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It’s so weird to feel lonely just because people are not talking to me all the time, I’m so used to being alone with sparse conversations and lately things have changed to be more social (online) and when it’s quiet I am actually losing my mind, like I’m addicted to the contact

Look I love winter but it is straight up kicking my ass this year. So many storms a foot plus of snow, taking care of it all takes me 3+ hours minimum, my body is so tired I hate this feelings. Another massive storm all day tomorrow and I’m nervous I will lose power before Blades in the Dark ughhhh

So tired, shoveled for like 8+ hours over 2 days, back at it tomorrow and looks like another snowstorm next weekend. Think we got close to 30” total today and yesterday.

Just feeling off from all that maybe, but playing blades in the dark tonight exhausted me, half of my players were there, including two I struggle with sometimes. Feeling like an imposter even though I think it was fun for them(I know 1 loved it) but idk I feel like a fraud and I hate the feeling like I’m letting people down, next week I’m on with the half of my players I really care about and it sucks feeling like I’m not gonna be able to deliver

#just feeling off and depressed ignore me please

Feeling like writing and have nowhere to do it, so sorry if anyone here still actually follows me and sees my posts.

Running my alien scenario was really fun and I made a new friend in the process. She’s a really good RP focused player and after alien she joined my blades in the dark game too which has been fun, though some of my other blades players don’t really like to RP much and managing everyone is a little stressful.

Through her and a few of my other friends I’m realizing how much being social matters to me, which is weird I’m so introverted and stuff, but if I go 24 hours without someone responding to a discord message I feel physically sick and begin to assume people hate me. I usually feel old these days but this sensation reminds me of my younger days.

I’ve given in to Umamusume, it’s so fun, obvs won’t spend any actual money but the gameplay has got me

Alriiight I got my crew together for the Alien RPG scenario I wrote and we got 2.5 hours in tonight!

The story is about an independent cargo hauling crew with an aging ship, their onboard computer is about to go and they can’t afford a replacement. Their next job was cancelled due to a mining incident and colony evacuation. The crew delivered the exact parts they need to that colony a few years ago. So knowing the planet is empty they decide to take a chance and go to the colony to steal the parts to make the repair themselves.

So far we introduced all the characters in a short prologue, came out of hyper sleep, and landed at the colony. They did some exploring but havnt run into any majors issues. Tension was growing nicely though and I ended the session as the power to the colony went out.

Can’t wait to play more and see things develop as they head into the sub level to turn the power back on.

#ttrpg #alien rpg

Oilers are cooked, Panthers got their number for sure, too bad, was hoping Canada would win the cup this year.

Working on some alien rpg stuff it’s been really nice to get progress done. I have 2 cinematics finished, just need to get people to test them out. I think if the games go well I may commission an artist to really get them to the next level, it would be so cool to publish these games but idk if I could do it

#ttrpg #alien rpg

It’s been so long since I’ve posted here, I’m assuming everyone I used to know has moved on. One in particular makes my really sad to think about, I always think of them when I listen to Tricot. RIP

Anyway im not sure what this is supposed to be a journal? Idk just having a lot of thoughts lately. Been sad, burnt out, feeling the weight of the hopeless works crashing down. Wondering about gender identity, who am i and all that.

If anyone I know is reading this (or some stranger somehow) I hope you’re doing well and hanging in there.