Kylo Ren

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to." Star Wars Kylo Ren/Ben Solo Indie Selective RP blog

[morphinepudding]

The fight we need, but not the one we deserve right now.

BenRenBowl2k19GetHype

Ben is so done with your shit Kylo

[naberriae-deactivated20180717]

Did you come back to say you forgive me? To save my soul? 

[juststarwarslaserbrain]

I love these posters and I love more the fact Leia is Poe’s mentor.

[lvsifer]

some of my kylo art since I watched tlj

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

Poe was calm, waiting for an explanation. It made sense, in a way he didn’t like. They would change growing up, in different places, around different people. Poe would change, after his mother’s death. Ben would be different, once his training would be completed. Maybe they wouldn’t be friends anymore, despite what they had promised. Maybe that was what growing up meant, how life went. As it seemed, he wasn’t even alone in his own head, clearly hearing Ben’s voice. He gave his hand a squeeze as it wrapped around his.  Poe wanted to tell him he felt the same, he didn’t want to lose him and that he was afraid that they were already at it, but part of him figured Ben knew this as well. He smiled at the memory, but even though he was older, and probably more experience, he didn’t realize what Ben was trying to do until their noses touched. Eyes wide, he tried to let it happen, but nothing did happen, and so he just stared for a moment, as Ben looked embarrassed.  “You.. want to kiss me?” he asked, after a long, awkward moment and smiled, understandingly. “Just ask me so, silly.” It wasn’t even a big deal, at least not to Poe. In a way, it felt actually pretty natural to reach over and lock lips, like that one thing that was missing, that added up to their general confusion, like this was exactly the way he and Ben were destined to go to, together. It felt right, and if it explained his friends weird behavior, even better. 

Kissing Ben was - it felt weird, yeah, they obviously both lacked in experience, and were you really supposed to just press lips together and then - wait? Poe tried angling his head, bumping their lips together again, but in a nice way, and smiling while doing so.

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Ben felt how his ears turned bright red - something the other apprentices seemed to find particularily funny - and he was afraid, Poe might notice it as well. But instead, the other boy just looked at him. There were a million of potential excuses intermixing in his head, but none of them were good enough to make it to his unkissed lips. In the short moment where Poe said nothing, Ben was dying a thousand deaths, so afraid, sad, scared and absolutely heartbroken at the thought he might have destroyed their friendship for good. That he might have lost his best and only friend for such a stupid, stupid try. For following an instinct he shouldn’t even have around him.

But then Poe talked to him and at first he thought he did not hear right - but then he felt the proof of said words. It felt warm and weird. Poe’s lips were soft, softer than he had imagined lips to feel like, and he held perfectly still to capture the feeling in his mind. It felt as if his brain just short-circuited when his friend tried again and he wrapped his arms around him. Frankly, he did not have much of an idea about kissing but bumping your pointed lips together twice was already such an amazing feeling, he did not expect much more. He only found he had closed his eyes when he had to open them to look at Poe. What he saw made him smile. “Thanks,” he spoke in his mind, because his lips were still tingling to much to use them for talking. “I thought... you wouldn’t want to. I didn’t want to make this awkward. I just missed you so much...It felt like I had to.”

[mayormaynotbegone]

Some SW things I drew today and yesterday + a coloring tutorial 🐀

[jedifest]

I had to tell myself to stop working on this, haha!! Based it off of a painting by Anthony Van Dyck. 

