Here, i will rant about my problems. Thats all basically
They include:
Suicide/suicidal thoughts
Overdose/substance abuse
Self harm
Self hate/body hate
Depression
Autism issues (sometimes)
Religious struggles
Fears/struggles
And others i may forget
Ill expand on each under the cut
Smth important for me-
Last relapse: July 12, 2025 March 17, 2026
Just to remember.
I might update this later
ALSO PLEASEEEE ASK ME THINGS. i luv u all
Hope all is well with you guys, ily 🫶
Stay safe
Only saying this to give yall a sort of background on me ig
Suicide/suicidal thoughts - i made 2-3 (cant remember) suicide attempts around may of 2024. They were all by overdose, and its changed me since. I cant take most meds without wanting to gag, and painkillers without feeling nauseous and lightheaded. Im not even sure if pain meds work on me anymore. Plus, i think the attempt ruined my memory skills... :') [it totally ruined my liver too...] im not actively suicidal, but i wouldnt mind dying at any time either
Overdose/substance abuse - Before my attempts, i substance abused. With what? Well, painkillers, pepto bismol, nyquill, basically any meds or similar that i could get my hands on. My mom doesnt own any alcohol, but if she did i know 100% id be a drinker. I have wanted to drink mouthwash before, but i dont wanna get caught drunk.
Self harm - i have had the struggle of self harm for a few years now (since jan/feb of 2023) and have grown addicted to it. Ive relapsed many times and have wanted to for so so long... but it doesnt benefit me, so why should i? I need to stop and i know it, so im trying.
Self hate/body hate - i really hate everything about myself... how i look, my weight, my height, my memories... and a lot and more. At one point i even thought i wanted to be a guy but told no one. Sometimes i still think of it but not as intense. Not like "ouh i wanna be a guy" but like "ouh i hate being a girl" if that makes sense. Or certain things i hate about myself. Anyways...
Depression - i dont know if im depressed, im not really sure, but i think i am. Id like to be evaluated but im scared and dont want to ask my mom about it. She already knows so much about me...
Autism issues (sometimes) - also unsure if i have autism, ive def asked my mom about that but she dismisses it. Not like "you dont have autism" but like "you have it and i dont really care because it doesnt matter".
Religious struggles - yes, i am a christian. Non-denominational i think. I was raised in christianity but fell to be lukewarm my whole life. Im... trying to heal from that. Its hard. But im trying
Fears/struggles - i am afraid of quite a few things; growing up, adulthood, social stuff, more serious things (being kidnapped, raped), and other stuff. So i might share that and other stuff here.
And others i may forget - because of my terrible memory, it is more than likely that i forgot to add something... but you can always ask! Dw, i dont bite :3
This made me feel so genuinely better but like still you dont know how i look.. how fat and ugly and unhealthy and disgusting and just eugh i am im. sorry for being negative im sorry for being so fucking depressing im sorry sorry im so sorry im so fucking sorry
I have a dentist appointment idk when (in a few days tho) and i havent worn my retainers for mONTHS
Then again, yall know- its not my teeth that are terrible. Its my JAW.
We ate chinese food todag and were js yapping, when my mom brought this up (that i had an appointment soon) and i was like “well its not my teeth thats bad its my jaw”
And shes basically liek “well thats your problem youre gonna have to pay 15k for surgery when youre an adult and youll suffer through the aftermath. Not my problem”
Like UHM. OK??? Youz dont gotta be rude
Ik ill pay for it when im older. If i get it. Lwk want it but i know itll be a real painful experience
My sister were joking about it a bit but still… ik itll be painful
