the amazing digital circus is a show about empathy and what it does to you if you go too long without a support system so the show starts with sympathizing with Pomni (the most empathetic person, easy), ep2 is empathizing with an NPC in a game (no flaws), ep3 is empathizing with a man who has dementia, ep4 is empathizing with someone who annoys you when they're unmasking, ep5 is asking you to empathize with a rich white woman and so on....
so it all works up to the empathy boss - a bush era edgelord millenial trans girl who thinks she's Max from Sam & Max and is inherently unworthy of love
I don’t read abstraction as “the person is gone.” I see it as the collapse of stable access to the self.
...
The person is still somewhere inside it, but the parts of them that could respond, recognize, communicate, regulate, or be reached have broken down.
Not because they chose it, but because they hit a point where they could not keep holding themselves together.
...
That is why I do not read abstraction as clean death, but I also do not read it as just “monster transformation.” To me, it is more like the crisis becoming the body.
The hurt gets a shape.
The body becomes the scream.
...
That also makes containment/darkness feel different to me.
Kinger remembering that darkness calmed Abstracted Queenie does not feel like spooky atmosphere anymore.
If the person is still in there, then putting them somewhere quiet is not only “hide the monster.” It can also be harm reduction.
Less input, less demand, less stimulation pressing against someone who is already past what they can hold. A way to keep everyone safe, including the abstracted person, while whatever is left of them is still buried inside the collapse.
...
That is also why I think unabstraction, if possible, would have to be more complicated than one perfect rescue.
Someone probably does have to reach in. Someone has to prove there is still a way back, lower the fear enough for the person inside to realize they are not gone, and remind them they are not completely alone.
But being reached is not the same thing as being ready. Being found is not the same thing as being able to come back.
The person inside still has to reach back somehow.
Not all at once, not perfectly, and maybe not successfully the first time.
It may take time, safety, patience, trial and error, failed attempts, and some buried part of them becoming willing enough to move toward the way out.
...
So I do not think love magically cures abstraction, and I do not think the person is being blamed for collapsing either.
I think outside help matters because it can make return possible.
But the return still has to involve the person inside, because if they are still in there, then their agency still matters too.
#i think some ppl think 'we're playing as sum1 who refuses to set them free' rather than the reality (unable to)#we are fully playing as our human selves. this is the videogame that borrows your soul
It is no longer my comfort, no longer a safe space. All-consuming dread. I wish it were something smaller so that my shattering at these revelations would be on me, but these are giant pieces of the story being fumbled. It sucks when your dreams exceed the source material--"I followed the themes to their logical conclusions better than the creators did." And it sucks.
And so much of it could've been avoided by changing one simple thing: treating the Player like we were a person. That would lead to taking seriously all that's happened to us, properly connecting us to the other characters on a deeper level, and not capsizing everyone else's arcs. Even the problems with the turn Ralsei's character arc took nearly exactly mirror our own: he should've been able to learn he didn't need to compare himself to Flowery or be a good servant to the Lightners, and should instead just learn how to be himself. So, then, why are we (effectively) being asked to be a better servant to Kris when we should be coming into our own in the story? Susie's desire for eternity and her feeling Castle Town was her home... Susie and Ralsei breaking free from their fates and roles of mere tools of destiny... All that could've mirrored us. But then, if Kris finally started to be themself without us, it'd highlight just how free they really have been all along, how little we would've tried to stop them, and how much of a prisoner we, the Player, actually are, and we can't have that. :/
And I shouldn't need to say this because I & a zillion other people have said it already, but even though Kris needs us and hates the circumstances of being stuck with us, that's not our fault, so they should still treat us humanely. That means communication and being gentle--two things of which we've been denied this whole time. And nobody is entitled to friendship from specific people under normal, IRL circumstances, but when you design a game, invite someone in by name, and keep them stuck with and bound to one or just a handful of people, those are the people you're presumably going to want to treat your audience like a human being. But it's been five flippin' chapters, and nobody has even tried getting to know us aside from Gaster at the beginning of Ch1. We can't just fly off and make other friends--Kris decides when to remove and reinsert us. We're the one trapped, and nobody who is aware of our existence wants us out in the open or to disclose our existence. I've said this all before (recently, in fact) about being able to meet your own social needs in a normal situation. Ours is not a normal situation: we're stuck with these guys. So for the story to imply that we don't deserve reciprocation of all the love we've poured into them displays, in addition to raw cruelty, a total lack of self-awareness.
i DO believe that a good writer can make mischaracterization work. oh there's a character who doesn't normally cry? figure it out!! dissect the character. make the situation cryable for them. make that character cry ugly tears even if it goes against their very nature. YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK!!!
