Have gun, will travel.

Independent RP blog for Lady Cora Crawley from Downton Abbey. New to Tumblr RP, not new to RP.

[terrific--fun-blog]

She gave a heavy sigh, however unladylike, to his sharp comment. Though, she had been the one to take up the tone first. “Oh no, no, we couldn’t have that now, could we?” She muttered the response, not caring whether he caught it or not. Her patience was so fine these days, she wanted nothing more than for everyone to leave her be. She was oh-so-sick of everyone either tip-toeing around her or trying to revive her to the land of the living. All she wanted was Sybil back. Every so often, she’d wake in the morning almost having forgotten what happened, for it to have felt like a nightmare. But the tiniest thing reminded her. The birds chirping, the sunlight streaming in, the noise from the Abbey. Everything was a reminder. She knew Robert was angry with her, for being so snappy, for wanting space, especially for having him sleep in his dressing room– but she couldn’t. She could not help but know Sybil could have had a chance and that’s what ate away at her. Cora barely slept or ate, she often just sat quietly and thought of her baby. Now even her silence was disturbed by her husband’s little movements here and there, why must he insist on being so irritating? She wished he’d just sit still. She rose a quick brow and shot him a glance as he started to speak though he focused elsewhere. “Yes. I was warned.” She left it at that for a moment, but in that moment she looked at Robert. Properly. He looked as tired as she did. He was the only one who truly knew her pain– yet she shut him out. She knew he just wanted her to speak to him at least, even just look at him how she use to. Cora wondered if the woman he once loved was truly gone, taken by grief and never to return. Something deep down tugged at her, urging her to try. “I don’t suppose she will stay for dinner? Only I was contemplating retiring earlier this evening. I…” Cora struggled with an excuse so she fell silent. She merely did not want to be in her family’s company, not tonight.

[ofearls-blog]

There it was— they were both unhappy, and for the first time in quite a while, it was with each other. They circled each other like wary wolves, almost as if they’d never met. Robert wished it were that simple. That there wasn’t this terrible knowledge always hanging between them, veiling him from his wife. It frustrated him— the loneliness, the unavoidable sorrow of it, and most of all the feeling of helplessness. There was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do for Cora or for himself. Nothing would bring their daughter back, so they were left behind to pick up the pieces of their hearts.

He heard her snapped muttering, elected not to respond. It was so unlike her, it had to be the grief speaking. Besides, it would only start up an argument again. More circles. He’d much rather go forward. With a heavy sigh he sat opposite her, the distance seeming less like a few feet and more a gaping chasm. It was easier to focus on the little things. Who was visiting, when, what they would serve, how to dress… perhaps that was the real use of the traditions and he’d never really known before now.

For his part he tried to listen to her, really listen to what she was telling him with more than just her words. Hunched over with elbows resting against his knees and hands clasped together, Robert reluctantly dragged his gaze up to meet hers. They had matching aspects, the same dark circles under their eyes, but where it really counted… “I think that was her plan, but I can tell her  not to.” So often he tried to avoid conflict with his mother where possible. These were extraordinary circumstances. “She’ll understand.” A vain hope perhaps, but the determined set of his jaw said she would have to.

How could he find the words to say what he really wanted to? They seemed so fleeting; even when he got a grasp on them, he couldn’t coax them from his lips. He settled at last for something that wasn’t quite it, but closer than he’d come in a while. “I… I was reading something today.” He’d said he wouldn’t disturb her— but it was hard enough already to say anything. He just had to get it out.

[terrific--fun-blog]

The tension between them was so horrid, she knew deep down she ought to try pull herself back to life. To her family. To him. It was tough though, incredibly hard. Each day proved to be more trying than the previous. Cora wasn’t sure how much longer she could actually handle it. Cora knew she was being cruel towards Robert too. Her mind was bogging her down utterly, the only form of escape was to shut everything and everyone out. She wanted to confide in him, she wanted to even just convey some of what she felt but every time she opened her mouth the wrong words escaped. 

