TheAcradianComplex

@thearcadiansystem-blog

DID/AUTISM/C-PTSD/BPD/ADD //Triger Warning this blog is only used when we are in a dark space or when alters need to vent something out // Host; Rose/19/f // Main Alters; Anna 3, Lucy Unknown, Luke 14, Geneveive 12, Clara 21// Get to know the Alters: Click Here Side Blog 18+ only Click Here

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I want to feel safe somewhere. Is the only safe space where you died Jess? That place is safe now isn't it. Now you are looking over that area. Its always safe there. Maybe I'll just sleep up there with you tonight Jessica. I miss you the entire system does.

I'll see you very soon Jess. I love you. We will be safe and sound again soon. MWAH

Here we are again. Dancing on the edge of loosing this battle. I'm tired of the constant fight with my brain. I'm tired.

I'm giving in t Natalie. She can do what she wants to the body. I don't care anymore

Punishment is what you will get

Today was the first day that we actually talked about our DID with our new therapist. We have been seeing her for about 7 months now, and she was just filled with questions then went onto the computer and we looked at some treatments we could pursue. She was nice about it. Although we told her about how next time we SelfHarm we do not think we can hold Natalie back, and that she will do the full plan. Then she proceeded to ask if we felt we needed to go to an inpatient dissociation program... that shocked us, no we do not want to do inpatient, myself and all the littles are TERRIFIED of the hospital. After i called Ivy 2 times, knowing she promised to answer if i called multiple times in a row. Now i understand that she was busy, hence why i waited 4 HOURS for a response FROM ANYONE 4 HOURS OF RADIO SILENCE AFTER THE MOST TERRIFYING SESSION TO DATE!!!! I am sick, i cant hear how loud im beingm im sorry if i yelled, it was not intended.... A heart emoticon takes 30 seconds at most to send, even if you cant call, an emoji that is on the bar is more than enough, And when you want someone to see a message that is important.... send it in private, specially when I was in an appointment already when you sent it.....

2 other friends made me feel so guilty for not attending their play party on the weekend, because daddy and i have date night and a burlesque show.... so not only did i feel abandoned all day, but 2 friends made me feel like shit, and the 2 people i cared about most were busy. Im sorry my reactions are severe and HYPERSENSITIVE.... Im done with today and people. I want cuddles, but if i see anyone i will burst into tears, i just want to feel safe.

#icantdothis

Im walking away

I'm walking away from everything .

I'm walking away from someone I love.

I'm walking away from looking after myself.

I'm walking away from situations that I will get hurt in or have any chance of getting hurt.

I'm walking away from life.

Dear Bea

You are about to ruin the best thing the whole system has had for years, because you are still loyal to the asshole that raped the littles, destroyed us, mentally abused us. But no because he never hurt you, you want nothing vut the system to go back to him. Now we have someone who cares. But you don't want it. You are going to push him away with your treatment. That isn't fair. Stop it or I'll stop it for you!!

this has to be one of my worst attacks to date

not a single positive thought

not a single thought can be processed

not a single care for anyone is around

i want to slice, and cut and drain my body of all its blood

im done with attaching to others. im better off alone,

if im alone i wont have the nightmares ruining everything

if im alone i wont have the triggers to ruin everything

if im alone no one can hear my screams and crying

im shutting down.

the crying is back, the rage the anger the need to slice is getting higher. im home alone thank fuck for that no dad to potentially walk in on me slicing, no one to let anyone in if they are called. which i sincerly hope not as that would not work out well for anyone

he needs his space, thats why he hasnt message.

well he can have his space, im done giving a shit tonight. ill see him friday ill give him space til then

any one have any suggestions on staying awake? i am determined to not sleep again

crying has ceased... ive falled deeper into the whole and can no longer feel. beware, it could take me a while to feel agin

im falling and cant stop

i ripped my room apart today, just so i could clean it. I needed to keep my mind busy, i couldnt ruminate on the nightmares, the twisted evil that is my mind, So now, not only do i have nightmares about my exes, i have nightmares about my current partner and best friend being my exes, hurting me, bulling me, hurting me. I havent told either of them of these dreams, dont think they would take it well.

i went to get my knife to have close by, but i dont have it. thats making me a but worse tbh. I just want to feel to coolness of the blade on my skin, knowing its there.

My partner had a crap day too, i feel it, ive been feeling it all day. My best friend is having a tough time, i can feel it, i have all the time. I try to pretend it doesnt effect me as much as it does. Im an Empath, with multiple personalites and other mental illnesses. Other people i care about having a tough time is when it hits me the most.

ive been crying for about an hour now as i have no one to talk to im lost inside my head, in my brain, in my memories

ive cried a lot today, i havent drank anything, i ate 2 strips of my lemon chicken. that is all i have had. i cannot have anything else. I cannot drink.

When will everything be ok, people tell me it will be but when, it was ok when i was alone, isolated. no triggers, no feelings. just me myself and all 19 other personalities .

ill probably be writing a lot tonight, so get ready for my brain to vent the pain and fear that i hold inside. maybe it will help, maybe it wont, all i know is i want my blade and i want my partner

carodoodles

A little PSA about ASL for ‘Thank you’! I’ve had all of these signed to me accidentally hahaha. And whenever I sign thank you to non signers, sometimes they thought I was blowing a kiss to them. T_T ✩ Twitter ✩ Tapastic ✩ Facebook ✩ Patreon ✩

ironbloodaika

Good to know. :)

We recieved an ask saying our life is crap because we are a shit person.

That is not true. We only post on tumblr when we cannot vocally tell the people we care about how qe feel. So it may seem like my life is crap, it isn't ahha.

I opened my own sucessful business, i have a partner who loves me and actually cares about me, i have a best friend who also actually cares for me. My relationship with my dad is getting better every day.

I am healing every single day. So just vecause you see the negative side. I have so much i am so thankful for and dont feel i need to share it ahhaa :) have a good day anon and i am sorry you feel that way :) i hope you can push past whatever is causing all this hate to someone who does not deserve the hate. Never did never will xx

The last couple of months, opening uo and discovering more traumas we have been through. It is important to move on. In doing that you must recognise what happened and forgive it. I forgive them. It hurt me and almost killed me. I still care deeply for everyone of them that treated me wrong. I'm a wolf. I shall stay loyal till the end. My heart hurts every day processing what happened and slowly moving forward. Starting with the most recent working back.

I find comfort looking at things that could help me end it.

I find comfort in hiding from everything and everyone.

I find comfort in crying in a ball on the floor

I find comfort in self harm. But those who "love" (I typed love and you will never believe what I auto corrected into..... Leave.... Fitting Right side everyone who says that word to me LEAVES) they think it is too damaging and that it isn't helpful and is self destructive.

I never have the guts to go deep. If one day I do. That means that no matter how hard I tried it never got better but until that day I don't intend to kill myself. Just calm my head. My heart and my soul.

Do I hide it all or not do it. If my parents find out they would admit me again. Its not life threatening. See that. Hear this

I DO NOT WANT TO DIE I WANT TO RELEIVE THE PRESSURE

I wish I had someone else. I wish I didn't depend on just 3 people.

I don't depend on them. But they are my only friends. And when they are upset. I cannot go to them. And when they are upset. It makes me feel so much worse.

I wish I had someone to hold me close right now

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