@ashes-acedia creates for @cynical-harlequin

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

Poe didn’t say anything, because even though he couldn’t feel much with the Force like Ben did, even someone like him could sense the mood swing. Ben was so different from how he had been when they were just allowed to be.. well, kids, probably. So sad, in a way Poe couldn’t quite describe it, frustrated if he interpreted those letter’s right, maybe desperate. Somehow, he didn’t think it was only just because of his mom, and the initial sadness of having to leave for the Jedi school - this had been months ago after all. When he started to make his jokes, Poe was about to roll his eyes. Ben was such a bad liar, and even worse at pretending. “Old lady, hm?” he muttered, faking a smile, but not really doing anything.  It was awkward, the rest of the ride, and they were only going deeper into the jungle, until they arrived at a small groove, close to a lake with a waterfall, hidden away from sight by trees standing close. They used to go here when they were younger, to play and swim, and just be together and Poe felt weird to bring him here, now that things were just plain.. weird. “Do you feel.. different around me now?” he finally asked, not letting go of the steering wheel just yet, but turning his head to look at him anyway. “I mean.. I.. I know I’m not a Jedi and not - I thought it didn’t matter. I thought we would always be friends, no matter what. Best friends. Do you feel different about me, Ben?”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Ben really was bad at faking a smile, at acting as if nothing were different and when Poe asked him, he knew lying would not be an option. But telling the truth wasn’t going to work either - not all of it. And while he was not the type for ever achieving ‘balance’, he surely knew about finding a middle way. Even though a middle way also took a lot of courage. “You are right...” he said, softly. With his eyes averted from Poe’s face. Here, by the waterfall, amongst non-forcesensitive trees and childhood memories, it was easier to be courageous. “Something is different. Maybe that’s what growing up means.” He took a step towards him, slowly making a grasp for his hand. ‘I’m afraid.’, Ben’s voice echoed in his head. ‘I do not want to lose you.’

His eyes met Poe’s, finding worry and a lack of understanding in the warm brown of his iris. ‘Do you remember, when we used to play dejarik? You always managed to get me into a catch-22 situation. Where either thing I did was wrong. I would always lose, no matter what I did. It’s the same thing now. No matter what I will do. I will lose. So it doesn’t matter.’ And with that he leant in, got on his toetips and -- swiftly and accidentally bumped his nose into Poe’s. “Ow!”, he grunted, feeling awfully embarrassed. That was just dumb.

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

Ben was acting so weird, and if he was honest with himself, it unnerved the crap out of Poe. He tried not to let it show too much, but he could only guess that the jedi apprentice was getting it anyway, thanks to the Force Poe didn’t understand.

Choosing a Casino of all places to go to was something he didn’t expect of the boy as well. “Are you sure? We’re barely old enough to pass-” The look on Ben’s face however didn’t exactly let him have a choice. “Ben, I don’t exactly have a ship for intergalactic travel - I mean, there is mom’s Y-Wing, but dad would be furious if we kidnapped it. I’m sorry.” Climbing into the airspeeder, he offered Ben a hand to follow him. “Come on. You’ll enjoy this anyway.” They had to sit close, knees touching and all, and as he started the engine and sped through their garden and out towards the jungle, he put his hand out to reach Ben, to touch him. “I’m worried about you.”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Ben really felt Poe was at the end of his patience with him and he bit his lip. His friend had to suffer through the loss of his mom and now he was causing him even more trouble. He felt so ashamed. “I’m sorry Poe... that was a bad idea. Let’s just stick to Yavin 4.” Inside of the small airspeeder, they were close enough to cause Ben to feel suffocated by a need to touch, to stay, to never leave is friends side again. It made his head spin in a turmoil of emotions he could not name, even if he had wanted to. 

Before him the jungleworld of Yavin 4 unfolded. Ben had always loved the mossy green, the plentitude of plants, the liveliness of this planet. He had been playing here as a child. As the world was still good. As people were still nice. As the darkness inside of him was nothing but a seldom occurance, something nobody was as worried about as now. As he accidentally connected with other people’s minds and saw good things - pleasant things. As he saw love inside of other people’s minds not greed, fear, disgust and destruction. Nowadays it seemed so far away, when even his father looked at him and was repelled by what he saw.

