Not Like It Matters
Summary: A small 2-year time jump after 'Not that Causal'
Pt1 --- Pt2 --- Pt3 --- Pt4
Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reader Warnings: Angst, almost cheating.
Word Count: 3.9k
--- 2 YEARS LATER ---
The white gown flows beautifully from your torso. You never thought that what people said was true, that being in a wedding gown made you feel like a princess.
The white color complements your skin well, and the cut effectively accentuates the curves of your body. The fabric feels soft, and you feel elegant. Poised. Like someone who has their shit together.
You turn around to see your best friends, Yelena and Kate. Their faces are in awe as they see the look on your face.
"Oh my god," Kate starts, you smile softly, a small blush coming to your face, and she stands up, tears welling in her eyes.
"I never actually thought we would see this day come," Yelena says quietly. Her smile is smaller. You don't doubt that she's thinking about Natasha.
"Ms. Bishop, the dresses you ordered are ready," a lady says, walking in, and you chuckle, stepping towards the changing room. "Yes, of course. Y/N, we'll wait for you at the front." Kate answers, and you nod.
Playtime was over. Yelena and Kate grab each other's hands, walking to the register while you look at yourself one last time in the mirror.
If only your fairytales could come true.
Yelena was incessant with Natasha to help her get her dress ready. That meant looking at dresses together and choosing the best dress for her happily ever after, and coming to pick it up.
Something simple, but when she saw you through the window, her heart stopped.
It had been 2 years since she tasted your lips, 2 years since she heard your pleas. 2 years since she fucked everything up.
You looked beautiful, delicious, and elegant.
A gush of icy wind brought her back to her senses. You weren't hers; Natasha made sure of that by not being enough for you.
She spots Yelena inside. Yelena, with her beautiful smile, placed a small kiss on her fiancée's cheek.
Yelena catches a glimpse of the red hair, and she locks eyes with her sister. Natasha only shakes her head. Their bond lets each other communicate. And Yelena knows that Natasha will be patient until she comes out.
---
"Hey, sweetheart, I'm home." You announced, placing the keys on the little table that was next to you. Winter was slowly ebbing away, but its cold aftermath made you shiver. You had been expecting it to be cold, but not the amount of cold that you had withstood.
"I'm here, baby!" You hear your significant other shout, and you walk towards the kitchen.
Carol is doing the dishes, she smiles at your form, and you wrap your arms around her. Your front to her back, and you melt into her.
Your hands on her waist, taking all the heat available from her body.
Your lips peck her cheek, taking in the soft scent of her face wash. Her wet hair was also an indicator of what she had been doing while she waited for you to get home on a cold Saturday morning.
"How was dress shopping with Kate and Yelena?" She asks. You let your head lie on her shoulder, the soft vibrations of her voice bringing you comfort.
"It was fine, but way too cold." You say the weather is not helping the glum mood you had adopted earlier that day. "Oh, baby," she says, drying her hands with a cloth that was near her.
She turns around, and you fall against her torso. She chuckles softly, pulling you into a warm embrace.
"How are you feeling?" Carol asks, and you sigh softly. "Not well," you reply honestly. Her hands come up to your hair, softly massaging your scalp.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks, and you shake your head, pulling gently away from her. "What plans do you have for today?" You ask, trying to change the subject. You pull away from her comfortable embrace before grabbing her hand.
Carol leads you towards the couch, her soft touches and gentle kisses soothing you.
"We had meal plans with your friends, but I get that you aren't feeling so well. We can order takeout, have a small date at the park, or go to that new coffee shop I've been wanting to try," she says hopefully. You nod, sitting down on her lap, curling into her chest.
"That sounds great," you say, pecking her cheeks once again as she pulls you in to her.
You hope she doesn't realize that your foul mood is because you saw a redhead from the past. Patiently waiting for your best friend's fiancée.
---
Yelena and Kate knew what they were going to do. You were Kate's maid of honor, and of course, Natasha is her sister's.
It was a horrible idea, but they had little say in being selfish, and of course, their wedding is one of those days when they can be selfish.
Plus, you had already moved on. Carol was your saving grace from Natasha. Always saying the right things, doing the right things at the right times, and treating you the way that you deserved to be treated.
Natasha had moved away, being one of the leaders in a project that Tony had started somewhere else.
And it took all of Natasha's restraint not to go up and kiss you when she interacted with you again.
"I'm sorry I'm late, I got stuck in traffic." You said, saying a general greeting.
Natasha's heart stopped, and the sound of your voice was something that she had missed dearly. Your hair was shorter, and it suited you perfectly. Your perfume filled her senses as she watched you in awe.
