âA chef without eating disorders? Groundbreakingâ J.A. x Chef!Reader
A/N: Guess what beefy, beautiful man dug me out of my writerâs block grave. I am literally in the airport waiting area writing this bc thatâs how bad this man has me. Iâve watched one episode of The Pitt so Iâm basing all of this mainly on the many fics Iâve consumed in the past 3 days and many, maaannnyyy thirst edits Iâve seen. Also Iâm writing the reader as a chef cuz thatâs what I know okay?
Tags: Innacurate medical terminology (obvs), Instant pining bc i do not have time for a slow burn with the way I want this man, graphic descriptions of wounds and blood, mentions of eating disorders, not proofread, mentions of smut so mdni (18+) more tags added as i update
Word count: 3.4k (ish?)
P.S.: there will be a part 2 with a lot of smuttyness to this. Just let me get home bc the airport has me in a chokehold rn.
Your eyelids twitch from the sudden brightness passing through them, turning the darkness behind the thin skin into a soft orange hue. A long sliver of light filters through the curtains making you squint as you slowly open your eyes and stir awake.
Thereâs a strong arm hanging over your waist under the covers that once it feels you move, tightens a little and pulls you closer under a warm chest. You feel the soft tickle of his hair against your naked shoulder as he nuzzles lazily into the back of your neck, a soft smile pulling at the corners of your mouth.
âMorninââŠâ You whisper, turning slightly back to him.
He grumbles something against your hair and the vibration of his chest against your back, combined with the tiny kisses heâs planting over it, rise bumps along your exposed arms.
âJ.JâŠâ Your warning passes less than so through the prominent curve of your lips.
âHoneyâŠâ He teases back then blows out a soft laugh. âFive more minutesâŠâ
Itâs useless to fight back once he pulls the covers higher and his arm threads under your left one. Almost unconsciously, his hand rests softly over your right forearm stretched out in front of you.
His thumb begins to swipe over the faintly-there scar, breath already growing deep and steady behind you. Your eyes stay fixed between his slow motions and the pale line under it, reminiscing that single night that chanced everything in your life.
You remembered blacking out mid shift. One second your head hung low over the cutting board, knife tight in your grip and sweat condensed on your brow, and the next, your eyes caught the blurry shape of your worried coworkers from the kitchen floor.
You remembered the drive to the E.R. How the passing cars turned into nothing but blinding headlights from your sousâ passenger seat, your usual pristine uniform splattered maroon. You cradled your right arm in your trembling hand, watching the kitchen rag slowly soak up the blood oozing from your forearm.
All your knife had to do was fall a bit too roughly from your grip onto the stainless counter, turn a few degrees and slip by the weight of the handle to pierce your skin straight down like butter.
You remembered the cold breeze cooling your heating skin as the passenger door swung open, the ringing in your ears growing through the disturbed silence.
You tried to walk yourself inside, save the little pride you had left from the accident. But your vision tilted on its axis and your knees bucked just as your bloodied palm crashed against the crystal doors.
Heads turned in the already bustling room, your legs giving in despite your sousâ weak hold on your good arm, palm leaving a crimson trail as you slid down.
You remembered the heavy footsteps vibrating under you, the cold palms cradling your face to keep you from loosing consciousness and the fuzzy vision of the man trying to hold you upright.
âsorry for bloodying your door.â You mumbled.
Then it all went dark.
âFemale, twenties. Heart rate unstable. Deep laceration to the medial left forearm, applying tourniquet to slow down bleeding.â
âCâmon kid, donât black out on me, I just clocked in.â
âPatient collapsed from suspected hypoglycemia and dehydration. Minor scalp hematoma from secondary impact during the fall.â
âAny arterial damage?â
âMissed by millimeters.â
âLucky you, kid. youâre gonna be alright.â
Your body jerked conscious with a sharp inhale, head turning towards the source, a thin needle piercing your skin and connecting to the clear bag hanging above your head. You felt the liquid crawling in instantly, cool and sharp following the parallel bag of O negative hanging beside it.
âFuckâŠâ You rested your head back against the pillow, exhaling defeated.
âThatâs one way to put it.â A voice beside you chimed in, your attention too focused on the setup above you to notice him at first. âGlad youâre awake, kid.â
You turned instantly at the sound, eyes wide and monitor copying the beating in your chest. The doctor stood a few feet from your bed, iPad in one hand and both arms raised in faux surrender.
The voice sounded familiar, caught somewhere in the unconscious of your brain. Your eyes took in the borders of his face, a little more defined now that you werenât bleeding out on the emergency floor.
He rested the iPad slowly by your feet, brows raised at the way your narrowed eyes analyzed each of his movements. With a slow hand, he reached into the side pocket over his chest and pulled out the thin penlight, wiggling it a little towards you.
âIâm just gonna check your responses, okay?â He waited until you finished scanning him, then quickly nodded.
âIâm doctor Abbot, can you tell me your name?â He asked once he was standing closer, close enough for you to catch the soft hint of cologne and hand sanitizer.
Your voice came out softer than you would have liked as your eyes darted over his features, the strong jaw, prominent nose and concentrated gaze were more intimidating up close; you prayed your pulse didnât spike enough to trigger the monitor.
