Andrew Kennedy

I'm an older brother before anything else. If you fuck with my family, you fuck with me and that's never pretty. For your sake, I hope you're smart. I'd really hate to get blood on one of my suits. It just wouldn't do for either of us. In any case, if you ever want to know more, your best bet is to ask.

[aidantyler]

I - of course, I’m always gonna take care of Nicole. Thanks, Andrew… I’ll um… I’ll keep that in mind, promise.

[the-andrewkennedy]

Good lad. Now, tell me more about this niece of mine.

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

So he didn’t want to tell me? I’m sure he’ll get over it, Andrew. He’s finally going to meet at least a bit more of his family. I feel so bad that he’s been away from us his whole life! I’ll make an amazing dinner and the two of you can come over my apartment. Oh now Kylie is going to have two amazing Uncles!

[the-andrewkennedy]

He didn't want to tell anybody. We had our reasons and still do. Want to win him over easily? Get him a double bacon cheeseburger and some pie.

[aidantyler]

Well… I’m uh, hoping for the best then, you know, with you not getting shot and all that.

[the-andrewkennedy]

We'll see... fingers crossed. I do hope you're taking care of Nicole... and if you ever need it, don't be afraid to come to me if you're tight on cash.

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

And why would he kick your ass? He’s just meeting me, it’s not a huge deal! I see why you two are twins now. You’re both clearly over dramatic.

[the-andrewkennedy]

Should I start with because I broke a promise or because he wanted to tell you on his own time?

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

Really?! You’re the best big brother ever! I’m so excited!

[the-andrewkennedy]

If he kicks my ass, it's your fault.

[aidantyler]

Oh, that’s cool. Well, I’m glad things aren’t as bad as they could be. Hopefully the whole shooting thing will stop soon…

[the-andrewkennedy]

Don't count on it, as they say.

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

I… okay. I won’t say anything. But am I at least allowed to meet Noah? Like… actually meet him instead of having him be some random guy at my wedding. I promise I won’t say anything to anyone else.

[the-andrewkennedy]

I-... fine.

[the-andrewkennedy]

[aidantyler]

I thought you were in like… business. I mean, that’s what Nicole told me at least. Not quite kindergarten, but it’s second grade so that’s close. I’d really hope that no children would hit on me… that would just be really creepy.

[the-andrewkennedy]

I'm a criminal defense lawyer. Sometimes, people aren't happy with the result. Luckily, Noah's had me on retainer so... things aren't as bad as they could be.

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

Andrew you need to ask mom and dad! What if they’re hiding other stuff from us? I’m glad you told me though, I have another sibling! Ew, Andrew. We can all bring dates and have a cute sibling dinner! Can we do that? Oh Aidan will be so excited when I tell him that I have another brother! Noah seemed so nice last time I talked to him and he was at my wedding! It’s like he’s already part of the family.

[the-andrewkennedy]

Nicole, don't tell anybody. I'm putting on my big brother face and asking you nicely. It'll be our little secret. There are more things at risk than your hurt feelings or state secrets mommy and daddy aren't sharing.

[aidantyler]

You’re used to that stuff? Um, well I can’t say that I’ve had as interesting of a summer… but I started my new job as a teacher and that’s cool and stuff.

[the-andrewkennedy]

Comes with the job. That's cool... what grade? Kindergarten, I hope. Five and six year olds are not as likely to hit on you.

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

You really are the best, Andrew. You’re going to be the favorite uncle. Even if you are the only uncle.

Wait… you have a twin?! That means he’s my brother too! Do mom and dad know you found him? Why did we never know about him? Andrew, why didn’t you ever tell me this? I would like to know that I have another brother, you know. We should all get dinner or something, you, me, Noah and Sophia.

[the-andrewkennedy]

I know.

Uh... right now, we're going with separated at birth... because... I don't know. I was going to tell you but... we agreed to keep it on the down-low and I shouldn't ever be around you without supervision when I'm  on pain killers. Why do I have to be the nub that shows up without a date? I'm not sharing Sophia with Noah. We might be twins but some things are not meant to be shared and one of those things is the pussy... just saying. 

[aidantyler]

I - wow. That’s… that’s really serious, I’m glad that you got out of there and stuff. At least on the uh bright side you got to have a foursome? Not many can say that… Okay so I definitely won’t tell her then.

[the-andrewkennedy]

Nothing I'm not used to. Anything else you'd care to share, wonder boy?

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

One day we’ll be able to spoil them… I just have to wait until I can start working and then we’ll have more money. Aidan already works two jobs for us.

Wait - Noah’s what? Andrew… I didn’t physically force you to go… I just wanted you there because you’re my older brother and you’re important to me. Fine, I know I can’t make you like him, I just wish you did. If you spent time with him you would reconsider. Please don’t list those things or ever act on those things. You might not like him but I do, so I hope you never hurt him, Andrew.

[the-andrewkennedy]

Hello, rich older brother.

Noah is my twin brother... we found out just before your wedding. I needed blood after I was shot and Noah gave up a pint or two of his. The test results came back... and... our DNA was almost identical. It''s not that I don't like him. I just pretend I don't. Part of my job is making sure he knows the consequences if he screws up.

[mrsnicoletyler-deactivated20161]

Well… okay, maybe we don’t have the money to totally spoil them but it’s enough money to make sure they have a nice Christmas.

Noah, work and girls, I should have known that. You are lucky you went to my wedding or you would have gotten into huge trouble! You’re my brother, you’re supposed to be at these big moments in my life. And why do you still not like Aidan? He’s done nothing wrong.

[the-andrewkennedy]

They will be spoiled. Just not by you or by wonder boy.

Noah's my brother... in a literal sense. Even though I was crunching pain pills and forcing myself to stand up so I didn't look like a transformer? Nice to see my little sister is so heartless. I don't have to be at anything nor do I have to approve. That's mom's and dad's job. I don't like him because it's my job to be the disapproving, older brother. Wonder boy is a lot better than some of the other things I could be calling him... don't even get me started on what I could be doing to him.

[aidantyler]

Shot? Over a girl? Wow… she must have definitely been with the wrong people. Glad you’re okay though. Should I uh, not tell Nicole about the whole getting shot thing?

[the-andrewkennedy]

Girls, plural. They were the daughters of some... cartel leader or something. Apparently, they were all engaged to the higher ups in the cartel and he, he being the leader, promised they'd be virgins on their wedding night. I had a foursome... and... he caught me with my pants down around my ankles. You can tell her but only if you want to be neutered, wonder boy.

[aidantyler]

Oh well um… I mean, I am doing well, you know, excited for the baby and stuff. How was your summer?

[the-andrewkennedy]

Quite well... until I got shot a second time. Apparently, I slept with the wrong girls and somebody had already staked their claim on them. Oops.