Poe’s touch made the train of thoughts crash. “It’s...” For a moment he felt the impulse to tell Poe everything which was going on, to tell him about the voice inside his head, about the fear, about the way his uncle and his father looked at him with disdain in their thoughts - but then he remembered something he had found in his mother’s mind: fear of this darkness inside of him and he decided he could not bare to lose someone else to this. “It’s nothing. Really. It’s just been weird to be back at the tree - hey, can you do a barrel roll with this thing? I thought you were a great pilot, why are you still flying like an old lady?”, he teased Poe instead

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

Poe smiled when he felt Ben saying something, but not really saying it, right in his head with the Force? Something like that. It was funny, because they were standing so close and holding hands even, and somehow he could understand him way better now than he did back then. But then Ben said something about not being sure if he really missed him that much, and it had Poe wrinkling his forehead. Something around them changed as well, it was growing colder, but maybe he was making that up. Ben however definitely paled, his hand felt sweatier.. colder? Did he start to tremble? Poe let go of his hand, and instead moved more into his personal space, standing right in front of him and taking his face in both hands. “Ben.. what are you saying. Of course I missed you that much. I always do. Always will. You’re my best friend, you idiot.” Poe’s voice was soft, as was his glance, but he wasn’t sure if Ben was even seeing that. Something that he didn’t understand was going on, and he wasn’t sure if he should ask.

Instead, he took Ben’s hand again, nodding. “Let’s go.” he said more firmly and then dragged him back to the house, towards the garage. Inside, there was mom’s old speeder - she hasn’t used it a lot lately, but sometimes when Poe was still young, they used to go on a trip, together.  The space was limited, and Poe surely was smaller when he shared it with his mom, but Ben wasn’t yet as tall as he was, so maybe it would be alright. “Care to go for a ride? If you want to, you can take the wheel. Impress me with your fancy new Force skills.” Originally, he wanted to show off his own skills - maybe grab a ship and take him somewhere, but Poe would need more time for that. Also, he didn’t think Ben would be in the mood for any of that. 

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Ben tried his best to ignore the voice in his head which was getting louder and louder - and even more scary. “Just... away from the tree, please!” Ben mumbled, not even sure if the tree was the cause for this. But then again what did he have to lose? He had to do something - anything, seriously. Because the voice got more and more personal.

‘You are afraid of your feelings. Afraid because the man who told you he were your master said desire were the way to the Dark Side. Afraid because your father said ‘Chandrila is full of fags - let’s not raise our son here’. Afraid because of all the expectations people have. You are not afraid of me, Ben. You are afraid of me speaking the truth.’ Ben was thankful Poe was pushing him out of the zone of the tree. The voice was getting less loud and Ben a bit more relaxed. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “It’s not easy with the Force sometimes.” He felt miserable. Because the voice might have had a point. “You show me your skills, Poe. I will just hold on - even though I thought you would’ve wanted to show me your piloting skills. You are allowed to fly now, aren’t you? We...we could go to Bonadan! Spaceport Southeast II has casinos.” ‘No,’ the voice whispered, ‘Korriban is where you want to go. You know it. The Valley of the Dark Lords... it is calling for you’ “Bonadan! Let’s go there!”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

If Ben was acting weird, Poe didn’t comment on it. He was glad his friend was back for now, and months of Jedi school would probably change anyone. He looked at him, and his friend had his eyes closed, muttering something about energy and Force, just as his mother did, and as Leia used to do too whenever she was here, and just then he noticed they were still holding hands beneath the tree. “I think I can. Something warm.” he told him, and he wasn’t even touching the bark, but that also wasn’t what he was referring to. When he leaned forward, he didn’t let go of his friends hand, feeling the equal warmth of the tree - of his mother? - with ease. “I thought I heard you calling out my name once when I was here. I thought I was making it up, thought I had gone crazy over missing you.”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Ben’s eyes opened again and he looked at Poe.

