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Need You Now by Plumb

#plumb #need you now #worship #God is near

I Will Always Find You

This week has been a week of tears, hardship and of hope. It started with me coming home to find a letter addressed to, "Tessita." I was bewildered to who this would be from, as no one really calls me Tessita. I then opened it and it was from my ex-boyfriend.

I didn't think he would try again to contact me, as the last time was end of August when it was a month we broke up and he seemed angry. Inside was a photo of us, a note I wrote him a long time ago and a note from him. He said God has been giving him dreams of me and he couldn't rest until he wrote to me. He said he still loves and misses my smile. He also was praying for me as I was his first true love.

Something caused me to unblock him from Facebook and contact him, as I saw he was lonely and maybe we could just be friends. We ended up talking til 2am and came to the resolution that we could meet at church Sunday and go swimming to rekindle a bit of what was lost. The moment we decided this I realized I had made a mistake.

Then next day I ended up talking with a few of my friends to get their advice on if my ex and I could still be friends. I ended up coming to the conclusion that we couldn't. Being friends would be interrupting the healing process. I also think that it would be holding each other back if we were to meet our future husband or wife. I cried when I came to this conclusion, as I really had thought just being friends would work. I was going to meet with him to explain everything, but realized a note would be better. I wrote him a long letter explaining everything.

He didn't respond for awhile, but when he did he was heart broken I could tell. He couldn't understand why we couldn't just be friends, as he wanted someone who he could call up to go to a movie will and he could just say hi on the street. I told him it just wouldn't work and we could say hi on the street, but couldn't be friends.

Once 48 hours past I re blocked him on Facebook, as I felt being able to see his profile would interfere with the healing process. I did doubt a bit if it was right what I did, but felt I needed to it.

Then yesterday I got an email from Kelly and Heather at http://agirlikeme.com/ who i asked if they thought it was possible to be friends with an ex. It was like their response was exactly what I had been thinking and a confirmation of what I did was the right thing.

Since then I've been losing myself in the tv show, Once Upon A Time. One line that has been repeated more than one is what Charming and Snow White have said to each other, "I will always find you." I think this line has caused me to believe that God says that to us. He wants a personal relationship with us and he WILL always find us....even when we screw up he searches us out until he finds us. Sometimes it takes us awhile to realize this and to accept he has been searching. I thank God for being there even when I haven't been able to see it. He will always find me and be there for me. I may meet someone else in the future, but God is ALWAYS there and faithful. Thank you, Lord for helping me see this.

#agirllikeme #God will find us

Songs of Truth

I believe God uses his Word, friends, dreams and music to speak truth into my life. It has been a long two months and I wanted to to create a list of songs that have been a help during these months. I am still on a healing journey, but I thank God for using these songs to touch my life and let me know he loves me so much and is always near. Thank you, Jesus!

Steady My Heart - Kari Jobe

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

Just Surrender - Starfield

One Thing Remains - Jesus Culture

You Never Let Go - Matt Redman

How He Loves Us - David Crowder Band

10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) - Matt Redman

Tessita over and out!

#kari jobe #steady my heart #by your side #tenth avenue north #just surrender #starfield #one thing remains #jesus culture #you never let go #matt redman #david crowder band #how he loves us #Bless the Lord

October is here!

It is now October and seeing the streets littered with leaves I can't help but think that winter will be here before we know it. Today was rainy and in a sense it's like God is preparing us for the cold months ahead. If I had to choose between rain or snow I think I would choose rain. This may sound crazy, but I LOVE RAIN! Rain brings me back to the memories of many downpours when I was in Bible School in Ecuador. I also experienced my second kiss on a rainy day in April, this may sound sappy, but it was the most romantic thing in the world.

Being October I can't help but think of a few things. Two years ago on Halloween, I met the first guy I was ever close with, and a year ago I met my first boyfriend. I wish these memories could just slip away into the night, but with colours of fall and the change of weather these memories linger. I remember Travis and I doing a photo shoot by the bridge, attending his Halloween play and meeting his family. Although this was a year ago it feels like it was just yesterday.

Even if I feel low one song that has been on my heart this week is 10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord) by Matt Redman. It's another one of these songs that helps you remember just how awesome God is. The song was inspired by Psalm 103, which was written at time when David didn't even want to think of praising God, but even though he didn't feel like praising God wherever he looked he could find a reason to praise God. Even if I feel low now that it is October there are many things I can be thankful for and many reasons I can praise God. "For all Your goodness I will keep on singing Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find."

#bless the lord #matt redman

My God is amazing!

I have probably kept a journal since I was 10. I found it was a way I could easily express myself, as I didn't have many friends as a child. As years past I continued to write when I needed time to myself, but not as frequently.

I still have been finding it hard with my break up with M, but I have been keeping busy doing a lot of things, so it has been helping a lot.

I had to say 'WOW' today as I was organizing my place. I came across a journal that I had been writing when things ended with Matthew. We didn't officially go out, but he was the closest I had to a first relationship. It probably took me about 2 years to finally get over him. Looking at the journal entries it was a tough time for me. As I read I saw myself saying how tough it was and not sure how I could move forward. I was able to look at that and think to myself, " Wow, I totally feel the same way as I did back then and I was able to move forward." Reading those journals gave me a sense of hope and that I WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

I do believe God has someone in mind for each one of us. For me I thought it was M, but I know God has some other plan for me. I admit, I am tempted to go back online to try online dating again, but I have decided not to for now. I have getting quite busy right now and I feel I wouldn't even have the time for a boyfriend, but when God chooses to bring someone else into my life I will accept it in his timing. Until then I am going to continue growing in my relationship with God, helping others and bettering myself for my future.

The song "He Never Let Go" by Matt Redman has been on my heart this week. Even during dark times of my life God is with me and will never let go. I thank God for his provision and pray that I will accept what the future has in store.

#you never let go #matt redman

#listentogod

“Hallelujah, we are free to struggle We’re not struggling to be free Your blood bought and makes us children Children drop your chains and sing.” ~The Struggle, Tenth Avenue North”

#tenth avenue north #free in christ #the struggle