The Letter Game

[the-letter-game]

To: Sambel, [email protected]

From: Allrin, [email protected]

RE: I think you know the answer to that Sent: 9.4.54 9:19 AM

Clearly, Sandyman isn’t awesome if he can’t handle Tarantulas. And imagine the freaking out if he discovered that all the free condoms were gone! Of course, you’d have to find a way to smuggle them out, and, since he never leaves…

Dude. Delevan is awesome. What we did after I mailed you on Sunday was steal a bunch of condoms from the health office, pretty much the whole box, fill them up like water-balloons, and make a device to chuck them at unsuspecting passerby from his window. Best. Day. Ever. So yeah, there’s a campus-wide shortage of them. Send them on down.

Bad photos of a rose-haired (really, I think it’s orange, but it’s Delevan’s arachnid, so I can’t complain) tarantula attached.

Asper was a massive ass. I don’t care if he’s over that.

I have no control over the Rammer’s shower schedule. Wherever he’s stinking up campus, it’s not here. Maybe he’ll sneak in to take a shower once I go to class?

And damn, people wake up early around here on Mondays. I have a 9:30 class and I’ve been up since that stupid chapel bell started ringing at 8. That’s right, eight o’freaking clock.  On the one hand, I’ve been working on improving my impromptu-mouse (I cannot believe I went three days without gaming so far… and I’ve got like, five more before I’ll have a real mouse,) but on the other hand, it’s eight o clock.

Crap. It’s 9:15. Where are my textbooks? So glad I don’t need to find my socks…

Speaking of. The socks are a fluke. Three is not a significant amount of tests – and you call yourself a scientist!

Dude, figure out what’s up with ‘Tasha so I can quit worrying about it.  

Going to Intro to Runic Construction now.

Have fun with the touch pad.

- Al

[the-letter-game]

To: Sambel, [email protected]

From: Allrin, [email protected]

RE: I think you know the answer to that Sent: 9.4.54 10:37 AM

Dude. My mom’s sending you and ‘Tasha double chocolate chip cookies. Maybe if you get yours first you can bribe her.

Send me the schematics when you’re done. Delevan figures we can call anything we build now a class project.

[the-letter-game]

To: Sambel, [email protected]

From: Allrin, [email protected]

RE: I think you know the answer to that Sent: 9.4.54 9:19 AM

Clearly, Sandyman isn’t awesome if he can’t handle Tarantulas. And imagine the freaking out if he discovered that all the free condoms were gone! Of course, you’d have to find a way to smuggle them out, and, since he never leaves…

Dude. Delevan is awesome. What we did after I mailed you on Sunday was steal a bunch of condoms from the health office, pretty much the whole box, fill them up like water-balloons, and make a device to chuck them at unsuspecting passerby from his window. Best. Day. Ever. So yeah, there’s a campus-wide shortage of them. Send them on down.

Bad photos of a rose-haired (really, I think it’s orange, but it’s Delevan’s arachnid, so I can’t complain) tarantula attached.

Asper was a massive ass. I don’t care if he’s over that.

I have no control over the Rammer’s shower schedule. Wherever he’s stinking up campus, it’s not here. Maybe he’ll sneak in to take a shower once I go to class?

And damn, people wake up early around here on Mondays. I have a 9:30 class and I’ve been up since that stupid chapel bell started ringing at 8. That’s right, eight o’freaking clock.  On the one hand, I’ve been working on improving my impromptu-mouse (I cannot believe I went three days without gaming so far… and I’ve got like, five more before I’ll have a real mouse,) but on the other hand, it’s eight o clock.

Crap. It’s 9:15. Where are my textbooks? So glad I don’t need to find my socks…

Speaking of. The socks are a fluke. Three is not a significant amount of tests – and you call yourself a scientist!

Dude, figure out what’s up with ‘Tasha so I can quit worrying about it.  

Going to Intro to Runic Construction now.

Have fun with the touch pad.

- Al

[the-letter-game]

To: Allrin, [email protected]

From: Sambel, [email protected]

RE: And What’s That Supposed to Mean? Sent 9.3.54, 5:45 PM

Dude, I am not friends with the Sandyman. But you know, tarantulas are cool and I thought we could try to bond over something. Obviously not.

So you’re friends with spider dude. Cool. Pics? Not of him, jackass, the tarantula.

Cookies sound good. My mom says postage costs too much. What the fuck ever. But cookies are good. It might help. Try it. By the way, I’m mad at you, too.

Buzzkill is your lamest nickname yet. Lamer than when you decided to call Asper “Asparagus” because you were eating it at the time. Which I also don’t think he’s over. Dude, did you even realize what a dick you were in high school? Get over that. Like now. Or your roomie is never going to come shower. And then, like, ew. And everyone will hate you because the Rammer won’t shower because of your dickishness.

