hi. i will b abandoning this account for further notice. i canāt bring myself to delete it, but i just wanted to say, i come on this app everyday and clear the notifications i receive, and i do want to post on here. but i simply canāt look back on these posts like i once did. not without feeling immense anger and shame. the people who i loved and posted about on this account were nothing but manipulative selfish bastards.
they never cared about me. everything was always about them, for years, but i was too blinded by love and limerence to see it. *i* was always at fault, *i* needed to change who i was, it drove me to insanity. they 1000 percent- fed into my diagnosis, and hey, maybe it was consciously, maybeās subconsciously... idk i never got an apology, but fuck those people and i regret ever letting them enter my life.
never let people consume you. it will always better in the long run to cut contact and protect your peace. being isolated is way better than being used. that was the most embarrassing thing iāve ever done to feel loved. to allow myself to be used for my empathy, selflessness and body.
hereās the vow iāve made to myself, and iām going to post it just to maybe help any of you guys struggling with the same issue i once was. use this as a mantra or affirmation if you feel inclined.
i refuse to let myself believe that i am unlovable and unworthy. i am way more than the body i carry myself in or the foolish overabundance of empathy that i once poured out onto others. i will never let anyone make me feel or believe i am unworthy of anything but reciprocated, wholehearted genuine love again.
day by day iām learning to love myself. and that is truly what i needed most all this time.
