man of the world

German - bisexual - schizoaffective disorder - substance use disorder - clean from self harm since 30th June 2020

[letyourfatedecide]

[bluedragonflydream]

You won't understand my emotions. I get upset about the little things. Excited about small stuff and scared by everything. You think I overreact, but that's just how my emotions work. I'm all empty inside and when emotions come they are so extrem, you can't comprehend it. It's okay, not your fault. Just don't judge me for it. It's not in my control

[honeypleasejustkillme]

if someone is upset with me, it genuinely feels my life is in danger. imagine pissing someone off but feeling like when you turn around they are holding a shotgun to your head. that’s why I cry. i’m terrified of what is to come.

[a-healthy-dose-of-apathy]

i think the worst part about having bpd is being reliant on another person for your happiness. it’s not their job or responsibility and it’s not fair to put it on them, but it’s like every time they don’t talk to me, every message left on seen, every lackluster reply, anytime i can’t tell whether or not they really love me tears me apart. i’m constantly afraid anytime not spent with me is spent talking about me even after they’ve assured me they aren’t. whenever they’re not with me i’m left with this empty feeling of anxiety and helplessness i can’t escape even through sleep.

it’s exhausting.

[bpdsweetheart]

Is this anything lmao

[c0ffinbunnii]

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i have to stop getting attached. i swear it's like as soon as someone says hi i’m instantly interested. my attachment issues are beyond immeasurable and my fear of these people i get attached to abandoning me is through the roof.

[callmelittlesanshine]

Bpd is like going through the five stages of grief 24/7, but the acceptance part just kind of gets left out

[bipolar-me-101]

How BPD effects me in day to day life

I struggle with managing any sort of emotions, I switch like a light switch. One second I'm happy and jumping around and the next I'm lying on the floor banging my head against things to hurt myself. I can go from neutral to angry in the blink of an eye. Any small event can trigger me.

[bpdcrybaby213]

I really just want to push everyone away. I want to scream at everyone to leave me alone. Just leave me alone and let me self destruct until I'm dead. Please. Just go.

[basement-ghxst]

Something I wish ppl without borderline would know: We’re not making excuses or trying to be "manipulative". What we say is coming from a place of pain.

[imbecilic-memes]

[eatlikearabbit]

I think one of the hardest parts of having BPD is the intense lonely feeling that I get. It doesn't matter how many friends I have, how often I go out, once I get home and am alone again it consumes me. I don't feel anything else but the emptiness that comes along with feeling alone.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

it's fucked up how much hugs relax me, like, not in a good way, more of a "abused child who clings onto anyone so they won't leave" way

[just-sad-vibes]

person: *uses wrong tone in message*

my bpd: they hate you you should kill yourself youre so unworthy of their attention

[degenerated-beauty-queen]

Wenn ich ins Bad gehe und in den Spiegel sehe, erkenne ich mich eigentlich nie wieder. Es ist nicht die Person die ich da vor ein paar Stunden gesehen habe.

Die Frau im Spiegel...

Sie sieht anders aus. Ich könnte aber auch nicht sagen warum. Es sind keine Merkmale wie bei einem "Suche den fehler" Bild ... Sie hat einfach ein anderes Gesicht.

Genauso wie sich manchmal alles anders anfühlt. Zum Beispiel meine Beine, oder meine Zähne. Als hätten sie sich verdreht, oder wären einfach nicht mehr meine....

Ich versuche durch Berührungen das Gefühl zu bekommen das das doch mein Gesicht isz oder dass das doch meine Beine sind. Manchmal schaff ich es auch, indem ich einfach eine Unterhaltung beginne, oder mich bewege, mich abzulenken. Manchmal schaff ich es aber nicht

...

Und dann beginnt langsam der Realitätsverlust. Entweder fühlt es sich dann an als würde ich träumen oder ich hab das Gefühl das ich nicht echt bin. Wenn Leute um mich herum sind, weiß ich nicht ob sie mich wahrnehmen. Ich bin mir wirklich nicht sicher ob ich existiere, oder ich weiß das ich da bin, aber weiß nicht ob ich nicht doch einfach träume. Ich versuch mich dann zu erinnern wie ich aufgestanden bin und wie ich da hin gekommen bin wo ich bin...manchmal geht dann nicht mal mehr das.

[shadowsinthehall]

Hitting my head repeatedly until it makes the windows start up sound and all my psychological problems disappear