You were no longer the college girl that she remembered, but a more confident person.
"So that's what we're calling Carol now? Traffic?" Kate jokes, and you pinch her softly, giggling as you take a seat next to her and Natasha.
Natasha hides her emotions well, taking a sip of the bitter coffee she has in front of her. Her heart strains, but she knows and understands now that the only person at fault for her heartbreak is herself.
"Thanks for getting my tea," you gesture towards the cup in front of you. Your eyes are looking everywhere but at Natasha. Kate says nothing, and Yelena doesn't bother to correct you.
Natasha had been the first to arrive, buying the drink for you and herself. She stays quiet and tries to catch your gaze.
Her efforts are futile as you decide to look at the binder that has been placed in front of you.
"Thank you, both of you, for coming." Yelena starts, looking at you and Natasha directly. "Kate and I want our wedding to be perfect, and we don't trust anyone more than you guys to try everything in their power to make sure it does happen." She continues. You sip the tea, ignoring the gaze that Natasha sends.
She tries to peel her eyes off of you, but it seems impossible. As always, she's astounded by your sole presence. The difference is that she isn't afraid to show it now.
You finally turn to look at Natasha, and Natasha feels the oh so normal butterflies by now. Your gaze is soft and curious.
"You can count on us to make sure your wedding is perfect."
---
You sigh when you get to the bar. There was too much noise for you now.
At least Yelena and Kate are happy.
Yelena is dancing around. Her outfit was soaked by the accidental spills thanks to her beautiful fiancée. Kate was dancing around with her, both in a drunken haze where only each other exists.
You look at your cellphone, no new texts from your girlfriend, and you let a small pout take away your face.
Natasha is looking after you from afar. She knows that you feel overwhelmed. One of your maid of duty chores was not to get drunk during the bachelor's party, making sure that both women have a good time. And they are, surrounded by your other mutual friends.
Natasha stays cool, from a distance watching over everyone. As always, being the older sister, ready to step in when she is needed.
"What's a pretty girl like you doing here?" You hear someone ask, you turn around to see a boy around your age. The smell of the beer that comes from him gives you an indicator that he isn't thinking straight.
"Um, it's my friend's bachelorette party," You say, nodding towards the direction that Kate and Yelena are. His hooded stare is directly towards them, and he shakes his head.
Natasha is already close to you if you need help. And the small white bag that the other man has makes her sure that he doesn't have good intentions.
But you can defend yourself; you don't need Natasha. Even though Natasha would never forgive herself if something happened and she was allowed to stop it.
"Fucking faggots, a waste of good pussy if you ask me," he mumbles, and you frown at his words. "At least they also have normal people, right?" He asks, gesturing towards you.
"Excuse me, what the fuck is your problem?" You respond, and he scoffs, his hand moving towards your drink and back before you could notice, thanks to his words. "Well, we are made to be men with women." He states, and you scoff, shaking your head.
Your eyes lock with Natasha, and right there, she knows that her next actions are okay. She walks up behind him.
"Well, it's not our fault that men are now drunk and whiny," Natasha states, her voice calm but strong. The man scoffs and shakes his head. "What are you, her fucking girlfriend?" He gestures toward you, and you feel your heart twist unexpectedly.
"What if I was? Would you get mad that I can be with someone that I like?" She smirks at his expression. His blotchy face was now turning red.
"You all just need a good -"
"They invented toys for that," Natasha cuts in. "More efficient. Less whining."
"And," you add, "they don't come with an ego attached.
He lunges, but Natasha's already grabbed him by the collar, calm and precise.
"Bad idea," Natasha murmurs, dragging him toward the back of the bar. "You don't get to talk to her like that."
When Natasha comes back, she notices you have a new cup. She smiles at the fact that you are as observant as she is. And she takes a deep breath, you are fine.
"Natasha," her name rolls off your tongue with ease. You ignore how natural calling out for her sounds. She walks towards you, taking a seat next to you.
"Thank you, let me buy you a drink." You say. An olive branch. Not for everything that has happened, but for tonight.
"It isn't necessary, I'm not drinking today." She says, and you chuckle, shaking your head.
"I don't think I can believe that." You say, your voice low. "Well, change does happen to some people," she states. Her words have a much deeper meaning than what you know at the moment.
You hum in acknowledgment, looking at her eyes. They're soft, same as before, but with a glint of maturity that you hadn't seen before.
Before you have the chance to respond, someone moves in between you two. You know who it is.
"Natty, long time no see." One of Natasha's exes hugs her, and you shot her a confused look. Natasha mirrors your expression, making you know that she doesn't feel comfortable.
