Soldier Boy

The REAL fucking American hero. 18+ | NSFW | DMs open.

[the-soldier-boy]

Soldier Boy.

Don't need no goddamned introductions. You know who I am.

✪=✪=✪=✪=✪=✪=✪=✪=✪=✪

account managed by a Soldier Boy introject. responding only when he's fronting. expect canon divergence to some extent. bisexual aromantic Ben. he/him pronouns. will default to asterisks roleplay unless asked otherwise.

fine with: nsfw, dead dove, piss, bdsm and other kinky stuff.

won't do: shit, vomit, anything sexual with kids or animals.

things we'd have to discuss in dms: angst, anything regarding ben's past, original characters with soldier boy involved in their backstory. cross-overs (mostly to check if i know the character/universe). ships (i'm very neutral about them, incest is fine, he said it himself, nobody fucks his son but him), i don't wanna get thrown into a ship out of nowhere.

about mod: 20s. european. queer. any pronouns. plural. fanfic writer.

[truthxbomb]

Welcome to the TRUTHBOMB, I'm your hostess FIRECRACKER.

God bless America. 🗽

Formerly @godblessfirecracker.

RPG BLOG ONLY! Canon-divergent. 18+ only! - No minors. Looking for RP partners - friends, enemies, lovers. Thread, asks, and message friendly. Feel free to pop into my inbox/DMs. Mun & Muse are 21+. I prefer to stick to The Boys fandom, but it's not a hard rule. OCs are welcome.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wake up.

-@godblessfirecracker

Fuck you want...?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're on my hair.

[the-soldier-boy]

Tough luck.

[godblessfirecracker]

Why are you like this?

[the-soldier-boy]

You're comfortable.

[godblessfirecracker]

You're still pulling my hair.

[the-soldier-boy]

You're into that.

[godblessfirecracker]

Only certain times!

[the-soldier-boy]

I'm about to put my full body weight on you if you don't calm down.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wake up.

-@godblessfirecracker

Fuck you want...?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're on my hair.

[the-soldier-boy]

Tough luck.

[godblessfirecracker]

Why are you like this?

[the-soldier-boy]

You're comfortable.

[godblessfirecracker]

You're still pulling my hair.

[the-soldier-boy]

You're into that.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wake up.

-@godblessfirecracker

Fuck you want...?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're on my hair.

[the-soldier-boy]

Tough luck.

[godblessfirecracker]

Why are you like this?

[the-soldier-boy]

You're comfortable.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wake up.

-@godblessfirecracker

Fuck you want...?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're on my hair.

[the-soldier-boy]

Tough luck.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wake up.

-@godblessfirecracker

Fuck you want...?

[the-soldier-boy]

Why you always naked or in panties vro

Is there a secret third option that I am not aware of besides wearing underwear and not wearing underwear?

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the deal with you and Firecracker?

I'm pregnant.

[godblessfirecracker]

He has the cutest little baby bump.

[the-soldier-boy]

No, that's the beer.

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh uh, no more beer until the baby comes.

[the-soldier-boy]

It's a pregnancy craving.

[godblessfirecracker]

So is coal and chalk, but you can't have those either.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Wait. Are you pregnant, too?

[godblessfirecracker]

Sure am, babe. We're having twins, you're carrying one, and I'm carrying the other. Sharing the load.

[the-soldier-boy]

What the fuck.

[godblessfirecracker]

The Lord works in mysterious ways, sugar.

[the-soldier-boy]

Fucking apparently.

[godblessfirecracker]

That's what got us here.

[the-soldier-boy]

And drugs.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was all you, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

You took, like, seventeen pills.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was my medication for my heart!

[the-soldier-boy]

Seventeen pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

Were you counting?

[the-soldier-boy]

I might have missed one or two. You popped half a bottle like candy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, I didn't want to die while I was riding you like a prized stallion.

[the-soldier-boy]

That would be awkward.

[godblessfirecracker]

And I certainly wouldn't want you to feel awkward.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, I would hope.

[godblessfirecracker]

Wouldn't want my death to ruin your good time.

