The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

[the-log-ffl]

S11:W11

Guest write-up

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

The National League is clearly the better league. The highest scoring team in the American League (dbucket) has one more total point than lowest scoring team in the National League after 11 weeks.  American League has both of the Toilet Bowl participants unless Petey forgets he is needs to put Jonathan Taylor back in after his bye and Brad pulls out a few victories.  I think the Mish is looking at those Week 16 and 17 matchups and getting ready to turn it on where he excels.  I wouldn't want to play the most greatest Toilet Bowl team in history.  Brad going from the highs of winning his third championship to the lows of driving around with the license plate frame on his nice truck will humble him quickly.

For the rest of us, playoffs are easily obtainable with a few wins in the last 4 weeks.  Dusty looks like a shoe in. But I don't think he wants that cursed #1 seed. He might be tanking the final weeks to see if someone else takes the bait.  Also Congrats to Dusty winning the Small Dick Survivor. Consistency and his trade with Raj paid off.  That was fun. Definitely let's make that a thing every year.

Big Matchups this week.  Bend Slut Slayers and OTS are two 6-5 teams needing a win.  The crux of their matchup comes down to Jalen Hurts and my Eagles vs. Roman's five or so Cowboys in his lineup.  Feels very fitting.

House the Hard Cock is on a 2 game losing streak and couldn't face the Mish at a better time to get right. But Mish is looking to play spoiler.

Bradner needs to ride Matt Gay and take down the #1 seed if he has any hope of escaping from the Toilet Bowl.  Odusty feels like he might be due for a small dick of the week with his lineup of mostly rookies.

The Fat Fuck and Sordidus have a critical matchup.  Ethan looked dead at the start of the season but has come on strong proving you never doubt the heart of a former champion.  Why do his BDOTW photos look like they weren't even photoshopped.  He's cumming on strong at the right time.  Fat Fuck starting Alec Pierce and Charbonet will need Gibbs and Bijan to make up for them.  Slayers are holding onto Montgomery and Allegier just waiting for one of them to get injured. Feels like this is the week one or both of them tear something.

Raj and Petey.  Petey picked up Michael Wilson, a guy he has no idea is real.  Somebody is kind of trying this year and doing some research.  You might be in trouble Raj. Better hope JTT doesn't go nuclear on you.  Raj is going to need to be playing scratchy lottery all day Sunday to calm his nerves. 

Time to separate the pretenders from the contenders. Not sure on the Big Dick of the Week leaderboard. I think Raj and Hames are tied and  I just want one this season on my quest to get 12 so I can give my Canadian mother in law a calendar of all my photos for Christmas.  5 more to go. 

I know we have tried to get together to watch some football but life has happened. Can we at least as many as possible hop on a Zoom for the Witching Hour on Sunday.  I can send out a Zoom Link.

Hames league he created this year would actually work as a great Relegation feeder league if we ever do decide to go that route.  Imagine someone loses our league and Kevin Dearden wins his league and gets to move up to the big time.  Our OG loser could still attend our draft.  Just a thought.

Fly Eagles Fly!

Matt (a divorced one but not currently marital status of divorced)

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Roman Reed has the BIG Dick of the Week : 129 points 

House the Small Cock has the Small Dick of the Week : 59 points

Max will give the count of BIG Dicks of the Year. I just track Small Dicks.

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 160 Points.  

TFF Start # = 455.8

TFF Current : Have we gotten a picture of the weight scale lately?  My phone is having issues with group chats so apologize if I Missed them.  Keep up the good work Hames and try avoid picking up too much of that holiday weight.  

[the-log-ffl]

Season 11: Week 9

[the-log-ffl]

S11:W8 & 9

Yea, I’m behind. I’m behind in everything right now. I’m behind in my job, I’m behind on my pavers for the hot tub, I’m behind on my pushups, I’m behind on my haircuts,  I’m behind on my write- ups, I’m behind on my big dicks, I’m behind in my responses to daily trade offers from Hames, but worst of all, I’m behind in the LOG season standings. I will say the standings are looking tight! 6-3 is the top of the league and 4 of you fuckers are sitting on it. Only Brad and I suck cock.

