The idea that God cannot stand to be in the presence of those who have âsinnedâ is the most repulsive and damaging in the Mormon religion and is the root cause of unquantifiable suffering. When I was 17 I had to go through the Bishop for absolution of a particular sin and the embarrassment and shame of telling a 40 year old man about just how often I stimulated myself sexually and being forbidden from the sacrament and temple trips was nothing to the thought that constantly God had his face turned away from me in disgust.
It got to the point about a year or two later where I finally understood that since I could never fully repent, the longer I lived, the more I sinned, the smaller and smaller my chances of making it into the telestial or terrestrial kingdom. Therefore, logically the best thing for me to do was to not live as long. I spent a few torturous months believing that the truly right thing for me to do was to take my own life. Not to gain the approval of God, but to avoid his complete and total disgust.
You may label him however you like, praise him however you like, you will never change the fact that the Mormon God is not a loving one, not when he turns his back on his children who are in guilt-ridden agony for breaking one of his illogical and cruel laws. What keeps me angry, keeps me turned determinedly against the LDS church is that I know my experience is not unique. I know there are other âsinnersâ buried in that toxic religion, drowning in it, looking for any way out. I only hope they find the right one.
This is terrible :( I'm glad you recognize you're not alone in this experience. Hell, Mormons aren't alone in this experience. Can't begin to tell how many evangelicals feel/have felt this way. It's horrifying and abusive.