Doctor Abbot kept the same calm tone as he continued his routine questions, asking where you worked, if you remembered what day it was and when was the last time you had eaten. You took a little longer to answer the last one, saved by a nurse placing a tray of equipment by your side, then leaving you alone again.
He stood patiently by your bedside, arms hooked behind his back and brows raised waiting for a response. Then, as your eyes darted around the room devoid of an answer, he sighed softly and cleared his throat.
âWell- you donât seem to have a concussion, which is good, but weâll keep you in observation for the night just to be sure.â
You mumbled a quiet âOkay, thanksâ that he responded with a single nod, then dragged a stool from the wall to your side and sat down with an exhausted sigh. The room was quiet beyond the beeping monitor and the squeak of the latex gloves as he slid them over his hands.
âThat bad?â Your question disrupted the silence as his hands carefully began to remove the bandage circling most of your forearm.
He looked up for a second, watching you tilt your head towards the unit of blood, then back down to your skin with a light curve over his lips.
âEnough to warm up the night shift into rhythm.â
âBut, like⊠bad enough to need blood?â
âWell-â He hummed turning your arm in his grip to analyze the residentâs stitches, then answered. â-yours was all over your uniform, my uniform and the E.R. floor so itâs not like we could use it.â
The neutral tone in his voice contradicted the teasing curve of his mouth and the soft snort you exhaled, turned your pale skin into a healthy shade of pink over your cheeks.
âFlex your fingers for me?â He asked and yours immediately reacted. âBeautifulâŠâ Abbot muttered concentrated.
His words landed inside somewhere they definitely didnât belong, especially for the situation you were in.
âWhyâd you think about that?â
You shrugged. âItâs kinda weird.â You tried to pay attention to anything but the heat of his hand pressing over yours behind the latex. âThe idea of having a strangerâs blood in me.â
He looked up, expression curious. âHow so?â
âI dunno⊠just the concept of a stranger unknowingly helping save my life, I guess.â
Abbot hummed again, gaze squinted over your skin and your words heavy in his head.
âIf it makes you feel any better, itâs not like the strangerâs a psycho or anythingâŠâ
You exhale a soft laugh that didnât go unregistered by the doctor, too busy rolling your eyes to catch the glint behind his own.
âAnd how would you know?â
âCause itâs mine. Does this hurt?â
The newly accommodated blood inside you froze, head snapping up in his direction quick enough for the spots to blur the edges of your vision again.
âWhat?â
âDoes this hurt?â He asked again quizzically, as if he had just casually mentioned the weather and not revealed some important information to you.
He pressed again delicately by the sides of your arm, attention fully darting over your face to catch any glimpse of a reaction.
âIt doesnât- what do you mean âyoursâ?â
He shrugged in return, fingers prodding over a different spot closer to the wound. âYou needed blood and Iâm a universal donar.â Is all he said.
You nodded slow. âOh.â
Silence invaded the small room again as he finished examining the wound and asking you to flex each finger one last time, only a low rumble could be heard every once in a while from the adjacent emergency room.
Once he was satisfied with the state of your progress, Abbot laid your arm carefully over your thigh and turned to the tray for some alcohol and gauze.
âSo⊠do I need to request a psych eval?â Abbot asked too casually, voice purposefully calm.
Though his back was slightly turned to you, his attention was anything but casual. He could hear the ruffling of your feet under the uncomfortable sheet and the almost imperceptible jump in the monitor.
The doctor turned to look at you again, brows permanently raised in expectation now. He didnât expect your attention to be already on him when he turned, eyes too wide and head tilted slightly to the side as you contemplated his question. He swallowed the sudden dryness.
âWhat dâyou mean? Like if I tried to kill myself?-â
â-This might sting a bit.â
â-o-okay- ahâ A hiss escaped at the cold contact. â-I didnât. Try to kill myself, if thatâs what youâre asking.â
âSo howâd this happen?â He asked, touch warm under the latex as he carefully dabbed the gauze around a few stray dots of blood, the sting slowly dying down.
âWork accident.â Your answer came too quickly, a little too rehearsed.
He hummed again, slow nods in a way a parent would when a lie wasnât believed. You wondered if he had practiced the same nod with his own kids; after all, he seemed to have the age of a man who would have them and the attractiveness of someone who was at the very least married.
âAnd was that before or after you fainted from malnutrition?â He asked too casually again.
Your lips stuttered wordless, color heavily crawling up your neck and ears. âI-Iâm not-â
â-We run tests.â Abbot interrupted before you had a chance to lie and your blood- his blood- ran cold again. âYou were bleeding out faster for someone your age so we ran tests and your hemoglobin levels showed pretty low.â
Youâd normally hate the slight condescending twang he was addressing you with, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, but it seemed to be more out of habit than disdain and wondered how many times heâd have to use the same tone to have it practiced down to perfection.
âDid you know youâre one stage away from severe anemia?â
You bit the inside of your lip and watched him turn back and change the gauze, dab it in a brownish liquid, then back over your skin.
âI⊠did not.â Your confession came out meek, a soft barely there sound above the beeping. âAt least not consciously.â
That at least wasnât a full lie. Sometimes your job got the best of you. You had to be the fastest, the toughest, the best as the only woman in a room full of grown men who never gave you a second thought despite your hierarchy. The fact that many of them had been working since before you were born didnât help and being recommended for the job fresh out of culinary school practically cemented you as the lowest link in their food chain.
