There are some tidbits of wisdom that come with growing up and maturing that are not something talked about but they make life more bearable, and one of these is that
You cannot be kind all the time.
If being a cunt and an asshole is your default then this post isn't for you, because you can pass life being who you are without this troubling you, but anyone who is trying their damnedest to be kind, and has been doing so for some long time knows one very important thing about being kind, which is:
Being kind to some well-meaning people takes A LOT of energy.
This is not about how "you should be above assholes", which btw, you shouldn't. This is about this friend, this family member, this person who knows you, who is a nice person, an alright kinda human, with it's flaws and pros, who has to interact with you and whose complete existence in that time and moment seems to be dedicated to ANNOY. THE HELL. OUT. OF. YOU.
Because sometimes there is this coworker, who is nice, you can talk with them, you've gone once or twice to a bar to hang out, has a family, has some kids, and you've asked to do something for you and they always forget, they always do it half assed only to you, you always have to tell them 5 times through 7 different communication mediums for them to do it and only when you come in yelling onto their office CAN YOU FUCKING SEND ME THE DOCUMENT PLEASE and don't leave them alone until they do it works
Or sometimes there is this friend within your group who is nice, cool friend, love 'em, cool for a nice plan, lots of other friendships, and you're trying to set up a date for hanging out but they just can't and they refuse to tell you they can't because whatever dumb fucking reason and Dude, if you can't on Thursday or Friday then what about Saturday Hmm, I don't know, I might have to see another friend And Sunday Well I gotta eat with my mum it's super important What about next week and they keep coming out with excuses but of course, they don't state their availability, they don't propose any solutions, they wanna hang out and they're being the most uncollaborative bastard in the face of the planet and of course you cannot just say Well, buddy, it seems you can't make it so we'll just hang out and see you whenever you can because that's super rude and they'll get offended and bitchy and cunty because now it seems it's our fault we can't hang out all together except we've done nothing and they'll still WON'T SAY THEY CAN'T FUCKING MAKE IT
Or these couple you're friends with who are cool, nice, lovely people, very in love, and one day you're hanging out with them and the rest of the group of friends and you're all sitting in a bar and everything is going nice, but the ambience changes and you all want to go somewhere else, and you start discussing but it's just a bad day, and some of the places are closed, some you have to call in advance, some have a weird vibe tonight, and as the look for something to do progresses you start noticing that one, these two have barely participated in the discussion and two, they are getting upset about not having a plan, and the rest of y'all keep thinking and squeezing your brains to find out something to do and the only thing these two do is complain, and Why can't we go to A It's closed, we already said it This sucks, this is so stupid :( and they're not proposing any alternative, nor any other plan, and when one gives up and tries to come to terms with the fact that it's not gonna happen tonight they stand up and Nooooo, c'mon don't leave, lets just think of someth THERE'S NOTHING, THERE'S NO PLAN TONIGHT and then maybe you'll go to a half assed bar you had to compromise to because it's the only place open that doesn't suck too much and the fucking couple talks with no one for the rest of the night because they spend the whole time in a corner making out
None of these people are deliberately acting like assholes, and yet, they're being annoying, inconsiderate and using your kindness in order to blame you for an issue they are doing nothing to solve.
You cannot be kind to these people in these moments. Being kind is what has gotten you booked into a corner, and you cannot use kindness to get out of it.
So, you have to be a dick.
It sucks. It needs practice. It's gonna bum everybody out. But it has to be done.
If you don't have practice doing this, you'll come across as an asshole. Probably you should learn to measure your words and manage to say "Look, we're trying to do something, and you're using your conditions to bum everybody out without collaborating, so fucking stop, asshole" in a less confrontational way, or else the frustration will eat you alive, and you still have to tell these people off.
Patience, politeness and kindness have limits. They have to. If you believe that you have infinite patience and limitless kindness either you haven't been tested against the world or you are a stupid fool.
Being able to recognize the limits of your own kindness, and when to be an asshole, is a very important part of growing up and maturing.