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@theartofmadeline
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Discoholic 🪩

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@th3lastdaysofnight
Scratch the skin until it bleeds,
knuckles dragging on the plaster,
Cut myself up open deep,
still can’t find what I am after.
Blood on blood on nail on bone,
Pulling wide the seam of entry,
Take me back and take me home,
System failure of the century.
Sinew, muscle, hot and wet,
Don’t stop now i’ll grasp it yet.
I’ve grown bark around myself, each layer I must peel.
I go until my sight blacks out, I go until I feel.
And no it’s never enough,
never enough,
never enough,
never enough.
maybe god is the smoldering end of a cigarette, burning quickly and temporarily, dropping ashes on your knees.
or maybe god is in the rainfall after a drought. kind, quiet relief.
she's the empty space between lovers as they catch their breath, one atop another, chests moving in sync.
god is in a nissan altima filled with smoke and laughter.
she is sound reverberating in an amphitheater, able to be heard from the parking lot.
she is whispered conversation and stolen glances.
god is in the first few moments after waking up in someone else's arms, bodies melting together in sickly warmth.
she is the 3am skyline, blurred and bright.
maybe holiness is not a state of being reserved for the rich and old but rather the default.
maybe god is us, and we are god, and she is everywhere and everything.
i’m a loser but at least i’m self aware unlike some people
men in love are like “i love you” and women in love are like “i wouldn’t mind taking all of your pain in my hands and letting it overflow into the cracks of my skin just to be able to have a part of you with me”
maybe there's an alternate universe in which we never met. i went to a different school, you chose a different career path. would we be happier?
maybe we're happiest in the universe in which you are sober. maybe it's the one in which i talked to someone different that night. maybe the one in which we are both a little less fucked up.
*
aaron schwartz, on the other side of grief with ocean vuong
tumblr is so good. whole website dedicated to BITCHING and MOANING. and television
every time i say i'm over it just know that there is a 1300 word essay waiting to be written about it as soon as i open my laptop
do you ever think about this quote by mary lambert because i think about it all the time
sam sax, hydrophobia
ocean vuong, on earth we’re briefly gorgeous
v.e. schwab, the invisible life of addie larue
i exist i exist i exist, flatsound
john cameron mitchell, hedwig and the angry inch
the problem is that I want to know everything in the world but also I can't seem to do my laundry when I'm supposed to, rendering me absolutely useless
sorry for being a hater i want to be a lover but everything pisses me off
who up experiencing emotions they can talk to no one about