“ Hello, You've reached Mann Co. HR. „

TF2 OC ROLEPLAY BLOG | MOSTLY A SHITPOST | NOT AFFILIATED WITH VALVE

[tf2-hr]

Do we even NEED a Human Resources?!

» Sigh. Good morning, afternoon, or night to whomever stumbles across this Classified file.

» Look, I don't even know what to tell you myself. I was hired by Mr. Hale after he described "a catastrophic event within the company" (I think he just meant his ego getting bruised); and now I'm here.

» I was expecting real HR work. Now I bury bodies on the weekends.

Extra information under the cut.

Hiya, howdy! This is my third TF2 rp blog, and this one is mostly a joke character, because I thought it would be funny.

This blog is run by @crocketpopper45 , Owner of @redsargentgeneralsolly and @cannibal-cupcakez !

|| MOD IS 18! ||

RULES AND REGULATIONS:

• I am willing to do NSFW joke posts, but not actual NSFW roleplay. This is because sex is objectively funny.

• No specific DNI, I just block if you make me uncomfortable.

• Asks will be slow. Like I mentioned, this character is a joke character. Do not get mad at me if I do not respond to your ask.

|| Rules are subject to addition or change. ||

LORE NOTES:

• There are two HR workers, although the second one will be introduced at a later date. (Human resources is VERY understaffed.)

• Both are currently stationed at a RED and BLU base individually. The HR personnel at RED is J, and The personnel at BLU is Belle.

• J was a fresh college graduate looking to pursue a passion in helping other people, mainly looking for a Human Resources job. Upon seeing the job listing for Mann Co. and how well it paid, J couldn't resist and signed up. Unfortunately, Mann Co.'s HR department is barely anything relating to assisting people. It's just as described- "Managing Mann Co.'s human resources."

[tf2-hr]

"OH, HELLO, FRIEND!!- WAIT YOUR NOT FRIEND, WHATEVER, WHAT IS THIS "HR" THING??"

- @spiros-a-best-buddy

» Oh, uhm- It's- OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!-

» GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE, WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH?!-

[ J chucks a heavy binder full of some likely very important papers at Spiro. ]

[tf2-hr]

"Hmm?- wait we have HR now??- i need more announcer energy, i have a complaint,

We need safety on the RED BASE MY DEARS!! i fell off the RED balcony and into a grinder because THERE WAS NO RAILING!!"

- @the-red-io-the-radio

» I'll ... Jot that down, I guess-

» Okay. Sorry for staring but .. Why are you a radio? Are you one of Engineer's bots?-

[avian-malpractice]

[ @tf2-hr ]

[ There's a knock at the medical office door, and a voice rings out from behind it. ]

» Hey. Uhm, Wait- Sorry- More professionalism...-

» Good evening. I'm J. from Mann Co's new HR department. I'm here as I'm supposed to do a review and take complaints...- I figured I should stop by the Medics first, cause' you guys take the brunt of your team's abuse.

[There's a quiet cracking sound. There's a fluttering sound before the door opens. The seagull hybrid is completely nude with an eggshell in his hand. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tilts his head]

"Ah hallo J. I do indeed handle a lot but I have few complaints. Welcome to Mann Co my dear"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah, yes hello, may I- OH MY GOD.

» SINCEREST APOLOGIES. Do you need me to give you a moment to get...decent?

[ Eyes covered by a palm, J shied behind the clipboard. ]

» I am genuinely so sorry.

» I didn't mean to intrude.

[avian-malpractice]

[He grins and steps closer, playfully spreading his wings. He puffs out his chest and gave a squawk]

"Oh I don't plan on getting decent. What were you saying? You interrupted yourself"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah. Well. Uhm. I was going to ask to come in.

» Buuut. I can just talk with you from the doorway, hah.

[ J scribbled something down. ]

» So. Uhm. Primary questionnaire first..

» Despite your volatile nature as a mercenary, Do you feel safe residing in the Mann Corporation supplied dormitories and housing?

[ Eyes intently focused on the clipboard, the HR employee refused to glance up at Dorian. ]

[avian-malpractice]

"Volatile nature? Is zhat a dig on my character or being a seagull? Either way, I'm hurt. To actually answer; depends on zhe day but generally ja"

[He picked at his claws idly. Dorian shifted, his wings settling against his back as J seemed visibly bothered]

"Of course I've modified my own room for my own comfort"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah, okay. Got it.

» That last part actually covered a couple of questions for me, so we can just skip those...