So you worked extra hard to earn your place, first one in, last one out. Quick on your feet despite the headaches, pumping out dish after dish, that by the time closing came around, any trace of an appetite had vanished behind images of countless sauces and perfectly cooked steaks.
It was part of the job, you knew that. âA chef without eating disorders? Groundbreakingâ you always thought.
Besides, the voice in the back of your head constantly repeated that you could always afford to lose a couple pounds. But that thought was reserved only for you.
âYouâre a chef, right?â Abbot asked, looking up from his work once he saw your eyes too deep in thought over the sheets.
You blinked back a couple times, like reeling yourself back into the now. ââŠyeah. At Parker & co.â
âThe place with the Seabass and garlic ravioli?â
âYeah!-â Your voice instantly regained a bit of confidence, the soft proud smile over your face contagious on his own. â-youâve been?â
âNo, but Iâve been meaning to. Iâve heard a lot of good things about it.â You nodded in agreement, smile pleasant again and he hated to be the one to dull it out with his questions, as important as they were. âHave you?â
âWhat?â
âTried it, I mean.â
âOhâŠâ Your smile faltered, gaze leaving his and falling over his working fingers and the strange pit forming over his chest grew again. âIt-itâs complicated.â
âHow so?â
âI donât really get a lot of time with everything I have to do- and by the time closing comes around⊠I donât really have a taste for anything.â
He nodded understanding, more than he would have liked to admit. âYou get full from the sight of it.â
âYeah, the sight, the smell.â you agreed. âIt cancels itself outâŠâ Then laughed as the joke formed in your head and he looked up amused. âPEMDAS and whatnot.â
The sound burst from his chest a bit louder than he would have liked, a hearty laugh that didnât belong between the corridors of the PTMC night shift and definitely not coming from himself. Yet there it was, as natural as heâd ever felt it despite the situation.
âYeah⊠definitely like PEMDAS.â He agreed with a nod over your arm, failing to hear the way the sound of his laugh spiked up the beeping tempo of the monitor, if only for a moment.
He worked slower than normal in the comfortable silence. Typically, he would have patched you up in five minutes max, questions and worry forgotten once he crossed the door out and mind already racing over the next case. But as he began to cover your arm in a clean gauze, he found his movements delayed, wrapping and unwrapping the same tender spot multiple times for a perfect overlap.
Despite the voice in the back of his head yelling about how borderline unprofessional he was acting, he decided to ignore it; instead basking in the little peace your presence had allowed him for the night.
âIf they needed him, Dana would have found him in a second anyway.â he thought.
His manifestation powers should be researched because, just after securing the gauze with surgical tape over your wrist, the door to his back opened subtly, washing the silence away with a wave of classic emergency commotion.
âDr. Abbot? Dana needs you in the bay. MCC about five minutes away.â
Your chest deflated over the nurseâs words, bubble bursting and dragging you back down into reality.
âYeah, Iâll be there in a sec, Princess.â Abbot spoke with the same authoritarian tone as before, quickly slipping back into his attending role. She nodded and closed the door, quiet invading again.
You swallowed back the dryness in your throat and watched him place your arm back to your side with care, then stand and push the stool back to its original place.
You expected him to leave without a word, whatever a MCC was, it seemed like a pretty big deal; instead he stood motionless beside you, hands again behind his back and gaze darting over your heating face.
âYou should come by someday.â You blurted impulsively, word vomit out before even passing through your brain. âTo the restaurant⊠I mean.â
You bit the inside of your cheek waiting for a response, each second he stared at you felt torturously slow, like a bad idea waiting to happen.
Then a soft curve broke the stoicism of his lips and a single nod was enough to put air in your lungs.
âYeah⊠I will.â
âMy treat.â You added. His mouth opened again to deny but you raised your recently repaired arm in dismissal. âTake it as a thank you, yâknow, for the blood nâ all.â
Abbot breathed out a laugh, shaking his head as one hand came up to rub the back of his neck. âDinner over blood seems like a nice deal.â
You chuckled back. âRight?â
ââŠYeah.â His gaze dropped back to your arm.
âTake care of yourself, okay kid?â His tone softer than you had heard it.
Dr. Abbot took a step back then stopped mid turn, as if his body wouldnât let him leave without getting the words off his chest. He was glad it wasnât him connected to the monitor, his accelerated pulse beating only in his ears.
âIf itâs worth anything, youâre a very beautiful young woman. You donât need to starve yourself for that to be true.â
His gaze froze over the white tiles, then he nodded one last time and turned on his good leg towards the exit.
âThank you Dr. Abbot.â You muttered as he opened the door.
âJust Jack, is fine.â With his back towards you, he couldnât see how the apples of your cheeks finally reflected a carmine you had lost long ago, smile reaching your eyes.
âThank you⊠just Jack.â You repeated.
And as the door shut behind him, you couldnât see the similar tint of red over his own features.
Youâre not sure when the exhaustion hit, between three and four a.m. You remembered a nurse coming in to change the IVs while the sky beyond the window was still dark. And as the sun started to turn the sky into a soft purple, your vision focused on the round⊠thing disrupting the sterile white of the room.