[the-soldier-boy]

Considerate. I like that in a woman.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's that sweet Southern Belle in me.

[the-soldier-boy]

Oh, there was something else in you, missy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh my Lord, what was it?

[the-soldier-boy]

... I'm gonna give you a moment here.

[godblessfirecracker]

That joke went sailing straight over your pretty head.

[the-soldier-boy]

Went sailing gay. It's the gay month.

[godblessfirecracker]

Look at you, being funny. Funny, haha. Not funny- well, you know.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am being, as the kids call it, woke.

[godblessfirecracker]

Everybody always asks what about our troops and veterans this month. I say, what about our gay veterans? What about our gay troops?

[the-soldier-boy]

No.

[godblessfirecracker]

No? What do you mean 'no'?

[the-soldier-boy]

No means no, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, get you some milk and cookies, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

What am I, Santa Claus?

[godblessfirecracker]

Can I sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas?

[the-soldier-boy]

I don't know, can you?

[godblessfirecracker]

... No more milk and cookies for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

You ate them all and sold the milk to Homelander, didn't you?

[godblessfirecracker]

I might have, and he's...evolved to something beyond cow's milk.

[the-soldier-boy]

Backwards.

[godblessfirecracker]

...Yes, backwards. And I damaged my heart for it.

[the-soldier-boy]

Talk about heartbreaks.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh, haha.

[the-soldier-boy]

Should see a doctor about it.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do. Remember? Seventeen pills?

[the-soldier-boy]

What pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

You love to see me riled up, don't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

You do get rather energetic when you're riled up.

[godblessfirecracker]

I can't help but get fired up.

[the-soldier-boy]

Pretty sure you also just got fired in general.

[godblessfirecracker]

We don't talk about that. It was just a little mistake.

[the-soldier-boy]

A stake?

[godblessfirecracker]

I was thinking about storing my Costco frozen foods in your cryo tube, is that cool?

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, if it's frozen, I would hope it's cool, otherwise it would melt.

[godblessfirecracker]

I'm going to sit on your face just so you stop talking.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's also cool.

[godblessfirecracker]

Good boy.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am very temper to bark, simply for the comedy value.

[godblessfirecracker]

Do not bark into my vagina.

[the-soldier-boy]

Where's your sense of adventure?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're going to bark into it, aren't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Not like you'd stop me.

[godblessfirecracker]

Shut up. My self-esteem is hanging on by a thread.

[the-soldier-boy]

You know what else is hanging?

[godblessfirecracker]

Is it you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you telling me to hang myself?

[godblessfirecracker]

I thought it was a dick joke.

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you calling me a dick?

[godblessfirecracker]

Yes.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well that's not very nice.

[godblessfirecracker]

Neither is barking into my vag.

[the-soldier-boy]

You don't know that.

[godblessfirecracker]

I have a good feeling.

[the-soldier-boy]

Exactly. A good feeling.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do have a surprise for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

Do you now?

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh huh. It's something you really like.

[the-soldier-boy]

Enough ketamine to kill a large horse?

[godblessfirecracker]

No... On a woman's body.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's not mutually exclusive.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's not ketamine, Ben.

[the-soldier-boy]

Why not?

[godblessfirecracker]

Nevermind!

[the-soldier-boy]

It's ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Still not ketamine.

[the-soldier-boy]

Is it ketamine yet?

[godblessfirecracker]

No. I fixed what you complained about.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Obtained ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

...Nevermind.

[the-soldier-boy]

I want ketamine, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

So go buy you some!

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the point of having a woman if she doesn't get me ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Am I your woman?

[the-soldier-boy]

I do not believe in owning women, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, hallelujah to that.

[the-soldier-boy]

Hallelujah on my cock.

[godblessfirecracker]

I didn't know you had a rooster.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, I already have a chick.

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the deal with you and Firecracker?

I'm pregnant.

[godblessfirecracker]

He has the cutest little baby bump.

[the-soldier-boy]

No, that's the beer.

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh uh, no more beer until the baby comes.

[the-soldier-boy]

It's a pregnancy craving.

[godblessfirecracker]

So is coal and chalk, but you can't have those either.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Wait. Are you pregnant, too?