I can’t seem to get fucked up enough right now. After I pull into the driveway the girls usually meet me at the door and argue over who gets to show me the worst cartwheel first. Spoiler alert, both cartwheels suck. I say, “let me take my boots off and get more comfy.” Then over the next hour, I do a mini double stack after a light single stack while periodically pushing my head deep into my closet to hit the vape pen and rotate in some ciders before dinner. The trick with the ciders is, if you are only going to have two, drink them both in about 9 minutes. Even this doesn’t quite get me to where I’m trying to be. I need an LOG draft weekend… speaking of that, Peterson, when is the 2026 LOG draft? Let us know bud!

I’m sorry for slacking on my LOG commissioner duties. I do love doing this shit, but sometimes in the rat race, it can feel like a chore and that’s never awesome. It doesn’t help that when you do a google image search for fat fucks with big dicks all you get is “sorry, there are 0 results for your search.” That’s unmotivating. Yes, I really did search for that, and no, there are not 0 results. But what is motivating is by my last count, Hames was down 39lbs?! Do I have that right? That’s good fucking work and you’re going to have a 3 in the front of that number by playoffs at this pace.  Keep it up! 

Shawn sparked something in me with his “LOG Gives Back to the Community” passion project. I would love to find a way to get the LOG to sponsor one of the youth sports teams I coach and force my daughter to play on. As of now, Grandma has paid the bill and Horizon Realty has been donned on our backs, but just imagine, a bunch of little girls with bows in their hair, striped matching socks pulled up to the knees running out on the basketball court and on their backs it says “THE L.O.G.” Fuck. that’s some real shit.  I think we could get it done for under 40 bucks a guy. I’d really love to see it and let me know what you think.  I’ll try my best to get to the big dick of the week!  And Maier, great job on the small dick survivor pool! The AI recap animations were fantastic! Keep up the good work and make this shit happen every year!

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Ethan App has the BIG DICK OF THE WEEK! - 148 Points

Roman Reed has the smallest dick in the league - 79 Points

Shawn House has THE THROBBER - 190.64 Points (S9:W3)

Ethan App has the Stinky Dick - 48.14 Points (S10:W7)

SEASON XI BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

The Raj Hotel 3

The Fat Fuck 3

Sordidus 1

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 1

Embarcadero Burd Turds 1

Sluts 0  

Odusty Beckham Jr. 0

Papi Gringos 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

OTS 0

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 160 Points

SMALL DICK OF THE WEEK SURVIVAL POOL - $200

Winner  - Odusty Beckham Jr.

TEAM LOG at the Octoberfest. 

We did it. Great showing from Odusty, Maier, Bradner and myself. LOG was strongly represented. Raj was a great cheerleader and motivator all over the course. Maier’s wife was also motivational, flashing us when Matt wasn’t looking. It was awesome! Next year we need more of you fucks! My goal for Octoberfest 2026 is to run faster than 33:30 and place better than 79th overall. : )

TFF START # = 455.8

TFF CURRENT # = 416

[the-log-ffl]

S11:W7

The Emabradero Burd Turds @ The Fat Fuck

The Turds travelled to The Fat Fuck to try to get into the win collum for the first time in the 2025 LOG season. The turds put up a valient effort with the 4th highest weekly point total in the league but couldn’t match the consistent bombardment that the fat fuck lays on the LOG waiver wire. He added/dropped 86 players in the 24 hours leading up to kick off and his efforts brought him the big dick of the week. Turds get stuck in the folds and smooshed around. 129 - 146

Papi Gringos @ The SF Permanent Resident Slayers

Now, too bad Hames and I never butt fucked before, because this week would have been the perfect match up week for the LOG. House and Maier, Brad and Ethan, Roman and Matty and Dusty and Raj, I mean shit, if that’s not the definition of a butt buddy match up week then I don’t know what is. In the main butt buddy plug bowl, The Papi G’s came into SF, found that Permenant Resident and fucked her until she became the slut we all know she is again, then he whipped her with his white daddy hog just to add insult to injury. Papi G’s slap it down! 124-111

49Knerrs @ Sordidus

Remove the Turds from the equation and this was the week 7 loser bowl. This was the true butt buddy plug bowl. Two losing teams going neck and neck to try and see who will end up in the 2025 Capri Sun LOG Romancer Toilet Bowl.  Better be careful boys, the turds might suck, but we’re scoring points, and we’re going to be primed and peaking come week 15 and 16. Who wants to come and see me down here? Knerrs put up triple digits but drop the ball and get all Sordidus in week 7. 109 - 137

