The Ruler tensed up a bit surprised as her king suddenly shouted no, her eyes stared intently at the other who seemed to realize had become almost ‘out of character’ for the king. It took a minute, but the Lancer then explained that she did not wish to leave. So they would be able to converse with each other although it was clear both sides were anxious. Though Guinevere waited for the other to compose, to speak before she can respond.
As it was clear that the Arturia was rattled acting odd having burst out, hearing the apology the former Queen shakes her head. There was no need to apologize even if was a bit startled knew that the other meant no harm. She was patient, watching the other fix herself up as she spoke about how she failed Guinevere- Failed? The King wished for her forgiveness? It truly was clear that the other didn’t know where to start in this conversation.
How many tears had been shed and in the end Guinevere and the affair had been the cause of Camelot to fall. It would be fair to hate or despise the Queen for such treachery, yet the king only wished to apologize. Even claiming that she was undeserving of her, this was both incredibly kind and also incredibly surprising.
“My King,” She spoke, knowing the other could possibly be trying to lead to an apology, or the conversation may end up nowhere. If anything the King seemed more nervous then her though Guinevere knew she should have expected it. They were once husband and wife, Guinevere slept with another man ruining the sanctity of their marriage. Anyone would feel like a terrible spouse, and it pained her that the other felt so terrible.
“I never… I never hated or thought of you as a terrible husband. It wasn’t like you were cruel but…” Her voice trailed off as she could remember going to bed alone as the king had left or was out far too late. Leaving her to rule in place with only Lancelot to provide her comfort and aid in such lonely times while the king simply believes all was well. “Arturia, I never felt loved.”
There it was, her chest suddenly clenched tightly as she remembers that the more time passed, the harder it felt to get through to the king. Arturia had become something almost divine while Guinevere just felt like an ordinary girl. She could never mimic or even try to capture such a trait and instead withdrew into herself becoming miserable.
“As time passed there was no more courtship, no soft affection, every moment of the day was spent on the kingdom of Camelot, or with the knights. With me only seeing you at the end of the day but you were too tired to even do anything. It was why I couldn’t stand it.“ Her voice was beginning to crack, tears welling up in her eyes as she spoke, “I-I was never a priority and that was killing me.”
Selfish. She knew what she had desired was such a selfish thing to want and ask to be considered just as important as a whole kingdom. It’s why when Lancelot would fight in her name and always made her a priority reason was thrown out the window. She clung to it and because of her actions she ended up being one of the many causes for Camelot to fall. Something she will never forgive herself for.
A KING does not cry. tears are a foreign concept even if pain is not. but her words cut far deeper than any blade dared reach, armor all but useless against this assault on her heart. moisture threatens to spill from eyes that have seen countless slaughters && endured harrowing experiences yet nothing quite compares to the sentence uttered by one she wished only to give the world. i never felt loved.
she was distraught, unable to collect her thoughts. goosebumps ran the length of her arms, face paled far beyond it's usual ivory tone. stomach churned as if she was going to be sick but she composed herself. instead of revealing all this agony that swelled inside, she appeared cold, distance even && that perhaps was the very root of the problem. there's a long moment like this, where she glances at the wall with an icy, unfeeling stare.
❛ i was never your king, ❜ it does not come hard or chilled as expected, instead surprisingly soft && vulnerable, ❛ a king loves his subjects && his queen most of all. i have clearly not given you my whole heart in life. i could come up with so many excuses, i could claim i was busy but none of them would be of any value. ❜
boldly a step is taken forward, her hand extended as the armor around her is discarded, leaving her clad in clothe && her flesh exposed, ❛ of all that i have ever laid my eyes on, it was you who broke me from my duties. you gave me a reason to keep my heart rather than simply the mind. without you, i would have been lost to my godly spear but with you at my side, i was human. my love, my life, my everlasting queen - i have never && will never stop loving you - && i was a fool to have neglected you. fate has given me a chance to be by your side, so i shall proclaim that love, ❜ she bends down to a knees, hands still outstretched, ❛ may you do whatever you like to my heart, for it is yours && yours only. ❜
the sheer relief that cane from those words amounted to a mountain being lifted from her shoulders. the truth finally made it's way past her lips && she found herself self-conscious but did not shy away. those brilliant emeralds gazed with a passion that had not been there in their later years of marriage, rekindled upon the chance to make it right - or at least to repent for what she had done.
if she faced rejection, she would accept it with the heaviest heart. whatever divinity she had achieved would mean nothing if she could not hold guinevere in her arms once more, stare into the night sky while she nuzzled the other's hair, engulfing the scent of springtime as she did. the lack of such escapes from the burden that grew heavier each day even more unbearable. but now that she had been relieved of such, she was more than willing to do anything her lady required, shower her with attention && affection, stealing moments && kisses alike.
but all of this, every word, every promise, could only be made true if she had the approval of the ruler that stood before her. the decision would ultimately rest to her && for that reason, the king of knights grew nervous: for her queen was strong-willed && impossible to read.
