Thalia J. Quiroz

Wherever you're planted, bloom.

[thalibloom]

Today the Somali Lady at the corner liquor store and your old coworker who came in, asked about you. “How is he?”

I want to say we’re not together because he cheated on me our entire relationship…. I want to say how much you have hurt me … and how you’re truly not the man they think you are…..

But instead I smile to hide the pain of the question and I say, “ He’s doing great, I’ll tell him you said Hi”

Even when slapped in the face by the pain of your evilness, I still carry myself with Grace. I don’t even think I can look you in your eyes, I feel so much pain it’s like my heart collapsed within itself.

You were my everything…. You were my dream… and I feel hollow now… devastated by grief

It’s a tragedy, you’ve killed me.

[thalibloom]

You’re the worst

And I hate you

You killed me

You broke me

And now I feel like nothing

I can’t even look at you

Laying there with you

Felt so wrong

I feel so much shame

Why did I love you so much

Why did I waste so much time

Why did I give so much of myself away

I feel dead inside

[thalibloom]

I will always love you with all my heart. And im devastated and hurt. I wish we could of made everything work

[thalibloom]

I HATE TEXTING

There is no greater feeling than being in the embrace of the one you love the most in the world. “ To be present is a gift.”

We live in an age of information, this does not mean valuable information but the rapidness in which we retrieve it. Most of us Americans have this ability in the palm of our hand, to access “information”. 

In my experience of romance or the lack of it, I have come to notice how displaying our lives on the internet, and the participation demanded by the media we engage in has disintegrated romantic relationships. Its not all negative, we have the opportunity to interact with others we might not of once been able to without the development of technology. But is an algorithm truly the best way to find love?

Love shouldn't define who you are, having a partner does not add or lessen your value, but it is apart of our society. Some would say “ Love makes the world go round”, and “ Love is a drug”. But to some love is nearly a political and financial decision. Through it all Love is not linear, there is no one exact way to love and it is in fact customizable.

With everything going on in the world, and the recent years that have passed, why write about love? Isn’t there more of an intellectual dialogue to have? The answer is no. Love is in integral element of human survival, it releases feel good neuro-chemicals.

We all desire to feel love and to be loved.

With the creation of instant communication we continue to lose romance. We no longer have the mystery in the relationship. the surprises, and excitement of getting to know a person. Less time is spent in face to face contact and more in virtual worlds. Virtual worlds were interpretation is argued over and representation is valued.

Texts are of no true meaning without the face and the voice to express them. Texts should not be the primary form of romance in the relationship, An emoji does not show your partner the love you have for them.

But living and experiencing life with them should be the key component in your romantic life.

[thalibloom]

Life is about pursuing happiness

I mean life is about finding happiness no matter where you are 

No matter what your circumstances  

And sometimes that is very difficult 

Apart of that is understanding what makes you, you.

It includes the pain and shame you carry everyday 

The pain and shame you’ve collected over the years in your lifespan

There have been moments in my life where I felt rejected and unworthy of love

Now I’m learning that is wasn't my reality

But that I didn't have the tools to love the not so glamorous parts of me

So many tiny things make us up

Be proud of the unpleasant not so beautiful pieces because they need to know they’re worthy of your love too

Because They Are.

[thalibloom]

Heart, Mind, Body, Spirit, and Soul.

In these words I give a dedication

I am freeing myself

Devoting my life to Art.

God will be the one to judge me

[thalibloom]

Beyond the anger 

I could never show you how much I truly cared for you

for you to value me 

I don’t know if your love was true

and perhaps I will never know 

in that state of mystery 

I die a little inside 

because how do I move forward with out a piece of my heart 

with out peace of mind

maybe I’ve grown attached 

attached to a person who does not exist 

Because if you were truly my true love 

being angry with eachother would not stand 

we would not rest until we found a resolution

I loved you so much I lost myself 

Now youre so angry 

angry at me for what 

because 

[thalibloom]