Outlet Tool Supply @ Big Sur Buckle Nuggets

In the real butt buddy plug bowl, Roman cried and told Matty how many times he has hurt his feelings over the years. Matty didn’t know what else to do so he gave his big real life penis to Roman, sacrificing himself to the small dick of the week and handing Roman a much needed w, paving the way to the 2025 LOG playoffs and pretty much solidifying his first championship. Nuggets say they want to hang out, but forget they told someone else they wanted to hang out and are late for a dinner across town, they spread themselves too thin and hand OTS the w and the biggest blowout of the week 144 - 85

Odusty Beckham Jr. @ The Raj Hotel

In the alpha of all butt buddy plug bowls, ODBJ and Raj squared off to see who was the most mediocre player in the league. 0 championships collided with 0 championships, and do you know what you get when two championless teams collide? You get a boring game.  ODBJ played his best possible roster but still couldn’t catch a break He eats the bar nuts at the Raj Hotel and gets the doo doo splatters. 120 -102

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Matt Hames has the BIG DICK OF THE WEEK! - 146 Points

Matt Peterson has the smallest dick in the league - 85 Points

Shawn House has THE THROBBER - 190.64 Points (S9:W3)

Ethan App has the Stinky Dick - 48.14 Points (S10:W7)

SEASON XI BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

The Raj Hotel 3

The Fat Fuck 3

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 1

Sluts 0  

Odusty Beckham Jr. 0

Embarcadero Burd Turds 0

Papi Gringos 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

Sordidus 0

OTS 0

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 160 Points

TEAM LOG at the Octoberfest. 

Oct 26 - 4 Mile Run starts at 9am

9KNERRS, ODBJ, TURDS, SLUTS

Lets do it!

TFF START # = 455.8

TFF CURRENT # = 420

[the-log-ffl]

SEASON 11:WEEK 6

[the-log-ffl]

S11:W6

I’ve been running again. Probably to try to get my mind off of being fucking winless in the LOG. In the basement as you might say, thank you for the education House Cock.  I’m going between 3 and 5 miles twice a week and sometimes I feel pretty good and sometimes I feel like dog shit. It’s the mental game that is the real ass kicker. I don’t run with headphones, map trackers or any of that shit, I raw dog it as you’d expect. Alone with only your footsteps and breath can be enlightening or detrimental to your psyche. You have to get your thoughts right when you are out there alone. Sometimes I have racing flashbacks in the tree tunnel which actually pump me up.  Sometimes I’m yelling at my dad, all the shit I’ve been too pussy to say to his face my whole life. I fantasize about the potential of the LOG, I fantasize about our downfall as well. But the best times on my run are when I make myself laugh, and since I’m the funniest person I’ve ever known, It’s not too difficult. Technically I’m training, but for what? For jogging the Octoberfest with a couple of buddies? I’m out here with a hoodie pulled over my head to conceal my identity, just trying not to stop, trying not to sing “7 foot man” by Adam Sandler, the song that handed me my worst race of my high school career at the Stanford Invitational senior year. All this for the prize of finishing a four mile fun run. But what if the motivation was different? What if the motivation was extreme? Would my training follow suit?  If ODBJ looked at me and said, “$100 ol’ boy, straight up race, winner take all.”  Would I be hitting it harder? Is the money enough? Does that actually motivate me?  My wife enters the daydream… “if you beat Dusty I’ll give you another crack at butt stuff.” Boom, now I’m running 3 times a week. But what if we go even further, what if she came in and was like, “Hey, if you win the whole race, like the whole thing, 1st place, we can have a ménage à trois.” Flashforward 12 months, I’m now in 5 inch inseam running shorts with a slit up the side. I have no visible tan lines on my thighs, my running gear has evolved from hooded sweatshirt to t-shirt to now completely shirtless, tan and glistening. My hair is flowing behind me and my wrap around iridescent oaklies sparkle in the morning sun as I cross the finish line at the Baywood Pier. I make eye contact with my wife, point at her and say, “time to pay the piper.” Two weeks later she’s in the middle of an eiffel tower, I’m in the honey pot and the other guy gets la boca, but I make sure she keeps her teeth aligners in. Even with the scratchy bj, we high five. Even in my fantasies she doesn’t let me ménage with another chick. This jogging thing gets dark, quickly. Here’s to the turds getting off the shit stick in week 7!

