terrorize american eyes

Vincent Eklund, Nevermore founder and prisoner of American culture. You can find me in Alcatraz -- where it is not much different from being out on American streets. You will learn my purpose once you learn your own. You will find that they are the same.

[crimeisjustpolitics]

[Sigh. Goddamned straight-to-the-point people. Fine, Zane’s learning how to play that game anyway.]

Alright. I’m in need of a gang alliance; I can provide regular information on just about anything you desire, in return for gang protection. I’d only ask that I not be publicly associated with Nevermore. It would be bad for your reputation, you see.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

... Bad for my reputation? And how's that?

Because of your involvement in American politics? Or is this more along the lines of you still chasing the dream, and you can't get into office with a tattoo of a bird on your arm.

[chase-carlino]

Not really. Decisions are made and I’ll take the consequences like a man as much as it does hurt but… I have to ask. Have I disappointed you too, Vincent?

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

... I'm assuming you've spoken with Nikolaus. While his views are similar to mine, we'll be discussing things regarding your situation at length. I ... [He doesn't want to answer this.] Yes, Chase. I'm disappointed. But not in you. The choices you made. We discussed this -- remember? That We are all prone to mistakes. This was yours. And I'm disappointed that you made them, But I know your character, Chase. And I know where you stand with us. I'm going to try to speak to Nikolaus, see what I can do, but there are going to have to be terms that you'll agree to. All of them.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

I'm not sure if it's insomnia, or I'm just batshit insane, but after having gotten only three hours of sleep last night and finally got to bed at 2 AM, I woke up at 3. -.- Fucking tired as hell, still won't be able to sleep if I tried until this Ambien kicks in. Sigh. Anyone else have this problem? Is it something I should be worried about? It happens no matter how much (or little) sleep I get.

[crimeisjustpolitics]

Can it really be classified as staring if what I’m actually doing is attempting to initiate a telepathic conversation? I’m not sure it’s working. Unless you actually were just thinking about bananas—in which case I’ve either just developed a super power, or I’m projecting.

Do you have a free moment to talk? Non-telepathically, I mean.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

You have thirty seconds.

[chase-carlino]

I’m not trying to stare but then what’s there to say?

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

A great deal, I'm assuming. If your face is any indication.

[sinisteryetbeautiful-deactivate]

It used to work. Our last meeting was lovely. - Is this new change of heart code for I’m finally settling down? How adorable. You fell in love with the warden’s first toy. I hope you can keep him safe this time.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

Don't get jealous. I'm sure the warden wouldn't like that.

[sinisteryetbeautiful-deactivate]

You should feel flattered. I don’t find myself staring at just anyone.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

I'm sure you use that line more often than I'd like to know. Fortunately for the both of us, that sort of charm doesn't work on me.

[sinisteryetbeautiful-deactivate]

I thought you liked when I stared.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

It's flattering. A bit unnerving, but flattering.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

-- Are you just going to stare at me, or are we going to have an actual conversation?

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

[tragicistheboyking]

I just don’t understand it.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

[Okay. It was just like describing a tree to a blind man. Vincent could do this.] -- It's like being stuck in your own head with nothing but the thoughts of wishing you were in theirs, just to know everything. It's knowing that if you knew everything, they would fail to surprise you with new thoughts and ideas, and you don't want that because you love their surprises. It's not getting uncomfortable on those tiny beds when they're curled up next to you because you're too busy running your fingers through their hair and trying not to wake them up and kiss them. It's a constant fight with yourself, because you want them, but it hurts. It really hurts, because they'll never know how badly you want them, not even if you tell them a million times. It's amazing, Niko. I wish you could feel it. I know you couldn't care less, but if I could give you one thing, it would be that.

[tragicistheboyking]

Abel? Maybe at first. But lately, no. He’s been… interesting to say the least. He’s very talented at what he does.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

But you hate that I love him. -- Or do you just not understand it?

[tragicistheboyking]

You weren’t exactly being nice about it, either. I don’t want anything, Vincent. I want you to do the tattoos and move on from the subject. You said what you had to say. I forgive you. I don’t understand your constant mood swings, but at the end of the day you are still my brother. 

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

... Do you hate him?

[tragicistheboyking]

You’re confusing. You yell and scream at me and claim I was the reason you never got to see the world, then you try to apologize. Forget it. This conversation has gotten us nowhere, apparently. Do the tattoos.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

I wasn't yelling. I haven't yelled at you since -- [Since he got stabbed, but Vincent realized that bringing that up may not be a good idea.] ... What do you want? I'll get it. Let me make it right.

[tragicistheboyking]

Are you claiming I was the reason you had stockholm syndrome? That’s even low for you, Vincent. No one told you to be there. No one asked you to be there. I don’t know what love is because it’s not an emotion I am capable of feeling. I feel something between us - but I assume it’s the bond we were born with. Brothers. But I do not feel it for Caleb. So maybe something is wrong with me after all.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

... There's nothing wrong with you. You're beautiful. I was sick, Niko, and -- [He sighs, runs his fingers through his hair. Having never apologized before, he wasn't going to start now. But the best way to make him feel like he had done something horribly wrong was for Nikolaus to speak ill of himself.] No one asked me to be there. But I had to be. I needed you. You're right; I've been selfish. But there's nothing wrong with you.

[tragicistheboyking]

Cute. I actually think you may be in love. How sickening.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

You can't ruin this for me, Niko. I spent my entire life devoted to you. All of it. And I never even noticed how disconnected from the rest of the world I was. The only thing sickening was my obsession with you. I had some fucked up Stockholm syndrome in which I thought I was in control. As my brother, you should be grateful that someone showed me that there's more to the world. So yes. Fuck it. I'm in love. I'm sorry if that puts such a sour taste in your mouth.

[tragicistheboyking]

He isn’t my boyfriend because I haven’t asked him to be. You really think it’ll last in here? The moment one of them gets out, we will be forgotten. I’d rather not have a label. You can live your dream on your own. We are being honest. Very honest at that.

[terrorizeamericaneyes-blog]

... You can leave your pessimism to yourself. Don't ruin it for me. Don't drag me into that.