it.