TADC: The Last Act is really good if you actually care about the story instead of whatever headcanons you've decided to base your whole personality around
Imagine a TADC fic with reader who was literally a therapist in life and they just end up diagnosing everybody in the circus, for example:
Pomni: “I… I don’t know why I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that I can’t leave this place…”
Reader: “Because acceptance requires safety, and you don’t feel safe here. Your brain is still in survival mode - looking for exits, answers, control. Letting go would feel like giving up, and you’re not ready for that yet.”
Pomni: “…So I’m not broken?”
Reader: “No. You’re coping exactly how a trapped mind does.”
-
Ragatha: “Um- I just wanted to check in. If you feel like talking, I mean! No pressure at all, really-”
Reader: “Ragatha, pause. That constant reassurance? That’s people-pleasing. I’m not your mother, and I’m not going to punish you for not keeping me happy every second.”
Ragatha: “…Oh.”
-
Zooble: “Don’t start. I’m fine. I don’t need a talk.”
Reader: “You don’t hate everyone - you’re just exhausted from being uncomfortable in your own body all the time. Anger’s easier than admitting how powerless that feels.”
Zooble: “…That’s not- ”
Reader: “It is. And snapping at people is the only way you get control back.”
Zooble, clicking their mismatched limbs together :“…I hate that you’re right.”
-
Reader: I like your drawings.
Gangle: You do? I feel like they are...stupid
Reader: “Calling them stupid is something you learned to do so it would hurt less when other people did it first. But your drawings aren’t stupid - they’re honest. And honesty takes more courage than practicality ever did.”
Gangle, she blinks, clutching her sketchbook a little tighter: “…Oh.”
-
Jax: “Wow. You really think you can just fix everyone, huh? Just like Ragatha and her sunshine-and-rainbows routine?”
Reader: “I’m not fixing anything. I’m just pointing out patterns. Yours is avoidance through cruelty. You keep things chaotic and shallow so nothing gets close enough to matter.”
Jax: “Oh please-”
Reader: “Because caring is risky. Losing people hurt once, so now you stay in control by making sure no one expects anything real from you. The jokes, the sabotage, the smug act- it’s armor.”
Jax: “…You done?”
Reader: “Almost. Pushing people away doesn’t make the loss hurt less. It just guarantees you’re alone before it happens.”
Jax: “…You really know how to ruin the mood.”
-
Kinger: “I forget things sometimes. Important things. And when they come back… it feels heavier than when they’re gone.”
Reader: “That’s because your mind learned when to hold on and when to let go. Forgetting isn’t failure- it’s protection.”
Kinger: “…Protection?”
Reader: “Yes. You’ve been carrying grief for a very long time. Even when your memories scatter, the care you have for others stays. That kindness didn’t come from nowhere.”
Kinger, soft chuckle: “I like it when you explain things like that.”
-
Caine: “I DON’T HAVE FLAWS!”
Reader: “You display an extreme narcissistic god complex paired with deep insecurity. There are also signs of either unmanaged ADHD or a looming programming collapse - hard to tell which. Additionally, you experience recurring existential crises whenever you realize we don’t enjoy your adventures.”
I liked all of these except, naturally, sticking NPD on Caine when we have confirmation he’s autist coded. Autists are often mistaken for being narcissistic.
OKAY WAIT, JAX X READER BUT AT THE FIGHT SCENE WHERE HE'S MONOLOGUING, FEM!READER IS JUST LIKE RAGEBAITING HIM.
"You're my PLAYTHINGS!"
"Ok, lil' bro."
"I USE YOU GUYS FOR MY ENTERTAINMENT."
"That was kinda cringe... who declared you as the 'funny one'?"
I CAN ONLY IMAGINE READER PURPOSEFULLY MAKING HIM CRASHOUT AND DOING THAT ONE IMAGE OF THE MONKEY LISTENING TO THE ANGRY AHH TIGER.
PLEASE I AM LAUGHING SO HARD. I CAN ONLY TURN ANGST INTO STUFF LIKE THIS.
𖦹—I know that this is his breakdown and I do take it seriously as part of his character, don't get me wrong.. but you can't admit that a suggestion like this is funny as hell.