“Oh no, you needn’t do that. She is more than welcome.” She said, knowing she could never truly reject her mother-in-law’s visits. As tiring as they could be it wasn’t worth the quarrel. When she glanced up, seeing the look in Robert’s eyes, it gave her an odd feeling. The way he looked so sure he’d deal with it, as if to bring Cora ease. If only he had such a power. “I just doubt I will stay down long. I’d only dampen the mood again.” She went to return her gaze downwards, as she wasn’t sure what more to add. It wasn’t long before he chimed up again-- he really was awful at leaving her be. She paused for what seemed several moments before she closed the book and sat it down upon her lap. He was trying, so so hard. He obviously had something valid to point out so she decided to listen to what he had to say; something she had been avoiding.

“Oh? What was it about...?” Her tone was uncertain, but she did her best not to discourage him.

[terrific--fun-blog]

Still, she did not look up at him. Her fingers merely toyed with the edge of the page as she decided how to go about such an obstacle. Part of her was afraid, terrified even, that if she caught his gaze then she’d be reminded of that night. Losing her child, losing all hope she had left in the world. She sighed quietly without meaning to before she finally dragged her blue eyes up to his own. The blue eyes that were once full of life, now they simply existed in such a world. “You did not disturb me, Robert. It’s the library, I’m hardly going to deny you coming in and out when you please.” She held his gaze as her cold words tumbled out before she even processed them. Making it all the more unfeeling. Perhaps some day they could return to the way things were; the flirtation, the jokes, the comforting chats. But now they seemed so foreign, something that happened years ago.

She dropped her gaze back to the book and frowned oh so faintly– she knew she was taking it all out on him, something deep down tugged at her; told her it was wrong. Cora didn’t know how else to cope, in such situations she often retreated into such states– it was almost like when her father died, all those years ago. Only so much worse.

[ofearls-blog]

As if the one disaster weren’t enough, there was this. Husband and wife couldn’t bear to look at each other, or did so only when the other glanced away. When it felt safe. But nothing about this was truly safe. It felt as though nothing would ever be safe again, when there’d been so much young death surrounding them in such a short span of time. Some pessimistic streak in Robert, no doubt born during his own time in the war, wondered who was going to be next, what new curse was going to strike unexpectedly. But it seemed to him nothing could be worse than this pairing, in which whilst grieving for his child— a thing no parent should be forced to— he was alienated from the one woman who should be standing at his side.

And yet, he could hardly blame her. It was difficult to look in the mirror these past few days. An awful situation all round.

Still he rose briefly out of the fog of grief to say rather pettily, “Oh, good. At least I’m not to be shut out of my own library.” Not like the bedroom. He’d let her have her space and her silences, but heavens they were tiring. Robert didn’t know how much longer he could put up with it. Though, these harsh words were going too far. He wished immediately he could take them back, that he could be the kind of man capable of such a thing. But he wasn’t, not without allowing some time to pass.

His second instinct, perhaps more practicable, was to exit the room— except that would defeat his whole purpose in entering in the first place. With a sigh he decided to take Cora at her word and seated himself across from her. Somehow being ignored was at least as uncomfortable as being scrutinized. As the seconds passed he took to fidgeting; his foot tapped against the rug, fingers drummed against one leg idly, and his gaze searched for anything to look at but his wife. He was a boat who’d lost his mooring when he finally asked, “Did… did Mama warn you she’d be visiting this afternoon?”