[ J scribbled in the answers as quickly as possible, noting some of the printed responses Saxton had put in being something along the lines of "If they answer this in the negatives, they're weak!". What a horrible job this was. ]

» Okay, this next set of questions is very important..

» We at Mann Co. believe in maintaining our work environment. This section of the questionnaire is to allow you to make complaints about other employees working under us. I would like you to inform me of any kind of ill conduct you've experienced at the hands of your teammates.

[avian-malpractice]

"Soldier is a pain in zhe ass but delightful to.. Hmm.. It's best I not put a label on what is between he and I. Difficult to describe especially vith Soldier's war on emotion.. where was I? Oh I vill not speak ill of my team. At zhe moment. Pauling however, I vill happily speak ill of"

[Dorian narrows his eyes at the HR employee]

"Vouldn't you like to know what I've done to zhese men?"

[He grinned and picked at his chest feathers]

[tf2-hr]

[ J stands there, gawking at Dorian. ]

» Okay. Okay! You know what, You knew that's not what I was asking you, I-

» I was asking if your teammates have said any kind of xenophobic or homophobic or just- You know what, Forget it. I think I've gotten all I need to get.

[ There's a scribbling sound on the clipboard, before The HR employee shoves it back in the bag. ]

» Have a LOVELY day Dr. Ludvig.

» ...And keep your sex life to yourself, nasty bird....

[avian-malpractice]

[ @tf2-hr ]

[ There's a knock at the medical office door, and a voice rings out from behind it. ]

» Hey. Uhm, Wait- Sorry- More professionalism...-

» Good evening. I'm J. from Mann Co's new HR department. I'm here as I'm supposed to do a review and take complaints...- I figured I should stop by the Medics first, cause' you guys take the brunt of your team's abuse.

[There's a quiet cracking sound. There's a fluttering sound before the door opens. The seagull hybrid is completely nude with an eggshell in his hand. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tilts his head]

"Ah hallo J. I do indeed handle a lot but I have few complaints. Welcome to Mann Co my dear"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah, yes hello, may I- OH MY GOD.

» SINCEREST APOLOGIES. Do you need me to give you a moment to get...decent?

[ Eyes covered by a palm, J shied behind the clipboard. ]

» I am genuinely so sorry.

» I didn't mean to intrude.

[avian-malpractice]

[He grins and steps closer, playfully spreading his wings. He puffs out his chest and gave a squawk]

"Oh I don't plan on getting decent. What were you saying? You interrupted yourself"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah. Well. Uhm. I was going to ask to come in.

» Buuut. I can just talk with you from the doorway, hah.

[ J scribbled something down. ]

» So. Uhm. Primary questionnaire first..

» Despite your volatile nature as a mercenary, Do you feel safe residing in the Mann Corporation supplied dormitories and housing?

[ Eyes intently focused on the clipboard, the HR employee refused to glance up at Dorian. ]

[avian-malpractice]

"Volatile nature? Is zhat a dig on my character or being a seagull? Either way, I'm hurt. To actually answer; depends on zhe day but generally ja"

[He picked at his claws idly. Dorian shifted, his wings settling against his back as J seemed visibly bothered]

"Of course I've modified my own room for my own comfort"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah, okay. Got it.

» That last part actually covered a couple of questions for me, so we can just skip those...

[ J scribbled in the answers as quickly as possible, noting some of the printed responses Saxton had put in being something along the lines of "If they answer this in the negatives, they're weak!". What a horrible job this was. ]

» Okay, this next set of questions is very important..

» We at Mann Co. believe in maintaining our work environment. This section of the questionnaire is to allow you to make complaints about other employees working under us. I would like you to inform me of any kind of ill conduct you've experienced at the hands of your teammates.

[avian-malpractice]

[ @tf2-hr ]

[ There's a knock at the medical office door, and a voice rings out from behind it. ]

» Hey. Uhm, Wait- Sorry- More professionalism...-

» Good evening. I'm J. from Mann Co's new HR department. I'm here as I'm supposed to do a review and take complaints...- I figured I should stop by the Medics first, cause' you guys take the brunt of your team's abuse.

[There's a quiet cracking sound. There's a fluttering sound before the door opens. The seagull hybrid is completely nude with an eggshell in his hand. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tilts his head]

"Ah hallo J. I do indeed handle a lot but I have few complaints. Welcome to Mann Co my dear"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah, yes hello, may I- OH MY GOD.

» SINCEREST APOLOGIES. Do you need me to give you a moment to get...decent?