Over the bedside table on your right sat an orange, bright and clean. Sticker still intact and under it, a defined âAâ that bloomed a smile over your rose dusted cheeks.
someone i saw in a dream once...| C. Berzatto x fem!reader oneshot
a/n: creds to the lovely @thebearer bc i love her dad!carm blurbs and wanted to try it out myself... loved it btw. happy holidays and happy new year to you all đâšđ§ž
ps. I was actually gonna call this "a very merry hoe-liday special" lol
WARNINGS: smut, piv unprotected sex, dirty talk, reader is on birth control but isn't mentioned (wrap it up IRL tho), minors DNI but you'll do what you want so don't say I didn't warn you
âYours?â He asked lazily.
âUh⊠no.â A nervous laugh escaped your chest from your space on the warm bed, one of his arms wrapped around you as the other played with your hand above the covers. âI donât wanna argue about why we havenât baptized her yet, again.â
âThatâs fair.â He responded with a chuckle.Â
âYours?â You asked back.
Carmy shook his head immediately. âFuck no.âÂ
âYâknow, sheâs gonna ask why weâve never been to her Grams when sheâs olderâŠâÂ
âAnd when sheâs older. Iâll tell her âbout the time her âGramsâ ran the car through the living room on Christmas Eve.â He stayed silent for a little longer and you moved your gaze from your intertwined hands to his creased brows.Â
As best as you could, you pulled your other arm from under the covers and up to caress the side of his jaw, drawing his eyes back to you.
âI donât wanna put her through that shit.âÂ
You nodded and offered a thin smile âNo- I know.â then dropped your head back over his warm chest. âWe donât have to do anything. Weâll just stay here, watch somethinâ make breakfast⊠and maybe see the lights when itâs not so cold out.â
âYou think sheâll like that?â
âOh yeah,â You reassured. âPjs all day, presents and The Grinch? Sheâs gonna eat that shit up.â Your words made Carmy chuckle again, the sour memory buried back as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.Â
âI dunno why she likes that movieâŠâ He murmured, adding kiss after kiss around your beaming face. âFuckinâ green thingâs creepy.â
You laughed and slid your arms around his neck while he dropped slowly over your laying body. âProbably reminds her of you, you grinch.â
âOh yeah? You think Iâm a grinch?â Carmy teased, smiling as he continued to drag his lips along your skin, down the side of your jaw and to the little spot against your neck that drew shaky breaths.
One of his hands pushed against the plush mattress to hold himself up while the other began to rake smoothly up your naked thigh. You nodded in agreement, giggling when the soft curls tickled the side of your cheek.
âSave it for naptime-â You reminded him. âYour kidâs got the best timing-â
Almost like clockwork, three little knocks barely rattled the door and you raised your brows up at Carmy. âTold yaâ you mouth at him then asked teasingly âWho is it?â.
A little giggle made it past the wood, followed by a tiny voice. âMe mamma!â And another three hurried knocks.
âCome in!â You sang back again as Carmy pushed himself off you and you leaned up just in time to hear the door creak and catch the tiny human hurling herself into the unmade bed. âOmf!â
âMerry Christmas!â She shouted with extended arms once she managed to balance herself over the duvet on her knees.Â
She threw her tiny arms around both of your necks and pulled you in for a hug as tight as her little strength allowed her. You corresponded the embrace, one arm circling her, while the other hugged Carmy.Â
âOh merry Christmas, pretty girl! Did you go see what Santa brought you?â You asked, pushing back the wild hairs she had inherited from her father. She shook her head no.Â
âArenât you curious?â Carmy asked and she nodded. âCause I think I heard a little bell last nightâŠâ
That was enough to rattle her excitement even more, a gasp obvious over her flushed cheeks and before you could say anything else, she dragged herself off the bed and onto the floor.Â
âCâmon Daddy!â The little girl ordered, taking his hand and dragging him out the room with her.Â
Your smile beamed as you waved a teasing goodbye at him, then threw yourself back, stretching your limbs into the bed.Â
âMommy hurry up!â You heard travel through the hallway and sighed out a short laugh.
âCominâ!â
**********
âVale, baby, not so close to the tv, okay?â You reminded the toddler from your space by the kitchen counter, slicing up fruit for breakfast.
âI donât get itâŠâ Carmy continued muttering by your side while whisking the batter.Â
You sniggered at his tone and shrugged. The theme song to the movie played through the speakers again and you could hear her little voice sing along as the stuffy in her hands danced to the tune.Â
âI mean, what even is he?â
âa whoâŠâ You answered obviously and he furrowed his brows again.
âa what?â
âNo daddy-â She turned around and pushed herself up on the back of the couch to try and appear bigger, stuffed grinch hanging loosely from one of her hands. âa who!â
You laughed as Carmen nodded jokingly, mouth trapped in an obvious âohâ shape and the sound of your laugh made her giggle even harder, before carefully crawling off the couch and padding her way into the kitchen beside him.
âWhatâcha making?â She asked curiously, standing on her socked toes beside him but barely reaching the top of the counter with her nose.
âPancakes. You wanna help?â He asked and she nodded excitedly.Â
Carmy turned to you with a small smile while wiping his hands on his rag, then moved down to pick up the awaiting child, who wrapped her tiny legs as much as she could around his torso.
âAlright chef Valentina,â He began, making her giggle and curl up against his side. â wanna pour the chips in?â
He sat her on the edge by the bowl and handed her the cup filled to the brim with chocolate chips. It took both of her little hands to hold it and with slightly clumsy movements, she poured them in slowly.Â
âAtta girlâŠâ He whispered, holding the bowl steady so she could whisk them in, and something about the sweetness in his tone warmed your heart.