[terrific--fun-blog]

She gave a heavy sigh, however unladylike, to his sharp comment. Though, she had been the one to take up the tone first. “Oh no, no, we couldn’t have that now, could we?” She muttered the response, not caring whether he caught it or not. Her patience was so fine these days, she wanted nothing more than for everyone to leave her be. She was oh-so-sick of everyone either tip-toeing around her or trying to revive her to the land of the living. All she wanted was Sybil back. Every so often, she’d wake in the morning almost having forgotten what happened, for it to have felt like a nightmare. But the tiniest thing reminded her. The birds chirping, the sunlight streaming in, the noise from the Abbey. Everything was a reminder. She knew Robert was angry with her, for being so snappy, for wanting space, especially for having him sleep in his dressing room-- but she couldn’t. She could not help but know Sybil could have had a chance and that’s what ate away at her. Cora barely slept or ate, she often just sat quietly and thought of her baby. Now even her silence was disturbed by her husband’s little movements here and there, why must he insist on being so irritating? She wished he’d just sit still. She rose a quick brow and shot him a glance as he started to speak though he focused elsewhere. “Yes. I was warned.” She left it at that for a moment, but in that moment she looked at Robert. Properly. He looked as tired as she did. He was the only one who truly knew her pain-- yet she shut him out. She knew he just wanted her to speak to him at least, even just look at him how she use to. Cora wondered if the woman he once loved was truly gone, taken by grief and never to return. Something deep down tugged at her, urging her to try. “I don’t suppose she will stay for dinner? Only I was contemplating retiring earlier this evening. I…” Cora struggled with an excuse so she fell silent. She merely did not want to be in her family’s company, not tonight.

[emma-in-the-rabbit-hole]

[josephyne]

[terrific--fun-blog]

Who's your favorite daughter?

Golly, I couldn’t answer that! I love all my daughters equally.

....Although Mary can prove a pain at times. 

As I was saying, all of my daughters are a delight. 

[wonderland-tragedy-blog]

Reblog if you want some curious anons.

[theliteraryjournals]

She hadn’t learned to control her Hopes yet.

Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things  (via theliteraryjournals)

[terrific--fun-blog]

Never once had she thought she’d live to see the day one of her little ones would pass before herself– not even her littlest. Though, they were all grown-up now. Each one as beautiful as they were intelligent. They were each Cora’s true pride.

The rough awakening, that was the loss of her baby, dragged her into the depths of despair. Further and further, each day. She was bound to the sadness, to endure and to suffer. Every day she couldn’t help but think about Sybil whom could have had a chance. If only Robert had listened to her or even just to Dr. Clarkson things may have ended differently. She often thought she’d never forgive him for that night.

It was a living hell. Life went on as did the people she was surrounded by. Death still hung stiffly in the air, yet others avoided it, they sipped their tea and chattered pointlessly. She could not avoid it– it hung over her like a dark cloud, it followed her, kept her up at night, it did not permit her to distract herself. Even now, when she attempted to read her thoughts were doing rings around her, was she doomed to feel like this forever more? She wasn’t even reading, she was merely staring at the words on the page

The familiar voice seemed to have crept up on her. Robert. She didn’t look up at him though he was right in front of her, Cora’s eyes remained on the same page she’d been staring at for the last hour. Suddenly, she felt as though she was trapped. Between him and the book. Too many times since that night had she given him the cold shoulder, she had been avoiding him like a plague.      “I doubt I would prove much company.” Her brows furrowed, eyes still trained on the page. Death had made her so cold.

[ofearls-blog]

Guilt was already a weight at the pit of his stomach. One he did his best to avoid, looked at only askance as though it were a gorgon. It was indeed a monster. Grief took all that was happy and light and good about life and it crushed all beneath its heel. And not only had it taken his youngest child, which should have been tariff enough, it had stolen his wife from him as well. He had played some part, he wouldn’t deny that, but surely the blame was not all his. He had to believe that.

Confronted with Cora, it revived from where it lay dormant and his heart was suddenly tighter in his chest. He swallowed, despite the difficulty in doing so. “That’s all right. I rather think I’ve had enough of company for one day.” He left out the particulars; that it hadn’t been a notably busy day, that he’d only seen Mary and Edith at breakfast, spoken briefly to Carson about God knows what— he couldn’t recall now.

“But if I’d disturb you…” He offered it cautiously, as a sort of olive branch. Though from her tone, his hopes weren’t high it would be accepted.

