Awkward
Feelings I get, the ones we told ourselves to bury. Underneath layers of hate and despair, forced upon ourselves through segregation. Although I am trying to see the point in it, I still cannot conduct this difficult task completely. Too hard to acquire is the level of self control required for such actions. I try to fight the feelings while trying not to fight you. Why can't there be both? Was it all really for nothing? Can't we coexist in a normal human manner, like friends? We asked ourselves these questions often enough. Without any progress in solving them. Now we're still at the extremes. Extreme closeness, now followed by extreme segregation. Sewed to another person, threads so intertwined. Just to rip them apart again. 'A chasm opened up between them.' A force so strong, seen only in nature before. Yet we brought up the energy to create this vacuum between us, like we never met, never any connection. Now we're just floating around in the same soup without ever getting on the same spoon together. Everyday I get these rushes, avalanches of feeling. Ripping me out of my routine, throwing me into unknown waters. Suddenly I remember a little aspect of our relationship and a mixture of sorrow hate and indecisiveness overcomes me. You said hating you would help me cure my unwanted feelings and clear the path for our friendship. Although it sounded so easy when I accepted this pact, it's a task undoable for me. So everyday i get these rushes of feelings without any way to order them. Should I hate her? Should I keep loving her? Is it even in my control? So many questions. At least one thing hasn't changed. But now I am all alone questioning, all alone wondering. All I can do is wonder about the future. Although our segregation has worked for now, it won't do forever. We'll see each other again, willingly or not. I cannot imagine how I should react, when I see you, just hear about you. All I l know is that no matter what it'll be awkward. For you, me and everyone involved. Not our planned and forced segregation will drive us apart, but the awkwardness will.