“I didn’t think it was working”, Ben’s voice said, right in Poe’s head, while his closed lips spread into a smile. “I didn’t think you were missing me that much though.” He felt like hugging Poe but at the same time he was horribly afraid of what he would feel if he did. His hand was already sweating enough and staring at his friend’s face did not exactly make it any better. His heart was already beating faster than usual and the thought of his treacherous body reacting in all the wrong ways pushed his emotions to the negative. The warmth of the amplified Force around him turned cold and he had to swallow against a lump forming into his throath. His fingers were starting to go numb. He knew this all too well.

“I think I want to go,” he said out loud, because his head was filled with approaching terror. “Let’s... let’s go?” The fear was coming. It was creeping into his heart, riding the energywaves of the Force, bringing him the sensation of being frozen in ice and a voice he did not want to hear. ‘Why are you so afraid of your desires?’ the voice rasped. ‘Go away!’ he replied in his thoughts. A laughter echoed between his ears. ‘I can not go away for I am nowhere.’ ‘Leave me! You are the Dark Side!’ ‘I am not the Dark Side... but the Dark Side could give you so much power.’ Ben had grown pale and his hand twitched around Poe’s.

[plasticpill-deactivated20201103]

Baby Ben (◕‿◕✿)

(alternatively: Luke How Could You)

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

Boy, he loved having Ben around  - with him, things were far easier. With him around, he didn’t have to worry about him too, and he made his mind feel off ease, for a while at least. Also, those skills Ben had developed over such a short time impressed him a lot more than he was showing. Only after a while he stopped the tickling, feeling slightly bad because Ben looked like he was completely out of breath with his tinted cheeks and ruffled hair.  “Are you sure you can put up a race? You look kind of flushed, really.” he told him with a hint of worry in his voice, before offering him a hand. “Come on, we can go slow too. I won’t tell anyone.” Poe didn’t really notice anything as he led Ben outside - only into their backyard, with the large tree. It was late midday and the branches bestowed them with enough shadows to comfortably sit between the large roots. “You don’t need to be sad, Ben. She always told me it would happen one day - probably not expecting it so soon - but she also told me she would be right here, and that I could always talk to her.”  He was referring to the Force tree, even though he hardly understood the workings of it. But maybe - maybe, Ben did.

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Ben did his best to will down what Poe’s actions had caused. Yes - he did look flushed. And for a moment he was simply terrified Poe might get an idea why. Thankfully, his friend let him be - and despite his racing heart and his bewildered thoughts he felt somewhat safe for the moment. However, he had no idea what Poe meant by “we can go slow” and he started to panic once more. He didn’t notice, did he? Why did life have to be so horribly complicated? At least Poe promised not to tell anyone and that was already something.

His friend’s hand was warm and dry. Not uncomfortable or sweaty or something. It was a nice hand. A hand you usually liked holding. He was focussed so much on Poe’s hand he had even blocked out the massive power of the Force tree until they stood beneath it. He hardly understood how, now that the powers were surrounding him like the warm water of a bath - no, not surrounding him. He felt it around and inside of him - simply everywhere. It was like a hum, a deep vibration that rooted him to the essence of life itself.

Ben had to close his eyes for a second as he felt the energy and his hand clenched around Poe’s. “If she is part of this energy... she will never not be.This energy is so strong... stronger than anything. Stronger than in the temple.” He held out his free hand and touched the tree. “I never noticed it as a child. Not as strongly as I do now. Can you feel it? Something... warm. As if the tree was alive!”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

When Ben explained how he could feel his pain, his mood?, or whatever it was, Poe stared at him and completely ignored the apologizes. “That’s.. actually kind of amazing.” he muttered, despite the context. “You’re getting better at the force thing.. aren’t you. I knew you would - you’re like.. a moodring!” He didn’t comment the mentioning of Ben’s mother, because.. it hurt, a lot, and Poe figured Ben knew that already, given the way he apologized. The soon-to-be-pilot gave a sad smile, because this whole Force thing seemed to be a handy trick. More than that, of course. “I’m glad you’re learning how to control it better, Ben.” he told him, more sincerely now.

