I used to watch a lot of k-dramas.
The romantic ones were the best, because they always wrote the guys to be such green flags. Literally picture perfect boyfriends.
I would watch them all the time, thinking, "wow, I want a love like that."
And then my uncle died, and I stopped watching. He surprisingly loved kdramas and would watch them in Spanish, giving me recommendations and discussing latest episodes of shows with me. The last one he watched was Queen of Tears.
I couldn't watch any more after he died.
That was October 2024. I lost my uncle who was like a 2nd grandpa and I didn't go to school for a week because I was depressed. He wasn't supposed to die. The doctors said he would be okay.
I didn't go to school, and I never even told anyone what happened. I disappeared from my friends. When I came back, I didn't talk about it. I was sad. Got into a situationship from Hell that made me feel like I was worthless.
March 2025 is the month When Life Gives You Tangerines came out. I went to watch it, and thought of my uncle, and stopped. I couldn't being myself to do it.
One year later, I went and I began watching it. I thought of my uncle a lot, and felt so sad. I thought of how silent the holidays were without him. How he used to watch the Mr Noodle segment on Sesame Street with me every day. Run to the store whenever I wanted bubble bath solution.
I wasn't alone when he died. I had a support system. But they were grieving too and I never handled grief well myself. So I had stayed silent with how I felt. Barely even spoke to my therapist about it.
I confided in my boyfriend. An angel sent from the Heavens, I am sure. I felt silly for being so emotional over a kdrama, but he assured me there was nothing wrong with how I felt.
He always was so assuring. My boyfriend who would travel 40 minutes to an hour to go to my house if I asked. My boyfriend who sent me Taco Bell when I was hungry at home. My boyfriend who told me he loved me on the very first date and held me like we were married for years, kissing my forehead and my cheeks and making me feel like I mattered. Maybe I am worthy of love.
My boyfriend who's laptop I was typing on while I watched the show. Mine had broken and he immediately offered me his own. He declared he would buy me a new one.
My boyfriend who told me we would get married young. I had told him that was something I wanted. My uncle was gone already, and I wanted my grandparents to see me walk down the aisle. He is willing to make that happen.
My boyfriend who gets paid 16 dollars an hour and has no financial support at 19 years old, yet not only does he buy me food, he went through my Steam wishlist and bought me a game because he knows how much I love Hello Kitty.
I was watching When Life Gives You Tangerines, and thought about how much I wanted a kdrama love.
"I want a love like that."
It made me giddy knowing I already do.
I know my uncle would have loved my boyfriend. Every day I think he should have been able to see me marry this boy.
He knows I'm in good hands.
I teared up writing this highkey im on my period
