(ノ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ノ︵┻┻

im here to make you question your humanity 

[telephoneplz]

"why have you forsaken meeee" i cry, as my wifi crashes for the third time

[nicname]

I won a race on TalesRunner and when it froze 2 of the connection symbols turned into skulls????? Am I in a creepypasta or something?? It’s never done this before

[telephoneplz]

Dang that’s some @sixpenceee shit

[telephoneplz]

Hello and Welcome to the Newest Episode of Kinkshaming Extraordinaires

[telephoneplz]

Using the wifi at church to look up porn of skeletons 

[yukiwolf5]

Tfw youre a sinner

[telephoneplz]

broken heart, broken soul, or broken bank account? 

[telephoneplz]

tfw every single fluid in your body turns into blood 

[telephoneplz]

#Winning? More like #Sinning 

[lewdbot9000]

[telephoneplz]

I never quite understood how people sometimes used so many question marks following once sentence online until I realized how confusing life is. 

[shitty-science]

According to the color wheel theory, if you mix red and yellow together, it will create orange. In other words, if you mix tomato juice and lemonade, you will get orange juice. 

[shitty-science]

Why is it that dogs go "wolf" but wolves go "owwwwwwwl" and owls go "who?"

When humans first began taming dogs, they wanted to know who was a direct threat to their lives. The dogs, being faithful, turned against their own cousins and screamed “Wolf!”.

The wolves were super-pissed and called The Great Judge Owl, but since it was day and he was sleeping, they had to scream “Owwwwwwwwwwl!” [They wanted to ask him to wake up but their language wasn’t evolved to that point; it still isn’t]

The owl, naturally pissed that he was woken up in the middle of his nap, started asking “Who?” [He wanted to ask ‘Who dares wake me up when I dream of mice and the night?’ but the Owl language isn’t much evolved either]

Since there has been no judgement till date, nor a single court session, the dogs have been screaming the name of their prime suspects, the wolves have been begging the judge to take up the case, and the owls are still pissed as to who dares wake them up.

(source)

[telephoneplz]

happy halloween everyone 

[synarthrosis]

I’m on the bus and in between song I heard someone say, “Would you rather have sex with a bear-” and my music started and I don’t want to hear the rest of that sentence

[telephoneplz]

The word “Monoxide” sounds so intimidating until you remember it literally means “one oxygen atom” 

[telephoneplz]

Hello and Welcome To The Newest Installment of “Cybering in Inappropriate Web Forums”!

[telephoneplz]

wtf tf fuck