That Intimacy Coordinator Chick

[thatidicchick]

I don’t believe I’ve ever said explicit intimacy is harmful. I stage it myself — safely, and know firsthand how effective it can be as a method of storytelling. I personally know and have immense respect for IC’s staging some of the best “explicit” sex scenes on TV today. Consensual nudity is great with proper modesty/barrier garments for health reasons. Depictions of penetrative sex acts on TV shows, wonderful. I’m very sex positive — *as long as everything is consensual*. Which doesn’t feel like a very radical opinion, and yet in this fandom…

The issues I am speaking to in this blog, which you’ve been interacting with for months, so you are aware of this, are situations on set where actors are speaking out about being made uncomfortable and being ignored/steamrolled or getting hurt. Where nudity riders (legal agreements actors enter stating what body parts may be shown and in what contexts) are not created — or are disregarded —, forcing actors to expose their bodies in a way that they do not consent to. Where directors pressure actors into performing things in the moment they don’t want to do and they don’t have an advocate who has their back. Where actors are lied to about the parameters of a shot and end up feeling violated or traumatized (like, you know, Wentworth).

This is the purpose of an intimacy coordinator. We are not about taming down or preventing “explicit” sex acts in the context of a scene. We are not the “sex police”. We facilitate, make sure actors ACTUALLY WANT TO DO WHAT THEY ARE DOING, make sure they have the tools needed to find that storytelling (yes, sometimes utilizing choreography, movement coaching, or suggestions for how to get from A to B), and make sure their boundaries are respected on set and in the editing room, with legally binding documentation because sometimes? The potential of getting sued is the only language of respect producers and directors get. We are there to protect and support actors, period. If that’s in a super “explicit” scene, right on. Shit, IC’s I know are literally even hired on adult film sets, and I think that’s fucking rad because those performers deserve a safe work environment too. And, btw? The only actors who don’t want us in the room? Are, in my experience, the ones with a history of sexually assaulting scene partners and who don’t want to stop.

So. Let’s not do the logical fallacies and the willful misunderstandings. You know why I’m here and you know what I stand for, and that sure as shit is not PG rated everything if that’s not the story being told. I’m here for safety so actors can do the work, happily and safely, as long as possible. Still don’t see why this is so offensive in this fandom.

[thatidicchick]

Gotta love that “block” function.

Also… just wondering how the trolls are handling the cognitive dissonance that their very own Sam Heughan is constantly owning the fact that HE brought Vanessa Coffey on as IC. HE found it important, advocated for this work, made it happen. He keeps talking about it. And clearly, he can do no wrong, so….?

(As a part indigenous woman I do have to say that buddy still should have stayed out of Hawaii when it was requested but that’s not the point of this blog and I’m not here to drag him for that)

I’m sure the troll perspective is that poor bb was manipulated or something but like… again. Not getting how people who allegedly value these performers or want them to keep making this show are so anti-safety (again, to the point of insulting safe performances).

Anyway, thank fuck that LT has been on Bridgerton since day one so when I start talking about that one too, hopefully that fandom will be less in favor of actors being abused…? The bar is literally on the ground and yet people keep digging..?

[thatidicchick]

Man, why are some people out here telling on themselves literally wishing for unsafe work environments for their “faves”?

Or being like “ew that scene was filmed safely it shouldn’t have happened at all”?

Like… uh…

Who hurt you?

(Also, the “they’re secretly subjecting audience members to watching literal porn THEY ARE ACTUALLY FUCKING” to “well, obviously the IC was only hired to help ~young actors; SC are just winging it” to Sam coming out and saying the IC did in fact help on their scenes and now “ew the IC scenes are bad” [now you’re calling SC bad actors?] pipeline is… telling.)

[thatidicchick]

From the man himself…

Proof that Vanessa Coffey DID work on the Jamie/Claire scenes. He also goes on later in the interview to say that her work helped enrich their scenes, which is EXACTLY it… in addition to safety work, IDICs are there to support an actor’s instincts and strengthen the storytelling in a safe, dynamic and repeatable way through choreo or movement coaching, not to be a puppet master. I still fail to understand why some of y’all think this is a bad thing.

Outlander's Sam Heughan on season 6's sex scenes – and Jamie and Claire's future

"They just want a quiet life, don’t they?"

[thatidicchick]

I wonder how many of these people have experience in professional acting, intimacy work, or on professional film sets? 🥰🥰🥰

Oh wait? Probably none of them?

But… like… I’m a professional IDIC? With experience on professional stage and film productions??? Omg, i wonder who knows what they’re talking about?? 😘😘😘😘

Appreciate the attention/widening of my audience anyway! Always happy to share my *professional* opinion. ☺️

[thatidicchick]

Okay.