[godblessfirecracker]

Sure am, babe. We're having twins, you're carrying one, and I'm carrying the other. Sharing the load.

[the-soldier-boy]

What the fuck.

[godblessfirecracker]

The Lord works in mysterious ways, sugar.

[the-soldier-boy]

Fucking apparently.

[godblessfirecracker]

That's what got us here.

[the-soldier-boy]

And drugs.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was all you, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

You took, like, seventeen pills.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was my medication for my heart!

[the-soldier-boy]

Seventeen pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

Were you counting?

[the-soldier-boy]

I might have missed one or two. You popped half a bottle like candy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, I didn't want to die while I was riding you like a prized stallion.

[the-soldier-boy]

That would be awkward.

[godblessfirecracker]

And I certainly wouldn't want you to feel awkward.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, I would hope.

[godblessfirecracker]

Wouldn't want my death to ruin your good time.

[the-soldier-boy]

Considerate. I like that in a woman.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's that sweet Southern Belle in me.

[the-soldier-boy]

Oh, there was something else in you, missy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh my Lord, what was it?

[the-soldier-boy]

... I'm gonna give you a moment here.

[godblessfirecracker]

That joke went sailing straight over your pretty head.

[the-soldier-boy]

Went sailing gay. It's the gay month.

[godblessfirecracker]

Look at you, being funny. Funny, haha. Not funny- well, you know.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am being, as the kids call it, woke.

[godblessfirecracker]

Everybody always asks what about our troops and veterans this month. I say, what about our gay veterans? What about our gay troops?

[the-soldier-boy]

No.

[godblessfirecracker]

No? What do you mean 'no'?

[the-soldier-boy]

No means no, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, get you some milk and cookies, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

What am I, Santa Claus?

[godblessfirecracker]

Can I sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas?

[the-soldier-boy]

I don't know, can you?

[godblessfirecracker]

... No more milk and cookies for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

You ate them all and sold the milk to Homelander, didn't you?

[godblessfirecracker]

I might have, and he's...evolved to something beyond cow's milk.

[the-soldier-boy]

Backwards.

[godblessfirecracker]

...Yes, backwards. And I damaged my heart for it.

[the-soldier-boy]

Talk about heartbreaks.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh, haha.

[the-soldier-boy]

Should see a doctor about it.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do. Remember? Seventeen pills?

[the-soldier-boy]

What pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

You love to see me riled up, don't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

You do get rather energetic when you're riled up.

[godblessfirecracker]

I can't help but get fired up.

[the-soldier-boy]

Pretty sure you also just got fired in general.

[godblessfirecracker]

We don't talk about that. It was just a little mistake.

[the-soldier-boy]

A stake?

[godblessfirecracker]

I was thinking about storing my Costco frozen foods in your cryo tube, is that cool?

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, if it's frozen, I would hope it's cool, otherwise it would melt.

[godblessfirecracker]

I'm going to sit on your face just so you stop talking.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's also cool.

[godblessfirecracker]

Good boy.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am very temper to bark, simply for the comedy value.

[godblessfirecracker]

Do not bark into my vagina.

[the-soldier-boy]

Where's your sense of adventure?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're going to bark into it, aren't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Not like you'd stop me.

[godblessfirecracker]

Shut up. My self-esteem is hanging on by a thread.

[the-soldier-boy]

You know what else is hanging?

[godblessfirecracker]

Is it you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you telling me to hang myself?

[godblessfirecracker]

I thought it was a dick joke.

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you calling me a dick?

[godblessfirecracker]

Yes.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well that's not very nice.

[godblessfirecracker]

Neither is barking into my vag.

[the-soldier-boy]

You don't know that.

[godblessfirecracker]

I have a good feeling.

[the-soldier-boy]

Exactly. A good feeling.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do have a surprise for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

Do you now?

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh huh. It's something you really like.

[the-soldier-boy]

Enough ketamine to kill a large horse?

[godblessfirecracker]

No... On a woman's body.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's not mutually exclusive.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's not ketamine, Ben.

[the-soldier-boy]

Why not?