Also, why does no one understand the magic of my lucky socks? Can no one remember the times I won three competitions while wearing them, even when one of those competitions involved ‘Tasha and her magneto-bot? And all I had to offer was a tissue dispenser? The socks, man, it’s the socks. And you can’t wash the magic off.

All you non-believers are gonna see the light one day, mark my words.

I haven’t gone to any of the intro seminars. They tried to show us around campus, but none of it made any sense. I do not care about a bunch of superstitious folklore about every building. I just want to know where my classes are.

I’ll do that myself. It can’t be too hard. Also, while free condoms would be awesome, I don’t want to have to listen to a long lecture about safe sex first. Besides, Sandyman’s desk is overflowing with them now.

How he thinks he’s going to get that much action with a bowl haircut is beyond me. Your roommate, on the other hand, sounds like he could use some. Would you like me to mail them to your dorm room, care of “The Rammer”? That would probably be the best package to sort, ever.

Dude, don’t ask me to explain ‘Tasha.

I don’t have schematics yet. I’m trying to work out how to make it alternate by touch sensors instead of a switch. You know how I feel about plastic switches.

~Sammy~

P.S. Tasha’s avoiding me, I think. We have Intro to Rit. Sci. together on Tuesday and she won’t sit next to me. I’ll see if I can corner her.

[the-letter-game]

To: Sambel, [email protected]

From: Allrin, [email protected]

RE: Nitpicking. Sent: 9.1.54, 2:34 PM 

           Videography is easier. It doesn’t move when you push the button.

           I think I might get killed if I steal somebody’s pet tarantula. Went upstairs to find food, met the guy with the giant spider. He’s intense. He’s also the first person on this floor who isn’t boringly normal. He’s also got a weird name: Delevan. I think that’s how it’s spelled.

           Naw. Mom’s sending it, but it won’t be here for a week because of the mail. She’s sending me cookies. She’s probably sending you cookies. Do you think ‘Tasha would forgive me for whatever her problem is if I got Mom to send her cookies?

           RA is such a nag. He’s supposedly new to the job and if you wind him up any tighter springs will fall out of his ass. I think I’ll call him Buzzkill.            Dude, if your mom sent your lucky socks, either you’d die when you opened the box or the dude naming your shower film would adopt them into the rotting family. Wash them now. And then throw them out, because you have a hole for each toe.

           I saw him for like five seconds on the way in, when he corrected me pronouncing his name. Then he left, and either he’s shacked up with someone or he’s been abducted. Either way, not my problem except for the fact that his soap is still sitting there. I dunno if he showers or not, but if he’s a pop star, I’ll eat my own foot. His forehead is like his entire face.

           Besides, isn’t the dude your sister listens to sixteen or something crazy like that?

           Aw, shit. It’s been years. As in, plural years. And I thought she got over that when she started coming to inventors’ club again Junior year?

           … That means sending her the robot pictures from sophomore year was a dick move, doesn’t it? I’m no good at this. Hell, I don’t even know what to apologize for at this point. “Sorry that you’re like my sister?” “Sorry that I was paying more attention to your brains than your boobs?” What gives?

           They lock our science rooms. We’ve been having those intro seminars in the art rooms. It’s only marginally less hot than hell in there, I’ve already skipped once. (Seriously, as a team building exercise, sleeping is always better than sweating.)

           Don’t remind me about the burners. I still don’t think my eyebrows are quite right. And I lost that whole experiment.

           When did you become friends with the Sandyman? (Or why did you tell him about the tarantula? Unless he’s reading over your shoulder, in which case – HEY, SANDMAN! You’re a creep, you know? A real fucking creep. Private conversation here.) Which then makes my next comment, about your issues with the serial-killer fish sound really stupid, but fish are a just a lame thing to be afraid of, Sam.

           Yes. Schematics now. My laptop’s going to melt at this rate. Cooling pad would be amazing and someone is still creeping on my room to try and catch me with the fan, which is as noisy as hell but not louder than my neighbor’s music. Seriously, the RA needs a life. Or a date. Or a restraining order.

- Al

[the-letter-game]

To: Allrin, [email protected]

From: Sambel, [email protected]

RE: You Know You Love Me Sent 9.1.54, 11:56 AM

That wasn’t photography, that was videography. Which is way harder. Besides, I refilmed that project and we got an A.

I like our RA. He saw our box fort and I think he was supposed to tell us to take it down, but he took pictures of it instead and mailed it to the whole floor. Pics attached. Yours sounds like a serious nag, though. He’s not your mother, right?