So.

Holy shit. Vanessa Coffey did some amazing work on 6.01.

In general, like I said before, you can FEEL a higher level of comfort and confidence in characters with intimate relationships this season. It’s 100% palpable.

I’m sure I’ll have more time to talk about that later.

For today —

And I mean, sort of spoilers below —

We’ll talk about the scene of intimacy between Jamie and Claire.

There are A TON of positive things I can say about this scene. Masterfully staged, shot (having an IC in the room does actually make a difference with cinematography), and performed… truly, no notes.

Two elements I want to acknowledge in particular —

Gaze and destination.

Gaze refers simply to eye contact. Making and breaking eye contact (often related to the ideas referred to as “seeking and avoiding” in the IDIC world) is HUGE in telling the story of intimacy. Sam Heughan’s unwavering gaze as Jamie, and the way the cinematography captures it is PERFECT for the storytelling of this moment and the emotional state of the character. Beautiful, beautiful work.

When we talk about destination in IDIC work, we’re thinking about where a body part starts contact vs where it’s headed. It’s important this is specific — without specificity, we get a lot of half movements, flappy hands, and generally very messy storytelling (in intimate performance as a whole — not calling out anything in particular in OL, to be clear). Not so in this episode at all. Here, we saw a lot of really lovely destination work with noses, lips, and hands, esp. at the beginning of the sequence here… very focused movement that, you’ll notice, felt neither “overly choreographed” (a common concern) or unmotivated. It read as honest, real, emotional, focused… perfect. Pacing was also gorgeous — compared to some of the intimacy in season five, NOTHING was rushed. Hand placement and destination work at the end of the moment of intimacy was also beautiful as well and very, very strong storytelling.

I just want to point out again that, on a film set for a show like this, you do not just do things once. We know for a fact that OL scenes of intimacy involve multiple takes. Choreography performed by highly skilled actors keeps that consistency so we get a beautiful, specific, powerful end product like what aired tonight. (And yes, we do know that the IC worked with Sam and Cait [the reference to the “safe word”/self care cue in that interview], even if she was there also to help newer performers. There is no actor so experienced they don’t benefit from an outside eye or learning a cutting edge technique.)

I’m so very excited to see what else Ms Coffey does in this season….. and I sure hope that episodes like tonight will help people see that an IC is only there to help the actors and it can seriously, seriously pay off with some awesome storytelling.

[thatidicchick]

I’ve only just gotten into the first episode of season six of outlander…

But my god Vanessa Coffey’s presence as intimacy coordinator is palpable.

Like… you can just FEEL the difference, even with performers who are well accustomed to performing intimacy. It’s infinitely more comfortable… shots are framed better….

Queen.

[thatidicchick]

So let’s talk about what the hell is going on with nudity on Euphoria.

If you don’t know already — several articles have come out recently with female identifying performers stating that the creator/director, Sam Levinson, has asked for high degrees (if not complete) nudity in scenes where it is not warranted in their understanding of their characters. While it’s true that most if not all of these performers have said that Levinson backs off when they express a boundary, THIS CONVERSATION SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING ON SET, and especially not on an HBO set (after their early terrible rep for objectifying female bodies/sexposition/etc, Alicia Rodis’s work on The Deuce led HBO to set a policy to always have an intimacy coordinator on set, handling shit like this).

As you can see from the *SAG-AFTRA* (the American film actors union) guidelines above — an intimacy coordinator should be meeting with writers, producers, and directors well before scenes are filmed. They should also meet with actors to communicate what they learned from the aforementioned production staff and negotiating what the actors are interested in performing/showing, and then completing a nudity rider based on the actors boundaries. THIS IS A LEGAL DOCUMENT. Meaning a director can’t on a whim say, “but actually, you SHOULD be completely nude in this scene because it’s ~interesting” or whatever.

Because the actors are saying they aren’t getting this information until they’re on set for that scene, there is a major disconnect. Is HBO not hiring intimacy coordinators for Euphoria anymore? (IMDB lists three, with apparent decreases in regularity after the first season). Are the IC’s who are hired not allowed to do their jobs (sadly common on film sets even when they’re “required”)? What’s the deal?

I understand Levinson values collaboration and developing scenes in the moment. To me, that sounds like an absolute pain in the ass because of the consistency film shots need, but to each their own, and if that works for regular scenes in Euphoria, rad. The line really does need to be drawn with scenes of nudity or intimacy (or stunts/combat), however. It is too unsafe and there is too high a likelihood of someone getting hurt. While yes, most actors have had the agency to say no to Levinson, others may not — it’s insanely traumatizing to be asked to, and go through with, performing an intimate scene you aren’t actually comfortable with. That’s why safeguards like ICs exist.