[godblessfirecracker]

Nevermind!

[the-soldier-boy]

It's ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Still not ketamine.

[the-soldier-boy]

Is it ketamine yet?

[godblessfirecracker]

No. I fixed what you complained about.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Obtained ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

...Nevermind.

[the-soldier-boy]

I want ketamine, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

So go buy you some!

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the point of having a woman if she doesn't get me ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Am I your woman?

[the-soldier-boy]

I do not believe in owning women, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, hallelujah to that.

[the-soldier-boy]

Hallelujah on my cock.

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the deal with you and Firecracker?

I'm pregnant.

[godblessfirecracker]

He has the cutest little baby bump.

[the-soldier-boy]

No, that's the beer.

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh uh, no more beer until the baby comes.

[the-soldier-boy]

It's a pregnancy craving.

[godblessfirecracker]

So is coal and chalk, but you can't have those either.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Wait. Are you pregnant, too?

[godblessfirecracker]

Sure am, babe. We're having twins, you're carrying one, and I'm carrying the other. Sharing the load.

[the-soldier-boy]

What the fuck.

[godblessfirecracker]

The Lord works in mysterious ways, sugar.

[the-soldier-boy]

Fucking apparently.

[godblessfirecracker]

That's what got us here.

[the-soldier-boy]

And drugs.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was all you, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

You took, like, seventeen pills.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was my medication for my heart!

[the-soldier-boy]

Seventeen pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

Were you counting?

[the-soldier-boy]

I might have missed one or two. You popped half a bottle like candy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, I didn't want to die while I was riding you like a prized stallion.

[the-soldier-boy]

That would be awkward.

[godblessfirecracker]

And I certainly wouldn't want you to feel awkward.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, I would hope.

[godblessfirecracker]

Wouldn't want my death to ruin your good time.

[the-soldier-boy]

Considerate. I like that in a woman.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's that sweet Southern Belle in me.

[the-soldier-boy]

Oh, there was something else in you, missy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh my Lord, what was it?

[the-soldier-boy]

... I'm gonna give you a moment here.

[godblessfirecracker]

That joke went sailing straight over your pretty head.

[the-soldier-boy]

Went sailing gay. It's the gay month.

[godblessfirecracker]

Look at you, being funny. Funny, haha. Not funny- well, you know.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am being, as the kids call it, woke.

[godblessfirecracker]

Everybody always asks what about our troops and veterans this month. I say, what about our gay veterans? What about our gay troops?

[the-soldier-boy]

No.

[godblessfirecracker]

No? What do you mean 'no'?

[the-soldier-boy]

No means no, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, get you some milk and cookies, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

What am I, Santa Claus?

[godblessfirecracker]

Can I sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas?

[the-soldier-boy]

I don't know, can you?

[godblessfirecracker]

... No more milk and cookies for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

You ate them all and sold the milk to Homelander, didn't you?

[godblessfirecracker]

I might have, and he's...evolved to something beyond cow's milk.

[the-soldier-boy]

Backwards.

[godblessfirecracker]

...Yes, backwards. And I damaged my heart for it.

[the-soldier-boy]

Talk about heartbreaks.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh, haha.

[the-soldier-boy]

Should see a doctor about it.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do. Remember? Seventeen pills?

[the-soldier-boy]

What pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

You love to see me riled up, don't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

You do get rather energetic when you're riled up.

[godblessfirecracker]

I can't help but get fired up.

[the-soldier-boy]

Pretty sure you also just got fired in general.

[godblessfirecracker]

We don't talk about that. It was just a little mistake.

[the-soldier-boy]

A stake?

[godblessfirecracker]

I was thinking about storing my Costco frozen foods in your cryo tube, is that cool?

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, if it's frozen, I would hope it's cool, otherwise it would melt.

[godblessfirecracker]

I'm going to sit on your face just so you stop talking.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's also cool.

[godblessfirecracker]

Good boy.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am very temper to bark, simply for the comedy value.

[godblessfirecracker]

Do not bark into my vagina.

[the-soldier-boy]

Where's your sense of adventure?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're going to bark into it, aren't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Not like you'd stop me.