[ Eyes covered by a palm, J shied behind the clipboard. ]

» I am genuinely so sorry.

» I didn't mean to intrude.

[avian-malpractice]

[He grins and steps closer, playfully spreading his wings. He puffs out his chest and gave a squawk]

"Oh I don't plan on getting decent. What were you saying? You interrupted yourself"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah. Well. Uhm. I was going to ask to come in.

» Buuut. I can just talk with you from the doorway, hah.

[ J scribbled something down. ]

» So. Uhm. Primary questionnaire first..

» Despite your volatile nature as a mercenary, Do you feel safe residing in the Mann Corporation supplied dormitories and housing?

[ Eyes intently focused on the clipboard, the HR employee refused to glance up at Dorian. ]

[avian-malpractice]

[ @tf2-hr ]

[ There's a knock at the medical office door, and a voice rings out from behind it. ]

» Hey. Uhm, Wait- Sorry- More professionalism...-

» Good evening. I'm J. from Mann Co's new HR department. I'm here as I'm supposed to do a review and take complaints...- I figured I should stop by the Medics first, cause' you guys take the brunt of your team's abuse.

[There's a quiet cracking sound. There's a fluttering sound before the door opens. The seagull hybrid is completely nude with an eggshell in his hand. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and tilts his head]

"Ah hallo J. I do indeed handle a lot but I have few complaints. Welcome to Mann Co my dear"

[tf2-hr]

» Ah, yes hello, may I- OH MY GOD.

» SINCEREST APOLOGIES. Do you need me to give you a moment to get...decent?

[ Eyes covered by a palm, J shied behind the clipboard. ]

» I am genuinely so sorry.

» I didn't mean to intrude.

[tf2-hr]

Oh shit, oh fuck... who tha fuck let ya on base?? @redfloridascout

» !-

» Look. Okay. You're not gonna believe me when I say this.

» Miss Pauling is on vacation.

» Yeah. I know. Couldn't believe the news when I heard that, too.

[ J. appears to be struggling to hoist a bag of quicklime up. ]

» Agh!- So, Yeah. They sent me in her place. I don't know how such a frail woman can bury so many bodies.

» ... Hey, You seem pretty brawny. You mind helping me before I snap my back in two?

[redfloridascout]

The Scout looked quite surprised at this fact, his mouth hanging ajar slightly.

"Wait, yer tellin' me that tha workaholic is takin' a fuckin' vacation?! Where's tha nearest pig farm, I need ta see if they're flyin!" He said overly dramatically, mocking looking to the sky in search of said flying pig. Then the sound of struggling caught the runners attention and instantly he looked very amused, a smirk spreading across his face as he leaned against a nearby post.

"I dunno man, ya look like yer handlin' yerself pretty well, by my estimations yer a whole 10% of tha way through, great job buddy... though tha thought of seein' ya break yer back is fuckin' funny as hell, I'd pay ta see it." Clearly he was enjoying watching the struggle too much to want to help, at least at first. As he watched one might call a slight pang of his long lost conscience whispered into his ear, it caused his grin to drop before letting out an exasperated sigh as he pushed off the wall.

"Alright, I'm bored, it's not funny anymore, jus' sad n pathetic." He said as he hoisted up a bag of quicklime onto his shoulder, making it look fairly effortless as he carried it to where it needed to go.

[tf2-hr]

[ J. huffs out a sigh of relief, stretching with an audible crack. ]

» Oof. Yeah, thanks. Did a number on my back.

» Well... Missus P. Is only on a vacation in the sense that The Administrator is on a vacation, so She has to come with. So the pigs aren't quite flying, but they're developing aviation as we speak.

[ Tapping a pen on a clipboard for a moment, J snaps to point to the left, towards a trench that smelled suspiciously of Dead Bodies. ]

» Set that there if you will, Thanks. I never really took you scouts for the helpful type.

» Well, Y'know, despite you standing there and watching me suffer for at least two minutes. I'll make sure this is noted in your performance, though. Maybe they'll give you a raise.

[tf2-hr]

Oh shit, oh fuck... who tha fuck let ya on base?? @redfloridascout

» !-

» Look. Okay. You're not gonna believe me when I say this.

» Miss Pauling is on vacation.

» Yeah. I know. Couldn't believe the news when I heard that, too.

[ J. appears to be struggling to hoist a bag of quicklime up. ]

» Agh!- So, Yeah. They sent me in her place. I don't know how such a frail woman can bury so many bodies.

» ... Hey, You seem pretty brawny. You mind helping me before I snap my back in two?