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Chris Raj BIG DICK OF THE WEEK! - 130 Points

Brad Knerr has the smallest dick in the league - 81 Points

Brad Knerr has THE THROBBER - 190.64 Points (S9:W3)

Ethan App has the Stinky Dick - 48.14 Points (S10:W7)

SEASON XI BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

The Raj Hotel 3

The Fat Fuck 2

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 1

Sarnia Slut Slayers 0  

Odusty Beckham Jr. 0

Embarcadero Burd Turds 0

Papi Gringos 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

Sordidus 0

Spirit Halloween/OTS 0

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 160 Points

TEAM LOG at the Octoberfest. 

Oct 26 - 4 Mile Run starts at 9am

9KNERRS, ODBJ, TURDS, SLUTS… so far. Are you ordinary enough to join team LOG and see if you still have what it takes?

TFF START # = 455.8

TFF CURRENT # = 422

[the-log-ffl]

S11:W5

Hey Peterson, when is the next LOG draft? You said you were hosting 2026. Pick a weekend and let us know or else you will single handedly kill the LOG. The ball is in your court, no pressure. 

Wow, I gotta say, just when the LOG is breaking me down, making me consider throwing in the towel for good, not by any faults of your own, but sometimes the pressure, and anticipation of feedback can really beat a guy off, I mean down. Just when I think that this year is the same old shit, with the same old story lines and the same old everyday players, the LOG steps up and grounds me. Tonight was a glimpse into the future. Roman Reed, our perpetual loser for over half a decade has hit his creative stride with his new AI app. I have seen Roman sing karaoke on the biggest stages in the world, he was signed by the Dallas Cowboys as their new kicker and he hit a walk off game winning home run for the Los Angeles Dodgers.  I gotta say, in these videos he looks amazing, he looks rested, youthful, happy and energetic. I hate to say this, but… do I like AI Roman better than real Roman? When I started writing this I thought I was going to be congratulating Roman on embracing this morale boosting device, but as I scribe, I can’t help but think that this version of Roman is the version he was hoping to be, not the version he is or will become. The earrings are a dead giveaway. It appears Roman most likely had to give the AI app a prompt along the lines of “make me look cool, like really cool. These guys think I’m a loser but I want these videos to make it look like I am not a loser.”  Bam! AI Roman is born. That guy looks like a potential champ. I want to be friends with him. 

Also out of the shadows tonight crawled Shawn House. Shawn House has the potential to always throw you a curve ball.  During a casual Thursday Night Football broadcast of actual Eagles getting ass raped by Giants, House Cock met me by the fire pit, the fire pit didn’t have an actual fire going in it but I digress.  Shawn opened his mouth, which was full of his heart, and said “I think the LOG should add some buy-in money to do things for the community. Like sponsor teams, or little league banners or something like that.”  I was flabbergasted. How strong was this god damn Matt Dieter weed? Maier and House then started brainstorming where their LOG tattoos might go. I was so fucking proud of you boys. You really do motivate me to do my best. I’m lying here next to my wife in bed, 10 minutes away from my 10 year wedding anniversary and I’m pouring my heart out to you 9 dick sucks. I’m 0-5 and it looks pretty dismal. I wish you all the best of luck in week 6 and if someone can tell me why Peterson and Dusty seem to be missing a game played in the standings that would be helpful.

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Matt Hames BIG DICK OF THE WEEK! - 144 Points

Max Marple has the smallest dick in the league - 76 Points

Brad Knerr has THE THROBBER - 181.72 Points (S6:W12)

Ethan App has the Stinky Dick - 51.34 Points (S6:W8)

SEASON XI BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

The Raj Hotel 2

The Fat Fuck 2

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 1

Sarnia Slut Slayers 0  

Odusty Beckham Jr. 0

Embarcadero Burd Turds 0

Papi Gringos 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

Sordidus 0

Spirit Halloween/OTS 0

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 160 Points

TEAM LOG at the Octoberfest. 

Oct 26 - 4 Mile Run starts at 9am

Redfield, ODBJ, TURDS, SLUTS… so far. Are you ordinary enough to join team LOG and see if you still have what it takes?

