Sometimes, alters say the darndest things

all fanfics (and musings) written by fictives in one (1) system of over 700 alters, and their best friend- another system of around ~25 alters (maybe. numbers are hard). (header and icon both drawn by The JellyBean Bois) note: we won't all be posting here. not all of us are comfortable being in the spotlight, some of us are embarrassed by our writing skills, some of our parts are too young to be on Tumblr and aren't allowed to post, or share their works to keep them safe.

[the-stuff-alters-say]

"Fuck you, Zuko, idiots get added to the fronting list." -Helen

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Ebois Will: You flinched!

JellyBean Bois Theo: So?

Will: It’s a trauma response!

Theo: And? My entire existence is a trauma response!

[the-stuff-alters-say]

JellyBean Bois Leo: can you hand me my water?

Editorials Bin: you're so thirsty ;)

Leo: *bites lip* ya for you

Leo: actually just for water

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Helen: I girlbossed just close enough to the sun for my wings to get warm, but not too close they melted

Theo: Good for you :D

[Hours later and one (1) mild inconvenience later]

Helen: *gasp* Oh no! I girlbossed too close to the sun! My wings!

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Alter 1: ¿Cuántas ventanas hay en este camisa?

Alter 2: Don't you mean 'casa'?

Alter 1: Mm... no.

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Alter 1: "THAT MAKES YOU A WITCH!"

Alter 2: "...Sí..."

(A table was then flipped)

[the-stuff-alters-say]

???: I don't have a name and I don't want a name!

Theo: well there's way too many of us for that now, so either choose a name, or I'm naming you Boizoi after the dog breed.

???: HUH??

Theo, clicking his pen impatiently: Which will it be?

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Nico, whose been feeling astral fangs and astral braces recently: there a lot going on in my mouth rn

Percy: want another thing going into your mouth?

Nico, turning redder than a sunburn: if you keep this up, I'm going to start channeling my inner Mr D and call you by the wrong name

Percy: *eyebrow wiggle* you "inner d", huh?

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Vilbee, playfully, thinking Max is older: you're a fruit

Max, at 4 years old: ...no... I don't even have apple juice... *starts crying*

Vilbee: NO DON'T CRY ILL GET YOU APPLE JUICE OH MY GOD DONT CRY

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Alter 1: I still wanna name myself Lemmings

?: Theo is pretty lax on naming conventions, so I'm sure you could do it.

Theo: yeah I only won't let you name yourself a slur

?: I'm glad I got to name myself '?'

Alter 1: how did you make that noise with your mouth?

Theo: oh! JAY!!! I need you to make a new rule

Jay: what do I look like? A gatekeeper?

Theo: Yes. Oh my god, Jay, keep up

Jay: *questioning his life in spanish*

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Gil: *picks out a gorgeous dress for a cosplay*

⛈️: Gil is so gay

Gil: no I'm not!

⛈️: you've got a suspiciously great eye for a straight man

Gil: I was thinking about- *pauses, blushing*

⛈️: you were thinking about [insys partner] in the dress.

Gil: y-yah

⛈️: gay

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Jude: Do you ever just... disobey the laws of physics?

Adam: *Please* stop being cryptic for the sake of the lolz

Jude: nah

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Jude: You ever sneeze so hard your life crumbles around you?

Adam: wh-?!?! It wasn't even that powerful of a sneeze???

Jude: it destroyed my soul

[the-stuff-alters-say]

[🎀]: *puts on a dress because she have mostly full control after our shower*

Cloud: *coming back in the front room with a coffee* wh-

Cloud: What?! Nooooo!

[🎀]: Lmao deal with it

Cloud: *dramatically flops onto Jay's bed*

Jay: *pets his hair* poor guy got the full 'leave a girly girl in front' treatment... just be glad she didn't do dolled up makeup

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Nico (yelling): LIFE IS FLEETING, DEATH IS FOREVER! WAAAAAAAA

Nico: *jumps off the balcony.*

Morty, who lives on the 4th story and whose balcony Nico just jumped out of: You okay?!?!?

Nico (from a rose bush): ... yeah!

[the-stuff-alters-say]

Shane, trying to summon [REDACTED 🎀] because they have good communication: Oooo look at this~ I have a grape airhead~

[🎀]: *Radio silent*

Shane: We're wearing a cute outfit~

[🎀]: *Static noises*

Shane: Fine, be that way you creature

[🎀]: Am I at least a pretty creature?

[the-stuff-alters-say]

"He do be cat-like tho."

-A little after seeing a stray cat in our neighborhood