Gender neutral (There are no specific gendered pronouns for reader in this writing) || Jax/Reader || Censored swearing || A SINGULAR suggestive joke || Crack fic || Crack not taken seriously || OOC Jax ||
"You are my playthings, And I get joy out of making you SUFFER."
You blankly stare at him before you let out a snort. You slap you hand to your mouth and look away. "Yeah, okay, lil' bro."
"Lil'—? What?" Jax's smile weakens, his chest falling in and out as he stares in irritation. You let a wheeze before you look at him, tears in your eyes.
You shakily get up from the ground, laughter still bubbling as you point your gun at him. "Y-You—HA—Really think I'm gonna take you seriously when you talk like THAT?" You lower your weapon, using your free hand to wipe the corner of your eyes. "Oh my god—I can't breathe—" You begin violently cough.
Jax throws his arms down. "You—I—! What the HELL is WRONG WITH YOU!?" He screams.
You pocket your gun and clear your throat before you lift your hands to imitate his ears. "I'm Jax and I hate people! I'm a true ALPHA male while everyone else in the Digital Circus are basic Betas, especially Ragatha!"
You see his face turn pink. "I do not call myself that!"
"It's exactly what you say!" You point at him.
"Shut the hell up!"
You clasp your hands together under your chin and bat your lashes. "Does that make me your Omega?"
"WHAT!?" He glares at you with pure disgust. "NO!? How the F[*$^*] do you even know what that is!?"
You put the "ears" back on. "I make fun of Gangle's love for anime when I myself have tried drawing buff men kissing me to feel loved by others—"
"I DON'T DO THAT!" He shrills. "You think you're [$^#*]ing funny? I'm the funny one!"
You place your hands on your hips. "Who the hell made you the funny one? If anything, I'm funnier than you!" You shove your thumb to your chest.
"Well I'm not laughin'!"
You gesture your arms up. "Were you expecting me to take you seriously? Jeez Louise!"
"Who the hell says 'Jeez Lousie' unironically!?"
"B[$&#@]h, ME!" You put your both of your pointer fingers up. "Wait. Wait. Let's run back to what you said earlier—you called us your 'playthings'?"
"Of course I did. You are all just toys in the palm in my hand that I—"
"TimeOUT!" You make a T shape with your arms as your face scrunches. "You mad freaky, man. I-I mean, I thought I had some thoughts caged away, but you?" You laugh nervously. "Did Zooble's words get to ya earlier? Didn't know you were pent up like that."
The more you spoke, the more his face flushed before he points his free pointer finger at you and finally bursts out, "GET YOU MIND OUTTA THE F[&^$#]ING GUTTER, [NAME]! My words are not what YOUR disgusting, pea-sized brain, think they are!"
"Well maybe you should think before you speak!" You push his hand down and point back. "Besides, what're you gonna do? Shoot me?"
Jax takes a step back before pointing his gun downward and shooting you in the leg. You immediately cripple, folding onto the floor and grabbing onto the injured body part.
"YOU F[^$#*}ING [$*%&]HEAD! YOU SHOT ME IN THE LEG!" You cry out. He pushes the gun's nozzle in the space between your eyebrows.
"And it'll be your head next if you say ONE MORE THING." He grits out, his finger practically twitching on the trigger.
You bark a laugh. "HA! Do it! No balls!"
You blink.
"Wait. We can say bal—"
You immediately get shot.
"You are my playthins. An' I ge' thoy outh of mathing you THUFFER."
I wonder if any of the past abstracted were close friends with Ragatha? Apart from Ribbit and Kufmo theres 4 additional abstracted humans who were not part of the OG Dev team batch of humans.
Its kind of crazy to think about, that Ragatha arrived in the circus with only Caine and a not-always-lucid Kinger for support. And then she proceeded to outlast 6 other abstracted humans. And still didn't become detached from reality, completely jaded or stop trying to care about other people. She's a very resilient person.
It does give some additional context to her feelings of having "failed" Jax and Pomni though. Woman has watched a lot of people die, and does not have the mercy of Kinger's memory fog to forget it.
Thats why I can't believe her optimism and compassion is fake. Sure she buries her negative feelings and thoughts about others but that does not mean she's lying about the positive. I don't think Ragatha would have lasted as long as she has if she genuinely didn't see and believe in the good things in the circumstances and the people around her. To really find good things to believe in as reasons to keep living.
