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Observation/situation

Title: meditation at the airport

I felt very self conscious having my eyes closed and sitting upright doing nothing in the airport terminal.

Notes

Earlier I was reading about why the mind conjures up negative stories because I was 'entertaining' myself with one this morning and I noticed the negative emotions it was bringing up. Anyways the article I read on this subject suggested being mindful about what is a perceived threat and what is a real threat. Being present helps. So I decided to practise meditation.

I'm sitting at a terminal with a bunch of other people. It's fairly noisy. And I'm sitting there with my eyes closed in a dignified posture of awareness feeling very nervous about how I appeared to other people. The mediation was 10 minutes long with a focus on acceptance. The exercise includes asking yourself 'Who or what are you resisting right now?'

Immediately the answer was - myself. Other people around me. This situation. Eventually the emotion eased but it's still very strong. As if I'm standing in a spotlight and people are scrutinising me. And there's just no way anyone is doing that!

Observation/situation

Title: the best seat

I won't sit at the top front seat on the sky bus with the best view of the road and the novelty of unobstructed view because I'm embarrassed to take the best spot. I sat three seats back from the front.

Notes on the experience

I am afraid of people seeing that I am unashamed to take the best seat. I am afraid of being noticed.

Clearly other people feel the same about these seats since they immediately filled up. Majority men over 40 in the front four seats. Asian lady at the very front probably under 30.

I have had this experience before where I sat one seat back from the front and after a few minutes I changed my mind and moved to the very front which was embarrassing.

#psycology