sun

love literature and writing bad poetry. inspired by:taylor swift,slyvia plath,lana del rey phoebe waller-bridge and oscar wilde. uncontrollable violent female anger and psychopathic feminism are my kinda thing.

[temptressunshinee]

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN KID IS FOR THE LONELY LONER GIRLIES.

the girls who are afraid of commitment or rejection. the archer girls,this is me trying girls,cardigan girls,right where you left me girls. for the burnout kid syndrome girls. the girls who aren't scared to speak their minds. for the girls who built thick walls around their hearts so they wouldn't get hurt. for the girls with unhealthy coping mechanisms.for the girls who doesn't share or show emotion when they needed to. for the girls with undiagnosed eating disorders. for the girls who burn the bridges entirely and immediately but after time couldn't help but wonder at late sleepless nights,if they did the right thing. for the girls that are haunted by their past. for people with childhood trauma. for girls that have to live with haunting memories but would do everything to forget it.for the girls who hate summer. for the girls who hate their hometown. for platonic girls. for the girls, it doesn't matter how much people they are surrounded with they just feel terribly lonely no matter what.

[temptressunshinee]

HAUNTED IS FOR THE GIRLS WHO ARE ALWAYS LONGING FOR SOMETHING BUT HAS NO IDEA WHAT IT IS

haunted is for the girls who always tries to find meaning or some explanation in their sadness. for the girls who just can't let it go,who holds grudges.for the girls who play every conversation they've had in their minds over and over for a thousand times. for the girls that bite inside their cheeks till they bleed so they wouldn't cry in front of someone. for the girls who always have walked on a fragile line. for the girls always known everything,has seen everything from the beginning.

this is for the girls who cries in the dark all alone cause that's what they always known,no one to explain their pain to cause no one will ever understand so they just cry all alone silently and miserably. for the girls who are daggered ,all of the blue,by their past,by their most trusted person. where did they do wrong? for the girls who are always the villain in someone else's story. for the ones who always compromise themselves so whatever they hold on to doesn't slip away from their fingers. for the girls who are begging to be seen to be understood by someone,anyone but in the end nobody does. for the girls that have done something terribly wrong but they still don't know what it was. for the girls who just stood there and watched the world while it was on fire and done nothing about it.

for the girls whose pain is attached to their souls so deep even god can't help them now. for the girls who are still at the restaurant. for the girls who have this feeling since they were so little that something terrible was going to happen. for the girls who are haunted by themselves cause everything they've done was nothing but a cruel joke to themselves. this is for the girls who will always live in the past hypophrenic memories even if it hurts them to their core because this agonizing loneliness is they've all ever known.

[temptressunshinee]

my emotional scar.

[temptressunshinee]

when taylor swift said "who could ever leave me darling,but who could stay?" on the archer it was the perfect representation for people who has superiority complex and inferiority complex with a little bit of narcissism at the same time. it is also an anxiety anthem for sure but that little sentence took my heart,cut it in millions of pieces,danced on it,cooked it and gave it to the cats. and when she said "i'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror" yeah girlhood is not so hard. we'll just argue about boys and worry about what are we going to wear right?

[temptressunshinee]

i was born from my father's rage from his unlimited sadness,i still carry it. i was born from my mother's hope though i lost it over time. i've been told to keep my womanly emotions to myself so i did. i lost myself in this long road of darkness. now i have a cold stone instead of a warm heart,hope my father is proud. i have this agonizing loneliness that helps me look stronger than gods above. when i'm all by myself,when i can't hear the bone chilling voices of different versions of myself in my head,as the clock hits 4 am that's when i know i don't have to pretend. but that's a secret that i like to keep to myself. at the end of this unpitying story we all become secrets.in a way we are all someone's little secret. some choose to grieve over it but i build myself from it. why? because i'm heartless. no man shall forget that there's nothing more dangerously terrifying than a woman who has lost everything and reborn from her loss's ashes after she set everything on catching fire.

[owochimauwu]

so how are we feeling

[temptressunshinee]

that was extremely personal

[temptressunshinee]

maybe i don't have what it takes to love or to be loved,to touch or to be touched. in the back of my mind i've known for a while that maybe but just maybe i'm incapable of being cared for or not worth the fight. in the darkest place of my heart all i ever cared was to be worth something. but i guess it never was enough. i'm some type of something in this whole universe that is intolerable and unlovable.