He watched him pet his droid and wished for them to have more time to bond - BB-8 would surely love him just as much as Poe did. “Two days are enough, for now at least. I almost forgot how you look like. Maybe we should add - actual pictures to our letters, what do you think?” he grinned, before he tried to duck out of the way of the X-wing.  “No way!” he gasped, rubbing the side of his head on which it had hit him and jumped on the bed, X-wing figurine in hand, trying to wrestle Ben into taking a hit from the X-wing as well. “You totally did that on purpose, you have mastered that already, have you not??” He was at one point leaning over Ben, having him on his back, so Poe eventually let go, wondering if the other boy let him do it, or if he still had a slight advantage of height and strength over him.  Sitting up straight on the bed, he scratched the side of his face again for good measure. “Do you want to go out? I don’t think I want to be here right now.”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Ben couldn’t stop laughing when Poe roughhoused him and only made small efforts to fight back - instead he let the pillows fly to his rescue and whack Poe on the head. “You got me! I can totally - aaah stop it, I’m ticklish!!”, he screeched, while admitting he could indeed control the X-Wing toy way enough to not let it hit Poe’s head. But where was the fun in that. He was wiggling under him, trying to get out  of his grip, but only in play. His face felt hot and red and his cheeks were aching from smiling and laughing much more than usually. His heart was racing and his breath was coming in small puffs as he looked up at Poe. His dark locks were obscuring his field of vision in some parts but what he saw of his friend made his breath catch for a moment.

Just a moment. It was just a single moment that betrayed all he had ever thought about himself. All he had ever thought about love and sex and - okay. Breathe! Not to be overly dramatic, Ben felt something somewhat common for a teenager in an uncommon situation. And he was beyond embarrassed. He only hoped Poe wouldn’t notice. “Uh... yeah. Let’s... let’s go out! Are you up for a race?”

[brilcrist]

my entry for Knightpilotweek first day theme: Early Days Kinda rare ship, but i ship them so hard~ Their opposite personalities and height differences are sooooo cute;w;, Expected more art from me for Ben x Poe week, though i didn’t do all.

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

When he noticed Ben’s wet face against his neck, Poe hugged him impossibly tighter - it seemed like the younger boy had the same idea.  Actually, Ben really wasn’t a boy anymore either, at least not from Poe’s point of view. He looked so much more mature now, not necessarily older, but.. yeah, grown up. “It’s alright..” he muttered, not quite sure who he was trying to reassure here. He was so glad being able to see a familiar face, to see Ben, knowing he was kind of alright, in the flesh.  He babbled something about his beard and - that actually brought a sad smile to his face. “You’re such a baby..” he told him earnestly. And then, he cupped Ben’s face, letting his thumb trace his jawline. “You’ll grow one too, soon, and it will help with your baby face.” 

He was being bold, he knew it, but he could only hope Ben wouldn’t mind the teasing. Letting go of him again, he could feel BB-8 bumping against their legs, impatiently. “Yeah yeah, it’s alright buddy, I will introduce you properly. But you know Ben already.” Poe offered him a seat on his bed, still not quite believing Ben was back - just like that. “Your mother sent you.. how long are you going to stay? Did Master Luke even approve, I mean you - ah, nevermind. I’m just so glad you’re here.”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

“’m sorry Poe... I shouldn’t be the one to cry I guess... I’m just so sorry. I felt your pain and...” He sniffed and whiped at his tears with his sleeve. “Sorry.”

He allowed Poe to take his face into his hands and sighed. It felt good to be with a friend. Even being teased felt different so he just grinned and swatted at Poe’s arms. “Shut up! I don’t have a baby face - I have a nose like an adult and the rest just needs to grow into it! - at least that’s what Mom always says.” He noticed he had said the word “Mom” and instantly his gaze dropped and he murmured a soft “sorry”. He had already noticed Poe’s fancy droid. It absolutely adored the new design and that it was round and orange and made soft sounds. It was as if the droid was full of emotion - even though Ben knew it wasnt really that. “Hey BB-8! It’s nice to meet you!” He tenderly touched the dome of BB’s head, before sitting down on Poe’s bed. “I’m allowed to stay for two days. I wish it were longer., There was an uncomfortable silence between them which Ben was eager to break: “Hey, uh.... do you want to see something cool?” He lifted his hand  his face scrunching up in concentration. Then, finally a small X-Wing toy lifted from its place on Poe’s bedside table and went flying towards him. Sadly, Ben was not as good with the force as he tried to be which resulted in the X-Wing knocking Poe into the head. “Oooops sorry!”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