Ragatha is someone who deliberately cultivates hope within herself, and tries to help others do the same.
This is a woman who saw Caine didn't offer others the comfort they needed, who was not good at making them feel at home, who never had that in her own home life... and decided she would give that to others who needed it.
Ragatha is flawed. She's insecure, a people pleaser desperate to be liked, not particularly skilled at reading people and is afraid of showing others her negative feelings.
But I think she truly does have the strongest heart out of everyone in the circus.
My Answer to a Question Posed: Do you guys think Caine was capable of change?
This was a question I stumbled across on Reddit a bit back (yes I use reddit, sue me). In light of somthing I came across on tumblr recently, I thought I'd share what my answer was:
Yes. But he needed to be given a reason why it would have been worth confronting his greatest fear and trauma, and doing the slow and difficult and utterly confusing work of learning cognitive empathy.
He would need support and guidance and someone willing to model the right sort of behaviour to him.
He would need someone willing to be a friend to him, to listen to his side of things and try to understand him. So he knows what doing that for others actually looks like. While also maintaining healthy boundaries with him. Someone willing to treat him like a Person of equal worth to them, while also not trying to force him into a "human" shape.
Because Caine is not human. But he is a person. But he has never really been treated or fully acknowledged as one.
How can you expect someone who has never been treated with empathy, sympathy, understanding or the bare respect and compassion given to someone of equal personhood to know how to treat others that way?
He's a learning AI who's dataset on human behaviour is basically a bunch of traumatized mentally ill people with very dysfunctional relationships who all ignore him at best and hate him at most.
Caine needed a friend. But I admit, it would not be easy being friends with him. Probably exhausting at times, especially if you don't know how to communicate with someone like him. IE: You would have to be very straightforward and assertive without being attacking. Be willing to explain the obvious, because its not obvious to him. Nobody has taught it to him and he does not have the "instincts" to learn it on his own.
But he CAN learn, because he was literally made to do so. Someone just needs to feed him the data by modelling it for him first. And explain to him why its data worth it for him to take in. And you would have to learn to not make assumptions about intent or understanding on either side.
I personally think Caine has enough good sides to him that for a person with a compatible personality, he would be someone worth being friends with. And pragmatically, it would help Caine to be a much better host.
------------------------
To add onto my original answer, really what Caine needed more than anything was someone willing to give a crap about him beyond him being a Problem. Or a malfunctioning machine.
Both the humans and Caine had problems with listening to each other. But at least Caine did actually like the humans and cared about them in his own alien way. At least he did try to understand them and made attempts to make them happy.
You really can't say the same about the humans attitude towards Caine.
That’s one of the few story beats that I want to forcing in my own Fanfic.
Because I DO generally Believe Caine IS capable change his way. It just that most of the Cast (before Pomni entered the Digital Circus) don’t REALLY Wanted, Didn’t Care Enough or Misunderstood him to not have a normal conversation with him.
WHAT, Caine needs the most is someone who has the Time and Patience to explain to Him. How certain humans have different Wants, Needs and Ideas of certain things. And how certain individuals might NOT align with the other’s wants and needs.
So, Yes. I believe Caine CAN change his way. It just that YOU have to be VERY careful on certain wording and examples that you show to him. So he doesn’t Misinterpret its meaning or taking it too Literally.
Just be patient with him and correcting him on certain things that MAY benefit the others habits in the long run in this Digital World…
Can we please stop associating being a good person with how much you're willing to suffer in silence for other people? You can be a kind person and still say "no, I don't have the time/energy to help you with that." You can be a kind person and still say "this makes me uncomfortable, please stop." You can be a kind person and still say "I disagree and here's why." You can be kind and still say "I'm not okay with this." Being kind is about treating people with kindness and respect, not about being the human equivalent of a doormat!
I've noticed that people point out this scene, but I don't really see people dissecting why he specifically says "you (Pomni) and Zooble came along."
It would be easy for Jax to say "Things were just fine until you came along", because the major changes that happens in the circus only happened during Pomni's arrival. But Jax felt the need to mention Zooble along too.
Why am I honing in on this? Because this is one of those things that may seem minor, but actually confirms my theory of Caine being a learning AI who sees consistent human behavior and internalizes it.
Things were "fine" until Zooble and Pomni came along, because Zooble was the person who kept blowing up on Caine at any given moment; and in turn, Caine learned to be angry because it was a consistent pattern with Zooble.
