The One And Only Cat

May be a cat

[the-one-and-only-cat]

how would it feel to be on a ceiling fan while it is turned on

[i-am-a-fish]

I would survive the hydraulic press

[rosy-cozy-radio]

me, right before going to bed: thinks of important thing

my brain: …

me: …well, sure hope I did that!

my brain: …

me: …okay fine I’ll post on tumblr about it

my brain: throws hands

[theazurebug]

Good morning and good night!

I am spelling words with numbers.

I am going to bed now.

[i-am-a-fish]

it's getting too warm outside. I may need to intervene

[the-one-and-only-cat]

why can’t i ever sleep when i’m supposed to

[daftpatience]

drinking water when I have a headache should give instant relief. it should go away. what's even the point of drinking water if it can't do that

[i-am-a-fish]

would anyone be interested in patting me on the head for an uninterrupted hour? it is not paid and additionally I will be nonverbal the entire time

[theazurebug]

stopping homophobia is easy with the help of fire!!

[syn4k]

i like the phrases "it's not for me," "it's not my thing," and "i'm not the target audience" because they're the most concise way to express "this thing that you enjoy has merits but idgaf about it" without being aggressive

[theazurebug]

taste of playdoh is so deeply ingrained in my memory

[i-am-a-fish]

I'm literally like, one inch tall. I'm itty bitty. this is a well known fact about me. I'm like the same size as a coin, depending on the coin. helpful diagram below

[darkriverofblood]

added another fish for scale

[onlycringepost]

me: "omg i got a text"

me:

me: "it's autopayment reminder"

[theazurebug]

i have like 30 cans of soup. i feel like one of those people from the math problems

[disappointed-by-lack-of-soup]

This post has soup in it!! Very good.

[theazurebug]

if i am consuming a milkshake as if it is soup, am i eating the milkshake or drinking the milkshake

[floor-a]

You’re making me cry is what you’re doing

[theazurebug]

glad to be of service!

[theazurebug]

always going back to sertraline like a toxic ex

[theazurebug]

Dear dentists,

I bite. Idk what to tell ya. I got teeth, you got fingers, I bite.

Anyways! Love you! (Not really, I actually have a phobia of y’all but u get the point yeah)