terminally chill @terminallichyll - Tumblr Blog

I don't want any more superficial things. I want truth and depth and beauty. I want joy and love and reality. I want honest peace and innocence. I want to always be present.

drheamie

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I have a date coming up. I've liked this guy for a while. We met organically, through mutual friends, which I feel like never happens to me any more. I used tinder for a minute. I met a few really nice guys - but two dates in I felt no connection. I spent last year in a very confusing friendship and I finally feel healed from the pain it ended with. I've started to picture my life in a very specific and single way. I'm completely content with spending the rest of my life alone in a tiny house somewhere in this beautiful country. I don't mean to sound dramatic. I often feel like I'm supposed to be alone. Of course I also separately dream of having 4 brilliant and athletic sons, who I would homeschool while I prepared dinner for my tall husband -- but I dream of that less and less nowadays. I think a big part of sort of phasing that dream out has to do with the fact I have had yet to meet someone I could have that life with. Or a similar life. This date is a big deal because I feel it's the first time in a long time I've gone into a date fully open hearted and open minded. Sean has been interested in me for a long time and I feel the same way about him. But even if there's no deeper connection, I'm okay with that. I have really fully accepted the possibility of being alone. I thoroughly enjoy peace and quiet. I'm glad I'm done being let down.