i made this blog because i wanted a place for gray aces to feel safe and understood, where we can discuss our thoughts, learn, make cool stuff, connect with each other, explore and celebrate our gray asexuality - because it deserves to be celebrated! 💜
my official stance is that all gray aces are inherently queer and count as asexual (unless they personally choose to identify otherwise). aphobia and exclusionism will not be tolerated here.
other acespecs, allies, and questioning people are also welcome!
gray asexual (graysexual) - in the gray area between asexual and allosexual. may feel sexual attraction rarely, at a low intensity, or only under very specific circumstances. there is no single way to be gray ace, and it’s a very flexible term.
gray aces tend to feel like we don’t fully belong in or relate to either camp, which can be pretty isolating. we’re extremely underrepresented and often misunderstood.
the asexual flag can also be used by gray aces - in fact, the gray stripe in the ace flag is there to represent us.
other acespec identities i post about a lot:
demisexual - only able to experience sexual attraction to people with whom one has a deep interpersonal bond, otherwise being asexual
aegosexual (formerly autochorissexual) - describes a disconnect between one’s self and one’s sexuality, enjoying the concept of sex at a distance (often through fiction) but having no desire to participate
the demisexual and aegosexual flags
aceflux - asexuality is inconsistent and constantly in flux, changing over time, possibly going from ace to allo and anything inbetween
two versions of the aceflux flag
orchidsexual - feeling sexual attraction, but not wanting to have sex or sexual relationships
cupiosexual - not feeling sexual attraction, but wanting to have sex or sexual relationships. as you can see, these two are pretty much direct opposites.
the orchidsexual and cupiosexual flags
all of these and most other acespec identities can be considered subsets of gray asexuality.
sex favorable, sex repulsed, sex indifferent, and sex ambivalent describe one’s personal feelings about either sex in general or specifically having it. (contrary to the stereotype, not all aces are sex repulsed; plenty enjoy sex for reasons other than sexual attraction.)
sex positive and sex negative do NOT mean the same things! these describe ideological positions: are sex and sexuality inherently shameful, impure, and immoral? should we punish certain kinds of people for having certain kinds of sex?
you can be sex repulsed and sex positive, and you should be. ultimately, sex positivity and ace acceptance go hand in hand.
grayphobia is a term i made up because i didn’t have other language to describe what i was seeing. it means prejudice specifically against gray aces, as well as demisexuals, sex favorable aces, and all acespecs who don’t fit into the “0 sexual attraction, 0 interest in sex” model. grayphobia can come either from allos or from self-described “real” asexuals.
card suits: because asexual often gets shortened to ace, aces often use playing card symbolism. the generally accepted meanings are as follows:
♠️ ace of spades - aroace, but often it is also used more generally for all aces
♥️ ace of hearts - alloace
♣️ ace of clubs - gray ace
♦️ ace of diamonds - demi ace
ace rings: a black ring on the right middle finger can signify asexuality.
gray ace, aceflux (alloace)
bi lesbian, genderqueer / genderfluid
i made a separate post detailing the way i tag stuff so that it’s easier for anyone to get around the blog and find what they need. here it is
regarding ‘this acespec thinks x is hot’: here is an explanation post; here are all the posts made so far
💜 things that are encouraged: sending asks on or off anon, asking ‘dumb’ or ‘weird’ questions, messaging me if you need some support or just wanna talk, tagging me in stuff, sending submissions, asking to tag triggers*, calling me out if i act bigoted towards any group 💜
*i will not tag mentions and discussions of sex and kink so if those make you uncomfortable, you probably shouldn’t follow
♠️ people who aren’t welcome: TERFs, SWERFs, antifeminists, transphobes, biphobes, panphobes, nbphobes, transmeds, queerphobes, aphobes, SAM gatekeepers, anti-MOGAI, anti-neopronouns, anti-mspec lesbians, exclusionists, gatekeepers, and assimilationists of any kind, “transrace,” “transage,” “transabled,” “radqueers”, “MAPs”, racists, islamophobes, antisemites, cop apologists, ableists, fatphobes, pro-lifers, sex negative and kink critical types, proponents of cringe and cancel culture, and people looking to start fandom discourse. ♠️
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