[terrific--fun-blog]

Still, she did not look up at him. Her fingers merely toyed with the edge of the page as she decided how to go about such an obstacle. Part of her was afraid, terrified even, that if she caught his gaze then she’d be reminded of that night. Losing her child, losing all hope she had left in the world. She sighed quietly without meaning to before she finally dragged her blue eyes up to his own. The blue eyes that were once full of life, now they simply existed in such a world. “You did not disturb me, Robert. It’s the library, I’m hardly going to deny you coming in and out when you please.” She held his gaze as her cold words tumbled out before she even processed them. Making it all the more unfeeling. Perhaps some day they could return to the way things were; the flirtation, the jokes, the comforting chats. But now they seemed so foreign, something that happened years ago.

She dropped her gaze back to the book and frowned oh so faintly-- she knew she was taking it all out on him, something deep down tugged at her; told her it was wrong. Cora didn’t know how else to cope, in such situations she often retreated into such states-- it was almost like when her father died, all those years ago. Only so much worse.

[ofearls-blog]

@terrific–fun​.

    Gone. Forever. Two words Robert wished he could expunge from the dictionary, especially in tandem.

    A great weight had settled over his shoulders. At first it seemed harmless, a burden taken on by necessity. He was numb; let it come. But as the seconds ticked past into minutes, hours, days, the pain set in. Of loss and of guilt. Cora blamed him. Now so did he.

     Robert couldn’t bear it alone. Every minute alone tore at his insides like the talons of a great beast. But the one person most able to understand his plight was also the least likely to share it with him. Cora claimed the bedroom as her territory, grounds for mourning. The gates were closed to him though he too was grieving. He could also have used the warm comforting presence of another, perhaps it would have helped him sleep. A sliver of him wondered if he deserved it.

     But warranted or not, at last he could tolerate exile no more and one day, hoping to avoid the bulk of confrontation, ventured to what he thought was neutral territory: the library. Robert was standing directly in front of his wife before she seemed to notice. He wore an expression that hinted at contrition but was still too proud (and too pained) to admit the full weight of fault. “Would you mind if I joined you?” he asked, a hesitance towards her in his tone that he hadn’t experienced in years.

[terrific--fun-blog]

@ofearls

Never once had she thought she’d live to see the day one of her little ones would pass before herself-- not even her littlest. Though, they were all grown-up now. Each one as beautiful as they were intelligent. They were each Cora’s true pride.

The rough awakening, that was the loss of her baby, dragged her into the depths of despair. Further and further, each day. She was bound to the sadness, to endure and to suffer. Every day she couldn’t help but think about Sybil whom could have had a chance. If only Robert had listened to her or even just to Dr. Clarkson things may have ended differently. She often thought she’d never forgive him for that night.

It was a living hell. Life went on as did the people she was surrounded by. Death still hung stiffly in the air, yet others avoided it, they sipped their tea and chattered pointlessly. She could not avoid it-- it hung over her like a dark cloud, it followed her, kept her up at night, it did not permit her to distract herself. Even now, when she attempted to read her thoughts were doing rings around her, was she doomed to feel like this forever more? She wasn’t even reading, she was merely staring at the words on the page

The familiar voice seemed to have crept up on her. Robert. She didn’t look up at him though he was right in front of her, Cora’s eyes remained on the same page she’d been staring at for the last hour. Suddenly, she felt as though she was trapped. Between him and the book. Too many times since that night had she given him the cold shoulder, she had been avoiding him like a plague.      “I doubt I would prove much company.” Her brows furrowed, eyes still trained on the page. Death had made her so cold.

[terrific--fun-blog]

{Independent Cora Crawley roleplayer here. New to Tumblr RP, not new to RP. Several years experience-- with other characters in different fandoms. Adore Downton so felt this was worth a go. I would love to get started as soon as I can. Please like this if you’re interested in plotting or trying something!}

[terrific--fun-blog]

Cora Crawley; Hufflepuff.

Patient, Kind, Loyal.