HBO, do better.

[thatidicchick]

I’m back to talk about OL season six. And apparently also euphoria because what the FUCK HBO I thought y’all had this shit figured out it’s not 2013.

Anyway.

Let’s start with this.

:)

[thatidicchick]

It’s intimacy coordinator, not intimacy coach.

And experienced actors, even actual theatre and film couples, etc, still benefit from having us around for reasons that are obvious if you look at my blog for like two seconds.

Also, fuck anyone who doesn’t value actor safety — I have been on so many sets where truly horrific things start without my interference.

Stop trashing my career plz thx 🙃

[crownqueenkate-deactivated20220]

I was rewatching S1 episodes of OL. How the hell did they film the oral sex scene in ep.10? I mean Sam must have been very close...I got hot 😳

I mean, he was definitely all up in there. I have no idea how he could have been anywhere else. And I know it’s weird because they’ve got a film crew there, but how do you not physically react to all of that? But then Sam and Cait have gotten into a giggle fest over liking people watching them, so… I don’t know. I have a lot of questions. 😇

[misterodamore-deactivated202103]

I forgot how graphic this was goodbye

[bee-kathony]

And right at the end you can see her body shake (that’s too real okay) and also you can hear her breath hitch…. that’s all I’m sayin….

[thebeautyis]

GET IT SAM.

(also he was 100% really up there during the fire scene in ep 11, fight me)

[give-me-a-thousandkisses]

y’all are killing me goodbye

[thebeautyis]

I’m sorry he was absolutely fingering her. look at her legs and hips. she’s squeezing. ok bye. 

[dillon7fan-deactivated20250108]

@outlanderamerica

[auburncurlslass]

And don’t even think for one minute she didn’t………!

[thatidicchick]

*cracks knuckles*

Sorry to spoil some movie magic, but…

For scenes of oral sex or digital stimulation, it’s all about cheating (remember, that’s film and theatre speak for using angles to make it look like something is happening that isn’t; this refers both to positioning of body parts and camera angles to make things look closer together than they are).

So for instance, for a scene of oral sex on a character with a uterus, the actor performing it would have their nose placed just at the upper thigh of their scene partner. Same is true for digital stimulation; finger placement on upper thigh (or maybe higher on the pelvis depending on angles, but upper thigh is common because the recipient’s legs can be used to hide what’s actually happening). The receiving actor uses breath and sound work (remember, we often call this “articulations of intimacy”) to create a convincing soundscape and diaphragm/chest movement.

In scenes where there are no outer layers of clothing also helping hide what’s actually happening, actors use barrier garments (in this instance, essentially a hair or skin toned taped on partial thong, most likely) because fluid exchange from a scene like this is a MAJOR health concern (ever worked a job where they make you watch the biohazard/cleaning up bodily fluids videos? Same story with things like this. Not sexy, but there is very little that is sexy about filmmaking compared to finished products).

It all may sound tedious, but I promise, if you’ve ever been on a film set for ANYTHING, you know that that’s the nature of the beast and that the process of capturing one single short scene involves tons of repetition; for the purposes of continuity and coherent storytelling, it’s just not going to be people organically going through this process. Ethical dilemmas (and physical discomfort for actors) aside, it would be a pain in the ass to try to capture anything approaching meaningful storytelling with actual oral or digital sex on screen.

[thatidicchick]

What is “chemistry”? And how does it happen on stage or on screen?

Chemistry is one of those things that, until the introduction of intimacy work, was kind of unquantifiable, kind of nebulous. Sometimes actors have it, sometimes they don’t. Directors would encourage actors to go to dinner, to go get drinks, essentially go on “dates” to try to develop chemistry (I know a film actor who, in the ~old times, would insist on having a make out session with new scene partners… “to build chemistry”. So he’d spring it on unsuspecting women who came over to do scene work. Not great.)

But chemistry *is* important. We want to believe what we see on stage or on screen; we want to believe that Romeo and Juliet have this great, all encompassing, overpowering love and connection. How to get there safely?

Intimacy professionals can help with that. A key component of what reads as chemistry is vulnerability. If actors do not feel safe enough to be vulnerable, if they are shutting themselves down around their scene partners, the chemistry won’t read. Creating a safe environment where actors know their boundaries will be respected is the first step to creating believable chemistry.

