Not Real @the-i-d-a-lia - Tumblr Blog

quotemadness

“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”

— Albert Einstein

quotemadness

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

— Lao Tzu

unravelingthepain

Demons.. Clawing, scratching at my mind .. Wanting to break free.. At times in the day, it’s like those demons are silenced except they start to scratch to break free at night.. The demons are hungry, but with a twist.. They want my happiness and sometimes, I want to give in so badly .. Some nights, I can fight them off but most nights, when I’m left alone with my thoughts they tell me bad things.. Things like I should harm myself , and to just end my pain ..

The thing is, the pain I feel never truly goes away because it’s still there at the back of my mind, and those demons wait until my weak points to scratch their way out.. If I just give in like before, succumb to them and start with the drugs.. The cutting, the drinking constantly again.. Sometimes, I get so close to cutting and I gave in recently.. I let myself take a blade to my own skin and it felt good.. It felt good because in that moment, the tears stopped falling from my eyes and I just realized that I was meant to take the physical pain.. It’s what I’m for.. I deserve it, any type of physical pain and that’s why cutting calms me down because I feel like I deserve it..

The truth is, the demons are slowly taking away and I’m scared because I’m more depressed.. As time passes, they make me happier but at night, I break.. Each night when I’m alone, I break harder each time because those demons, they want blood and they deserve to have it because i’m nothing.. I’m just another empty soul in this world waiting for my pain and suffering to end.. That’s how I feel because I expect the worse always..

The demons in my head give me anxiety, whispering things in my ear.. Like everyone I love is going to leave , they’re going to stop wanting me around.. They’ll find someone better and that’s what the demons whisper before they strike at night and it overwhelms me.. It rips my heart to pieces because whether it’s true or not.. The demons.. Oh they have a way with words that pierce through my ears like the sweet sound of music.. My whole being soaking it up and letting it rip me apart like your hands with paper.. That’s what the demons in my head do..

alien

completly-numb-deactivated20211

alwaysdreamingandthinking

Just might...

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Please don’t have somebody waiting on you.

Please don’t be in love with someone else..

Where can I find love like mines?

After all the things I’ve been through, I really don’t care about money or fame. Why am I mentioning this? Because I’ve been through it. I found myself fell for someone just because I see something in them.