"I didn't believe that Yelena was going to get married before us, but anyway, baby, how are you?" She asks, and you clear your throat. She turns to look at you, and acknowledgment slaps her in her face.
"You remember Y/N, right?" Natasha speaks, and you smile at her. The woman doesn't like what she's seeing and makes no effort to hide it.
"You're still pining over her?" She asks, gesturing towards you, and you wish that her words didn't cut you as they did. You don't think before you act.
"Actually, we're together now." You state, and your hand finds Natasha's. The tingling shot up Natasha's whole arm, her face turning a soft red.
"What? When did this happen?" She asks, and Natasha doesn't say anything. Her emotions are hard to keep in check. She's still getting used to the feeling of how right her hand feels in yours.
"About a year and a half ago. You know, I just couldn't resist Natasha's charms." You say, squeezing her hand. Natasha just smiles softly, nodding.
"And now I'm the happiest person alive," Natasha says. Her voice layered.
The other woman scoffs and shakes her head.
"Well, if you ever need someone better, call me Natty." She says, and your facade drops.
"What do you mean? My girl is the best in the world." Natasha replies, directing a soft smile towards you. "Lose my number, please. I'm right where I want to be."
You ignore the butterflies that are in your stomach as you ignore the heavy stomps from Natasha's ex. Neither of you lets go. Natasha is the one grounding you at this moment. And you're sure that you are grounding her.
"Thank you for stepping in." Natasha breaks the silence, her thumb caressing your hand gently. "I didn't give you a choice. What if you wanted to go home with her or something?" You say, a blush spreading on your cheeks as you think of the irrational actions you made.
Natasha let out a laugh, genuine. Sincere.
"Please, there's only one girl I want to be with," she states, her voice heavy with honesty. You don't say anything. Even though you won't admit it, you don't want this moment to end.
Your phone rings, Natasha sees the picture of you and Carol, and it's enough for her to softly let go of your hand.
---
"I wish you were here," you state softly towards the camera. Your girlfriend shuffles into your line of sight. She pouts softly and nods. "I know, baby, but they need me here until the end of the week." She states, and you whine.
"I'll make it up to you, I swear." She promises, and you pout at the camera. "I'll try to make it in time for the rehearsal dinner." She states, and you sigh loudly.
"I feel like sometimes you're more committed to work than to me." You reply and hear the soft chuckle that Carol lets out.
"I know, darling, but I swear it'll be worth it in a few years. We'll live here, in Texas, and have our white picket fence. I promise." She says, and you shake your head.
"And even so, you're so worried about everything for the wedding. You would barely even notice that I'm home." She says, and you groan.
"I know that, but I don't want to move! Sometimes I hate that you're perfect in everything that you do." You say, and Carol raises her eyebrows. "Sometimes you don't complain a lot, baby." She states, and you want to throw a pillow at her face, laughing at the soft innuendos from her.
---
Natasha takes note of the way you arrive alone at the rehearsal dinner, your dress is beautiful, and your sparkling smile is enough to take your breath away.
The gift she has in her bag suddenly feels heavier than before.
She notices how you look at your phone throughout the night. You're patiently waiting for the event details on Kate's side, and Natahsa is next to her parents and sister.
Your smile never falters, your perfect practice from before showing off during times like these.
Natasha sees her sister smile and dance. Say all the right things next to her partner.
And Natasha feels her heart grow. Her baby sister is getting married, getting the happily ever after that everyone wants. She finally did it.
"You know, if you have something you have to say, now's the chance." Your best friend says. Kate holds a glass of champagne, contrasting with Natasha's wine.
Kate looks like a dream, her smile practiced but still genuine.
Natasha sends her a funny glare, and Kate chuckles. Shaking her head.
"You've changed," Kate begins, and Natasha shakes her head.
"She's happy, who am I to come in and ruin her life again?" Natasha mumbles, it's evident this isn't just a thought that she had, but something that has been in the works since before.
"Who says you'll ruin her life?" Kate counters with a small smirk at her lips. "In any case, you're just limiting her options," Kate states, and Natasha still can't believe that Kate, out of everyone, is fucking giving her advice.
"Look, you can trust me when I tell you that Carol does make her happy. That fucking girl deserves a medal just for taking you out of Y/N's head." Kate says, and Natasha felt as if it were a low punch.
"But she still doesn't make her smile as you did." Kate finishes, and Natasha gulps. Her hands were sweating, barely, but enough to make her realize once again how much love she has for you.
"I think you both needed to grow up to be together," Kate states, and Natasha stares at her.