You eyed them every few seconds, an ever present smile on your face. It really did warm your heart to see him that way, sweet and nurturing and kind. Carmy was what you always hoped to find in a partner one day, the kind of person you dreamed about but always assumed youâd never have; yet there he was, perfectly present as he helped your daughter flip pancakes for christmas breakfast.Â
âMommy look!â She called towards you, making your smile grow twice as big, if that was even possible.
âI see baby, good job!â You praised too and moved to their side.
She stood on her step stool over the pan, at a careful distance from the fire, while you and Carmy guarded her sides. A kiss was placed on her wild hair as you brushed your hand over her back then laced in into Carmyâs arm, leaning your head on his shoulder. A pleasant feeling of contentment washed over you.
**********
Breakfast took up most of your morning, between batter stains and sticky blueberry maple syrup, it was as if the tiring action of flipping a couple pancakes had worn your daughter out and before her plate was finished, her head had begun tipping into it every few seconds.Â
Carmy chuckled as he watched her chew herself to sleep for the third time while he got up to start clearing out the table.Â
âI got it.â You whispered, afraid to wake her up, though she was already out like a light against her high chair. âYou go put her to bed.â
âAlright little grinch,â He cooed and as soon as he pulled her up from her chair, her limp body draped over his chest. âhow does a nap sound?âÂ
Carmy kept mumbling sweet words and rubbing her back in a soothing manner as he carried her into the room. You would have joined them, but he was always the better one to put her to sleep. Something about him gave her a calming and safe sensation.Â
While Carmy took his time in your daughterâs room, you began to tidy up the kitchen. The ending scenes of the grinch passed through and the last songs served as ambience while you worked. You hummed along to the soundtrack, washing the last few dishes, when an arm gingerly circled your waist and the warmth of his chest pressed to your back.Â
âMerry Christmas.â He whispered beside your ear, pressing a kiss to your flushed cheek as a beautifully wrapped box appeared in front of you.
You half turned to him with a soft smile pushing up against your cheeks. âCarm, we said no presentsâŠâ
âJust open it⊠youâre gonna love it.â Carmy said with his characteristic shy smile as he took the soapy dish from you and handed you a drying rag.
You dried your palms and took the small box with caution. After undoing the ribbon and slowly pulling off the lid, a beautiful heart locket shone back at you, taking your breath away. With a slow finger you traced the soft ridges and the delicate designs, as if a piece of lace had been dipped in molten gold then shaped into the small work of art
âOh Bear, it's beautifulâŠâÂ
âAnd you can open it tooâ He added and unhooked his arm from around your hip to take the box back in his hands.Â
Carefully, he picked it up and pinched the sides open to reveal a tiny photo inside. It was from a few months back, you remembered the day. The Bear had just received its second star and Carmy and Syd had decided to close that day to offer another friends & family dinner. Richie had taken it outside the restaurant just before service. Carmy stood in the middle, with his pristine chefâs whites slightly unbuttoned, Val sat on his shoulders in her best dress and full of glee and you leaned onto his side, left hand cupping his cheek and glowing engagement ring full on display.
You sucked in your bottom lip to avoid the tears threatening to spill out, then turned to him fully and beamed with joy up at him. âYouâre right, I love it.âÂ
His proud smile reached the little creases decorating the sides of his eyes before he leaned down to kiss you with adoration.Â
Before he could go any further, Carmy blindly placed the necklace back into its box, then slid his fingers past your jaw, burying them in your hair. The movement of his desperate lips over yours left you breathless and despite not wanting to, you moved your face to the side to inhale a few deep and shaky breaths. He stayed glued to your skin, peppering wet kisses over your cheek, jaw and holding your hair up above your neck to grant him greater access into the area.
His other hand roamed down the side of your curves until it reached your hips, then it slid under the thin fabric of your shirt and up again, where it found your naked chest. His thumb skimmed over the tender skin of your nipple, making your hands tighten their grasp around the nape of his neck and sigh out another breath.
âIs sheâŠâ You tried to ask but failed as he continued his soft movements.Â
âAsleep? Yeah.â He answered in a deep tone and hungry searched your lips once more.
With each stroke of his thumb and pull on your hair, you could feel him grow harder against your abdomen and the images crossing your mind didnât help calm the arousal in your gut either.
âGood.â You smiled against his kiss and pulled him in deeper. âRoom. Now.â
Thatâs all it took before he nodded rapidly and began taking quick steps forward, guiding you through the short hallway and into your bedroom, shutting the door lightly. Once at the foot of the bed, Carmy pulled your shirt off in one swift movement and dumped it somewhere on the floor. Now both of his hands held you by your ribcage, both palms massaging your chest and pulling little moans from your joined mouths.
âFuck- I love you so much.â He groaned, slowly dropping you against the mattress and without daring to detach from your kiss, followed close behind.
Your hands found their own way to his hips, desperately pulling at the hem of his shirt until it was over his head in seconds, disheveling his hair even more. âI love you so much.â You mumbled back.Â
Your clothes laid discarded around the room in a few seconds, leaving you buried in between the covers and him. A long sigh parted your chest when you finally felt the sweet relief of his cock inside you, matching his tempo with the strokes of his tongue against yours. Your legs parted even deeper to make space for his thrusts, one thigh wrapped around his hips to accentuate them even harder.
