Thursday. Sweet Girl’s Point of View
The day was long, waiting to meet up with Sweet Boy and Jeff. I was almost terrified. I wanted to do this for Sweet Boy, but had a few stipulations: There would be no sex this first time I would not take off my panties Sweet Boy must make physical contact with me at all times except for two: when Jeff first arrived and when he left We don’t go into my bedroom until Jeff leaves If I needed to stop, Sweet Boy would know my signal and end things If Sweet Boy needed to stop, I would know his signal and end things Jeff cannot arrive earlier than our appointed time
I met Sweet Boy the day before and gave him a key to my apartment. His need to be in contact with me had not waivered since Monday and I saw him more in the last week than I had in the last few months. He would be there, waiting for me to come home to him. This alone filled me with an excitement that made my naughty girl parts tingle all day long. I long for him to live with me and this seemed like a preview of what could be our future.
I get home. He is waiting. I am so nervous that I want to cancel and cry and eat cookies. I feel shaky inside. But I know this will pass. Sweet Boy gets me a beer so I can relax a little as I get ready. I have about 30 minutes before Jeff will arrive. Music that my Sweet Boy has picked out is playing and that grounds me a little.
In preparation, I bought some sexy lingerie. But it didn’t feel right. It made me more nervous, like I was trying to be someone else. It is true that part of sexual fantasy is you get to be someone else a little bit, but that felt nothing like me. Perhaps I can build up to that, but all I wanted to wear was Sweet Boy’s t-shirt. One he wore, that smelled like him. Wearing just that with my bra and panties made me feel more in control than a flimsy black negligee ever could. Underneath, I wore the matching bra and panties that I bought specifically for Sweet Boy the first time I saw him after reconnecting. He and I didn’t have sex that night, so it felt like a tribute to our journey together.
In my life, I am not always the best at things but usually no one out works me. This held true. In the days leading up, I asked Jeff, would it be ok, when he walked in my door, if I whispered things for him to do to me. Things I thought Sweet Boy would find hot. Jeff was game.
When I am ready, I come out of my bedroom and finish my beer. Sweet Boy tells me I look beautiful, and I know he really thinks so. He asks if he can touch me and I breathlessly say yes. He slides his hands into my silky panties and finds the place that feels so good. I don’t want him to stop. I lean into him and feel like my knees are going to give out. He pulls back his hand and slowly, deliberately, puts his finger in his mouth to taste me. He looks so turned on. He kisses me gently. I don’t want to ruin your lipstick, he says. We look deeply into each other’s eyes. I feel loved. Our connection is so deep that we don’t need to speak out loud to say anything. It is understood. I know he loves me so much.
Then Jeff is at the door and I am again full of nerves. I run down the stairs to let him in. He barely says hello and I pull him in, locking the door and greeting him with a sensual kiss. His back is to Sweet Boy, so as I am kissing him, I gently move him so my back is now to Sweet Boy, who, as directed, is standing at the top of the stairs, watching me greet another man.
On my tiptoes so I can reach his ear, I whisper to Jeff, “Lift up my shirt so he can see my ass, and then grab it.” Jeff plays along perfectly and whispers back to me, “You have a nice ass.” His words thrill me.
“Grab me by the shoulders and turn me around, then kiss my neck.” Jeff obeys, and but as he moves my hair away with one hand, the other hand moves down my body and for a moment I am lost in the feeling of his touch, my eyes closed so I can’t see Sweet Boy yet. Just for a minute, and then I grab his hand and pull him up the stairs, finally getting what I really need: my Sweet Boy’s eyes locking on mine.
We all have a drink, but while we are standing there, I am closer to Jeff, my arm around his waist, head on his shoulder, his hand feeling my back, my bottom. Just a steady and constant caress that feels urgent, as though he can’t wait to focus on me. It makes me more nervous, but also excited that he wants me. I drink more beer. Sweet Boy has subtly put his bare foot on mine, so we have the promised constant contact but his hands don’t get in Jeff’s way.