TFF START # = 455.8

TFF CURRENT # = 425

[the-log-ffl]

Season 11: Week 4

[the-log-ffl]

S11:W4

Thank you for the notes Mr. Hames, I have updated your team name on the Big Dick Tracker, but buckle up because you’re not going to like this. If you console your LOG Official Write Up Book, Vol II and look under “Accolades” you will find that the throbber is, and I quote, the “Highest score in a regular season game.” So you see, your week 16 throbber doesn’t actually exist, there is no week 16, so you’re fucked. If you think this is made in error, please file a grievance with your League of Ordinary Gentlemen Players Union Players’ Representative or your LOGPUPR for short. It’s Dusty by the way. 

Did you guys see that Peterson commented on our page? Pretty cool! Too bad he didn’t get paid for reading his first write up in over a year. Roman is 4-0, I am 0-4 so yea, dark times in the LOG. My creative juices runneth low for the LOG write ups right now, but I realized something tonight, these aren’t supposed to be funny, these aren’t even supposed to be entertaining, these are supposed to be about football, statistics, analytics, match ups, and projections. But going over the write ups of years past I couldn’t help but pick up on other themes, mostly dick, balls, pussy, fags and fucking. I’m sorry for letting you boys down. I feel like our great league has been putting football second, and prioritizing other, less important things, like cum shot distance and butt stuff. Our priorities are skewed and it’s because of your leadership, I have steered us down a path of obscene, unholy content. I have corrupted you and I have taken liberties with your fragile, impressionable minds. Can I right the ship? Can I find true north and steer the SS LOG back to righteousness? Sadly I feel that I can not. I. Like. Butt Stuff.

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Matt Hames BIG DICK OF THE WEEK! - 133 Points

Matt Maier has the smallest dick in the league - 85 Points

Brad Knerr has THE THROBBER - 181.72 Points (S6:W12)

Ethan App has the Stinky Dick - 51.34 Points (S6:W8)

SEASON XI BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

The Raj Hotel 2

The Fat Fuck 1

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 1

Sarnia Slut Slayers 0  

Odusty Beckham Jr. 0

Embarcadero Burd Turds 0

Papi Gringos 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

Sordidus 0

Spirit Halloween/OTS 0

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 160 Points

TEAM LOG at the Octoberfest. 

Oct 26 - 4 Mile Run starts at 9am

Redfield, ODBJ, TURDS, so far. Are you ordinary enough to join team LOG and see if you still have what it takes?

TFF START # = 455.8

TFF CURRENT # = 429

[the-log-ffl]

Season 11:Week 3

[the-log-ffl]

S11:W3

Blah Ble Freaking Blah! Where is the week 2 write up? What the fuck are you doing? Pay attention to us!! HEY you dick licks, you got a big dick from the middle of the pacific ocean, and I’m dealing with some serious shit over here these days. Drug addict friends jonesing for a fix hittin me up all hours of the night, former homies at risk of losing their kids asking me for personal reference letters to the court saying they aren’t going to murder their family. (true) So I’m writing shit, but fuck, not from a place of humor. Not to mention I’m fucking 0-3 and going up against another absolute donkey dick fag in Brad, who is also 0-3. Who is the bigger fag? We’ll find out this week. I’ve been here before, I feel like every season my first 3 to 5 weeks of write ups all start with me going, “God damn it! I’m 0 and… fill in the blank.”  I hate this shit, but as always, I love all of you.

Outlet Tool Supply is our only undefeated team at the moment and Matt Peterson is our big dick of the week, so I guess it’s official, this is the end of life on this planet as we know it.  Kinda relieved honestly. 

I’ll be posting Petey’s big dick on the website ONLY this week, that way he has to log in to see it.  And you know he will, because it’s about him. Good luck in week 4 gents! Hopefully the Turds can unclog it and get on the W side of things.

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Matt Peterson BIG DICK OF THE WEEK! - 160 Points

Max Marple has the smallest dick in the league - 62 Points

Brad Knerr has THE THROBBER - 181.72 Points (S6:W12)

Ethan App has the Stinky Dick - 51.34 Points (S6:W8)

SEASON XI BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

The Raj Hotel 2

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 1

Sarnia Slut Slayers 0  

Odusty Beckham Jr. 0

DISCIPLINE = FREEDOM 0

Embarcadero Burd Turds 0

Papi Gringos 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

Sordidus 0

Spirit Halloween/OTS 0

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 160 Points

TEAM LOG at the Octoberfest. 

