Here, i will rant about my problems. Thats all basically
They include:
Suicide/suicidal thoughts
Overdose/substance abuse
Self harm
Self hate/body hate
Depression
Autism issues (sometimes)
Religious struggles
Fears/struggles
And others i may forget
Ill expand on each under the cut
Smth important for me-
Last relapse: July 12, 2025 March 17, 2026
Just to remember.
I might update this later
ALSO PLEASEEEE ASK ME THINGS. i luv u all
Hope all is well with you guys, ily 🫶
Stay safe
Only saying this to give yall a sort of background on me ig
Suicide/suicidal thoughts - i made 2-3 (cant remember) suicide attempts around may of 2024. They were all by overdose, and its changed me since. I cant take most meds without wanting to gag, and painkillers without feeling nauseous and lightheaded. Im not even sure if pain meds work on me anymore. Plus, i think the attempt ruined my memory skills... :') [it totally ruined my liver too...] im not actively suicidal, but i wouldnt mind dying at any time either
Overdose/substance abuse - Before my attempts, i substance abused. With what? Well, painkillers, pepto bismol, nyquill, basically any meds or similar that i could get my hands on. My mom doesnt own any alcohol, but if she did i know 100% id be a drinker. I have wanted to drink mouthwash before, but i dont wanna get caught drunk.
Self harm - i have had the struggle of self harm for a few years now (since jan/feb of 2023) and have grown addicted to it. Ive relapsed many times and have wanted to for so so long... but it doesnt benefit me, so why should i? I need to stop and i know it, so im trying.
Self hate/body hate - i really hate everything about myself... how i look, my weight, my height, my memories... and a lot and more. At one point i even thought i wanted to be a guy but told no one. Sometimes i still think of it but not as intense. Not like "ouh i wanna be a guy" but like "ouh i hate being a girl" if that makes sense. Or certain things i hate about myself. Anyways...
Depression - i dont know if im depressed, im not really sure, but i think i am. Id like to be evaluated but im scared and dont want to ask my mom about it. She already knows so much about me...
Autism issues (sometimes) - also unsure if i have autism, ive def asked my mom about that but she dismisses it. Not like "you dont have autism" but like "you have it and i dont really care because it doesnt matter".
Religious struggles - yes, i am a christian. Non-denominational i think. I was raised in christianity but fell to be lukewarm my whole life. Im... trying to heal from that. Its hard. But im trying
Fears/struggles - i am afraid of quite a few things; growing up, adulthood, social stuff, more serious things (being kidnapped, raped), and other stuff. So i might share that and other stuff here.
And others i may forget - because of my terrible memory, it is more than likely that i forgot to add something... but you can always ask! Dw, i dont bite :3
I think that the answer "I don't know" when anyone asks you why did you self-harm should be valid and should be taken as a full response, but some of you are not ready for this conversation.
I literally don’t understand why I used to SH for the most part. I just did. And it’s sooo annoying to say that you don’t know to people because they (in my experience) just get mad at you and automatically think you have the best life ever and that you have nothing to cvt over.
there’s something about becoming older where everything feels finite. summer isn’t endless, love isn’t eternal. you move homes, your favorite boots fall apart, your dog dies. everything feels consuming and beautiful when it is believed to be eternal. now it is all precious. everything. and there is a melancholy that comes with it.