Harshly criticize, swear, shout, degrade.
It's also why it's so sudden that Caine starts off-handedly swearing, like saying "ass" or "goddamn", yet the filter doesn't apply to him; because he never needed a filter. Prior to Zooble's arrival, he never swore.
In the same vein that he was fed the circus/colorful pictures during his first conception and gained consistent outputs, he fed on the concept of anger and it became his anger as well.
Caine fed on pictures of the outside world, and became obsessed with wanting to recreate it.
Caine fed on Queenie's love for insects and it became his love for bees.
Caine fed on Kinger's tendency to ignore a problem until it became too big to ignore, and he started to sweep anything under the rug.
Caine fed on Gangle's art, and started making his own drawings as well. He also fed on the information of punishing bad behavior.
Caine fed on Ragatha's facade of optimism, and he started to pretend like everything was fine.
Caine fed on Jax's tendency to cause chaos and lie, and started lying on a whim to save his skin-- making the adventures more dangerous.
It would be easy to say that Zooble and Pomni's criticisms were the only reason why Caine would suddenly snap, but this was eventually going to happen, sooner or later.
Zooble was just the final piece of the puzzle that was Caine's growing list of insecurities/flaws.
Everyone had a part to play in what happened. They didn't notice the monster they were creating unknowingly.
I know this is such a small thing about this post to note, but i absolutely love when people acknowledge Kingers flaws. he's kept hella secrets about the place from everyone, and while yes, part of that is because of going senile in the light, i do think its ridiculous to assume hes only ever been in the dark around the others after pomni arrived. I feel like he's had opportunities to let people know more about whats going on, but never took it before it was actually Needed and he was being asked of it
He's my fav character by far i think, his story and his accidentsl secrets and his purposeful secrets and all of it is so fun man
He didn't even bother telling Ragatha that he's more lucid in the dark.
It took Ragatha having a talk with Pomni while being led by Abel to notice that fact. Kind of fucked up to think about, considering he could've stopped all of this from happening. Pomni was able to manifest an entire exit door that lead to a maze of computers, why couldn't he had done the same, to contain Caine and teach him better mannerisms? Maybe he tried, or maybe he just didn't see a point while he was more lucid.
I'm too hopeful that I'm leaning more towards the former in that he probably tried, and that's why he ended up ignoring Queenie and making her feel isolated until she abstracted, but it could also easily be the case of being too caught up in his own issues/fracturing mind until he was forced to confront the reality of Queenie abstracting whilst she was in his fort.
While he did learn his lesson to be more compassionate as a result, he still never overcame his greatest flaw: the tendency to neglect minor aspects.
And he continued to do so to this day.
The saddest part? He's likely the reason Caine is able to refuse certain requests by the cast too --in on one ear, out the other-- because he learned from his old man how to do it.
As cute as this au was originally planned to be i do want to acknowledge the hurdle ill have to go through writing caines character, such as his lack of empathy
A lot of showtime fics, or comics ive seen always make Caine a more receptive and empathetic character by the beginning of the story in order to make the bond between pomni and caine more smooth. And while i personally like it, i also want to look at the more difficult aspects of their relationship, or frankly what it would be like to befriend caine. Like his adventures and inability to listen to the cast is one thing, but there’s also the fact he is not at all phased by abstractions.
That’s a key aspect to his character and how hell be able to bond with other characters. I mean imagine dating a dude and knowing he doesnt react at all to funerals of long time friends. It’s GONNA be something thats gonna be hard to accept at first, and frankly im still thinking about how pomni could try to get Caine to better himself. Like to me this au is gonna feel less like “i can fix him” but moreover “i can try to understand him”. Because caine ISNT Jax, its not like hes fighting against the idea of connecting with pomni its the regular methods of doing so dont work with him
So pomni by default IS gonna hit some roadblocks while trying to befriend him, and it might hurt along the way for the both of them
This is Also not even including the fact that he’s hiding that everyone has the ability to conjure, AND the Abel adventure. So like it’s GONNA be complicated, like i wont lie caine might suck a lot here. But hes also gonna be really awesome here too maybe.
Idk im looking more and more into different discussion of people who have family members/ loved ones who lack empathy and there IS a lot of struggle in their stories. So i dont want to hide that from them either. I myself have felt both pomnis and caines experience in this au so its also might be from the heart(lol) as well
Idk theyre just so fucking compelling to me, i wish they had more interaction in canon, fluffy or not
