THE APOCRYPHAL KAYLEY DECLUE

The myth behind the legend behind the facts

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I don't always respond to texts from strangers but when I do they're from Bob Saget.

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Monkeys, they let me hold a monkey! I want to hold a monkey! Can we call them? Call them! Maybe they can bring one to a party. We could steal it! Maybe a sloth!

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Is in an animal? Is it cute? I want it! Can I have two?

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Diamonds, please, that flying blue box is a girls best friend.

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Forget the French, Give me a German sausage & kraut.

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But it's my dream! When I grow up I want to be Asian!

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Sure, maybe I'm just getting a haircut but how do you know I'm not practicing my hand as a matador?

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I don't need a dog or cat to go completely crazy at the sight of a gourmet pet food store.

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Is that chicken wearing a sweater? oh wait, no, I forgot, chickens have feathers.

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My political affiliation is with the "I hate puppies" campaign. At the debate "it's cats I actually hate" #flipflop

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Myths don't make themselves. Okay, some do. Follow the legend on twitter @ApocryphalK

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When I grow up I'll be an old man she said, it is after all who I am at heart.

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We hate sea lions, they can't walk. Wait, that's seals, we hate seals! #pinnipedrivalry

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"Because, certainly the Catholics would let a married, gay, cross-dresser be the black pope!" #dreamjob