[godblessfirecracker]

Shut up. My self-esteem is hanging on by a thread.

[the-soldier-boy]

You know what else is hanging?

[godblessfirecracker]

Is it you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you telling me to hang myself?

[godblessfirecracker]

I thought it was a dick joke.

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you calling me a dick?

[godblessfirecracker]

Yes.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well that's not very nice.

[godblessfirecracker]

Neither is barking into my vag.

[the-soldier-boy]

You don't know that.

[godblessfirecracker]

I have a good feeling.

[the-soldier-boy]

Exactly. A good feeling.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do have a surprise for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

Do you now?

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh huh. It's something you really like.

[the-soldier-boy]

Enough ketamine to kill a large horse?

[godblessfirecracker]

No... On a woman's body.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's not mutually exclusive.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's not ketamine, Ben.

[the-soldier-boy]

Why not?

[godblessfirecracker]

Nevermind!

[the-soldier-boy]

It's ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Still not ketamine.

[the-soldier-boy]

Is it ketamine yet?

[godblessfirecracker]

No. I fixed what you complained about.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Obtained ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

...Nevermind.

[the-soldier-boy]

I want ketamine, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

So go buy you some!

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the point of having a woman if she doesn't get me ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Am I your woman?

[the-soldier-boy]

I do not believe in owning women, Firecracker.

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the deal with you and Firecracker?

I'm pregnant.

[godblessfirecracker]

He has the cutest little baby bump.

[the-soldier-boy]

No, that's the beer.

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh uh, no more beer until the baby comes.

[the-soldier-boy]

It's a pregnancy craving.

[godblessfirecracker]

So is coal and chalk, but you can't have those either.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Wait. Are you pregnant, too?

[godblessfirecracker]

Sure am, babe. We're having twins, you're carrying one, and I'm carrying the other. Sharing the load.

[the-soldier-boy]

What the fuck.

[godblessfirecracker]

The Lord works in mysterious ways, sugar.

[the-soldier-boy]

Fucking apparently.

[godblessfirecracker]

That's what got us here.

[the-soldier-boy]

And drugs.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was all you, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

You took, like, seventeen pills.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was my medication for my heart!

[the-soldier-boy]

Seventeen pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

Were you counting?

[the-soldier-boy]

I might have missed one or two. You popped half a bottle like candy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, I didn't want to die while I was riding you like a prized stallion.

[the-soldier-boy]

That would be awkward.

[godblessfirecracker]

And I certainly wouldn't want you to feel awkward.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, I would hope.

[godblessfirecracker]

Wouldn't want my death to ruin your good time.

[the-soldier-boy]

Considerate. I like that in a woman.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's that sweet Southern Belle in me.

[the-soldier-boy]

Oh, there was something else in you, missy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh my Lord, what was it?

[the-soldier-boy]

... I'm gonna give you a moment here.

[godblessfirecracker]

That joke went sailing straight over your pretty head.

[the-soldier-boy]

Went sailing gay. It's the gay month.

[godblessfirecracker]

Look at you, being funny. Funny, haha. Not funny- well, you know.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am being, as the kids call it, woke.

[godblessfirecracker]

Everybody always asks what about our troops and veterans this month. I say, what about our gay veterans? What about our gay troops?

[the-soldier-boy]

No.

[godblessfirecracker]

No? What do you mean 'no'?

[the-soldier-boy]

No means no, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, get you some milk and cookies, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

What am I, Santa Claus?

[godblessfirecracker]

Can I sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas?

[the-soldier-boy]

I don't know, can you?

[godblessfirecracker]

... No more milk and cookies for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

You ate them all and sold the milk to Homelander, didn't you?

[godblessfirecracker]

I might have, and he's...evolved to something beyond cow's milk.

[the-soldier-boy]

Backwards.

[godblessfirecracker]

...Yes, backwards. And I damaged my heart for it.

[the-soldier-boy]

Talk about heartbreaks.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh, haha.

[the-soldier-boy]

Should see a doctor about it.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do. Remember? Seventeen pills?