Nah, your mother is cool. I mean, she did agree to mail you the mouse, right? I left my lucky socks at home and my mother is refusing to send them. I think she threw them out.

How are you going to call the Rammer that to his face when you never even see his face? Wait. You haven’t seen your roommate yet. What if he’s a celebrity? Isn’t there some singer named Ramon? I think my sister listens to him. I’ll ask.

Also, ew. He doesn’t shower? I mean, the dorm showers are shit; they feel like a warm hose most of the time, not home showers, and I’m pretty sure the guy down the hall has named some of the bacteria spots, but still. Better that than nothing.

‘Tasha…yeah, hell if I know. I got a text from her this morning, but all it said was, “College rocks!” which tells me nothing except that she’s actually on campus. I haven’t ventured into the basement yet. I’ve been holing up in the empty science rooms. Classes don’t start until tomorrow, and they have to keep all the chemicals cool or they won’t work anymore. Which reminds me, Al, remember when you accidentally left your burner by your ritual kit?

How can I have pissed her off if I haven’t even gotten to talk to her? I think it’s more like the fact that I still hang with you. I don’t think she ever got over you rejecting her. Like, ever.

Sandyman says no tarantula. I think he intends to kill it if you mail it. Just send cookies instead.

Dude, are you kidding? I haven’t been back in the room with the fish yet. Fish are creepy. They’re quiet and they never blink. Like a serial killer or something. Or Sandyman. My roomie’s fucking weird. He still won’t take his posters down.

I haven’t done anything productive since I moved in. I was toying with the idea of making some schematics for a video screen that would double as a cooling or heating pad. What do you think?

~Sammy~

[the-letter-game]

To: Sambel, [email protected]

From: Allrin, [email protected]

RE: Har-de-har-har Sent: 8.29.54 11:12 PM

Now, remind me again, who was the one who made sure we had to re-shoot our entire video project junior year? Something about a flesh-colored cave which was in fact a nostril because you were zoomed too far in? I can’t seem to remember that.

Well, no, but that’s because people are being creepers about it. I was sharing, but it’s supposedly not allowed, and someone told the RA. Yeah, that was a lovely talk – I hid the entire fan in my laundry basket and I don’t even have that much laundry yet. Supposedly there isn’t enough electricity to support everyone having a fan, and the suckers who can’t make their own were whining about it.

If it’s that dude with the loud music in room 216, I hate him already.

That must be an epic box fort, man. I folded mine up and put them under the wobbly leg of my bed. Wish my floor was that cool. Sorry about the earpiece. Could be worse, though: I had to make myself a new mouse out of a laser pointer and a pressure pad from that touch screen I took swimming in July. I can’t believe that I brought all the spare parts but not my mouse. How am I going to play any games with this thing? Got a sarcastic text from mom about it, too. She says I should have packed it earlier. (She just doesn’t get that I was using it up until I left. What did she want me to do, go without for twenty four hours so it would be in some box?)

Still no sign of the Rammer. (Stop it. I’m going to call him that to his face now or something.) Screw what Marcus said about roommates, this is getting creepy. I think he hides in the hallway waiting for me to go away so he can come in, or something. I mean, he has to shower eventually, right? If he’s shaking up with someone, he’s still gotta come back for clothes and the shower and stuff. His soap is right there.

Though that is seriously weird with the Sandyman. Not that campus food is exactly great, or anything, but… yeah.

I got my hot plate confiscated already (like I would have used it yet anyway for its intended purpose: I can’t use the fan when the RA is in and am hiding in the basement in an effort not to fry,) because the RA couldn’t find out what the other floories were whining about. So he took my damn hot plate. Good thing my roommate doesn’t seem like he’ll use it any time soon.

Dude. I’ll take your sister any day over these ingrates. Better yet, ‘Tasha. That girl would know how to make the wi-fi stretch down to this basement for more than five seconds at a time.

I don’t even know about her. I haven’t heard from her since… I think it was the beginning of August. I dunno. I just sent her a message again. Pictures of that robot we made sophomore year, you know?

Maybe it’s because we’re such massive nerds? I can’t think of anything else, because I figured she’d be talking to you. You don’t piss her off like I do. Unless she’s not talking to you because she’s not talking to me? Or maybe you pissed her off. Dude, I don’t know.  I can’t read her mind.

I’ll see what I can do. Maybe I’ll mail the tarantula to you. If I can find it, that is: haven’t seen hide nor hair of the thing.

Don’t let the fish eat your fingers, dude.

Or let Sandyman cut them off. (Seriously, what? A whole box? How?)

- Al

[the-letter-game]

To: Allrin, [email protected]

From: Sambel, [email protected]

RE: Like Duck? Sent 8.29.54, 9:01 PM

Dude, speak for yourself. I would totally not share my cooler. I need that sucker. You aren’t sharing your fan, are you?

