How to tell the police you were raped, and what to expect. MATERPOST.
Okay. So with my post asking if y’all wanted this, a few of you said it’d help you, so even 1-2 people needing it is worth it to me.
This is going to be very long, and when you do it, it’ll be scary. But in the end you WILL heal.
So to start off. Ask yourself this:
1. Do you want the person to get jail time?
If your answer is yes, then that makes things easier. You can proceed onto the next question.
If your answer is no, then I need to make you aware of something. I will not lie to you alright? They will push for jail time whether you want it or not. unless you’re over 18 (see next question) they will be pushing for jail time and you have no real say in the matter. I know it’s scary, and I know it can be upsetting. But they did a crime and the law needs to punish them for it. Think about it in this sense, Do you want them to hurt somebody else? Jail is likely the place for them, as they did do a crime.
2. How old are you?
Are you over 18? great! that makes things much easier. You will have complete control. You decide if you want to press charges or if you rather just leave it.
Are you under 18? alright, that’s okay! It will make things a bit more hectic, but in the end, you’ll be okay. Since you’re under 18, you will not get a choice in whether charges are pressed. As I said above, they WILL press for jail time.
3. How long ago did the assault happen?
did it happen a year ago? five years ago? ten years? or yesterday? is it ongoing?
if it happened years ago, then you do not have to worry about this and can move onto the next question.
If the rape has happened within 3-5 days of you reading this/when you plan to report it. There is a high likelyhood that you will need to have a Sexual Assault Evidence Collection Kit (SAECK, also known as a ‘rape kit’) done to you. There is a lot of stigma and misinformation about what a ‘rape kit’ actually involves. It can be extremely scary, and extremely violating,but in the end, it will help. In some cases, even as a minor, you can refuse to have one done if you wish. It can wield a lot of evidence for a trial, but at times it does not. Do not worry. If there is no evidence via a rape kit,they can still be convicted. To give you an idea of what happens when you get a rape kit, heres a small portion of an article you can find here
“"There’s a lot of myths about there, myths about prostitutes coming in to get free medical care, but this is a very invasive 2-4 hour plus exam,“ says Kim Hurst, director of the Sexual Assault Forensic Examiner program in Detroit. “We’re doing pubic hair pulls or combs, we’re doing swabs of the outside of the genitalia… and then we’re doing a speculum exam [which is internal] and taking swabs that way, and if there was an anal assault we’re doing swabs there. And then we use a colposcope [a specialized medical camera] to take pictures of genital injury.“The exam is usually performed in a hospital before the kit of evidence is turned over to the police for their investigation. The DNA from the kit and potential rapist is entered into CODIS, a national FBI database that helps law enforcement track serial offenders across the country.”
There is also some questions some people want to know the answer too before getting one, you can find a long list of questions answered on an official forensics website here but if you don’t want to read them all, I will put the ones I feel are the most important below:
“ Three days after a sexual assault has occurred, what is the likelihood of finding the DNA of the perpetrator?
The likelihood of finding the DNA of a sexual assault perpetrator three days after an assault varies and can depend on a number of circumstances. In Massachusetts, survivors can have evidence collected at a hospital within 5 days (120 hours) of an assault. A medical provider at the hospital will use a sexual assault evidence collection kit (SAECK), often called a “rape kit,” to conduct an exam and collect any evidence. After the exam is completed, the kit will be sent to the Crime Lab. The presence of biological evidence, such as blood, semen or saliva, depends on a number of factors, including whether or not the survivor showered or changed her/his clothing before the exam, the type of assault, and the amount of time since the assault occurred. It is important to know that not all kits yield DNA evidence and that the absence of DNA does not mean that no crime occurred. DNA evidence may not be found if:The perpetrator did not leave any DNA behind.Too much time passed before the evidence was collected.The evidence was improperly stored or handled.”
“How can evidence be collected from someone whose breasts and vagina were touched while the person was unconscious if there was no penile penetration?
It is still possible for evidence, including the survivor’s account of the assault, to be collected using a sexual assault evidence collection kit (SAECK) even if there was no penile penetration during the assault. The doctor or nurse will determine which steps of the SAECK to complete (such as vaginal swabs) based on the survivor’s story. When determining what steps to complete, the nurse or doctor will also take into account that the survivor was unconscious during the assault and may not recall the entire assault.”
“Can a sexual assault case be prosecuted even if DNA evidence is not found?
While only the District Attorney’s office can definitively say whether or not the perpetrator will be prosecuted, once an assault is reported to the police, DNA is just one piece of evidence in a larger investigation. When determining whether or not to prosecute a case, the District Attorney’s office will also consider the survivor’s account of the assault along with any other evidence that may corroborate this account (for example, physical materials that link the two parties at the crime scene, such as carpet fibers or grass stains, or a Toxicology Kit, if one was completed). It is important to note that not all kits yield DNA evidence, and the absence of DNA does not mean that no crime occurred.”
As you can see, a rape kit does involve internals swabbing and other things. Finally, ask
4 “Am I ready to do this?”
if the answer is yes, then heres what I recommend and the gist of what may happen. This is all assuming you are under the age of 18, and as I am from Canada, I can’t garentee this is what’ll happen to you, but it gives you a good idea.
First off, Tell somebody you trust that is an adult and an authority figure. I recommend teachers or counselors. As sometimes parents can be cruel and refuse to listen. I recommend teachers the most as they are legally required to report it to the police.
You can expect that police will come and will talk to you. Do not lie to them. Lying will only make things harder in the long run.