[the-soldier-boy]

What pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

You love to see me riled up, don't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

You do get rather energetic when you're riled up.

[godblessfirecracker]

I can't help but get fired up.

[the-soldier-boy]

Pretty sure you also just got fired in general.

[godblessfirecracker]

We don't talk about that. It was just a little mistake.

[the-soldier-boy]

A stake?

[godblessfirecracker]

I was thinking about storing my Costco frozen foods in your cryo tube, is that cool?

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, if it's frozen, I would hope it's cool, otherwise it would melt.

[godblessfirecracker]

I'm going to sit on your face just so you stop talking.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's also cool.

[godblessfirecracker]

Good boy.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am very temper to bark, simply for the comedy value.

[godblessfirecracker]

Do not bark into my vagina.

[the-soldier-boy]

Where's your sense of adventure?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're going to bark into it, aren't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Not like you'd stop me.

[godblessfirecracker]

Shut up. My self-esteem is hanging on by a thread.

[the-soldier-boy]

You know what else is hanging?

[godblessfirecracker]

Is it you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you telling me to hang myself?

[godblessfirecracker]

I thought it was a dick joke.

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you calling me a dick?

[godblessfirecracker]

Yes.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well that's not very nice.

[godblessfirecracker]

Neither is barking into my vag.

[the-soldier-boy]

You don't know that.

[godblessfirecracker]

I have a good feeling.

[the-soldier-boy]

Exactly. A good feeling.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do have a surprise for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

Do you now?

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh huh. It's something you really like.

[the-soldier-boy]

Enough ketamine to kill a large horse?

[godblessfirecracker]

No... On a woman's body.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's not mutually exclusive.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's not ketamine, Ben.

[the-soldier-boy]

Why not?

[godblessfirecracker]

Nevermind!

[the-soldier-boy]

It's ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Still not ketamine.

[the-soldier-boy]

Is it ketamine yet?

[godblessfirecracker]

No. I fixed what you complained about.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Obtained ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

...Nevermind.

[the-soldier-boy]

I want ketamine, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

So go buy you some!

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the point of having a woman if she doesn't get me ketamine?

[the-soldier-boy]

What's the deal with you and Firecracker?

I'm pregnant.

[godblessfirecracker]

He has the cutest little baby bump.

[the-soldier-boy]

No, that's the beer.

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh uh, no more beer until the baby comes.

[the-soldier-boy]

It's a pregnancy craving.

[godblessfirecracker]

So is coal and chalk, but you can't have those either.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Wait. Are you pregnant, too?

[godblessfirecracker]

Sure am, babe. We're having twins, you're carrying one, and I'm carrying the other. Sharing the load.

[the-soldier-boy]

What the fuck.

[godblessfirecracker]

The Lord works in mysterious ways, sugar.

[the-soldier-boy]

Fucking apparently.

[godblessfirecracker]

That's what got us here.

[the-soldier-boy]

And drugs.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was all you, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

You took, like, seventeen pills.

[godblessfirecracker]

That was my medication for my heart!

[the-soldier-boy]

Seventeen pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

Were you counting?

[the-soldier-boy]

I might have missed one or two. You popped half a bottle like candy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, I didn't want to die while I was riding you like a prized stallion.

[the-soldier-boy]

That would be awkward.

[godblessfirecracker]

And I certainly wouldn't want you to feel awkward.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, I would hope.

[godblessfirecracker]

Wouldn't want my death to ruin your good time.

[the-soldier-boy]

Considerate. I like that in a woman.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's that sweet Southern Belle in me.

[the-soldier-boy]

Oh, there was something else in you, missy.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh my Lord, what was it?

[the-soldier-boy]

... I'm gonna give you a moment here.

[godblessfirecracker]

That joke went sailing straight over your pretty head.

[the-soldier-boy]

Went sailing gay. It's the gay month.

[godblessfirecracker]

Look at you, being funny. Funny, haha. Not funny- well, you know.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am being, as the kids call it, woke.

[godblessfirecracker]

Everybody always asks what about our troops and veterans this month. I say, what about our gay veterans? What about our gay troops?

[the-soldier-boy]

No.