What did you guys do with all your boxes? The people on campus won’t let us put them in dumpsters, but there’s no other place to recycle something that large on campus. My wing has decided to turn them into a giant fort in the study lounge. It’s pretty well built. The other floors are jealous.

“Sandyman”, as you’re calling him, has yet to leave. He didn’t even come to dinner with us last night. He made instant noodles over the hot plate that came with our microwave (on the condition that we don’t set anything on fire and I don’t engineer it into something more useful).

I wish he would leave. I don’t think I’d care who he has sex with in our room as long as the person gets him out every once in a fucking while. It’s worse than having my sister barge in on me when I’m trying to focus.

Dude. I saw your pictures. You’re lucky you don’t want to be a photographer.

RAM-on? Really? What’s he ramming it into? Or who. Ah-ha! His new nickname from me is Rammer. Because, you know. He’s always gone and his name. It can be his stripper name or something.

No, I didn’t bring a damn earpiece. Mom wouldn’t let me bring hers and the campus store sells them for, like, 90 gardines. I can’t afford that shit.

Man, you have your door shut? If I tried our room would overheat in, like, two seconds. Sandyman won’t even let me think about it. He glares at me every time I make a face at our neighbor’s taste in music.

A TARANTULA? And no pics. I gotta see that, man! The weirdest pet we have is this orange fish that’s bigger than my forearm and looks like it wants to take a couple of my fingers off.

Well, I’m going to go help with the fort. Stevhyahn just emptied a box of razors, so we have a flag now.

~Sammy~

P.S. She’s not answering my calls, either, man. You think she “outgrew” us or something? I haven’t seen her on campus yet.

[the-letter-game]

To: Sambel, [email protected]

From: Allrin, [email protected]

RE: Roasting Sent:8.29.54, 7:14 PM

I dunno, maybe because they’re always on their high horse about how it wouldn’t be fair to the people who can’t make one? It’s not like we wouldn’t share…

Yeah, just finished about an hour ago, if you consider finally bothering to take my pants out of the cardboard box and dump them in a drawer finishing. As for my roommate, haven’t seen him. He showed up, dumped his stuff, and left. I’m not even certain that he slept in his bed last night, since it doesn’t have the sheets on.

Absentee roommates. Supposedly the best kind, according to my brother. So long as the guy doesn’t decide halfway through the semester that whoever he’s hiding out with can come into my room, this should work out.

Dude. It looks like a dorm room. I put up my diagrams. We have a fridge. My window looks at a brick wall. That’s it.

Oh, fine. Pictures are attached.

Ummm… I can’t, because it sounds like a cat throwing up? Why don’t you get him to pronounce it? According to my door, my roommate’s name is Ramon, and he pronounced it RAM-on. He was very specific. I’ll be calling your roommate Sandyman from now on. Dude, you didn’t bring an earpiece? I thought you were talking about reverse-engineering one to play music as well.

Anyhow, yeah. I couldn’t take the heat, I figured that a simple fan wouldn’t be too much to ask, and now I’m having people knocking on the door. I’ve started pretending I’m not home, because people just come in to stand in front of the fan. And then it smells like other people’s nasty sweat in here.

Said hi to the wing last night. Most of them are ordinary, at least as far as I can tell. About half of them are sophomores. Rumor has it that somebody on this floor has a pet tarantula, but I haven’t seen any evidence of it.

It probably hates this heat as much as I do.

 - Al.

 P.S. Tell ‘Tasha I said hi. She’s not answering, and I’ve left messages. Dude, is she mad at me or something?

[the-letter-game]

To: Allrin, [email protected]

From: Sambel, [email protected]

RE: How’s College Life? Sent 8.29.54, 5:31 PM

I just unpacked. Ugh. Why do they expect us to do this always in the heat? I mean, a cooling mechanism is third grade stuff, and they don’t have one? They won’t even let us make one!

It’s not fair. Are you unpacked? You left last night. You should be. Your roommate? Your dorm room? I want pictures with your next email.

My roommate’s insane, I swear. He stuck up posters of some celebrity or other all over our walls. How am I supposed to put up my calendars and photos when some guy with a white beard and freaky tattoos is in the way?

Also, how am I supposed to sleep?

My roommate’s name is Stevhyahn. Tell me how you’d pronounce that name. He had no reason to get offended with I mangled it. I don’t think a trans-lingual earpiece would have helped.

I don’t know that we’re going to be friends. I should go say hi to the rest of the wing now, though, so I’ll tell you more later.

And email back soon, damn you!

~Sammy~

 P.S. PICTURESSSSSSSSSSSS.