When do lines get drawn 

Where do we draft them out 

How do they come to fruition 

and are they selfish or selfless

Im not sure anymore 

yet I do know 

that it makes me very sad

to see us in this position 

Is this all apart of love 

or this not love at all 

but instead a draining relationship

[thalibloom]

The sun is out and it does not apologize for being itself 

and committing to it’s purpose 

the sun is out and it beams its rays on everything it comes into contact with

the sun builds connection and provides sustenance 

the sun is a life source 

and you too have a bond with the sun

you too should live with no apology for being true

you are the sun 

your rays beam on everything you come into contact with 

you are a life source 

Now that you have the knowledge 

you are aware 

Move like the sun 

[thalibloom]

Forgive yourself

You carry so much pain from the past and yet you dismiss your present

You have so much to offer and it's beautiful

words do not do justice to the person you are growing to be

I'm happy you are free

free from the constraints of society

and walking your own path

although you are alone and scared

you must have faith

faith in God

[thalibloom]

A text I won’t send

I cry, I cry a lot

Because it makes me so sad that I invested so much love and hope

That I gave it all away to you

And you struggled to reciprocate even an inch of the lengths I went for you

It makes me feel like you never truly cared about me

And it was all a lie

I feel ashamed for being so stupid

How could I have not been strong enough to leave earlier

I tried to put my best foot forward

But you took so much away from me

And left my cup empty and shattered

I hate you

I hate you cause you watched me

And lied and lied and lied

I’m angry I’m furious

I want to tell the world the story

So that they all see who you really are

And you feel the shame I feel

That way you carry the hurt

And i get to be happy

Press send

But it doesn’t work that way

As much as I want to hurt you

It won’t heal me

As angry as I am

It will do no good to seek revenge

I know God hears me

And I pray I have the strength to heal and love myself again

Stronger than ever before.

I apologize to myself because I deserve to forgive myself.

[thalibloom]

I am worthy of love

A true love

A love to be proud of

Where I can be filled with joy

A love with great friendship

A love that cares

A love that respects

A love that endures

A love that appreciates

A love that supports

A love that encourages

A love that is real

I deserve true love because I am love

[thalibloom]

I think of other lovers

And nights of passion with new men

How they adore me and kiss me

The romance of learning someone

The conversations over wine

And the embrace of fresh arms

How those arms have not hurt me

But only wish to please me

How those kisses are meant for desire

Am I wrong for wanting to be wanted ?

[thalibloom]

I have to let you go

I have to move on

Cause staying here is just pain

A constant reminder of the betrayal

Even though I do love you

I have to love myself

Because you don’t love me enough

You didn’t love me enough

To not hurt me multiple times

You didn’t love me enough

To want to make me happy

I need to heal

Heal from you

Cause my scars are bleeding

And we’re not growing

You’re just hurting me more

[thalibloom]

I wanted a partner because I wanted someone to share my life with.

I didn’t expect for them to do things for me

Just spend time with me

Today I realized

If you don’t share the same values

It will never work

It’s sad but it’s the truth

[thalibloom]

How I wish I didn’t take it for granted

And knew in those moments things would not be the same

[thalibloom]

Dear K

You have been my lover for years now. I know we have had an emotional rollercoaster of a relationship, but when I close my eyes I think of you, always. Love is vulnerability and it requires trust. To trust someone with your heart, is to have faith they will care for it. I prayed for faith because with out it the absense would break us apart. You are unapologetically yourself, I admire that about you. You know what you like and what you dislike, and you have no shame in boasting. You can be child like and desire nurturing from me. As a partner I know you care for me. But I don’t know the depths in which you care for me, I can’t remember a time in which you’ve expressed your feelings towards me with out it being a means to remedy an argument. I pray our hearts will heal, heal from the pains of the past, and reunite stronger than ever before. I love you to the moon and back, when there is no stars visible and clouds cover the night’s sky. You barely can see the moon, but its light illuminates through, my love is of that magnitude. I hope you are able to realize that I too am Human, I am not perfect. I have made mistakes. Allowing my anger spoil our love is one of them, and I regret not being able to let some of the small things go.

I love you and never will stop loving you. Please keep me in your heart, because I know you belong in mine.