[godblessfirecracker]

No? What do you mean 'no'?

[the-soldier-boy]

No means no, Firecracker.

[godblessfirecracker]

Well, get you some milk and cookies, sweetheart.

[the-soldier-boy]

What am I, Santa Claus?

[godblessfirecracker]

Can I sit on your lap and tell you what I want for Christmas?

[the-soldier-boy]

I don't know, can you?

[godblessfirecracker]

... No more milk and cookies for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

You ate them all and sold the milk to Homelander, didn't you?

[godblessfirecracker]

I might have, and he's...evolved to something beyond cow's milk.

[the-soldier-boy]

Backwards.

[godblessfirecracker]

...Yes, backwards. And I damaged my heart for it.

[the-soldier-boy]

Talk about heartbreaks.

[godblessfirecracker]

Oh, haha.

[the-soldier-boy]

Should see a doctor about it.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do. Remember? Seventeen pills?

[the-soldier-boy]

What pills?

[godblessfirecracker]

You love to see me riled up, don't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

You do get rather energetic when you're riled up.

[godblessfirecracker]

I can't help but get fired up.

[the-soldier-boy]

Pretty sure you also just got fired in general.

[godblessfirecracker]

We don't talk about that. It was just a little mistake.

[the-soldier-boy]

A stake?

[godblessfirecracker]

I was thinking about storing my Costco frozen foods in your cryo tube, is that cool?

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, if it's frozen, I would hope it's cool, otherwise it would melt.

[godblessfirecracker]

I'm going to sit on your face just so you stop talking.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's also cool.

[godblessfirecracker]

Good boy.

[the-soldier-boy]

I am very temper to bark, simply for the comedy value.

[godblessfirecracker]

Do not bark into my vagina.

[the-soldier-boy]

Where's your sense of adventure?

[godblessfirecracker]

You're going to bark into it, aren't you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Not like you'd stop me.

[godblessfirecracker]

Shut up. My self-esteem is hanging on by a thread.

[the-soldier-boy]

You know what else is hanging?

[godblessfirecracker]

Is it you?

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you telling me to hang myself?

[godblessfirecracker]

I thought it was a dick joke.

[the-soldier-boy]

Are you calling me a dick?

[godblessfirecracker]

Yes.

[the-soldier-boy]

Well that's not very nice.

[godblessfirecracker]

Neither is barking into my vag.

[the-soldier-boy]

You don't know that.

[godblessfirecracker]

I have a good feeling.

[the-soldier-boy]

Exactly. A good feeling.

[godblessfirecracker]

I do have a surprise for you.

[the-soldier-boy]

Do you now?

[godblessfirecracker]

Uh huh. It's something you really like.

[the-soldier-boy]

Enough ketamine to kill a large horse?

[godblessfirecracker]

No... On a woman's body.

[the-soldier-boy]

That's not mutually exclusive.

[godblessfirecracker]

It's not ketamine, Ben.

[the-soldier-boy]

Why not?

[godblessfirecracker]

Nevermind!

[the-soldier-boy]

It's ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

Still not ketamine.

[the-soldier-boy]

Is it ketamine yet?

[godblessfirecracker]

No. I fixed what you complained about.

[the-soldier-boy]

... Obtained ketamine?

[godblessfirecracker]

...Nevermind.

[the-soldier-boy]

I want ketamine, Firecracker.

[the-soldier-boy]

baby I am crawling, even though - you're still answering 😋

Then I suppose I just won't anymore.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wait you can see who asked what even when we're doing it anonymously

Me? No. Lucas probably can.

[weepingwid0w]

I'm cooked aren't I

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, you did just expose yourself. Without me even needing Lucas.

[weepingwid0w]

aw shit I did

[the-soldier-boy]

You sure did.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wait you can see who asked what even when we're doing it anonymously

Me? No. Lucas probably can.

[weepingwid0w]

I'm cooked aren't I

[the-soldier-boy]

Well, you did just expose yourself. Without me even needing Lucas.

[the-soldier-boy]

Wait you can see who asked what even when we're doing it anonymously

Me? No. Lucas probably can.