Thoughts of a rotten fish

Ever wondered what goes inside a fish's mind? Well.. This is it

[the-rotten-sushi]

写真は本当に特別なもので、この特別な写真のように幸せで悲しい、非日常的な思い出を思い出させることで、幅広い感情を呼び起こす力があります。 この写真は、私が18歳の時の一瞬をとらえているので、私にとって大きな意味を持っています。 一見普通の写真に見えるかもしれませんが、愛犬「ジョアキ」と一緒に飼っているのはこれだけです 彼は私の大学時代、いつも連れ添ってくれて、毎日バス停まで忠実に歩いてくれました。 私が留守の間、彼は熱心に門のところで待っていて、私が戻ってきたときの興奮はいつも私の心を温かくしてくれました。 ジョアキーは例外的な犬で、2020年の彼の喪失は今でも私が感じている空虚さを残しました。 私は彼が恋しい。

この経験が、写真を撮る私の見方を変えました。 私は以前、それについてかなり自意識を持っていました。 しかし、今は永遠に大切にしたい瞬間を捉えることの本当の価値が分かりました。 それぞれの写真はタイムカプセルとして機能し、幸せな瞬間の本質を保っています。 年を取るにつれて、これらの写真が私の大切な思い出になることを願っています。私はその貴重な瞬間に幸せと喜びで満たされた人生を送ったのです。

[typiing-deactivated20240430]

half of adulting is basically you trying not to cry

[frankensteins-revival]

The other half is crying

[the-rotten-sushi]

I swear to god, vape really is the most deceitful thing ever created. Imagine smelling candies and mangoes only to turn and find Eugenio with his big smoke of lies. Wtf

[the-rotten-sushi]

Last week, my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer (2nd one in the family this year after daddy got diagnosed last March)

And I thought I've been coping up well since I was the only one in the family who didn't cry when the results came out... But today, as I was eating breakfast alone, it just dawned on me that 2 of my loved ones are suffering from an illness that took some of my family member's lives before.

And I broke down in tears.

Sometimes I think I'm already numb by how frequent these type of news hit our family.

But reality is, it's equally as painful everytime.

[bedazzlemyshizzle]

Todoroki Shoto

A quick sketch. Still trying to figure out my art style

[the-rotten-sushi]

I did this drawing a few years back.... and I still couldn't figure out my art style 😑

[the-rotten-sushi]

I have been feeling so stagnant lately.

Painting makes me feel pressured.

Sometimes I feel like I want to write paragraphs and stories but whenever I try to hold a pen, I feel like there isn't any word in the world that would perfectly describe my thoughts.

I feel dull.

Have I lost my passion? I often ask myself that question. Somehow I could not find joy in doing the things that I loved doing.

Most of the times, I force myself. I force myself to write, draw, paint, or do something productive just for the sake of telling myself that I'm being productive. And whenever I do that, 90% of the time I end up loathing the outcome.

Toxic.

I realized I'm developing a very toxic relationship with myself.

Why am I punishing "me" for the things I have no complete control over? Why am I treating myself this way?

I wondered....

And so over time, I learned to not pressure myself. There will always be days where I don't have any motivation. There will always gonna be dull days. And that's okay.

I learned to be more patient with myself... To treat "ME" kinder......

Two nights ago, a sudden wave of inspiration hit me. And so I found myself holding a brush once again. Playing with colors. Experimenting.

And though the finished piece has it's own fair share of imperfections, still I feel a tiny ounce of pride for pulling it off after such a long time of not touching my brushes nor holding a pencil.

Good job, me. :)

[the-rotten-sushi]

One more time.... I'll try again one more time