âFuck- Carm-â You moaned close to his face, trying to be as quiet as you could with him slamming into you.
âShh, shh- youâre doinâ so good baby-â He praised as he adjusted his weight on his arm and wrapped the other around your thigh, pulling it higher up. âGod, you feel so- fuuckâ
His movements faltered for a second and he gave a soft breathy laugh that fanned the side of your face, then he placed another kiss over your collar bone and began to slam even faster into you.Â
Your soft cries vibrated against his skin and fueled his pace, almost rocking the headboard against the wall. Carmy rested his forehead against yours, looking directly into your eyes as he pulled your other leg up and spaced them both beside your elbows. The new change in position had you feeling him so deep in your core you could almost taste him and the way your eyes started to lose focus plastered a grin across his face.
âYou love it when I fuck you like that, huh?â He asked in a breathless tone, but all you could do was nod frantically. âSo fuckinâ beautifulâŠâ He mumbled over and over.
Each stroke felt deeper than the last, the only indication of your upcoming orgasm was the brows screwed over your face and the trembling of your thighs. Carmy rocked himself continuously into you until you couldnât take it anymore. A thousand little lights exploded behind your eyes, making your back arch away from the bed and your nails dig into his sturdy shoulders. Your walls contracted against his thick cock as he pushed in a few more strokes, before his chest shuttered with a contained groan and he let himself fall carefully over your panting chest.
Carmy pushed himself off you with effort and rolled to your side, then hooked his arm under your shoulders and pulled you to rest over his still rapidly beating heart.
âHow does a nap sound?â He whispered over your head after a few silent minutes.
You chuckled at his tone but nodded in agreement, tracing little shapes over his chest until his beats took a more relaxed tempo and the breaths fanning over your hair grew longer and heavier.
I am a writer. Not a content-producing machine.
I am a writer. Not a content-producing machine.
I am a writer. Not a content-producing machine.
Itâs okay if I donât have time to write.
Itâs okay if a chapter is delayed.
Itâs okay if my words come out messy.
Itâs okay if I need to take a break.
Itâs okay if I donât update every week, every month, or even every year.
My value as a writer is not measured by how fast I post.
My worth is not defined by kudos, bookmarks, or comments.
I am allowed to be slow.
I am allowed to rest.
I am allowed to write for joy, not for an algorithm.
Hi, so Iâm not dead lol I was just in a relationship that turned toxic and drained all the creativity out of me.
But thatâs over now so I hope you welcome our lovely fox back! Iâve also been rereading part 3 and even though I love most of it, i canât find a way to make it go in the direction i want it to so I may be re writing it.
been feeling like shit lately, so so sorry for not updating as frequent and for not responding to all of you sending me requests or messages. i promise i see them and i get so excited each time i get one but i just can't find the motivation to write myself out of writer's block and it frustrates me.
someone i saw in a dream once...| C. Berzatto x fem!reader oneshot
a/n: creds to the lovely @thebearer bc i love her dad!carm blurbs and wanted to try it out myself... loved it btw. happy holidays and happy new year to you all đâšđ§ž
ps. I was actually gonna call this "a very merry hoe-liday special" lol
WARNINGS: smut, piv unprotected sex, dirty talk, reader is on birth control but isn't mentioned (wrap it up IRL tho), minors DNI but you'll do what you want so don't say I didn't warn you
âYours?â He asked lazily.
âUh⊠no.â A nervous laugh escaped your chest from your space on the warm bed, one of his arms wrapped around you as the other played with your hand above the covers. âI donât wanna argue about why we havenât baptized her yet, again.â
âThatâs fair.â He responded with a chuckle.Â
âYours?â You asked back.
Carmy shook his head immediately. âFuck no.âÂ
âYâknow, sheâs gonna ask why weâve never been to her Grams when sheâs olderâŠâÂ
âAnd when sheâs older. Iâll tell her âbout the time her âGramsâ ran the car through the living room on Christmas Eve.â He stayed silent for a little longer and you moved your gaze from your intertwined hands to his creased brows.Â
As best as you could, you pulled your other arm from under the covers and up to caress the side of his jaw, drawing his eyes back to you.
âI donât wanna put her through that shit.âÂ
You nodded and offered a thin smile âNo- I know.â then dropped your head back over his warm chest. âWe donât have to do anything. Weâll just stay here, watch somethinâ make breakfast⊠and maybe see the lights when itâs not so cold out.â
âYou think sheâll like that?â
âOh yeah,â You reassured. âPjs all day, presents and The Grinch? Sheâs gonna eat that shit up.â Your words made Carmy chuckle again, the sour memory buried back as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.Â
âI dunno why she likes that movieâŠâ He murmured, adding kiss after kiss around your beaming face. âFuckinâ green thingâs creepy.â
You laughed and slid your arms around his neck while he dropped slowly over your laying body. âProbably reminds her of you, you grinch.â
âOh yeah? You think Iâm a grinch?â Carmy teased, smiling as he continued to drag his lips along your skin, down the side of your jaw and to the little spot against your neck that drew shaky breaths.
