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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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oozey mess
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@th3roxy29
vaseline is op for fucked up skin but its texture stat is dogshit
we aint putting that on the chart, chief
yes the fuck you are if you have any respect for its inventor
OKAY FINE JESUS
tags like this remind me that this is the only social media site where I'll ever truly belong
i hope you heal so hard that the bare minimum disgusts you.
“I was quiet; but I was not blind.”
— Jane Austen
beanie baby dragon is crossing your dash
Look if a garment is like. Wool or silk. And it’s like, don’t put me in the fucking wash. I’m like yeah of course ma’am I shall lightly dab you with a damp cloth and air you out so you don’t get stinky. But when a polyester garment is like “hand wash only” I’m like who the FUCK do you think you are. You’re plastic. Get in the drum.
FUCK AMERICA HAPPY 100TH BIRTHDAY CEASAR SALAD 🇲🇽🇲🇽🇲🇽❗❗❗
she’s a 10 but she needs you to feel homicidal at the thought of anybody else touching her
im like a joe goldberg in that sense
Small things that exude Big-Dick Energy:
when a guy drives calmly and safely
when they cook so competently and unself-conscious and focused on making the food
when a man rolls up button-ups to his elbows
when their eyes become softer when looking at you
Being kind
Speaking passionately about pretty much anything
stretching all casual-like
the act of loosening the necktie
You don’t have to have fancy crystals and herbs for spell jars btw. You can use sugar, coffee grounds, leaves, acorns, etc. Don’t fall victim to witchcraft consumerism.
Can’t afford a wand? You are born with 5 wands on each of your hands! (Unless you’re fingerless, then you’re cooked)
i unironically think that the resurgence of mustache culture has brought about a male slut era that is in many ways still in its infancy but is growing day by day. hemlines are getting shorter, chest hair is growing back, tops are cropped. gone are the dark, dark days when the sluttiest thing a man could do was roll up the sleeves of his button up office shirt. we are returning to the light of mustache rides and teeny tiny swim shorts. amen.
For the thing about not being able to film yourself cleaning... Do it anyway but just keep it for yourself. If you pretend that people are gonna see it, things get a lot easier.
I once pretended I was a famous YouTuber filming my day routine and forced myself to take a shower because "I'm gonna lose subscribers if they think I don't shower!" And I was probably the cleanest I've ever been in my life
to be honest, it's not so much that I need Subscriber Motivation to clean - I do have a pretty difficult time maintaining a clean room, keeping up with chores, etc, but the thought of someone seeing it doesn't do much to help that along! I just like the idea of doing 'declutter with me' videos, except that I would be super banned from YouTube in a heartbeat for having my tits out the entire time, and I'm not bold enough to post my face on the internet anyways.
But maybe this will motivate someone else and help them get back into the maintenance routine! I do often find myself pretending I work on a grungy spaceship doing inventory or the like to keep my spirits up while I organize, lmao
Bootblacking is top level kink because it's one of the few I can think of where the nominal sub is treated as a thoughtful, knowledgeable technician from the outset.
Like, a flogging bottom might be praised for their ability to take pain and know their limits, or a rope bunny might be recognised as keeping themselves in good physical shape so they can hold complicated stress positions for longer than a novice, but even the most beginner of beginner bootblacks has learnt a little bit of materials science (Will this type of brush scratch this patent finish?), a little bit of basic chemistry (If these were last polished with a silicone wax, how do I remove that to start to bull them?), a little bit of leatherworking history (Is that natural fibre stitching on those surplused Warsaw Pact boots, will my polish rot it?) and spent time practising techniques on their own boots.
And it's one of the few kinks I can think of where the top is so immediately physically and emotionally vulnerable to the bottom in that way: I put my foot in the hands of a stranger bootblacking at a party, and I trust that they won't damage the boots I was gifted by my long-dead Master when I was 17, that they won't soak the stitching and start the rot of the boots I was wearing when I first fucked the love of my life, I trust that they'll carefully work around and treat the cuts and scuffs in the leather that I picked up wearing these same boots marshalling at a dozen prides and going toe-to-toe with strikebreakers and scabs on twenty years' worth of picket lines. The experienced bootblack can look at my soles and where my boots crease, and see that I have a weak hip, that I'm slightly bowlegged, that I don't drive and that I walk even in the weather where I'd rather not. And I trust that they'll see that worn-out, poor, slightly sad old man and still call me "sir".
It just feels like a lot.
Losing my goddamn fucking mind over how Batman 1966 gave Catwoman a sidekick in one episode and named her Pussycat.
that’s the legendary Jewish lesbian singer Lesley Gore btw, so I have an inkling they knew what they were doing