Oct 26 - 4 Mile Run starts at 9am

Redfield, ODBJ, TURDS, so far. Are you ordinary enough to join team LOG and see if you still have what it takes?

TFF START # = 455.8

TFF CURRENT # = 435

[the-log-ffl]

Season 11:Week2

[the-log-ffl]

SXI:WI

And here we go! LOG 2025 is off and running! I got a big dick done, I’m currently writing as you read. Like, literally, you’re reading this as I’m writing this. Hames has accepted the challenge! Super stoked for him, a tiny bit disappointed that he didn’t pick Quarter Tonder with Cheese just because it’s fucking gold, but it’s his journey and I am 100% here for it!

Did you guys see that Epstein birthday book? They’ve been reading passages of it all morning. The anchors are repulsed by these middle aged men talking about dicks, and posing for pictures in their underwear. Now, I’m not drawing a direct correlation to the LOG, but man, I couldn’t help but imagine what would happen to us if the weekly write ups and big dicks got out to the public. I hope nobody ever finds www.logffl.com on the internet. 

Today is my 44th birthday. What do you think? Do I:

A: Get lucky

B: Get sucky, which is still pretty lucky

C: Get handy, which, usually turns into sucky

D: I get nada

Post your vote down in the comments. 

Maier, just change your name to “Guy who Fucks Lisa” and be done with it. 

I should say something about football before this write up is done, this is a fantasy football league after all. I love football, it’s neat, and I would like to throw a football around with you sometime… yes you.

TEAM LOG at the Octoberfest. 

Oct 26 - 4 Mile Run starts at 9am

Redfield, ODBJ, TURDS, so far. Are you ordinary enough to join team LOG and see if you still have what it takes?

Love you boys,

Max D. Marple

Commissioner, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen

Est. 2015 | 

WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

The Raj Hotel has the BIG DICK OF THE WEEK! - 127 Points

Brad Knerr has the smallest dick in the league - 79 Points

Brad Knerr has THE THROBBER - 181.72 Points (S6:W12)

Ethan App has the Stinky Dick - 51.34 Points (S6:W8)

SEASON XI BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

The Raj Hotel 1

Sarnia Slut Slayers 0  

Odusty Beckham Jr. 0

DISCIPLINE = FREEDOM 0

Embarcadero Burd Turds 0

Papi Gringos 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

Sordidus 0

Spirit Halloween/OTS 0

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 0

SEASON XI BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

The Raj Hotel 127

TFF START # = 455.8

TFF CURRENT # = 448

[the-log-ffl]

Season 11:Week 1

The Raj Hotel

[the-log-ffl]

S11:DRAFT RECAP

Is the LOG dead? For the first time in 10 years, we left our draft without an official draft date for our next season. We voted labor day out, everyone in the world drafts the weekend before labor day and Peterson doesn’t think that two weekends before will work out for him in the long term. So, he said we are drafting at Apple Pie next season but he has not said when.. So….. yea… not great. But San Miguel?!?!?! Am I right?? That was an absolutely perfect location for us. I loved the house, not too nice, but nice enough, great pool, dope fire pit and seemed like enough room for us. The weather wasn’t too hot either so that was a major plus. I hope you boys liked it too!  

I’m busy, I’ve been meaning to write something about that weekend, I’ve been excited to try to slip in retarded faggot but I just couldn’t get to it. I think I’m having a mental wellness issue. Fuck it, I’ll shake it off. 

MATT HAMES

Real talk dude…. 

Listen, you can name yourself whatever the fuck you want, but for the love of god, put “The” in front so at least it sounds funny when we ask each other who we’re playing this week. You also gotta change the picture too, Jocko isn’t a fat fuck.. So, change it. 