One of his hands pushed against the plush mattress to hold himself up while the other began to rake smoothly up your naked thigh. You nodded in agreement, giggling when the soft curls tickled the side of your cheek.
âSave it for naptime-â You reminded him. âYour kidâs got the best timing-â
Almost like clockwork, three little knocks barely rattled the door and you raised your brows up at Carmy. âTold yaâ you mouth at him then asked teasingly âWho is it?â.
A little giggle made it past the wood, followed by a tiny voice. âMe mamma!â And another three hurried knocks.
âCome in!â You sang back again as Carmy pushed himself off you and you leaned up just in time to hear the door creak and catch the tiny human hurling herself into the unmade bed. âOmf!â
âMerry Christmas!â She shouted with extended arms once she managed to balance herself over the duvet on her knees.Â
She threw her tiny arms around both of your necks and pulled you in for a hug as tight as her little strength allowed her. You corresponded the embrace, one arm circling her, while the other hugged Carmy.Â
âOh merry Christmas, pretty girl! Did you go see what Santa brought you?â You asked, pushing back the wild hairs she had inherited from her father. She shook her head no.Â
âArenât you curious?â Carmy asked and she nodded. âCause I think I heard a little bell last nightâŠâ
That was enough to rattle her excitement even more, a gasp obvious over her flushed cheeks and before you could say anything else, she dragged herself off the bed and onto the floor.Â
âCâmon Daddy!â The little girl ordered, taking his hand and dragging him out the room with her.Â
Your smile beamed as you waved a teasing goodbye at him, then threw yourself back, stretching your limbs into the bed.Â
âMommy hurry up!â You heard travel through the hallway and sighed out a short laugh.
âCominâ!â
**********
âVale, baby, not so close to the tv, okay?â You reminded the toddler from your space by the kitchen counter, slicing up fruit for breakfast.
âI donât get itâŠâ Carmy continued muttering by your side while whisking the batter.Â
You sniggered at his tone and shrugged. The theme song to the movie played through the speakers again and you could hear her little voice sing along as the stuffy in her hands danced to the tune.Â
âI mean, what even is he?â
âa whoâŠâ You answered obviously and he furrowed his brows again.
âa what?â
âNo daddy-â She turned around and pushed herself up on the back of the couch to try and appear bigger, stuffed grinch hanging loosely from one of her hands. âa who!â
You laughed as Carmen nodded jokingly, mouth trapped in an obvious âohâ shape and the sound of your laugh made her giggle even harder, before carefully crawling off the couch and padding her way into the kitchen beside him.
âWhatâcha making?â She asked curiously, standing on her socked toes beside him but barely reaching the top of the counter with her nose.
âPancakes. You wanna help?â He asked and she nodded excitedly.Â
Carmy turned to you with a small smile while wiping his hands on his rag, then moved down to pick up the awaiting child, who wrapped her tiny legs as much as she could around his torso.
âAlright chef Valentina,â He began, making her giggle and curl up against his side. â wanna pour the chips in?â
He sat her on the edge by the bowl and handed her the cup filled to the brim with chocolate chips. It took both of her little hands to hold it and with slightly clumsy movements, she poured them in slowly.Â
âAtta girlâŠâ He whispered, holding the bowl steady so she could whisk them in, and something about the sweetness in his tone warmed your heart.
You eyed them every few seconds, an ever present smile on your face. It really did warm your heart to see him that way, sweet and nurturing and kind. Carmy was what you always hoped to find in a partner one day, the kind of person you dreamed about but always assumed youâd never have; yet there he was, perfectly present as he helped your daughter flip pancakes for christmas breakfast.Â
âMommy look!â She called towards you, making your smile grow twice as big, if that was even possible.
âI see baby, good job!â You praised too and moved to their side.
She stood on her step stool over the pan, at a careful distance from the fire, while you and Carmy guarded her sides. A kiss was placed on her wild hair as you brushed your hand over her back then laced in into Carmyâs arm, leaning your head on his shoulder. A pleasant feeling of contentment washed over you.
**********
Breakfast took up most of your morning, between batter stains and sticky blueberry maple syrup, it was as if the tiring action of flipping a couple pancakes had worn your daughter out and before her plate was finished, her head had begun tipping into it every few seconds.Â
Carmy chuckled as he watched her chew herself to sleep for the third time while he got up to start clearing out the table.Â
âI got it.â You whispered, afraid to wake her up, though she was already out like a light against her high chair. âYou go put her to bed.â
âAlright little grinch,â He cooed and as soon as he pulled her up from her chair, her limp body draped over his chest. âhow does a nap sound?âÂ
Carmy kept mumbling sweet words and rubbing her back in a soothing manner as he carried her into the room. You would have joined them, but he was always the better one to put her to sleep. Something about him gave her a calming and safe sensation.Â
While Carmy took his time in your daughterâs room, you began to tidy up the kitchen. The ending scenes of the grinch passed through and the last songs served as ambience while you worked. You hummed along to the soundtrack, washing the last few dishes, when an arm gingerly circled your waist and the warmth of his chest pressed to your back.Â
âMerry Christmas.â He whispered beside your ear, pressing a kiss to your flushed cheek as a beautifully wrapped box appeared in front of you.
You half turned to him with a soft smile pushing up against your cheeks. âCarm, we said no presentsâŠâ
âJust open it⊠youâre gonna love it.â Carmy said with his characteristic shy smile as he took the soapy dish from you and handed you a drying rag.