[temptressunshinee]

does love forgive everything or nothing at all? does love heal people or hurt people? what does love suppose to feel like? is it something enduring or much terrifying? is it an intense feeling of deep affection? or is it like how our fathers loved our mothers? if it is i don't want that. or is it like a father's love to his daughter? not visible and guarded with million walls?as a kid you'd feel it sometimes but in time it simply faded away. does love really fade away? is it a broken promise? is it a lie? because if love is million questions i don't want it.

[temptressunshinee]

"ashes of a familiar face"

from chaos i came

to chaos i'll go.

so let there be light

let there be dark

light up my life

fuck up my life.

you fell into my lap

beautiful fallen angel.

you loved me so much

and i still can't breathe.

as i'm swimming to my ultimate redemption

something's pulling me down.

if you were here,with me

would you save me?

would you drown with me?

would you just look at me?

or are you the thing that's drowning me?

flashbacks keep coming back to me

did you see them too?

or they are just haunting me

oh there it is

something daunting from the past

i guess the past never passes

speaking from the experience

while i'm trying to let it all go

i feel a force around my throat

as i fell to my knees

my head's up to the clouds

there is a fire started in me

i'm about to burst into flames

but maybe i'm the flame.

i've might have burned

to the ashes.

but i delicately rise from them

just so i can burn everything

again again and again.

[temptressunshinee]

i think i’m just gonna take that molly

i know parents will be upset but

can’t help it.

mama please don’t be sad

i know you thought i can do better.

dad,what’s that look on your face?

i guess you’ve known for a while

that i’m just an disappointment.

dear father

no matter how hard i try for you

i will never be enough for you.

i think everyday

why i ended up like this?

i guess i can understand you

but i don’t want to.

did you know mama

that i drink with my friends without telling you

or talking inappropriate?

we used to share everything

why is this cold weather between us?

maybe part of growing up

or did i start to see the truth?

i guess i’m just gonna take that drink

at the bar with a stranger.

you always told me that i was a good girl

are you sure mama?

dad used to compliment me

at the family meetings

he doesn’t do it nowadays

where did i do wrong?

i think i’m just gonna take that cigarette

what could bad happen anyways.

when i was a little girl

i used say ‘i’d never smoke’

‘cause dad used to smoke secretly

but i’d always find him.

guess father like daughter huh?

but i don’t want to become him.

i woke up with a stranger mom

i’m not your girl anymore.

are you gonna stop calling me a good girl?

or are you gonna pretend like nothing happend?

would you mom

if i would ever told you?

i’m becoming numb everyday

did you notice dad?

mom,do you really think i’m becoming him

but please don’t tell me

i couldn’t take the truth.

i wish i didn’t take that molly

guess you were right.

yes,i know dad

you told me so.

[temptressunshinee]

they say scars talk

i wonder if

will you ever hear mine?

maybe my crystal clear skin isn't enough

for you to hear.

but i hear them all too well

everyday,it's like hell.

they bleed good

slow,strong,head spinning

into me

internal,unhealable

untouchable.

invisible scars by temptressunshine

[temptressunshinee]

i've been burdened with things that keeps me up at nights,things that scarred me but when i look at my reflection there's nothing to see because it's in too deep to see.so thats why i always try to be kind though sometimes i get lost in the dark.

[temptressunshinee]

you can hate me all you want. please hate me desperately,passionately. but don't you dare forget me.

[temptressunshinee]

you know what's truly sad? having a best friend but can't shake the feeling that they don't love or care for you as much as you do. you hate them for it but you love them too. and you don't know if you made this up or you're just not worth the fight.

[temptressunshinee]

but now you're my

"what-if's?"

disguised as

my dreams.

misinterpretation by temptressunhine 🍂

[temptressunshinee]

if i'm being honest

nights are the hardest.

darkness brings the worst of me

it's painful because it's real

and nobody tolerates me,

when i'm real.

i'm not blaming anybody

but i want to.

just because i don't want help doesn't mean that,

i don't crave it.

i might be alright tomorrow

but i won't forget today.

choking on the memories by temptressunshine(me) 🧣

[temptressunshinee]

i only crave things that will kill me slowly,only attracted to bad things that will led me to my sad ending.

-temptressunhine