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[thatsnotevenmeh]

IM ALIVEEEE

just thought i should let yall know im okay<3 just been focuing on some stuff...and ive lost 55lbs since may so far! ....i mean im in a hard plateau and ive been in it for about a month...but HEY! Ive started losing again, so im gonna be back on my game! Got some trips to go on, going on a trip to canada to go meet my two online bffs, got a new boyfriend to go see (long story), and i have my birthday to worry about! I’ll probably not be active still, i just wanted yall to know im alright<33333

[thatsnotevenmeh]

oki im giving a life update

1. ive been restricting for a solid month now and im proud to say ive successfully lost 20lbs since then; the last like 10lbs were most definately water weight though. currently fasting for 3+days (since its 12:44am as im typing this, im on my 3rd day<3) but im reallyyyy dizzy and irritable. i almost snapped on my mom, my sister, my mom AGAIN, and one of my dogs twice. All for small, stupid things. Luckily ive been able to hold back, but i could feel myself about to break. 

2. my mother is now very aware of my rapid weight loss, and she keeps asking what im doing so she can do it too (she needs to lose some weight on doctor’s orders). i keep telling her to just eat a bit less and move more, and that keeps her off my ass for like a week.  3. my life has consisted of talking to friends on discord, talking to my boyfriend, playing video games, and planning out my streamer set up (oh yeah ive never mentioned it before, i wanna be a twitch streamer/youtuber now)

okay so my dizziness is actually getting worse as im typing so thats all for tonight. love you guys, stay safe, and dont give up on yourself<3

[thatsnotevenmeh]

turns out not only am i ugly but i’m still ugly while using a filter

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🤸🏽‍♀️

[thatsnotevenmeh]

so ive been restricting again

a few days ago i told myself i was gonna start starving hardcore again, and ive already dropped 5.6lbs within the past 4 days. yesterday all i had was 73 calories, and today all ive had is 14 calories. i was already eating less than 700 calories before, so today ive been really out of it and my stomach has been going NUTS for the past 5 hours. ive been debating making something to eat (maybe tacos since i have a lot of the stuff to make it, every ingredient being either low fat or 100 calories or less.) but all ive been doing for the past hour is crying about how the tacos (id make two of them, 300 calories each) would make me gain all the weight i lost back. whenever i think of eating them i just cant help but start feeling sick. but im really close to binging, and if i let myself eat now maybe i can stop myself from eating 2000+ calories instead. but what if i just hold out until tomorrow and DONT binge? that would mean i would have ate 600 calories for no reason. and what if i get a taste of the tacos and THEN BINGE??? i should just go to bed, i have therapy tomorrow. but im STARVING. BUT THATS THE POINT??? UGH JOFDGHIBFHKDSAFB EDIT: i didnt eat anything at all and forced myself to go to sleep and i woke up a pound lighter :)

[thatsnotevenmeh]

its big brain time

i just had a BIG relapse last week, and all my ed thoughts came with it lmao so i was craving ice cream (i have an almond milk one in my freezer but i feel guily eating it) so instead i got two bananas, drizzled them in a bit of chocolate sundae sauce, and stuck em in the freezer for like 2-3 hours. i plan on eating them in quarters so i can trick myself into thinking im eating a fuckton. It tastes even better than ice cream tbh and i think i might be obsessed

[thatsnotevenmeh]

my boyfriend says that anything under 120lbs is concerning

now i dont know how to feel about my ugw of 97lbs oof

[walmart-satan]

guys i can feel it this month is gonna be ours

[thatsnotevenmeh]

my ex blocked me

we promised we’d stay friends. we’d promised to never ghost each other. i was worried about him. now i feel like killing myself even though i broke up with him. why am i so hurt when i have someone 10x better; he cares about me, he has a good job, he’s gorgeous...so why do i still care so much? honestly i might have to leak his nudes because what the hell i dont like being double crossed and lied to. 

[thatsnotevenmeh]

i chose to do three of these ed bingo cards

[thatsnotevenmeh]

i feel gross

i just ate half of a quarter pounder that my mom made me take, i couldnt fake eating it because she wanted me to stay in front of her while i did it. it was only half, so not too bad, but i feel worse than i should because i allowed myself to eat two pb&js because i was literally about to faint from not eating/drinking barely anything for 4 days. im just thinking about all the weight that’s gonna come back because of this

only 4 tags because fuck me am i right

[thatsnotevenmeh]

woke up and took the bloodiest shit ive ever had lmao

i freaked out about it and told my mother

she said its probably a hemorrhoid in my ass

no tags because this is tmi

[thatsnotevenmeh]

my stomach wont shut up

its getting annoying

like be quiet and let me enjoy watching mukbangs instead of eating for myself

...also im letting myself rewatch all of Minx’s content and im simping HARD

[thatsnotevenmeh]

Starting off my relapse with some new rules for myself

1. no eating after 9pm

2. no fast food anymore (if i must eat something, it has to be under 500 cals)

3. if im hungry, eat an apple. if i dont want the apple, then im not hungry

4. do weigh-ins daily, log any progress

5. no more than 1000 calories daily; and 3/4 of them need to be fruits/veggies/safe foods

thats all im doing for now, so far ive been following these rules for 3 days. the only thing i havent done is my weigh in for the night. 

[thatsnotevenmeh]

ive got a NEW inspiration!

ive been watching twitch streamers for a long ass time, but it was only last night i found out that JustAMinx used to be 240lbs. that’s literally my starting weight. ever since i found out, it’s all thats been on my mind. I’m gonna become a sexy streamer just like her. 

[thatsnotevenmeh]

Sometimes i forget im sick

i just get the sudden urge to starve for longer. to push myself more. to punish myself for doing “wrong”. to jump off the tallest building i can get to the top of. 

[thatsnotevenmeh]

im alive

tried to recover and ending up back on my BED shit. I can’t even make myself throw up. It took me feeling a hunger pain to realize how much i’ve fucked up...how much progress i lost. Im ashamed to even go outside. i plan on just starting over with my weight loss, beginning with a 24 hour long fast. after that...i dunno what ill do.

[thatsnotevenmeh]

im still breathing