Texts I Should Send

But never will. (i encourage messages/submissions) (message me if you ever need someone)

[textsishouldsend]

#235

I wish the word and thought of "love" was enough for me

But you're ruining it for both of us.

Please let me go.

Let's try again later.

[textsishouldsend]

#234

I know you don’t want to break up with me over text, but I really wish you would, just so I can start getting over it. So when we go back to school, I can have my best friend back without grieving what we once were. I miss our relationship but more than that, I miss my best friend.

[textsishouldsend]

#233

You may never be the man I believe I need you to be But I still want you.

[textsishouldsend]

#232

I’m sorry i ruined our friendship

my words crushed it up and tossed aside

i tried i tried i tried

[textsishouldsend]

#231

he loves me better than you ever did...

but every now and then, i can feel your discontent.

[textsishouldsend]

My friends and family say I don't love you. They say I cannot love you because I don't know you, they say it's just a weird obsession. But the way you make me feel, when I see you, when I hear your voice, when I talk about you, if it's not love what else should it be? You make me happy, you drive me insane. I wish I could tell you. Oh god, how I wish I could tell you.

#230

[textsishouldsend]

I should have known better. I should still know better. I do know better. But I still hope that you will love me.

#229

[textsishouldsend]

#228

if you can hear me, with the pain in my left chest that pulls and tugs... I thank you deeply for everything. Even the hurt. It pushed me out of the bubble I was in and helped me become a real me. Not what was just seen or projected on. I'm sorry for everything. That shouldn't have happened. I misunderstood. I'm happy now. I'm better now. Not because you're not around, but because someone else is, but because I am. Its finally me looking out. Thank you. I'm sorry. I miss your friendship. But I'm doing well now. And I hope perhaps one day you'll see me again, and you'll smile. Then I'll smile. Like strangers do.

[textsishouldsend]

#227

hey, i don’t know if you still saved my number but i just thought i should let this all out. i just wanted to say that i’m sorry for everything. i’m sorry for thinking too much and feeling too little. i’m sorry that i kept everything to myself but i couldn’t find it in me to give up everything that has kept me safe for so long. i couldn’t give myself to you. to surrender to you. i have spent my whole life guarding my heart that i ended up behaving as if i didn’t even have one. you wanted a version of me and i of you. we were more different than we were the same. but we had fun while we could. i thought our opposite extremes could balance out the ground beneath our feet. i thought my calm demeanor would match your charismatic nature. but as always, it was just wishful thinking. i still remember the way you made me feel. the way you hugged me. the way you gave me warmth when we got caught out in the rain and were drenched. the way you gave me your hoodie and i drowned in it. i miss the feeling you gave me and how you made me feel pretty though we both knew i wasn't and now i'm back to just hating everything about myself and i guess it just felt good to feel worthy for a while. i’m sorry i wanted you more than i loved you. i wanted you to show me how to live carelessly. how to love recklessly. but i took you for granted. i got too caught up in my anxiousness and insecurities that i couldn’t give you back what you gave me. and in the end, you gave up, on me, on us. and it hurts to say that i don’t blame you. i did, for a while, because i told you to be patient with me. but as days go by, i realised that i was the one who left all your efforts hanging, slowly and silently poisoning the air we breathe. it’s only fitting that you left me the same way i welcomed you; in silence. thank you for everything. i’m grateful for what you’ve taught me about vulnerability, about tenderness, about intimacy. the time we spent, though not long, has made me learn so much about myself; that i never even knew i didn’t know. and for that, i thank you, from the bottom of my heart. i know we’re done. there’s no going back now. but i’ll try harder for the next one who sees my reserve as a siren neon sign. i know that you wanted the best for me and i for you. i’m sorry that our depravities didn’t fit together but i pray that you’ll find someone who’s as carefree and jolly as you. i’m sorry i couldn’t be that for you. goodbye.

[textsishouldsend]

#226

Its tricky though. Being anywhere, you know? Meeting new people and watching them fall. Friends or wanna be more, it doesn't matter at all. Looking them in the eyes And knowing if given the chance they'd want to be mine. You held my hand. You drew on my back... You left me alone, causing me stifled panic attacks. It is tricky...living without you, you know.

[textsishouldsend]

#225

I need to see you.

[textsishouldsend]

#224

Feliz Navidad, prospero año y felicidad. In short, Merry Christmas. I had 2 presents. One for myself, and one for you. For myself; I let you go. For you; I set you free. Merry Christmas, and have a happy, prosperous year.

[textsishouldsend]

#223

I miss you still and it sucks. I try so hard not to miss you unless i'm drunk or i'm high...but i'm both most days...lately anyway. I fucking hate myself. But i'm doing so much better.

[textsishouldsend]

#222

I'm sorry for being attached. Redirecting the love I had for another to you... both losses hit me at once, thank you.

[textsishouldsend]

#221

Hey...last night, did you want to kiss me? Were you upset my pants had no front pockets? That the little rub you do on your cat doesn't work on humans? Can we have space? Please please please please please. I love you but this is...unnerving and healthy and i'm so scared attachment is on the horizon... It's your family. Our friends. And we deny ourselves the unwanted pleasure of which we are already accused.

[textsishouldsend]

#220

I miss you every day and you see right through me and the bullshit charade. Maybe someday you'll be strung out on me.

[textsishouldsend]

#219

Hey I know I already asked you if everything is alright and I took your word when you said yeah but I just didn’t have the balls to say that everything is not alright with me. We were on pretty good terms not too long ago and at one point in one of our many long conversations you told me I should speak up my mind more often and I should grow a pair of bullocks, so I’m following your exact advice and speaking up my mind. I’m the type of person who although seems social and talks to a lot of people, I don’t let them in or share personal things or feelings with. You are someone who I’ve always admired and had a lot of respect for, I always appreciated and enjoyed your company and our conversations. My appreciation grew the more we talked and the more I got to know you for who you are and not just what you show everyone. And I was comfortable being who I am and to open up to you even though it doesn’t come easy to me. So obviously going from talking to someone very frequently to whatever is happening now wouldn’t go unnoticed. I don’t know what to call it exactly to be honest, whatever it is that you’ve been doing in the past few weeks, being avoidant? or distant? or ignoring me? I don’t know and that’s why I’m talking to you. You say you’ve been busy, and I absolutely understand that because I’m human too and I out of many people know how life can get sometimes, and i know that different people have different priorities. But I also know that that’s not how you treat a friend. You know me better than a lot of people and you know that I’m a simple person and I don’t expect anything from anyone, but I do expect an honest answer when I ask what’s going on? I’m not really buying “l’ve been busy”. This sudden change doesn’t just happen like this. I know that’s not what you’re usually like and I know that you always make time for things if you want. I know because not too long ago we were talking and laughing about dumb shit and about serious things and about the past and the future and goals and all sorts of stuff that even the closest of friends sometimes don’t talk about. When this abruptly changes then you must not want to talk to or be around me. I tried to communicate with you and got nothing in return so I thought I should give you space, maybe time off, so much space that I stopped approaching you at all out of respect for your privacy and well-being. I realized something is off when you cut me out completely out of nowhere with no explanation. You don’t even look me in the face anymore when I’m talking to you. And the times you have approached me were when other mutual friends were there and the conversation was mostly directed at them. I wholeheartedly believe you’re a wonderful person, but you hurt me with this. I simply ask for the courtesy of being honest with me and telling me what happened? What changed? Did I do something that might’ve upset you? Are you in a situation where you can’t talk to me for whatever reason and if yes what is it? I need to understand what is going on.