How I Met Rhiannon
So, a couple of people have asked me to talk about how I ended up working with Rhiannon, and since itās a really, really long story, I figured it deserved a blog post.
A little over five years ago, I started having psychogenic/physiologic non-epileptic seizures. NES are seizures that are not caused by brain activity, but instead the triggers can be things like stress, depression, anxiety, or trauma for psychogenic seizures, and things like blood sugar, changes in body temperature, hormone fluctuations, or pain in the event of a physiologic induced seizure.
Around that same time, season 3 of American Horror Story came out. Iād liked the first season, skipped most of the second season, but when season three came around, I decided to give it a shot. The very first thing that caught my eye was this gorgeous blonde witch dancing to Stevie Nicks in a swamp. There was something about her energy that just felt familiar to me. Iād heard Stevie Nicksā music before and thought she was good, but had never really been a huge fan or anything, but at that point, I started searching my iPod for some more of her music and ended up listening to Rhiannon on repeat.
The song just made me feel so empowered, like I could be like this amazing woman the lyrics so reverently referenced. The energy was so powerful that it frightened me, as I was still a part of the Christian church at the time, so I kind of ignored it and tried to steer clear of those kinds of things.
Until about two years later, when I grew tired of the way my church was run and the way the pastors were teaching. It was a very patriarchal church, even moreso than the religion in general. I was being told things like,Ā āthe way you run your home will reflect on your husband, and to avoid tarnishing his reputation, you need to focus on your housekeeping and child rearing abilities more than school and your hobbies.ā That was basically the last straw for me.Ā
Between comments like that and feeling like Iād been abandoned by the Christian god, I started to grow extremely disillusioned with Christianity. Within a few months, I had started dipping my toes into witchcraft, dabbling in tarot, and slowly shedding old belief systems that were hindering me. I realized Iād never felt empowered the entire time I had grown up in that belief, and I constantly felt like I was worthless.
A few months into dabbling in witchcraft and after swearing I was going to have nothing to do with any other deities, Hecate came crashing in through my walls like the Kool-Aid man. Of course, my baby witch self was terrified, but I slowly began to trust her and she gave me my introduction to other deities and also taught me a lot about my craft.
About six months later, I came back around to Stevie Nicksā music and the feeling I first felt when Iād listened to Rhiannon those years ago. I still didnāt feel that Rhiannon was calling to me yet, but I knew that the empowered feeling I got from the music was leading me down a new, exciting path. I moved away from home for a few months and when I wasnāt working, I spent time working on my tarot, meditating, and taking nature walks.
It was during this time that I shed even more old beliefs and fears about being independent and fears about dating and relationships. A few months later, I met my current partner and we just clicked.
Shortly after that, I did end up having to move back with my family for a while due to seizures impeding my ability to work, but I was stronger spiritually and mentally, had a new relationship, and had a path in my craft I was walking down.
At the end of that summer, Stevie Nicks announced a new tour. Of course, I was ecstatic and I was determined to go. The night I decided I would do whatever it took to get tickets for my partner and I, I had a dream. In the dream, I was in this hotel standing in front of an elevator. In front of the elevator was Stevie Nicks, or so I thought. I was so excited to meet my hero, and she just hugged me. We didnāt say anything to each other, but there was this telepathic exchange. It was like she was saying she was there for me.
A month or so later, I had my tickets, but I was also in the process of moving out of state with my partner. I was thinking maybe I should just skip the concert, sell my tickets, and use the money for somethingĀ āmore importantā. That night, I went to sleep with that thought in my head, and I had another dream. In this dream, I was in the same place as before, but instead of seeing Stevie Nicks, I saw Cher. She was sitting at this table, and across from her was another chair. I knew I was supposed to sit across from her, so I did. She took my hands in hers and stared right into my eyes. Again, we shared a telepathic exchange, and she told me I absolutely was going to that Stevie Nicks concert.
The next morning, I woke up determined to make it work so that I could still move and go to the concert. I sold my tickets (I had bought tickets for Seattle), and instead bought tickets to go to Stevieās show in Chicago, as my partner and I were moving to Illinois.
A week before the show, we loaded up his car with my things and set out across the country. The roads were crazy as it was almost December, but we made it. Best road trip of my entire life. We arrived in Illinois two days before the concert. My partnerās dad made sure we made it to the city, and we spent the day exploring Chicago, as it was the first time Iād ever been there. My partner grew up in the area and went to school there, so he had plenty of amazing places to show me. It was freezing, but it was magical.
We walked all the way from downtown to the United Center where the concert was. On the way to the venue, a white limo drove past us headed the same direction we were going. I said,Ā āwhat if thatās Stevie Nicks?ā I laughed and brushed off the thought, but later I realized it very well could have been her.
My partner and I got to the venue and stood in line to go into the venue to our seats. We probably had some of the worst seats in the entire venue, but I didnāt care. I was going to be in the same building as Stevie Nicks, hearing her sing live. We sat down and waited for the show to start. The Pretenders were opening for her. Iād never heard much of their music, so I just enjoyed and listened and waited for Stevie.
After the Pretenders finished, there was about a thirty minute intermission while the crews set up for Stevie. I had to use the restroom, so I left my seat to find one. As I left the arena and headed towards the round corridor, I turned towards the bathroom and across the corridor was a ginormous framed picture of Cher from a past performance. I got major chills, and by the time I got back to my seat I was feeling a sense of that energy again.
Stevie came on, and from the first moment she started singing, I felt this overwhelming sense of belonging. Despite the fact that I was surrounded by thousands of fans, I felt like I was the only one there and she was singing to just me. I spent half the show crying because I was just so overwhelmed by that energy. When she sang her encore song, Rhiannon, I just knew. I knew Rhiannon had been trying to get my attention for a long time, and I just denied it over and over again due to fear or confusion.
But from that night forward, I began researching her. I started having more and more Stevie Nicks dreams, but each time I noticed she looked a little less like Stevie each time. Sometimes she would give me nightmares if I wasnāt understanding a particular message. A few months later, my partner and I got our own place and I set up my altar again, this time revamping my normal altar to include more of Rhiannonās energy in it.
Itās been two years since then. Iām still figuring her out. Weāve been through a lot together. Iām writing a song in her honor. She still comes to me in dreams and nightmares, but not as Stevie anymore. I think these days she prefers showing up as Johnette Napolitano from Concrete Blonde. I think thereās a different, darker aspect of herself sheās trying to show me.Ā
I wonāt lie, sheās not an easy goddess to work with. Sheās confusing sometimes. She changes like the wind, and sheās definitely a horse goddess. Sheās independent, and she has been guiding me towards my own independence. She will ignore me for months at a time if Iām not putting in the effort.
Itās been an intense journey with her, and a lot of times I feel like Iām just starting out. But sheās shown me the person I truly want to be and sheās guiding me towards that future every day. I wouldnāt change any of the journey for anything in the world.