You dried your palms and took the small box with caution. After undoing the ribbon and slowly pulling off the lid, a beautiful heart locket shone back at you, taking your breath away. With a slow finger you traced the soft ridges and the delicate designs, as if a piece of lace had been dipped in molten gold then shaped into the small work of art
âOh Bear, it's beautifulâŠâÂ
âAnd you can open it tooâ He added and unhooked his arm from around your hip to take the box back in his hands.Â
Carefully, he picked it up and pinched the sides open to reveal a tiny photo inside. It was from a few months back, you remembered the day. The Bear had just received its second star and Carmy and Syd had decided to close that day to offer another friends & family dinner. Richie had taken it outside the restaurant just before service. Carmy stood in the middle, with his pristine chefâs whites slightly unbuttoned, Val sat on his shoulders in her best dress and full of glee and you leaned onto his side, left hand cupping his cheek and glowing engagement ring full on display.
You sucked in your bottom lip to avoid the tears threatening to spill out, then turned to him fully and beamed with joy up at him. âYouâre right, I love it.âÂ
His proud smile reached the little creases decorating the sides of his eyes before he leaned down to kiss you with adoration.Â
Before he could go any further, Carmy blindly placed the necklace back into its box, then slid his fingers past your jaw, burying them in your hair. The movement of his desperate lips over yours left you breathless and despite not wanting to, you moved your face to the side to inhale a few deep and shaky breaths. He stayed glued to your skin, peppering wet kisses over your cheek, jaw and holding your hair up above your neck to grant him greater access into the area.
His other hand roamed down the side of your curves until it reached your hips, then it slid under the thin fabric of your shirt and up again, where it found your naked chest. His thumb skimmed over the tender skin of your nipple, making your hands tighten their grasp around the nape of his neck and sigh out another breath.
âIs sheâŠâ You tried to ask but failed as he continued his soft movements.Â
âAsleep? Yeah.â He answered in a deep tone and hungry searched your lips once more.
With each stroke of his thumb and pull on your hair, you could feel him grow harder against your abdomen and the images crossing your mind didnât help calm the arousal in your gut either.
âGood.â You smiled against his kiss and pulled him in deeper. âRoom. Now.â
Thatâs all it took before he nodded rapidly and began taking quick steps forward, guiding you through the short hallway and into your bedroom, shutting the door lightly. Once at the foot of the bed, Carmy pulled your shirt off in one swift movement and dumped it somewhere on the floor. Now both of his hands held you by your ribcage, both palms massaging your chest and pulling little moans from your joined mouths.
âFuck- I love you so much.â He groaned, slowly dropping you against the mattress and without daring to detach from your kiss, followed close behind.
Your hands found their own way to his hips, desperately pulling at the hem of his shirt until it was over his head in seconds, disheveling his hair even more. âI love you so much.â You mumbled back.Â
Your clothes laid discarded around the room in a few seconds, leaving you buried in between the covers and him. A long sigh parted your chest when you finally felt the sweet relief of his cock inside you, matching his tempo with the strokes of his tongue against yours. Your legs parted even deeper to make space for his thrusts, one thigh wrapped around his hips to accentuate them even harder.
âFuck- Carm-â You moaned close to his face, trying to be as quiet as you could with him slamming into you.
âShh, shh- youâre doinâ so good baby-â He praised as he adjusted his weight on his arm and wrapped the other around your thigh, pulling it higher up. âGod, you feel so- fuuckâ
His movements faltered for a second and he gave a soft breathy laugh that fanned the side of your face, then he placed another kiss over your collar bone and began to slam even faster into you.Â
Your soft cries vibrated against his skin and fueled his pace, almost rocking the headboard against the wall. Carmy rested his forehead against yours, looking directly into your eyes as he pulled your other leg up and spaced them both beside your elbows. The new change in position had you feeling him so deep in your core you could almost taste him and the way your eyes started to lose focus plastered a grin across his face.
âYou love it when I fuck you like that, huh?â He asked in a breathless tone, but all you could do was nod frantically. âSo fuckinâ beautifulâŠâ He mumbled over and over.
Each stroke felt deeper than the last, the only indication of your upcoming orgasm was the brows screwed over your face and the trembling of your thighs. Carmy rocked himself continuously into you until you couldnât take it anymore. A thousand little lights exploded behind your eyes, making your back arch away from the bed and your nails dig into his sturdy shoulders. Your walls contracted against his thick cock as he pushed in a few more strokes, before his chest shuttered with a contained groan and he let himself fall carefully over your panting chest.
Carmy pushed himself off you with effort and rolled to your side, then hooked his arm under your shoulders and pulled you to rest over his still rapidly beating heart.
âHow does a nap sound?â He whispered over your head after a few silent minutes.
You chuckled at his tone but nodded in agreement, tracing little shapes over his chest until his beats took a more relaxed tempo and the breaths fanning over your hair grew longer and heavier.
The way you write Carmy especially the way he fucks just really gets to me and I looooooove it
But it was also so cute with their lil babe and I love the name Valentina Berzatto, have you given her a middle name too? My dad has his dadâs name as his middle, so now Iâm thinking about what if Carmy was surprised with her name as Valentina Carmen Berzatto đ„čđ„čđ„č