Messages From The Past

[youneedapil0t]

They let him have a week off, for preparations of the funeral, for mourning, for.. taking care of his dad, Poe guessed. He almost would’ve preferred to stay back at the academy, keeping himself busy and not having so much time to just.. think. Over what happened, over the few times he had seen his mother alive in the last couple of months.

Poe wasn’t a child, not yet really a man, but he could only guess that losing his mother at such a young age, at any age really, would be hard for anyone. Losing his wife too. Poe didn’t cry in front of his father. Generally, he cried a lot, when he was alone, in front of BB-8 who was surprisingly skilled at soothing people for an astromech, but it wasn’t the same. He would go to his mom, when things went wrong. He loved his father, but their relationship was different, he didn’t want to cry in front of him. He didn’t want to see his father cry. When his father knocked on his door, he was quick to wipe his eyes and put the holo of his mother smiling down. He didn’t expect a visitor, not another one, most of their neighbors and some friends from Ma’s squad had already paid them a visit and spoken their condolences. Poe hadn’t seen Ben in a few months, but he recognized the long dark curls right away. They were almost covering his big ears and his face had grown longer too, but maybe he was making it up. “You’ve grown.” he told him, standing within arm’s reach and noticing his father closing the door behind them. Just then Poe cut the crap and pulled him into a tight hug, entirely not sure about their boundaries, but not giving a damn either. “You came. Thank you.” he whispered against the crown of his head, against his fluffy hair. “Thank you.”

[the-risingdarkness-blog]

This whole mission was horrible. Ben knew he was bad with people. He just knew it so very well. And grief was a delicate topic. On top of that, he had known Shara Bey. He had known her in all her fierceness, in all her loveliness. Poe’s mother was an amazing pilot and a wonderful mom. At least he had always thought so. He had met her one day and she had been kind to him. And he had known Poe. He couldn’t even imagine how much it had to hurt to lose your mom. But it was his mother’s wish and after all he had been raised as son to a princess and diplomat. He knew this was a test. She wanted to see whether he could fulfill these duties which would one day be passed on to him. This would be his life. A jedi. A pilot. A diplomat. And a protector of the New Republic.

Sometimes it felt like too much to ask of him but how could his parents ever ask too much of him? They loved him after all...

And so he went to Yavin. Also because he just needed to see Poe again. And so he met Kes Dameron and delivered the letter and Leia’s words of condolence, trying so hard to block out Kes’ thoughts. Never before had he thought he would need Luke’s Jedi training so soon and so much. But right now he was thankful for it. Then, finally, he was allowed to see his firend. Poe looked as if he had been crying and Ben was anything but surprised. What did surprise him was how much it hurt. The expression on Poe’s face alone was enough to send an emotion akin to a burning blade right through his heart. No telepathic Force powers needed. When he was hugged, he could not hold back the tears anymore. He wrapped his arms around Poe as well. Around his friend who seemed so much shorter, all of a sudden. Much shorter and so, so much sadder. Still, tall enough to hide his face in his shirt and feel his chin on his head. “I’m so glad my mother sent me. I’m sorry about what happened... I mean... my condolences and... Poe I’m so sorry.” He hugged him so tightly he thought he must be suffocating. “It hurts to know you hurt.”, he murmured. Then, after a while, he stepped back, out of the hug. “You’re starting to grow a beard...”, Ben noticed, when looking closely at Poe’s face. “Wow... the other boys probably really respect you...”