I don’t feel great about this. I’ve always been sensitive to weight issues in my own life and in my own family. I’ve been the butt of your momma is so fat jokes since I was 10 years old.  I’m not comfortable calling people fat fucks, even if you say it’s what you need. That being said, on behalf of the LOG, I’m happy to try to motivate you to get on top of this.  I would love to be the type of friend for you that could dish out the tough love,  motivate you, encourage you, talk shit to you, pump you up, but I’ve never been that person in your life. If you want the help and support of the LOG then I propose a new challenge for you. A challenge that will change your life.  If you choose to accept this challenge you will have 22 months to lose 150lbs. You would weigh in now, show us your weight, post updates either weekly or monthly to the LOG and by August of 2027, almost two years from now, you would need to be down 150lbs. Achieve this and you can reclaim your name DISCIPLINE = FREEDOM. But if you come up short you would be our first official LOG alternate in 2027 and for the 2027 season you would not draft, you would be present, you would be sticker bitch, and you would need to sit the 2027 season out. I would then implement my last place alternates out every year idea. How serious are you about righting this ship? 

Also, you asked us to name you, and despite naming your own team, the gents came up with some pretty high quality options for you as well that still convey the message you are seeking but with a touch more class. So I will give you the opportunity to choose between the following team names (yours is in there too just in case you love it that much)

The Fat Fuck

Dude Where’s My Dick?

Quarter Tonder with Cheese

The Hooker Smoosher

This is your choice, you either except this challenge, pick a new name, get on the scale and get to fucking work or you reject this challenge and do whatever you want.

It’s in your court Mr. Hames, let us know what you choose.

Max D. Marple

Commissioner | 2020 Champion

The League of Ordinary Gentlemen | Est. 2015

[the-log-ffl]

S10:W15

That’s it, that’s a wrap on the 2024 LOG regular season. Congratulations to all the teams who are still off and running, seeking that championship:

#1 Sarnia Slut Slayers

#2 Embarcadero Burd Turds

#3 Big Sur Buckle Nuggets

#4 Redfield 49Knerrs

I don’t think I missed a write up and only a handful of dicks got skipped.. Pretty good season for ol mish….  I’ll try to get on those if I get some downtime after the holiday. We got “Roman” up to the same ol bullshit, Raj narrowly escaped the clutches and house is looking down the barrel of that losership as we speak. Lots of familiar faces.

I will give Matt Peterson 10,000 fucking dollars if he texts me….. Never mind.. You know what, we all knew what we knew and I now know who the real ones are. If anyone reading this message other than Matt Peterson directly texts their mish “thumb in the bum” that person will receive an automatic holiday $10 venmo payment. Fuck you Peterson.

It’s that time of year gents, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen First Annual Ordinary Gentlemen of the Year is upon us and I am pleased to announce this years nominees

Matt Peterson, for not paying attention to the season at all, starting injured players, bye week players, multiple weeks in a row and not reading a single weekly write up all year and still making the playoffs. (maybe more)

Chris Raj,  for becoming a farmer of friendship and advocating for microdosing and heavy microdosing psychedelic mushrooms amongst  the league. Raj’s subtle touch and gentle approach to reaching deeper into ourselves has been palpable this year.

Max Marple, for taking his team from worst to first in the AL in one year, attributing his success to cold water exposure and trying to masturbate less.

Brad Knerr for wearing that hat in his holiday card.

Text me your vote for LOGFFLOGOTY

Kick back with a microdose boys, a heavy microdose, and enjoy the playoffs!

LOG 4 life!

~mish

LOG WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Brad Knerr has the BIG DICK OF THE WEEK: 144 Points

Roman Reed has the small dick of the week: 64 Points

Shawn House has THE THROBBER - 190.64 (S9:W3)

Ethan App has the STINKY DICK - 48.14 Points (S10:W7)

SEASON X BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

Sarnia Slut Slayers 5  $100.00

Odusty Beckham Jr. 3

DISCIPLINE = FREEDOM 2

Embarcadero Burd Turds 1

Papi Gringos 1

Redfield 49Knerrs 1

Sordidus 1

Spirit Halloween/OTS 1

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 0

The Raj Hotel 0

BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

Odusty Beckham Jr - 177:Week 2

LOG CHANGES FOR 2025 

We are going back to our roots for draft day. We are going old school. Clip boards, paper and pens at the draft. No more phones or tablets to assist in the draft. Now I know the value in these modern gadgets. But I don’t want to see guys annoyed or upset that their gadget might get ruined by a pool dunk or a champagne squirt. I don’t want to see “Roman” avoiding the sticker board because he is catching up or having trouble with his app.  We put them away, we do paper and pen, we try to pay attention, it’s a shit show, if we find a violation, we will penalize accordingly, loss of keeper, loss of FAB or something. Clipboard, trunks and a positive attitude is all you need to bring to draft day moving forward! 

