the evil ẅřįṭɛř

[the1nonlycannoli]

Hi i decided to create a blog. Itll have personal anecdotes, poems and short stories. Before i start it though some things to know about me.

Im a lesbian. No you cant change that dont try

Im an atheist, but if you wish to discuss religion with me, if you feel like it.

My favorite colour is sage green. My favorite food is coconut macaroons.

[the1nonlycannoli]

I feel comfortable but annoyed at the same time. Its my cousin / grandmas birthday party. Very overwhelming. But i love my cousins fam more than my own family

[the1nonlycannoli]

If you are a singer you should not be dressed like you are going to be going to church. No suits, clutch my pearl karen outfits.

Women in suits dont count because a female passing person should not wear a suit to church. I know from experience. After two years of going to church with butt length hair(i am afab), i showed up to church in a suit, a buzzcut, and a packer.

It was funny but if your parents also go to church with you/ your a minor i would not recommend. I was 15 and was kicked out 6 months later for being gay, and being a bad influence on the children of the youth group.

[the1nonlycannoli]

My lil brother (the 12 yro autistic one) was playing with my earbuds and we didn't want him to accidentally break them so my grandparents kept saying put it down and stuff and he kept getting upset. Eventually, i just asked him if he wanted a string instead. He said yeah, so i cut off a piece of yarn for him, and it kept him occupied for 10 minutes. That is a long time for him. Ik autistic parents and therapists say this all the time but meet them where they are there. Dont yell at them, and instead give them an acceptable option.

[the1nonlycannoli]

I write this poem after watching the documentary on mary shelly.

I wish i had a peaceful life,

A romantic period peice,

Where i could run away

With the woman i love,

And read and write often

Have a male friend who believes in me,

Drink tea on the sofa

And laugh while drunken people speak

Cry and chase someone i love

In the rain

And hug them

To make up

Once i catch them,

I wish i had things truly deserving of anger,

Parents with a tragic end,

And get shipped off to Europe

When my liberal ideas

Come to be to much.

Because im a women

Who believes to strongly

That women can do anything they want

People can love

Who and how they wish.

And i can do something great

Because i did

And i dont need a male faceclaim

Slapped upon my own greatness.

[the1nonlycannoli]

Whenever i was depressed i would try to romanticize it into writing. So this passage is going to sound like a short story, but it is play for play what happened the day it was written.

Tw:s/h

When i was finally able to accept, i was going to fail the class, i sobbed. I kept sobbing and sobbing. I rocked back and forth, hugging my laptop. I tried to masturbate, but my period was soon, i wasn't in the mood. I tried to watch a youtube video, but i did not care about an authors many personas. I went to the bathroom to wash away my tears. "You need to be in control" a little voice said "just one little cut to remind yourself" the voice chanted "i am in control over and over again as i went to the razor i hadnt used in months, oh how proud i was to say that. I found the blade and drew a line across my thigh. No blood came for a bit. "It's not enough," the voice said. I drew another line, and a bit more blood came. "Remember the razor you finally trusted yourself with," i do, of course, so i go retrieve it. I take it apart. The blades are bent at an angle, so i dont really like it. Ut its sharp. I draw yet another line across my leg. Much blood comes. I take care of the things I've dispaced this afternoon, allowing the blood to flow. It doesn't drip a lot, but i can smell it. I sit and play in the blood. I see some things out of place. "Will we always be a worthless self harmer after all?" The voice asks me. I dont know the answer, so i sit back down. I soak a pink ribbon in blood to distract myself. Eventually, i hide the blades and the ribbon. I put on long pants to hide my shame. "Do you feel in control now?" I ask myself. I dont respond, and neither does the voice.

[the1nonlycannoli]

Thank you for making a su1cide pact

I am a mighty creature

I crawl along the rotting ground

A cavern

With every feature

Needed to protect my young

Its filled with blood

And the rotting flesh

Of the dead

Its too buried to flood

And jagged for my eggs

I lay my eggs along the edge

As i begin to die

Im grateful for the pledge

This lover made

To stab herself in the heart

[the1nonlycannoli]

Notes app post #3

Why are you gay bitch

The concept of balls simultaneously confuses and scares me, and i do not have the time nor energy to understand them if i wish to dominate the world, making it into my own personal comunist regime.

Also, women.

[the1nonlycannoli]

Notes app post #2

No title

Fucking test whore

[the1nonlycannoli]

Notes app post #1

Take me to church by hozier

Baby comes out of the womb : ahem ahem please pray with me. Do you wish to become a vampire?

[the1nonlycannoli]

Im a junior in high school. Sometimes, i like to think about what my adult life will be like after college.

In one scenario, i live a decent apartment by myself with a balcony full of plants. I no longer take any antidepressants, or if i do, it's what I've been taking since high school. Im extremely depressed and just watch tv shows all day. I've lost 10-20 pounds. Then occasionally i het really maniac and clean my apartment and do a moths worth of at home work.

In another scenario, im doing really well. I live in a nice apartment or house with my girlfriend and two cats. We love each other a lot and help eachothers mental health. I cook for her, so she can be a little princess. We both work, but that doesn't stop us from having fun sometimes.

In the last scenario, i have a wife and kid. I get stressed a lot, but im still doing well. I love them a lot. The kid is about two and jumps in our bed in the mornings. We spend that time before work and daycare to cuddle. Im a happy woman and live until I'm old with my beautiful wife.

I truly hope i can have the second scenario, and maybe even the third. Im genuinely so worried that i will end up constantly stuck in the first, though.

[the1nonlycannoli]

Im just learning how to drive, but driving is fucking terrifying. Terrifying

[the1nonlycannoli]

I really hate to say this, but having two autistic siblings can really suck sometimes. The 12yro is super clingy, needs help with almost everything, and becomes violent during meltdowns. The 14yro goes nonverbal a lot, needs lots of validation, and goes on hour long walks when angry. They both primarily use vocal stims such as "meêk". They rarely get along and when mad at eachother get very physically aggressive with eachother. Its so tiring having to break up fights, calm down meltdowns, perfect my tone, supervise chores, tuck in the 12 yro, make them take showers, and so on.

I love them to peices and get along with them many times, but its very draining having them as siblings or almost as children of my own.

[the1nonlycannoli]

Things i love

The colour green

Lesbian relationships

Women

The sound of bones clacking

The smell of clean bodies

Sleeping

Comfort

Cannibalism as a metaphor for love

The idea of a rockstars girlfriend

The crunch of coconut shavings

Hair clipping visible in the trash can

Being clean and dry

Coffee

Reading

The jittery feeling caused by asthma medication

The sound of my grandmother cooking

Washing my hands after cutting down a pine tree

Neck kisses

Brussel sprouts

The calm during the eye of a hurricane

Oversized hoodies

The fear street movies

The nightmare of bly manor

Cleaning when no one is around

Hanging out with my siblings individually

Going to the store with my grandma

That freshly wiped butt feeling

Staying up late to do a project

Writing

[the1nonlycannoli]

Lately my brother has been repeatedly singing "hi ho hi ho. Mining gems and dying slow" to the tune of the hanging tree. Where did he hear this

[the1nonlycannoli]

Having asthma is so annoying. If you cry too much, it's hard to breathe. If you laugh too much, it's hard to breathe. If you walk too long, it's hard to breathe. If you sit too long, it's hard to breathe. If it's too cold, it hard to breathe. If it's too hot, it's hard to breathe.

0/10 would not recommend asthma.

[the1nonlycannoli]

I drink so much fucking water, I use so much Vaseline on my lips, yet i STILL HAVE THE CRUSTIEST LIPS EVER