Secondly, movement work. What does vulnerability look like in an actor’s body? How is that sense of connection presented? Sometimes it’s through a willingness to take up space, always it reads with openness. Additionally, connected movement, connected breath, intense listening tell this story (think of Andrew Scott’s Hot Priest in Fleabag. The work he does in that role is remarkable, but especially the way he creates chemistry through openness, authenticity, and simply listening intently to Phoebe Waller Bridge’s Fleabag), to name a few. In many instances, choreography and more guided movement regarding gaze (eye contact), proximity, and how weight is carried in a space all contribute.

No actor should ever be forced to date a scene partner or have a random make out session with them to create chemistry (if the chemistry is there and they do fall for each other, cool — but forcing these actions with the end goal of a stronger performance is unethical, to say the least). And there are now, thankfully, many tools to help actors find chemistry with any scene partner in any production.

[thatidicchick]

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[gay-irl]

gay_irl

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

I know I follow the right blogs because not once have I seen anyone talkin bout a gay republican nfl player… my dash has been full of Sha’Carri Richardson posts as it should be. #BlackGirlMagic

[parlezvousladybug]

The first time I saw a photo of her I was like FLO JO HAS RETURNED

[omeryotam4]

This week I learned that 2/3 of American teens don't even know that 6 million Jews were murdered in the holocaust.

This is so shocking to me, as this might be one of the biggest events in human history.

I wanted to share my photos from my trip to Poland, where there used to live the biggest Jewish community, a community that today is nonexistent.

The 'grave' of the famous teacher Janusz Korczak, who said he prefers to die with his orphanage children when given a chance to escape the death camp:

A famous synagogue, that is now a museum due to lack of Jewish people that can operate it:

Auschwitz, 2014, after the nazis made sure to hide the existence of the death camp back when they left it:

Real suitcases of Jewish people who got to Auschwitz, most of them probably died in a gas chamber moments after they gave away their belongings:

(At this point we were asked to not take any pictures, so I can't show you the hair art the nazis made out of Jewish hair)

As part of a ceremony we did, we created a small monument with peace and remembrance in our minds. Mine is a growing tree with roots, to show how we grow using our history as guidance:

Today we have names of 3 million Jews who died in the holocaust, documented by friends and families. The other 3 million are unknown, because there was no one to remember them- their entire family and friends circle died with them.

I have my own family story, and my own grandfather is a holocaust survivor. It's hard to find Jewish people who don't have a holocaust story to tell because every single Jewish person has some connection to a descendant of a holocaust survivor, or is himself a descendant of a holocaust survivor.

There are 6 million Jewish people living in Israel today. Around 75 years after the holocaust. You do the math.

Please, remember this event. Please, don't downplay it. This is not another illuminati conspiracy. This is history, it has evidence, and if we don't learn from it we will get there again in no time.

Thank you for reading.

[blackqueerblog]

[bat-cat-reader]

Why are anons surprised that OL now have an intimacy coordinator? Everybody in the industry have them now. S&C obv don’t need one but lots of other couples with said scenes like Fersali, Roger&Bree, Beardsleys and hm, Malva and hmph... etc do def need one.

Yo creo què solo con Bree y Roger tendrìan què hacer horas extras😂

I think that only with Bree and Roger they would have to do overtime😂

[diggsydogsquee-deactivated20250]

To stop this from happening anon...😏

[auburncurlslass]

Anon....you ridiculous human being.....are you that blind that you can’t see or won’t see what’s been going on under the sheets, above the sheets, in front of the dresser, around the campfire.    Hell, I am sure that the sets are ready, cameras are in place, the cameramen turn on the cameras, the director says roll and they leave the room.  Sam and Caitriona just go for it and do their thing....which I’m sure they’ve done over and over and over.

[thatidicchick]

*sigh*

Hey um I play opposite my actual partner in a lot of intimate scenes and I still choreograph the work and have a second pair of eyes on the performance to make sure it reads well and makes sense for the characters (we aren’t playing ourselves, after all? Also our actual intimacy is not the same thing as what is performed on stage or screen because we have to consider what story we’re telling for the audience and how it looks?)

So… not touching the implication that this is a real relationship because whatever, not my problem or my mission here, but please for the love of god understand that even real couples who perform opposite each other still need intimacy coordinators for effective storytelling (and yes, still safety because directors push).

It’s literally just how filmmaking and theatre work. “Oh these dudes actually hate each other, let’s just have them fight and see what happens” would be a LUDICROUS thing to say because again, the consideration is for how it looks on film or from the seats in the house (plus, you know, safety)… and it would be shit storytelling because people legit fighting aren’t worrying about camera angles/doing things specifically that can be recreated the next take… there is ALWAYS, especially on a film set, so much careful consideration that being like “yeah just go at it” with ANY heightened movement work would result in some really boring and muddled footage. Don’t believe me? Watch some amateur porn.