"I'm afraid that I'll hurt her again," Natasha finally opens up and feels the way that Kate places a gentle hand on her shoulder. It's a small comfort, but it was exactly what she needed.
"Just don't be the douchebag that you were before, and you'll be fine," Kate says, and Natasha nods. She had fucked up royally before, but now, she's learnt from past mistakes and has only come to one conclusion. There is no one like you.
One minute, you're dancing with Kate, the next thing you know, you're between Natasha's arms. You don't know if you want to kill or kiss her.
She came in, asking to join, and your stupid best friend left you alone.
"You look beautiful, as always." Her hands are at your hips, and you try to ignore the blush creeping up through your face.
Your hands are around her neck, her baby hairs tickling your hands softly. She smells exquisite, the color on her lips perfect.
"Careful, Tasha. Someone might hear you." You note and hate yourself for feeling weak when you see her smile.
"Why would I care about anyone else when you are in front of me?" She questions, and you look into her eyes. You don't find doubt, only honesty.
"I'm taken, you know." You remind her, and Natasha feels like someone threw a rock directly at her heart. Her body stiffens ever so slightly. She pulls you away softly to spin you, and you come back to your original place.
"And Carol better not be stupid enough to let you go." She states. You hum, pulling in Natasha for an embrace. You both sway with the music.
When the song ends, Natasha grabs your hand.
"Can we please talk?" A dangerous question. You have to say no, if memory serves you correctly, this is a very wrong path to go down.
But then again, you are only human. And her soft eyes have always been your undoing.
Natasha leans against the wall, another glass of wine twirling between her hands. Her eyes don't come up to see you.
You, on the other hand, are more sensitive to the soft chill. Yet, the soft drink in your hand and the closeness that you now have with Natasha make the cold the least of your problems.
"What do you want to talk about?" You break the silence, and Natasha places the glass of wine on a table near you. Nervousness is evident by the soft way her hand trembles and the way that her other hand plays with the rings on her hand.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry." Those are words you never expected to hear.
"I know it's long overdue, you are happy now, but I don't know when I'll be back. Tomorrow is the wedding and we're going to be running." She begins to open herself, letting you recover from the initial shock.
"I was an asshole. There are no words that can even begin to explain how sorry I am." She says, looking into your eyes.
"Why are you even saying this to me?" You ask, shaking your head. Tears swell in your eyes, your eyebrows furrow. They are all the right words, but all at the wrong moment.
"I can't keep it in anymore, Y/N." It's true, you both know it. "Life without you is just the worst kind of pain. And there is no one to blame but me," she says.
"I've always loved you, but I wasn't the right person for you. Not at that moment. God, I'm so sorry for every single time I fucked up. I could not process emotions, and I know that that doesn't mean anything now, but I still believe that you deserve love." Tears begin to spill from her eyes.
"And I just want you to know that I'll always love you. I have never stopped." She stands closer to you. So close you can smell the perfume, so close, you are sure you can count the stars in her eyes again.
Her hands grab yours, and you only look at her.
"I tried to tell you all of this before, but I just made it worse," Natasha admits, pulling from her pocket to bring out a woven bracelet.
The same woven bracelet that was in your hands a few years ago.
"I still love you," she says, bringing her forehead close to yours.
The butterflies in your stomach are driving you crazy. You hate yourself for feeling the same as two years ago.
You can count her lashes, her shaky breath coating your lips.
"Tasha," you whisper. Her hands leave yours, going to the back of your neck. You can feel her inner turmoil. Her eyes are closed, yet the beat of her heart tells you everything you need to know.
"Don't say my name. Not like that." Your hands go to her waist.
What the fuck are you doing?
"Why now?" You ask again softly. You're sure your hot breath fans against her face.
"Because I don't know how long I can hold it in." She says. You close your eyes. Anger is long gone.
You feel her lips brush softly against yours. Her fingers were delicate against your hair.
"It would be so easy to kiss you right now, my love." She states. Her lips are practically against yours. The smell of wine from before invades your senses.
"Do it," you whisper, you break. You push yourself against her lips.
But they never reach their destination.
Your lips meet her cheek. She turned around.
"What the fuck." You let out a breathless sigh. "This isn't right," Natasha says. Her lips come to your forehead.
"When we kiss each other again, you're not going to be in a relationship. It's because we're both going to be single, and I'm going to take you to dinner. Everyone is going to know that we are together. No secrets." She promises. "It's going to be right, because I have waited for two years and I am willing to wait another 20 years, just to be with you again."
You feel the heat radiating from her body, and you hug her. You could lie to yourself all you wanted, but your heart already knows where home is.
And Natasha is finally the woman you deserve.
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