Loser of the league will sing the national anthem to kick off the following draft. (after the maier/hames bet is final)

The LOG is moving to the SLEEPER app in 2025

Draft weekend is now 2 weekends before Labor Day. Not the weekend before labor day, but the one before that. 

The throbber and stinky dick will be retired. There will be some other rule tweaks that affect scoring and those will be retired

The LOG championship belt will also be retired after year 10. LOG 2.0 will have a new belt and the old will be present for photos at draft weekends (not for losers).

[the-log-ffl]

S10:W14

Listen, This is my crazy time. I always fall off the radar a little bit when I get hit with the family Christmas tsunami of joy. I have dinners, parades, light tours, train rides, pj pictures, tree decorating, cocktail parties, and a few December birthdays sprinkled in there as well. I’m bursting with fucking holiday jolliness. So, please don’t be alarmed when I didn’t rush home to work on Maier’s 5th BDOTW.  It’s quite a feat, and it will end up winning him a hundred bucks, but the dude was talking shit about our matchup this week, saying shit like “I finally slayed all you sluts.” man, fuck that guy, he’s going to get what is coming to him. He has the curse of the #1 seed, and his fall will be great. Remember, the empty drum bangs the loudest.  But this week’s write up is not about him… it’s about the other him, you know who I’m talking about. Do you think he realizes that he’s left 90 free dollars on the table? 90 bucks for just reading high quality LOG write ups. Do you think I received a stinky pinky, new england clam chowder or a big bubba log thigh? I didn’t. And now this mother fucker who started a guy who was almost dead for three straight weeks is sitting in a prime position to sneak into the playoffs.  Now I know I am the asshole here. It’s not like we all have jobs and families and friends and cars and shit going on. This guy is working at a restaurant that, according to their own website, is open to the public 16 hours a week! That’s like 2 and half hours a day.  I compared that to one of my former employers, Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, and they are open 12 hours a day for a whopping 84 hours a week. So I get it, he’s swamped! Maybe he is reading these things, maybe he’s waiting for the pot to get juicier? I guess this will settle it once and for all. If Matthew John Peterson can take his dick out of his hand and text me the password “dongle drip” he will automatically earn 100 bucks to his venmo account. 

Kick back with a microdose boys, a heavy microdose.

LOG 4 life!

~mish

LOG WEEKLY DICK SIZE RECAP

Matt Maier has the BIG DICK OF THE WEEK: 159 Points

Dusty Gaebel has the small dick of the week: 78 Points

Shawn House has THE THROBBER - 190.64 (S9:W3)

Ethan App has the STINKY DICK - 48.14 Points (S10:W7)

SEASON X BIG DICKS OF THE WEEK - $100

Sarnia Slut Slayers 5

Odusty Beckham Jr. 3

DISCIPLINE = FREEDOM 2

Embarcadero Burd Turds 1

Papi Gringos 1

Sordidus 1

Spirit Halloween/OTS 1

Big Sur Buckle Nuggets 0

Redfield 49Knerrs 0

The Raj Hotel 0

BIGGEST DICK OF THE YEAR - $100

ODusty Beckham Jr - 177:Week 2

LOG CHANGES FOR 2025 

We are going back to our roots for draft day. We are going old school. Clip boards, paper and pens at the draft. No more phones or tablets to assist in the draft. Now I know the value in these modern gadgets. But I don’t want to see guys annoyed or upset that their gadget might get ruined by a pool dunk or a champagne squirt. I don’t want to see “Roman” avoiding the sticker board because he is catching up or having trouble with his app.  We put them away, we do paper and pen, we try to pay attention, it’s a shit show, if we find a violation, we will penalize accordingly, loss of keeper, loss of FAB or something. Clipboard, trunks and a positive attitude is all you need to bring to draft day moving forward! 

Loser of the league will sing the national anthem to kick off the following draft. (after the maier/hames bet is final)

The LOG is moving to the SLEEPER app in 2025

Draft weekend is now 2 weekends before Labor Day. Not the weekend before labor day, but the one before that. 

The throbber and stinky dick will be retired. There will be some other rule tweaks that affect scoring and those will be retired

The LOG championship belt will also be retired after year 10. LOG 2.0 will have a new belt and the old will be present for photos at draft weekends (not for losers).