You WILL need to tell them details you may not be exactly comfortable with. It is hard. There is no “and then they…yaknow”. you need to SPECIFICALLY say exactly what happened. Heres a conversation I remember when I had to give my official report, to give you an idea. I’m okay with sharing this now, but at the time, it felt much too personal to say. M is me and C is the ‘crown’, short for the crown attorney.
C: “So after he bent you over the bed what did he do?” M: “well he.. um.. yaknow…” C: “No, I don’t know. Please explain” M: “Well he uh.. “ I proceed to go quiet and fidget as C waits patiently “He pushed the dildo into me” C: “into where??” M: “Into my butt. And it hurt a lot… I told him to stop and pulled away” C: “Then what?”
so on and so fourth. As you can see, I had to explain in great detail what he did, how he did it, where he did it etc. I used the good old ‘Who What Where Why When’ to tell them what happened, it helped me, so perhaps it’ll help you.
After you talk to them, if the person lives with you: you will likely be put in a safe house. This is sometimes a friends house, a hotel with a police officer, etc. You may need to stay there for 1-4 days, so bring essentials with you the day you plan to tell. Including your phone, computer, any comfort items etc.
if they do not live with you, you may be able to return home. If you are under 18, your parents will be notified. This is unavoidable. It is upsetting, but needs to be done. If you feel your parents will be angry or if they are physically/emotionally abusive to you. This is the time to tell the police. They will likely take extra steps to ensure you’re safety during this time.
Now is where things more or less depend on circumstances. for example, they may make you go to a forensics lab and get a drug test if you suspect you were drugged, they will likely put a restraining order against the person so they can not go near you until everythings said and done. They may take months or years to get through everything. Court will eventually and you may need to testify against them, It can be scary, but your testimony will help significantly.
Here are some things to remember when testifying:
Refer to the judge very respectfully. sir, ma’am, ‘your honor’ etc
Try not to swear.
Everything you say WILL be recorded. Keep that in mind
Cellphones are not allowed in court. I was lucky and put my notes on my phone so they allowed it, but they may not all do that.
If you’re like me and tend to forget when scared. Write down what you want to say. It will make you look organized and keep you together.
Do not be afraid to cry during it. Just make sure you do not get hysterical, as they may tell you not to testify due to it being too stressful.
Try to speak as clearly as possible.
If you have mental disorders such as anxiety, ADHD, including things like a stutter, specify that before your testimony. I personally explained I have severe anxiety and that It causes me to stutter and talk fast, so to just tell me gently to slow down if I go to fast.
Thats all I can think of for now. Just as extra, here are some resources for rape survivors:
TheSurvivorsTrust
RAINN
AfterSilence
AssaultCare (Canada Specific)
Rape crisis (Female centered)
Healthyplace.org
WAVAW (Women Against Violence Against Women. Women Centered and Canada Specific)
Specifically for male survivors:
Rape Crisis (Male portion)
After Silence (Male Portion)
Pandys
SurvivorsUK (UK specific)
Specifically for LGBT Survivors
Pandys (LGBT portion)
HRC.org
LGBT.ie
Other
List of helplines all around the world
Imalive.org (for if you have a crisis/are scared/want more help)
Very cheap, online therapy (5$ a day)
I hope this has helped some of you. If you’d like any more help, support, or have any more questions, do not hesitate to message me♥ Stay safe, and remember. It is NOT your fault
If any of you could reblog this to show other survivors, that would be greatly appreciated
This is by far the best post I’ve ever found on what to expect if you turn your rapist in. So just a couple personal notes:
Don’t want to attempt all of this (bc of the dismal rape prosecution success rate, fear, etc.?) Go to the doctor regardless. Unless your rapist was a significant other who you know to be clean, you need to make sure you don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases from them. Additionally, if you have a uterus and your rapist assaulted you with a penis, you need to do a pregnancy test. Even if you’re on birth control and even if your rapist used a condom. You do NOT want to risk being pregnant, especially with how stringent abortion laws are becoming (at least in the US). You have to know if you’re pregnant early enough to do something about it. (Which opens up a whole other can of the worms, but for the record, you are NEVER responsible for becoming pregnant if you were raped and it isn’t your fault).
The second thing: if you have bruises or cuts on you from the assault, even if the rape case itself falls through, if you can prove it was your rapist who caused the physical trauma you can probably get them charged and convicted of battery or aggravated assault at the very least. And you can ALWAYS get a restraining order against them.
And finally: if you choose not to go to the police, that’s okay too. This post is for those of us who choose to attempt to prosecute rapists. If you were too scared, doubted it was rape, or anything else that caused you to not go to the cops: it isn’t your fault. The majority of rape cases don’t go to court. You are not alone.
This is the most perfect addition, thank you so much.
All of this. If you choose not to go to the police it’s okay. This post is for people who are considering it and want to know how it may go before it happens
Another thing to note: You don’t have to go right away. At least in Canada, there’s no laws on how long after the rape it can’t be charged. I was raped by a girl when I was 8 and I’m 17 now and I could still go to the police and get her charged
If you don’t feel ready, consider doing it at a later date. Perhaps take pictures of any evidence (bruises etc) to use
But once again, If you flat out decide it’s not worth the hassle, that’s okay. You’re not bad for doing that.
Stay safe ♡
SO IMPORTANT
Another note: For those of us in college, MANY/MOST institutions would rather protect their reputation than protect a victim so that they can keep their assault numbers low. It is very likely that your institution may not help you! They also may force campus police not to help. Go to the city police if you don’t get support (and only if of course you are ready to report).