I can’t get past my nerves, but I am trying so hard. I know that my Sweet Boy will think I am sexy if I seem confident and I am desperate to pull that off for him. We move to the couch. I am feeling the alcohol and it enhances how good Jeff’s hands and mouth and tongue feel. I am losing all inhibitions, Jeff is completely naked. His cock is rock hard. I feel it with my hands, and then I tell Sweet Boy to hold my hair back while I take it in my mouth. Jeff is groaning with pleasure. I tell Sweet Boy to tell me what to do. He is kneeling behind me, my hair in both of his hands, and he is whispering suggestions, encouragement and commands into my ear. My mouth is dry and I ask Sweet Boy to get me another beer. When he comes back, I drink half of it quickly, and then take a mouthful and hold it until I get Jeff’s cock back into my mouth. I want him to feel the cold beer and my warm tongue. I want Sweet Boy to be impressed with my skills. I feel out of control and still scared and now I am getting drunk. I am doing this all for Sweet Boy but I also love the way Jeff touches me and kisses me and he tastes so good and is making me feel so desired. My feelings make me more nervous because a part of me feels guilty for liking the way Jeff is making me feel, even though I know Sweet Boy wants that for me. It is all very heady stuff but I am determined to make Jeff cum in my mouth. Which also scares me. In my life only one man has ever cum in my mouth and only one time. That was my Sweet Boy. So this was going to take away something that was a special bond between just Sweet Boy and me, but I also know that Sweet Boy wants this, and then he will want to kiss me with my mouthful of cum. I am worried that I am going to mess this up and I feel like my heart is going to explode with the stress of it all.
Jeff cums and it is glorious. I turn and push Sweet Boy onto the floor so I can kiss him, deeply. We are all so turned on, but I am feeling a little melancholy that I can no longer say Sweet Boy is the only man who has ever cum in my mouth. It is overwhelmingly sad to me and even as I write this, I am struggling not to cry. We get back on the couch and I lean on Jeff’s chest and put my legs across Sweet Boy, trying to catch my breath. The sun is almost set so it is starting to get dark in my normally bright apartment, which is better for me to hide my face so Sweet Boy can’t see how strange I am feeling. Jeff’s hands explore my body and then somehow I am sitting with my back leaning on my Sweet Boy. The focus is now totally on me and I know they both want me to orgasm. But I can’t. I drank too much and am so overwhelmed with emotion. Being the center of attention is what I love and what I was most excited about when fantasizing about being with two men. It was surprising to me how much pressure I felt at that moment. Like I needed to give a great showing so Jeff feels good about his skills and Sweet Boy is turned on. But I can’t, and I want to stop. I turn to Sweet Boy and put my arms around his neck, burying my face in him, my favorite place to be. He knows I am done and I feel him communicating with Jeff. I apologize but can’t let go of him for a few more seconds. Jeff gets up and puts his clothes on and we all stand at the top of the stairs. Sweet Boy knows to cancel my stipulation that I say goodbye to Jeff at the door. I give Jeff a hug and say I am sorry. He is kind and says words of comfort. Sweet Boy asks me if I want to go lay down and he will let Jeff out. I go to my bedroom, alone
A typical over-achiever, I wanted everything to be perfect. Drinking was a bad way to manage my feelings. I wanted Sweet Boy to think I am the sexiest woman alive and I thought I had to be confident and perfect for him, but I don’t. He already thinks that. And it doesn’t matter if Jeff thinks I am an awesome lover or just mediocre or, gasp! even terrible. What I didn’t expect is how much I cared about impressing him, too. Before we did this, I flippantly told Sweet Boy that Jeff was our live-action sex toy. But he is more than that, and I care about his feelings in a way that surprises me. He is more than a gorgeous cock for me to play with, he is a friend who is sharing an intimate moment.
It is complicated, how I feel. Sweet Boy tells me all the time I am a complicated woman and I always playfully argue that I am not. I didn’t know what this would feel like, and I needed a break to process. The best feeling was when Sweet Boy came to me, laid beside me and held me while I cried. He was worried, but he comforted me. He loves me. He loves me even though I am flawed. He wants me. He loves me.
It wasn’t about orchestrating every move into a flawless performance. It was about the connection we made, the three of us together. I learned it is okay I enjoy Jeff’s touch, it’s okay to stop if I need to, it’s just all okay. This is not a performance. It is a mutual act that should be unrehearsed so we can live in the exact moment.
I want to do it again with Jeff and my Sweet Boy. I want to not drink too much, or even at all. Shockingly, I think I am ready to go all the way with Jeff. I know now what to expect as far as emotions. I am sure there will be more surprises, but I think I am ready to handle them. Or not. As long as my Sweet Boy is there with me it will all be okay. I can do anything with him by my side. Because even though I am not perfect, our love is.
